Mark’s (Not So) Groovy Life

                                                    Mark’s (Not So) Groovy Life.           

                                                                        By M W JENSEN

©  M W Jensen 2022

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                                                            Dedications

I have dedicated this to Zoe and Becky (Not Their Real Names), who have been my best friends for over 30 years, and without your love and unconditional support, I would not be the person I am today. Thank You

To The Super Awesome, Totally Groovy and Amazing Claire Baire, Thank You for helping to guide me and turn me into the person I am today. I will forever be Grateful, and I’m so sorry for letting you down.

I also want to thank Claire Baire’s Siblings for allowing me back into your lives, I am so looking forward to Catching up again, THANK YOU.

Seasons here in Australia are as follows:

 Summer–December to February

Autumn/Fall–March to May

Winter–June to August

Spring–September to November

                                                Contents

Prologue

Chapter 1: Birth

Chapter 2: New School

Chapter 3: Meeting Someone

Chapter 4: Assault

Chapter 5: Wedding/Rape

Chapter 6: Ripped Off

Chapter 7: Age-Gap Relationship

Chapter 8: Bad News

Chapter 9: Bus Driving/Newcastle Earthquake.

Chapter 10: New Millennium

Chapter 11: 2001-2005, Megan

Chapter 12: 2006-2010: Caring For Dad/Train Cleaning.

Chapter 13: 2010-2012 Tragedy Again/Moves.

Chapter 14: 2013-2014, Fun Times

Chapter 15: Transition/ Redundancy

Chapter 16: Melbourne

Epilogue:

                                                            Prologue

I have changed names and where possible locations to protect the innocent and, in some cases, not so innocent. The only false name used is my surname, this is due to personal reasons.

I have not included any photos or real references to most locations, mainly because I may be identified and there are some peeps that I do not wish to have contact with. One of them is Julie, even though that is not her real name, you will see the reason why we are very much estranged.

I have written this in Australian speak, references and spelling.

This is my real true story, remembered by me. What I write may not be exactly how it happened, either due to it happening many years ago, or my memory playing tricks.

A late addition, early 2019 was the molestation. I remembered this after someone spread very vicious lies about me online. Exclusive to this version ONLY, I reveal who molested me at the end of this novel, you will be shocked, as was I when I remembered who it was.

Please be advised that this part is for over 18’s only as it contains some very erotic moments, and a lot of profanity too, because, hey, it’s MY story, so I will swear. I am just letting you know before reading.

For those interested, that is me on the cover, taken on a sad day.

Please enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed, and sadly at times, writing it.

At the very end I will reveal something too, that I’ve learnt over the years.

Cheers, Big Ears.

                                                            Chapter 1:

                                                             Birth.

I was born Friday May 28th, 1965 at 11.30am in an Australian Hospital. My assigned Birth name was Mark Warren Jensen.

The day I was born, for reasons never revealed to me, my father was at his job as a Sales Man. He worked for a very well-known Department store at the time. When I had been born, someone from the hospital rang my father’s work to let him know. The Public-Address system went something like this “Attention Staff, Daddy Harrisons, Your Son has just been born, Congratulations from all the staff here”.

The entire store erupted in applauding, cheering and whistles for daddy, he turned very red, saw his Department Manager who said, “Go.” Daddy then left and drove up to the Hospital. When he arrived, mum was in her ward nursing me. Mum said. “Mark meet your daddy, daddy meet your son,” he came over and gave me a kiss on the forehead, then kissed mum. Mum said, “When Mark was born, the doctor slapped me instead of him, because he is so ugly.” Daddy said, “What, no way, he is absolutely gorgeous.” Mum said, “Well that’s what he did.”

N.B., Please be advised that the doctor who delivered me, was an old friend of mum’s from when she was a nurse there, and he did it as a joke. Mum told daddy that, but of course, daddy being the hot head he was, decided to have it out with the doctor. What I have just said, was told to me by mum.

 I am unsure as to how long he stayed. Mum and Daddy had decided on my name before I was born, Mark for a boy and Julie for a girl, in those days, parents didn’t know the sex of their baby until the baby was born, unlike today where they know long before the baby is born, or in some cases, Hatched (LOL), yes, I’m having a go at certain peeps there, 2 (T) G.

The day mum and daddy brought me home, as mum was getting out of the car, she tripped and lost her grip on me, resulting in me falling on my head on to concrete. I immediately started screaming and they both picked me up then got into the car and daddy drove back to the Hospital. When they arrived at Casualty, they went in and told a Nurse who took them back straight away and got a Doctor to attend to me. In those days, CT Scans were not around, so there was only X-Rays done on my head and body. I was kept in for observation for several nights, just to make there was nothing wrong.

My Grandparents lived very close to the hospital, so mum and daddy decided to stay there, in daddy’ old room, just to be close, in case anything happened. Thankfully, though nothing did, and I was given the all-clear several days later to go home.

I do not remember much of the next couple of years, until my sister came along. She was born February 2nd, 1968, she was given the names Julie Maree. I do not remember how I felt about her, but have many times wished that I had hurt her very much then. I will reveal why later in this part.

My earliest memory was starting Primary School February 2nd, 1970. I cried as mum left me at the school. I didn’t want her to leave without me, but she did. I then ran back home and beat her and my sister back home. Mum immediately put me back in the car and drove back me to school and took me in to the Principal. I was not allowed to leave the office until I was given permission.

When I could leave, my Principal held my hand and walked me to my class, I cried all the way there. When we got there, she introduced me to the class and the Teacher partnered me up with a girl named Claire Baire, (My nickname for her is Claire Baire). I went and sat next to her, she said, “Hello” to me, but I ignored her. I looked outside for a long time until I heard a smack on the desk, it was the Teacher asking, “Did hear me?”? I said, “No,” she said, “Ok, everyone is to partner up with the person next to them and complete this project together.” I had to partner with Claire Baire, but we got in and started doing our project.

We worked well together, and we talked while we did. I found out her Birthday was exactly a month after mine, her parents were on pensions, she loved a well-known music group who had come on to the scene after winning a song contest. When we finished the project, we decided that we wanted to spend more time together. When the bell rang for play-lunch, we went and found a spot to eat together, then after we would walk back into the classroom. We continued to partner up in almost everything together, then at lunchtime we sat together again.

I found out that she was the youngest of 4, she had 2 older sisters and a brother. She told me that the closest sister to her was 7 years older, so they didn’t really have much in common. Claire Baire asked me my story, I told her. She was happier that me and my sister were close in age, I said, “Yes, but I’m doubtful we will ever be close, especially as she is a girl and I’m a boy.” Claire Baire said, “Yes, but at least you are both closer in age, let’s hope in time you are both really close.” I said, “Yes, let’s hope.” The bell rang to go back inside. We placed our rubbish in the bin and walked inside to our classroom.

We sat next to each other and it was so hard trying to listen to the Teacher when we were both looking at each other. The Teacher did notice and had me swap seats with another boy. I did scream and argue about moving but did accept it. I got in and listened to the Teacher and did what was asked of me. I kept stealing a glance towards Claire Baire and had a strange feeling, at the time, I didn’t know what it was.

When the lunch bell rang, Claire Baire and I grabbed our lunches and went outside to eat together, we were both upset that we couldn’t sit together in class but could at other times. I told her about the strange feeling I had in class, she asked, “What was it?” I said, “I don’t know and even now I still don’t know.” Claire Baire said, “It could have been that we had been separated or something else.” I said, “Yes true.”

We chatted for the rest of lunch until the bell rang to go back into class, we held our hands and walked in to together, it felt very right, but very wrong as well. We sat back in our assigned seats and continued to listen to the Teacher and do our work. The bell rang around 3pm, but the Teacher wanted to talk to us both before we left.

We asked, “What’s wrong?” She said, “Well for starters, I don’t like that you both hold hands walking to and from class, you are both too young to do that and secondly, I am going to request that one of you gets transferred to another class.” We both argued and said, “We will keep away from each other in class, but we both like holding hands.” She said, “Ok then what I suggest is you can hold hands but I will not allow either of you to partner up in anything together for the rest of this term.”

We said, “Ok thanks,” she said, “Ok now go home and be children.” We said, “Thank you and grabbed our bags then left.” We walked to the front gate where mum was waiting for me, she asked, “Why are you so late?”

 I told her and introduced her to Claire Baire, they both said, “Hello.” I asked mum if we could take her home as her sister hasn’t turned up? Mum asked, “Where does she live?” Claire Baire told her, mum said, “That’s ok, that street is on the way home,” we said, “Thanks” and we both got into the back. The drive to Claire Baire’s house was short, when we arrived, Claire Baire and I got out and we went inside, while mum got Julie out of the car.

Claire Baire opened her front door and introduced me to her mum, we both said, “Hello” and a few seconds later mum came in with Julie, Claire Baire introduced them to each other, she asked, “May I show Mark my room?” Her mum said, “Yes, if it’s ok with Mark’s mum.” My mum said, “Yes, but we need to get home soon,” we said, “Ok” and went to her room.

I was astounded at how messy her room was, but I was put at ease, she asked, “Do you mind if I change in front of you?” I said, “That’s fine” and covered my eyes, she said, “Ohh that’s sweet, but you don’t need to cover your eyes,” I said, “Thanks but yes, I do.”

Claire Baire then unzipped her uniform and took it off in front of me, I didn’t even have time to react. I got the strange feeling back again when I saw her just wearing panties, she noticed and asked, “Are you okay?” I said, “Not really as I have just gotten that strange feeling again.” Claire Baire asked, “What made it happen?” I said, “Well it was seeing you in your panties just now.” She said, “Well I have an idea, let’s ask our mums if we can both come back here tomorrow after school and I can try something out.” I asked, “What was it going to be?” She said, “You will find out tomorrow.

I said, “Ok,” she finished getting changed, then mum called me saying, “It’s time to go home.” I said, “Okay, we are coming out now.” We walked out to the lounge room and said, “Can we ask a question please?” Both our mums said, “Yes.”  Claire Baire then said, “Can Mark come back here after school tomorrow please?” They said, “Yes, but why?” I said, “Well we get along so well, and we can’t sit together in class, we have some sort of a connection.” They said, “Ok yes.”

We said, “Neato,” and I said, “Goodbye” to Claire Baire’s mum then went to the car, I asked mum, “Can we pick Claire Baire up in the morning?” Mum said, “Yes of course, we will be here around 8.30am.” I got into the car and Claire Baire said, “Okay have a great night and I’m so happy we met today” I said, “Yes you too and me too.”

Mum started the car and we left, I kept waving goodbye to Claire Baire even after we had lost sight of each other. The drive home was short, when we got home, mum went and unlocked the house. I went inside while she got Julie out of the car, then came inside to start cooking tea. Daddy arrived from work not long after, of course Julie started again and said, “Guess who has a girlfriend?”

Daddy asked, “Who?” I said, “I met a girl who is just a friend, but I wouldn’t call her my girlfriend.” Daddy said, “Oh well at least you met a new friend, whatever she is.” I said, “Yes, I just want to see what will happen, but for now, I will call her a friend.”

Daddy said, “Well you say that now, but in a few years’ time, you will feel differently.” Mum said, “Most children your age feels the same way, I didn’t like boys when I was your age, but look at me now, I’m happily married to your father.” Daddy said, “Yes, we all change.” Mum said, “Ok tea is ready,” we all sat to eat, and as it was Julie’s Birthday, I decided to be nice to her, something that I regretted, due to what happened some years later.

The next morning, we woke up early and I had my bath, got dressed, had breakfast, then we headed to pick up Claire Baire. Julie even at 2 years OLD was teasing me about having a girlfriend, and as usual, I fell for her baiting me. I honestly started strongly disliking her from then on, because of this, and because I was very unsure of my own feelings towards Claire Baire.

When we arrived at Claire Baire’s house, I jumped out of the vehicle and went to knock on the door, but as I was about to knock, the door opened and out bounded my gorgeous girl. We bumped into each, causing our lips to meet which resulted in my first kiss, albeit I never knew it at the time. Claire Baire dragged me inside to say hi to her mum, which I did. Mum came in a short time after and said, “Hi, Claire Baire and Mrs. Herbert.” Mrs. Herbert and Claire Baire said, “Morning, how are you all?” I didn’t have to answer because everyone could see the smile on my face was as wide and high as the smile on a certain fun park, located in two of Australia’s biggest cities.

Around 8.30, mum said, “Ok, sorry, but you two need to get to school, are you ready Claire?” Claire Baire said, “Yes, I am.” Claire Baire grabbed her lunch box and placed it inside her school bag, kissed her mum and said, “Goodbye, mum, see you this afternoon.” Mrs. Herbert said, “Goodbye, sweetie, have a good day, see you this afternoon, and you two be good, ok, otherwise your father and I will ban you both from seeing each other.” Claire Baire said, “Yes, mum, we will, see ya.”

Claire Baire and I walked to the vehicle and being the gentleman, I am allowed Claire Baire to enter first, then I got in and closed the door. Mum left the house and headed to our school. Once we arrived, we said, “Thanks, see you this afternoon.” Mum said, “Before you both go, I want you to know that what Claire Baire’s mum said, goes with your father and I ok?” I said, “Yes, mum, bye.”

The day went well, Claire Baire and sat apart in class and we did listen to our teacher, of course, I was wondering what Claire Baire had planned this afternoon, but didn’t ask. The only time we spent together all day was at little-lunch (recess) and big lunch, which we both held hands and cuddled each other so much. I knew then that there was a very strong connection between Claire Baire and I, something to this day I still have.

Finally, at 3pm the afternoon bell rang, and we left the classroom, grabbed our school bags and walked to the front gate where mum was waiting for us. She said, “How was today?” We said, “Great.” We hugged mum and then got into the vehicle for the short drive to Claire Baire’s. Julie being her bratty self was still niggling me about having a girlfriend. I said, “Julie, at least I have someone who likes me and wants to spend time with me, you have no one, so stop being so jealous, ok?” Julie never said a word, she just started sulking.

Claire Baire was concerned about Julie, but I brushed her away, and used my eyes to talk to her, she did back off, like she had heard what I was psychically saying to her. Finally, we arrived at Claire Baire’s, we said, “Goodbye mum.” Mum said, “Ok, now you behave, I will be back here at 5.30 to pick you up, now give your mum a kiss and hug.” I said, “Yes, thanks mum.” I kissed and hugged her then watched her drive away.

Claire Baire grabbed me by the hand and took me inside, we said, “Hi” to her mum, she said, “Hi, how was your day?” Claire Baire said, “Groovy, but happy we can spend time together now.” Mrs. Herbert said, “Ok, well behave you two, ok?” We said, “Yes, we will.” Claire Baire grabbed me, and we walked to her room, and she shut the door.

Claire Baire said, “Ok, now, I know you are wondering what my plan is, well, it’s this, I want you to wear my clothes this afternoon, and let’s see what happens. I said, “What, no I’m a boy and boys wear boy clothes.” Claire Baire said, “I know, but I want us to wear each other’s clothes and see how we both feel, hey no one will know.” I said, “Ok.”

We both took our clothes off and then we put each other’s clothes on of course, being a boy, I just lifted her underpants up my legs without thinking. Claire Baire said, “No, girls are very flat there, you need to hide yourself, which I did by turning my male part under my body to give the appearance of being a real girl. Once the underpants, sorry “Panties” as I was sternly informed, were right, Claire Baire handed me her school dress to put on, which was easy, but trying to zip it up was not easy, but Claire Baire showed me the trick girls use.

That is to zip it up halfway, then lean forward to zip it up the rest of the way, or have a friend do it for you, but Claire Baire decided to let me do it for myself, which I did. Claire Baire put on my clothes and wow, when I saw her, I thought she was a boy. I felt very happy and realised that maybe I’m really a girl but didn’t say anything to Claire Baire because I could see us being more than friends in the future, and girls (Even freaky, ugle ones) don’t date other girls, likewise for boys.

N.B., I grew up in an ultra-conservative and traditional area, where being “different” was unheard of.

When Claire Baire was happy with how we looked, we looked in the mirror and I couldn’t believe how much of a girl I looked, and I started to cry. Claire Baire asked, “What’s wrong?” I said, “Well I look better in a dress than I do in boy clothes, but somehow now I know why I have been feeling really strange lately.” Claire Baire said, “So do you think you are a girl?” I said, “Well maybe, as that would explain why I have been feeling strange lately, it does feel nice wearing this dress and your panties.”

 Claire Baire said, “Yes, honestly, I feel better wearing your clothes, maybe we should have been born the other sex.” I said, “Who knows, but for now, can we keep this a secret, because even though I love it, and I love seeing you like that, it’s not right.” Claire Baire said, “Pish posh, who cares, it’s our lives and we will live them how we want, so everyone else can just clear off.” I said, “Wow, where did all that come from?” Claire Baire said, “I don’t know, but it annoys me that we have to live and act how everyone expects us too.”

I said, “Agreed, wow, we are perfect for each other, I Love You.” Claire Baire looked at me with a very weird look on her face and said, “What did you just say?’ I said, “I Love You, but only as a friend, we only met yesterday, who knows what the future holds.” Claire Baire said, “True, come on let’s go show mum what we have done.” I said, “No, I can’t do that, not yet.” Claire Baire said, “Look she will be ok, she will think it’s cute that’s all, just two kids playing dress-ups.” I said, “Ok.”

When we got there, her mum looked and said, “What are you both doing?” Claire Baire said, “We are just wondering how the other feels all day every day,” her mum said, “Ok, well you both look good, but I don’t think you could stay that way.” Claire Baire said, “Mum did you want another boy when you were pregnant with me?”

Her mum said, “Well it would have been nice, and I did feel that you may have been a boy.” Claire Baire said, “So that explains why I feel more male at times.” Mrs. Herbert said, “Yes, but I do love my daughter and as long as you are happy, that’s all that counts.”

We both said, “Yes,” then Claire Baire’s mum, said, “Ok Mark I think you should get changed back into your boy clothes as your mum will be here soon.” We said, “Ok” and went back into Claire Baire’s room for us to change back into our own clothes. I cried when we got back into her room.

Claire Baire said, “What’s wrong?” I said, “Well I have enjoyed the freedom of being a girl and I don’t want to be a boy.” Claire Baire said, “Well yes, I know but if we went out like that, we will be picked on by everyone, for now, we will just enjoy dressing up here every afternoon, ok?” I said, “Yes, I’m going to ask mum if we can just walk home from school every afternoon, then she comes pick me up around 5.30, do you agree, we should?” Claire Baire, said, “Yes, groovy idea.”

Once we had both changed and put our assigned sex clothes on, we went into the lounge room to wait for mum and Julie to arrive back.

Claire Baire’s mum could see I was upset and she said, “If you went outside dressed like a girl, you will be picked on and maybe worse, you can dress as a girl when you are here, if we are all alone ok.” I said, “Yes, thanks.” Claire Baire then heard our car pull up and she went outside to greet mum and Julie.

They all came back inside a few minutes later, we chatted about a few things, then mum said, “Ok we need to go as I have tea cooking in the oven.” I said, “Ok” and hugged Claire Baire’s mum and said, “Thank you,” then Claire Baire and I walked outside hand in hand, when I got to the car, she gave me a kiss and said, “Thanks, I love you.” I just looked at her weird, but said, “Ditto.” I got into the vehicle, mum started the engine and we left; I was waving furiously to Claire Baire.

The drive home was short, but I felt like it had been a lifetime since I saw Claire Baire and I reflected on our activities of this afternoon, mum could see I was quiet and said, “What’s wrong?” I said, “I’m missing Claire Baire, that’s all as we both had lots of fun today.” Mum said, “What did you both do?”

 I said, “Just relaxed and listened to her records, she loves ??????” Mum said, “Ok great, I’m so happy, you will see her tomorrow morning when I drop you off,” I said, “Yes.” We had arrived back home, and I got out and went inside. Daddy was sitting at the table reading his newspaper. I got ready for my bath and mum brought Julie in so we could bathe together, daddy came in to watch us and assist. He did help us both wash ourselves, then when we were finished, we got out and daddy dried her off while I dried myself off.

I put my pyjamas on while daddy dressed Julie, then we all went into the dining room for our tea. We all sat and ate in silence, then afterwards daddy said, “So how are things going with Claire Baire?” I said, groovy, she is really neato and I really like her.” Julie said, “Yes like a girlfriend.” I punched her and said, “No,” of course mum and daddy abused me for hitting Julie. I apologised to her and checked to make that she was not injured, she wasn’t.

We all sat and watched television for a while, mum did the dishes. After a while, it was bedtime for Julie and I, we both went and got in to bed, we shared a room in those days. Mum and Daddy tucked us both in and gave us both a kiss, then they closed the door and went to do whatever they did. Julie and I went to sleep quickly.

Over the course of the next few months, I got closer to Claire Baire and I would dress up every day at her place. I hated having to return home as I had to be a boy. I would get jealous each time I would see a girl wearing a dress or being feminine and having her girlfriends. I was too young to understand as to what was going on, although today I now know what I was feeling.

I would spend time with our family over this time as well, of course they were all male cousins and I would get ribbed because I had a sister. I got so annoyed with them a lot and would end up in massive fights as well. These fights were not just play; they were serious where blood was spilt regularly.

I of course being the third youngest would always lose and more often than night end up in Hospital as well, a couple of times an extended stay either because I was left unconscious or the Doctors wanted to keep me in for observation, I was very lucky that I never got any broken bones, all my injuries were scratches or abrasions each time.

N.B., This part was hard to write, and I had forgotten it for many years, only remembering after a very traumatic event late in 2018.

When I was 6, my parents decided to go away for a weekend, and an older cousin offered to look after me and Julie. We both loved this cousin and were excited about spending time with them. Once mum and daddy had gone, we got ourselves ready for our nightly bath, with our cousin supervising us. Once we had finished bathing, we got out and dried ourselves off, then put our bed clothes on.

We went and had tea, then afterwards sat to watch television for a while, with us sitting either side of our cousin, with a blanket covering us. I suddenly felt movement down near my penis, which made me jump, thinking the worst, but my movement got stifled by a hand pressing hard on my thigh.

After a while, Julie decided to go to bed, especially as it was past her bedtime, but we had stayed up longer. Once she was safely tucked in, my cousin came back and placed the blanket over themselves, and we continued watching television, and again their hand wandered, but then suddenly tore the blanket off us and got down on their knees and pulled my bottoms off and did things to me.

N.B., I will not go further, suffice to say that what they did is highly illegal, and has had a very traumatic effect on me since. I only remembered this even in late 2018, hence why it is a late addition to this novel.

I didn’t like the feeling, nor did I feel comfortable with what my cousin was doing, but accepted it as I didn’t know any different, at the time. Once my cousin had finished, I felt very dirty and sick, then went to the lavatory to clean up and hopefully pee, which I did. I decided to go to bed and try to sleep, which I did.

The rest of the weekend was very hard as I didn’t want Julie to know what happened, but I didn’t feel comfortable being near our cousin. I made sure that I wasn’t alone with them though, and avoided being touched by them too, and was so excited when mum and daddy arrived home, then not long after our cousin left.

I did get distant with everyone for a while because I felt that it was my fault that my cousin hurt me, even though my cousin didn’t physically hurt me, the emotional side took its toll on me, and I feel that because of what my cousin did to me, is a factor in why I shy away from getting intimate and physical with someone.

N.B., Please be advised that the above event is a reason why I have major trust issues. I Thank Those who Helped Me to Remember this event, as now I have answers too. Again, Thank You.

                                                            Chapter 2:

                                                            New School

I moved to a new school when I was 7 years old, I didn’t want to leave my old school as it meant not seeing Claire Baire every day. I did not settle in there very well and did become very shy and withdrawn from everybody. My Teachers tried to get me involved in activities and socialising with the other children, especially the boys, but I refused to. I told them that I wanted to return to my old school, but in those days, the law was you had to attend the closest school to where you resided, something that today does not occur.

 Christmas 1972, my parents decided to surprise me with a model train set, which I wanted, this was to reinforce that I was a boy, but as a surprise, my father and all the male neighbours had decided to set it up across the road at the neighbour’s place in their lounge room. When I saw it, I had the widest smile ever on my face and knelt to start playing, but was promptly told, “No, we have to test it first to make it is working fine.” I got very upset and angry and walked back home sulking and in a huff.

I was unable to play until the New Year, by that time the novelty had worn off and I was no longer interested in playing with it. I did though just to please my parents, and because I was a boy.

When I would visit Claire Baire, she would always cheer me up as usual, she would kiss me and tickle me as well, which I always really enjoyed. I honestly wished that I could just put a dress on and go out as a girl, but of course in those days, it was unheard of to be different. I do not recall hearing much about different peeps growing up until when I was 9 years old.

Mum and I were watching a television show about a Transsexual woman and that was the first time I heard that terminology and I also realised that I was a Transsexual, I said, “Mum, I’m a girl too.” Mum said, “Go tell your daddy.” I was very scared to tell him as he was a real Homophobe, being that he had served in the Army.

Christmas Eve 1974 was a very tragic day, when Cyclone Tracy struck in Darwin, which is situated at the very top part of Australia. Most of Australia did not know about this tragedy until the following day when people had started to turn their wirelesses on or for those who had televisions, watched the news. This tragedy did teach some lessons too.

 March 1975, my Aunty and 2 cousins were involved in a major car accident, this resulted in my younger cousin dying at the scene, he was younger than me by 5 months, but older than his brother. He had been warned many times to wear his seat belt, but he was very complacent and always said nah I’ll be fine.

I will not go into details here as even though it happened over 40 years ago, it is still very raw for me. We both looked like twins and were often mistaken for twin brothers. His mother was unable to look at me for many years.

N.B., As much as seat belts can be a nuisance, they are there to save lives, so please can everyone ensure that when you are travelling in a vehicle fitted with seat belts, to put them on. Recently I had to travel by coach from Ballarat to Melbourne, and only a handful of passengers had our seat belts on. I’m an extremely nervous passenger and always wear mine because I’m such a control freak as a driver and can’t trust anybody else driving, this comes from being a Professional Driver for most of my working life, either as a courier, parcel delivery driver, Bus Driver, or Blood Delivery Driver.

I continued to cross dress at Claire Baire’s, I said, “I know what I am now.” Claire Baire said, “And what’s that?” I said, “Transsexual.” Claire Baire said, “What does that mean?” I said, “I think it means that I was born one sex but feel the opposite.” Claire Baire said, ‘Oh, ok groovy.”  I said, “But because of my father, I don’t feel safe telling anybody else, not even Julie.” Claire Baire said, “I agree, you will always have me to support and looooooove you, ok, my boy?” I said, “Yes, and same here, my girl.”

I enjoyed our times dressing together, and it did show me that being a girl was what I really was, but this is back in 1974 and it would have created many problems within not only our family but our neighbourhood.

I was brought up to believe that boys married girls, even though I knew I was a girl, I didn’t like boys, I still liked girls, so apart from battling my inner girl to come out, I was also battling with the fact that I liked girls, I didn’t have access to any literature to explain these feelings. I was basically controlled and brainwashed in to being “Normal”. I knew that I was not. I loved spending time with Claire Baire until the day in 1979 when she broke up with me, being 14 at the time, I did not understand why she did. Of course, I was devastated and refused to socialise with anybody. I had no idea why she broke up with me.

I have my theories; however, I am unable to have them confirmed or denied. I will mention more later about Claire Baire and a chance encounter as well.

N.B., I wanted to follow my heart and go to Claire Baire many times but was told not to as she hates me and that I am better off seeking someone else. I have always regretted listening to those selfish people and do regularly cry about how much I let Claire Baire down. CB, I have always loved you from that very first moment I laid eyes on you in the classroom and will right up until we meet again. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABE. My advice to everyone is always Follow and/or Listen to Your Heart, as our hearts know what they want.

January 18th, 1977 was a very sad day as that day was when the worst Train Disaster in Australia occurred, which left 83, although I have heard it was 84, people deceased. The reason why I mention this is because I was on a train nearby and that station was the next station, but we got stopped at the previous station, all we were told was that there were track problems ahead and as soon as they are resolved, we will be on our way, we did see Emergency Services travelling at high speed, that way and suddenly saw Helicopters in the sky. We knew that something was up and of course started to bombard the station staff with questions.

N.B., I found out later that someone my father knew was a fatality that day, who was under 30 and on their way to book and pay for an overseas trip that they had been working very hard to save for. I know it was a sad day, but many lessons were learnt that day, so in my opinion, even though those lives lost were a waste, they did not die in vain. There is a mini-series that details a lot of the accident, and aftermath. I have also worked with people who were there on the day too.

After a while, someone high up came and said, “Trains will not be going any further until further notice,” of course we all wanted to know what happened, all he would say is, “A train has come off the tracks and some of the track needs to be repaired.” We said, “What is going to happen for us now?”

He said, “We are organising replacement buses, but they will be only stopping at Strathfield then Sydney Central, you can travel back to your station from either without fear of being fined, buses will be in place until the tracks have been fully repaired in the Granville area,” We all said, “ok thanks.”

Mum said, “What do you both want to do now?” I wanted to continue in to the city as planned, we had been promised a day in the city during the holidays, but Julie said, “I want to go back home as I am scared,” of course, me being a boy said, “It is fine, we won’t be going anywhere near the problem.” Mum said, “No we are going back home. “

We were lucky that there was a bus service close by to get us back to the station where our car was parked, we headed to the stop to wait for the bus.

When we arrived home, mum instantly turned the television on and they were showing the scene live, it looked very bad and suddenly the phone rang. Mum answered it, it was daddy saying, “Are you all ok?” and of course, he was upset that she had not answered earlier. Mum said, “We only walked back in the door a few minutes ago.” I could see that mum was getting upset with him, I started to play up as I knew that was the only to get her off the phone, she said goodbye and hung up.

We spent the rest of the day just watching the television and thankful that our train had been late, if it had been on time, we may have been affected. This is the last I will mention of this tragedy.

Julie, even though she was only 9, wanted to be a chef when she grew up, and asked mum if they could do some baking please? Mum said, “Yes, of course.” I continued watching the television and kept them informed about the latest news.

                                                Chapter 3:

                                                Meeting Someone/Tragedy.

When I was 14, I was introduced to beer by my then best friends’ father, who said, “Real men drink beer and smoke.” I was able to do both at their place, even though I hated both activities, but was forced to do them when I was there. My mum noticed that I did change especially as would try everything to not go over, but his father was, well let’s just say very “Persuasive” and me being 14 years old was told, “Obey your elders,” which I did. I was also introduced to the dreaded “One Arm Bandits” as my friends??????? father bought a machine to play at home.

I remember waking up one morning lying on the grass in the backyard, with their collie dog licking my face. N.B, I have never revealed to anyone the reason why I dislike animals licking me on the face, this is one reason.

When I turned 15, mum and dad said, “We are going to have the side patio filled in and it will become your room.” I asked, “Why?” They said, “Because your sister is going into puberty soon and she needs her own room.” I said, “But why we couldn’t continue to share?”

They said, “Because teen brothers and sisters don’t share rooms.” I was upset and angry, I almost told dad then that I knew I was a girl, I am so sorry that I didn’t though. The new room was completed within 2 weeks, it helped when I had my Grandfather and Uncle who were both carpenters. I moved in that night.

I became severely depressed and would go for long walks almost every day just to clear my head, these were for several reasons, trying to work out what I had done wrong with Claire Baire for her to break up with me, and also wishing that I had the guts to tell my father I was a girl. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Claire Baire and would have gotten back with her in a heartbeat, but my feminine feelings were very strong as well, these walks helped me a lot.

It was during one of these walks that I met someone who in the short term changed my life. I had been walking for almost an hour and decided to sit down on a park bench, this set of a chain reaction inside me, resulting in me bursting into tears. N.B. Being a 15-year-old teen boy and crying in public in those days, was not acceptable, and usually resulted in said boy being bullied and called a sissy.

I don’t know how long I cried for, but suddenly felt another hand on my own, I was startled by this and looked up to see a very nice-looking man smiling at me. He looked older than me, I thought he was around 26-27, but how wrong was I. I will reveal his true age later.

This man handed me a handkerchief so I could wipe my tears and introduced himself as “Andrew.” I said, “Thanks, my name is Mark,” he said, “Nice to meet you, I saw you sitting here and felt that I should you when you started to cry, so what has you so upset?” I told him about Claire Baire and my feminine feelings, I felt so at ease with him, like I had known him all my life.

When I had finished telling him, he said, “Wow, I feel so sorry for you, wish I could help you out in some way.” I jokingly said, “Well let me move in with your family and let me live as a girl.” Andrew said, “I would love to, but I can see you are under 18 and I live alone.” I said, “Great, means I could dress up when I want.” He said, “Yes, that would be great, but how young are you?”

I said, “15,” he said, “Ok, you are under the legal age to make any decisions like that, and until you turn 18, I do not want to upset anybody in any way.” I said, “Ok, but that is a long way off, I need to leave home now.” Andrew said, “Ok I suggest that we meet on a regular basis and talk if you want.”

I said, “That would be great” and we decided to meet every Saturday at this bench. I said, “That there may be times when I can’t meet you, but I will try to as much as possible.” Andrew said, “That’s fine, judging by what you told me about your family, it won’t be easy.”

I said, “No, but I will find excuses though, I don’t know why, but I feel so safe and comfortable with you.” Andrew said, “That’s great, you make me feel very happy, the happiest I have been in a long time.”

I squeezed his hand and said, “Thanks, but I need to be going home, I will see you on Saturday,” he said “Yes, and be happy.” I walked away with a very big smile on my face.

We did meet almost every Saturday over the next few months, sometimes he couldn’t make it, others I couldn’t, but when we did, it felt like coming home and I looked forward to our time together. I did start to get feelings for him, which suited me fine, especially as my female feelings also grew larger, and felt that we could live together as a normal heterosexual couple. I would masturbate thinking about him, and really wanted to have sex with him, but had decided not to even kiss him until I turned 18. I will detail more about my time with Andrew later.

 I honestly can’t remember much about this, but my Grandfather was diagnosed with Leukemia and suffered for a while from it until towards the end of April 1981, we were informed that he was slipping away, which brought the entire family together at the Hospital, this was the same one that not only where my mother was working when she met dad, but also where I was born.

I remember us all spending April 25th, 1981, ANZAC Day, in the hospital, each of us quietly chatting to him in private, we all knew that he was going to slip away very soon. In the late afternoon, our parents all decided to take us kids back to our grandparent’s place for the night. We had 2 of our mums, who were not related directly by blood, watch over us, while his wife and 4 children returned to the hospital, us kids to fall asleep early.

We didn’t know anything until the following morning, when we all got woken up and told, “Shower quickly, we are all going back to the hospital.” We were all showered and dressed in record time, and headed up to find our grandmother crying, we found out that he had passed away a short time before hand, we all burst into tears and just sat there in disbelief.

Even the men cried, except for my father, he refused to, saying, “Real men do not cry,” and abused me for crying and he hit me for crying. I refrained from crying but could feel that all I wanted to do was cry, but he wouldn’t let me at all.

The funeral was held several days later, I was unable to attend as dad was unsure if I would cry, his excuse was this is your last year of Secondary School, therefore you need to attend school. I went to school, but reluctantly though.

Dad decided to do a driving holiday up the coast to Brisbane, which excited me but not Julie, she wanted to fly up. I didn’t realise then just how much of a snob she was. This holiday was during the Winter School Holidays, and it meant going north so we should warm up. Dad and I looked in the Road Atlas to determine our overnight stops, this is how we did it.

Night 1, we stayed in Swansea, which is just south of Newcastle in New South Wales, and is a part of the Lake Macquarie region, I do love this very picturesque area.

N.B., I quietly wanted to move there because of how beautiful the area was then, honestly, even today I would move there, but unable to due to certain peeps.

Night 2, we decided on Tuncurry, which is another nice area, around a 2-hour drive north of Swansea. Night 3-5, we stayed in Port Macquarie, the reason for multiple nights was because of some attractions we wanted to explore.

Night 6 was Coffs Harbour, this was ok, but our car got broken in to and Julie’s bag was taken. I was very upset as I was “Asked” to help reimburse her some of the money stolen, something I was not happy about, but begrudgingly did though. I was very happy to leave there, and to date have never stopped there.

Nights 7-12, we stayed in Murwillumbah, which is just south of the NSW/Queensland border and an easy drive to Brisbane. We stayed in a self-conditioned cabin for this time. We visited family in Brisbane as well as the theme parks on the Gold Coast, although, in those days, there was only a couple, not like today where there is a massive choice.

Soon enough, it was time to go back, but dad being a man, decided to just drive straight from Murwillumbah back to Sydney, a drive that took over 16 hours and for the first time ever in my life with him, I was scared.

I was severely bullied in High School as I was accused of being a faggot, just because I did not have a girlfriend, I would spend a lot of my time in the Library with my male friends, which did not help matters at all. I hated going to school so much.

The first 3 years I was in a really good class, the last year I was placed in the “Dregs” class, which meant my dreams of being a Journalist were thrown out the door as I knew that I would not get high enough grades to go on to get my Higher School Certificate, and therefore continue on to University to get my Journalism degree.

I worked for the School Newspaper and did file numerous stories, all of which got discarded and never published. I was so disappointed each time it happened. I did forget about writing for many decades.

                                                            Chapter 4:

                                                            Assault

Please note that even almost 40 years later, the following event does get me very upset and angry and this is the very first time that I’m publicly revealing most of the story, this has affected me so much.

During my last year of Secondary School, I was accused of touching the breast of another student. I would not have on purpose as then I was very racist and sexist, (because of my father) and unless I was pushed into someone, would not have touched her.

One Friday at lunch, the ringleader, I will call Janelle, came up to me and said, “We are all sorry for what how would like us make it up to you?” I said, “Ok, but how?” Janelle said, “Well we know you are a virgin, so what if you met us all in the girl’s lavatory after school and you can have sex with us all, would that make up for it?”

Of course, me being a 16-year-old very hormonal boy, said, “Yes, I would love that.” Janelle said, “Ok great, we will see you then.” I said, “Ok thanks,” of course the rest of the day went by with a blur, all I could think of was I am finally going to get laid, finally at 3pm the bell rang, and I took off to the girls’ lavatory.

When I got there, another girl, Sally, was waiting at the front and said, “Quickly, we want privacy.” I said, “Ok, yes, I agree,” then went in to the lavatory’s, I was astounded at how different they were to the boys, they were cleaner and in every cubicle, was a box, I had no idea what this box was, but at the time all I cared about was I’m going to get laid, finally.

Janelle came out of a cubicle in just her bra and panties and said, “Well come on big boy, you need to get naked so we can have sex with you,” my clothes were off in seconds, then suddenly everything went black.

When I woke up, it was dark and freezing, I was tied to the lavatory with a gag in my mouth and I was still naked. I remained like this all weekend, until Monday morning, when the school caretaker opened the lavatory and did his daily inspection.

Please bear in mind, this was Winter, and there was only an open gate that had been closed and locked whilst I was passed out.

I heard him and started to make sounds to alert him to my presence, which resulted in him finding me. He immediately removed the gag from my mouth and untied me, of course, the first question was, “Who did this to you and when.” I refused to answer the first question, but answered the second one and said, “It was late Friday afternoon.” He said, “Ok, here take my jacket, I am going to get the principal and call an ambulance.” I stuttered, “Thanks,” then he left.

I sat there and started to cry very heavily, lucky he found one of my teachers as he was leaving the lavatory and told her I was in there, she came in to comfort me and try to warm me up, when she found me I was still crying and it just would not stop, of course, I was embarrassed as I was told that boys and men don’t cry, but my teacher, Miss Stelin, said, “It is ok, so what happened?”

I said, “I was tricked in to going in there, but blacked out not long after and when I woke up it was dark, I was bound and gagged.” Of course, she was concerned as I was shivering from being so cold, and how I was still alive, well I am still wondering that.

The Principal arrived a few minutes later with some blankets, and requested the Caretaker keep the lavatory closed, but please go and wait for the ambulance, he said, “Yes, I will.” The Principal then asked, “What happened?” I was still shivering but told him the best I could.

Miss Stelin did fill him in and of course, the big question was, “Who did this to you?” I again refused to answer, they both said, “We know who it was, but unless you tell us, we can’t do anything.” I said, “Sorry, but I won’t dob, no matter what.”

The Principal said, “Ok, well I will have to call the Police and report this, I have to call your parents as well and let them know, as I feel, if I know your mother, that they have been worried all weekend.” I said, “Ok, but do they need to know where I am?” He said, “Yes, it is my duty of care to you and them, and I’m sure they have been very worried about you all weekend.”

I said, “Ok,” he then left to go and make the phone calls, he said, “Miss Stelin can you keep Mark warm please?” She said, “Yes,” then as he was about to leave the lavatory, the Caretaker arrived with the Ambulance men, they came in and checked me over, and said, “We need to get him to hospital quickly as he is dangerously close to hypothermia.” Miss Stelin said, “Yes, agreed, may I accompany Mark to the hospital?” The ambulance men said, “Ok, but what is your relationship to the patient?” Miss Stelin said, “I’m one of his teachers, and he needs a familiar face by his side until his parents arrive.” I said, Please, she is right.” He said, “Ok, that’s fine.” 

My principal said, “Agreed, I was going to suggest that, don’t worry about your classes today, I will organise them.” The Ambulance men then placed me on the stretcher and started to wheel me outside, Miss Stelin grabbed a blanket and said, “Cover your face for your privacy.” I said, “Ok yes,” and did until we got in to in the Ambulance and the doors were closed, Miss Stelin grabbed a blanket to cover the rear windows of the Ambulance, then we left the school.

I started to cry again, which had Miss Stelin hugging me very tightly, she said, “Come on, let it out, it’s good to cry,” of course, I sobbed, “No it’s not, I’m a boy.” The Ambulance man in the back said, “Rubbish, you are allowed to cry if you want, whoever said you can’t is wrong.” I got angry and said, “It was my father.” He said, “Well I am sorry to say but he is wrong, has he been in the Armed Services?”

I said yes, “He has.” He said, “Yes that’s typical, they are taught to hold their emotions in and not release them, in my opinion if more men released their emotions and cried more, then we would have a better society.”

N.B. This was in June 1981, and in those days, males were told that crying was sissy, so to be a man, they never showed their emotions in public, come to think of it, I am certain that I only ever saw my father cry less than 5 times.

The Ambulance arrived at the hospital not long after leaving the school, I was wheeled in to the Casualty area, and checked in by a Triage Nurse, who instructed the Ambulance men to take me to adolescent   casualty section, of course, I argued saying, “I’m 16 and should be in the adult section.” The Ambulance men said, “Sorry but you are under 18, so you go to the adolescent for now. “

They found the allocated bed, and had me slide over on to the bed, then they said, “Ok Mark, hope all goes fine, we will try and come back to check on you later.” I said, Thank you very much.” Miss Stelin said, “Yes, thank you.” I did notice that her and the Ambulance man who sat in the back with us were looking at each other, but I thought I was seeing things as I had not eaten, drunk anything or had decent sleep in several days.

Once Miss Stelin and I were alone, I said, “Is it possible to keep this quiet at school?” She said, “Well, I will try and so will the Principal, but I am sure it is all around the school by now, but if you told us who did this to you, then we can help you.” I said, “No I refuse to, yes you suspect, but as I said earlier, I will not dob on them.”

Miss Stelin said, “We can protect you to make that you are safe in school.” I said, “Yes, I know, but what about when I am travelling to and from school and on weekends, I will not be safe then.” She said, “True, but what if I drove you to and from school every day.” I said, “Well, can I think about it please?” She said, “Yes.”

Suddenly, the curtain opened, and it was a Doctor to come and check me over, he allowed Miss Stelin to remain while he did. I could tell that things were not right, judging by the way he looked, this came about as my mother was a nurse before I was born, so had learnt a little about the profession, and I knew something was wrong.

Suddenly everything went black, I have no idea how long I was out to it, but remember seeing my cousin, who died some years earlier, his father and my grandfather who had died only a couple of months before hand. I can’t remember what was said, no matter how much I have tried to remember.

When I woke up, or regained consciousness as mum put it, I was surrounded by mum, dad, Julie, Miss Stelin, my Principal and two Policemen, I immediately asked, “What happened?”

Mum said, “You, lapsed in to a coma, and have been that way for over 4 weeks, but welcome back to the world,” then leaned over and gave me a big hug, followed by Julie, Miss Stelin, dad, and then mum said, “Ok these two police men here need to talk you about what happened.”

I said, “Well I don’t remember anything.” N.B., I lied but didn’t want to go through the whole story again and felt by saying I don’t remember will protect me from further questioning, and the girls would get away with hurting me.

Miss Stelin said, “It doesn’t matter as I given a statement as has both the Caretaker and Principal.” I asked the Policemen if that was enough to question the person who did this to me?

They said, “Well yes, we do, but unless you tell us who the assailants were, we can’t act on it, even though the entire teaching fraternity know, we need you to name them, please?”

I said, “No, I don’t know who they were, they were other students from another school.” Miss Stelin said, “We know you are lying, but for now we will leave it there, but if you change your mind, you know where to go.” I said, “Yes, thanks” and gave her a hug, then she said, “Goodbye” and left my room.

The Policemen then said, “Ok, sorry Mark, but unless you tell us who the assailants are, we won’t be able to do anything.” I said, “I’m sorry, but if I dob, my life will not be worth living.” 

The Policeman said, “If you don’t tell us who hurt you, then we will arrest and charge me for withholding evidence, and he said that he would make sure I would spend the next two-three years in juvenile detention.”

Of course, this scared me, but said, “Can I think about it please?” He said, “Ok, but I will come back in a few days to talk to you, and either way I will charge somebody, ok, but we do know who they are, we just need you to tell us, ok.” I said, “Ok,” then he gave mum his card and left. Mum then asked Dad and Julie to leave so she could talk to me privately? He said, Yes,” and took Julie out of the room, closing it as they left.

Mum then sat down and said, “Ok, even I know who they were, so come on and be honest, if you don’t things could get worse”. I said, “But what if things do get worse if I say something?” Mum said, “Ok, what I will do is organise a meeting with Miss Stelin and your principal, and see what we can come up with, ok.”

I said, “Ok, Miss Stelin did suggest that she pick me up from home and drop me back after school every day, but what if she can’t one day and I have to make my own way to and from school and what would happen when I am in the lavatory?” Mum said, “Don’t worry, we will make sure that you are kept safe, for now just rest, leave things to us, ok. “

I said, “Ok,” then she kissed me and tucked me then left my room, closing the door as she left.

I tried to get back to sleep, but every time I closed my eyes, I saw those girls and at one stage started to shake uncontrollably, resulting in me crying as well. I don’t know how long it lasted, but thankfully, the nurse came in to check on me and immediately upon seeing me, called for the doctor. She tried to calm me down but was unable to give me any medication until the doctor said it was ok.

When he came in, he checked me over and realised that I had, had an allergic reaction to the medication he had me on. I still do not know to this day, what it was called, but do know that I am allergic to Penicillin. He changed my medication immediately and stayed by my side until I had fully calmed down, of course, I was still crying thinking about what these girls had done to me. He said, “Look real men do not cry, so man up and be strong.”

I said, “Well I will try to, but it is not easy.” He said, “Rubbish, you are a young man and you need to toughen up starting now, real men hide their real emotions from everyone.” I said, “Ok, I will” and immediately stopped crying.

N.B., The Doctor said more to me, which was not nice, suffice to say, that if it was today, he could be reported, disciplined and possibly had his contract terminated.

The doctor said, “Good, now go back to sleep and a nurse will check on you shortly, I am going home now.” I said, “Ok thanks,” then he left. I turned over and tried to sleep again, I saw those girls, especially Janelle standing in the lavatory in her bra and panties, I still remember them, they were powder blue, with lace and the panties had a bow in the front, I was jealous of her being able to wear them without anyone saying anything or being alarmed.

Of course, I started to cry again, both thinking about what had been done to me and again as I wished I could be a girl, but of course, I still didn’t have the balls (Pardon The Pun), to be totally honest with my father.

I decided that I would never reveal the assailants’ names as I was so worried about much worse bullying and retaliation. I know that I had been advised what would happen if I didn’t dob, but I was way too scared to.

The Policeman and mum came back in and of course both tried to persuade me to reveal, but again I refused. He said, “Ok, well you leave me with no other choice but to arrest and charge you with obstruction of justice, but I will do that when you are released.” Mum said, “You are not going to do that, but I will talk to him and make him see sense.” He said, “Ok, but if he hasn’t revealed by the time he is released, then I will arrest and charge him. I have no other choice.”

The Policeman left and mum talked to me, she said, “I don’t want you going to juvenile detention, besides that is too long a drive for us.” N.B. In those days, the only Juvenile Detention Centre I knew of was located, I think, just west of the Central Coast, New South Wales.

I said, “Mum I’m scared as I will be bullied much worse at school.” Mum said, “I know, but we will work something out, so you are kept safe.” I said, “Well ok, but I just hope I am making the right decision though.”

Mum said, “It is the right thing to do, and if there are repercussions, then those people will be dealt with as well.” I said, “Ok,” then she left to go and let him know.

I laid back down and could feel myself wanting to cry but decided against it as I knew my father would be upset and angry if he found out. I tried to look outside and think about how nice it looked even with it being very cold, I so wanted to get out and enjoy the freezing wind.

I heard a knock at the door, and it opened, it was mum asking if they could come in? I said, “Yes,” then she came in and right behind was the Policeman and Miss Stelin, she came over and gave me a hug, which had mum looking a little left out, but it was fine.

The Policeman then said, “Ok, so I hear you have decided to reveal the assailants’ names?” I said, “Yes, I have,” he said, “Ok, the reason why I have your teacher here is so she can let us know which class each person is in.” I said, “Ok, that’s fine.”

He then said, “Ok, so what are the girls’ names, please?” I said, “Ok, the first one is Janelle Myles.” He said, “Ok.” Miss Stelin said, “Yes, I think I know who the other two are, but I will wait and see.” I said, “The second girl is Sally Jones, I don’t know the name of the third girl, but if I see her, should be able to point her out.” Miss Stelin said, “It’s ok, you have given us two names, I know who the third girl is, her name is Jane.” The Policeman said, “Ok, but I need Mark to identify them at least from photos,” she said, “Yes, I can bring last year’s school photos in tomorrow.” The Policeman said, “Ok, but we need to make sure it is ok with Mark and his mum.”

I said, “Yes, it is.” Mum said, “Yes, same here, but we need to ask the Doctor.” Mum went to get him to ask. Miss Stelin noticed I was a little down, she said, “Look, it will be fine, I will bring the principal in tomorrow and we will all work out a plan for when you return to school, I’m thinking next term as this one is almost over.” The Policeman said, “Great idea.”

Mum came back in with the Doctor and asked about Miss Stelin and my Principal coming in tomorrow to show me the photos, then Miss Stelin said, “Yes and we need to work out how we are going to protect Mark especially travelling to and from school.” The Doctor said, “That’s fine, but if he starts to feel restless, then you let him rest, ok.” The adults all said, “Yes, understood.” Then they worked out the time for them all to meet to sort things out. They decided on 9.30am as the school assembly would have finished, and the Policeman said, “Being here early, will mean I can go back and talk to the girls.” I said, “Ok, I am so sorry everyone, but I am tired and need some sleep.” They all said, “Yes, of course,” and said, “Goodbye” to me. Mum remained behind and said, “It will be fine.” I said, “Yes,” she kissed me and said, “I will see you in the morning.” I said, “Thanks mum.” Mum left me to sleep, she closed the door and turned the light out.

I fell asleep almost immediately and didn’t know a thing until the next morning when I got woken up by the morning nurse, of course, it was the normal, taking my Vital Signs, she was talking while she was checking them, but suddenly went quiet, and said, “I will be back shortly.” I was shocked that she left me alone, but I knew something was wrong and got very scared, yes, I started crying as it had to be bad for her to walk out.

The nurse came back in a short later with Dr. Matthews and they both sat down with me. I asked what was wrong? Dr. Matthews said, “Well, both your Heart Rate (Pulse) and Blood Pressure are high this morning, but we are putting that down to you finally revealing who assaulted you. I am worried about you and was going to release you later today, but I am now keeping you in until Sunday, and you are not returning to school until term 3.”

I said, “Why are they so high?” He said, “Well, I think you are worried about the repercussions from you naming your assailants, but also, I think you may have a heart problem, but until I have had you checked out by a specialist, I would prefer that you stay home.” I said, “Hang on, I’m only 16, I can’t have any problems with my heart.”  He said, “We after what you have gone through over the last few days, it’s not surprising they are high, but I will be recommending that you have plenty of rest, but you need to do your schoolwork.” I said, “Yes, I will of course.” He said, “Ok, I will let you rest now until breakfast has arrived.”

The nurse said, “It has and if Mark is ready, I can go and get it for him.” I said, “Yes, please, I am really hungry.” She looked at Dr. Matthews who nodded and said, “I will be back for the meeting shortly, now rest up, young man.” I said, “Yes, I will,” then he left.

The nurse came in with my tray of food and asked if I was ok feeding myself, this included opening all the packets, I said, “Yes, thanks,” then she left me in peace. I turned the television to watch the cartoons, I was happy as my favourite was showing. I ate my breakfast and watched the show.

When I had finished, I laid back down wondering if dobbing was the right thing, but it was too late now. I must have fallen asleep again as I suddenly heard a knock and asked who it was? The door opened and it was mum with both Miss Stelin and my Principal, then came in to sit down to find out how I was. I said, “Well, I think I am ok, but Dr. Matthews wants me to stay home until next term.”

Mum said, “Yes, we agree especially as you need to fully recover from the assault.” My Principal said, “ But from day one of term three, what we can do is this, Miss Stelin will pick you up every day from home and drive you to school and home each day, what we will say is it is because you have been in hospital and your mother is busy with your sister, and when you need to use the lavatory, you will use the one in first aid, ok?”

I said, “Well, it sounds ok in theory, but what if Miss Stelin has to have a day off or is sick.” My Principal said, “Then I will step in and drive you, ok.”

I said, “Ok, if mum agrees,” she said, “Yes, I do.” There was another knock at the door, and it was the Policeman wanting me to do the identification. Dr. Matthews walked just behind him and said, “Hello” to everyone, mum started at him about wanting me to stay home. He said, “Well, I would like to you privately please, Mrs. Harrisons?” Mum said, “Yes, of course, if that’s ok with Mark.” I said, “Yes,” then they left.

The Policeman asked if my Principal had brought the photos? He said, “Yes, I have,” then took them out of the bag. The Policeman said, “Ok, what we will do is when you see someone who assaulted you, please point to the photo, then if you know the name, please say it out aloud, now I have a voice recorder here, and this is valid in court, so what that means is that you should not have to go to court.” I said, “Ok.”

The Policeman pulled out a tape recorder, and said something in to it, then asked me to have a look at the photos, which I did, when I saw the photos of the 3 girls, I said, “Their names are Janelle Myles, she is the girl here with black hair, she was the one wearing powder blue panties and bra, the panties had a bow on them, the second girl is Sally Jones, she has blonde hair now, she was the girl who met me at the front of the girls lavatory’s, and this one here, I don’t know her name, she still has black hair as well, came out of the stall just before I blacked out.”

The Policeman said, “Ok, well for a boy you took notice of things.” I said, “Yes, well maybe because I thought I was, you know.” He said, “Yes, I have been a teenage boy, so know exactly how you felt and what you were thinking, but these girls wrongly accused you of touching a girls’ breast, and then decided to take revenge.”

Miss Stelin and my Principal asked what was going to happen now? The Policeman said, “Well I will take the recording and photos back to my Commander and we will decide from there, but what has been mentioned here, does not leave this room. I only say that as if Janelle knows what Mark remembered of her clothing, she may try and get rid of them, ok, I will be in contact soon,” then he left.

Mum and Dr. Matthews came back in and I could see that she had been crying, she asked if we could have some privacy please? Miss Stelin and my Principal said, “We should return to school.” Miss Stelin said, “I will come back in after school finishes on Friday, with all of this week’s schoolwork for you, ok.” I said, “Thank you.” Then they both left.

Mum sat on my bed and said, “Ok, I have just heard that there may be a problem with your heart, and Dr. Matthews needs you to rest, but even though things have been sorted for you, you are not going back to school, this term, besides we have the wedding coming up soon, and I know how excited you are to go.” I said, “Yes, I am.”

Mum said, “For now we need to make sure you are rested and hope that this heart problem is only minor, and we can deal with it.” I said, “Yes, but can I ask a favour please?” Mum said, ‘Yes, of course.” I said, “can we not tell anybody else about this heart problem, at least until we know more?” Mum said “Agreed, ok, I am going to let you rest, but I will come back later with your dad and Julie, ok.” I said, “Ok thanks,” we hugged, and she left.

I went back to watching television, but couldn’t concentrate though, I couldn’t stop thinking about my late grandfather and the pain he suffered, and strangely enough, I even thought of my cousin who had died a few years back, and I did get teary eyed, even though I was trying to be a boy, or young man as some would say, I was totally scared and felt that I may not make my 18th Birthday.

Dr. Matthews then came back into the room and saw me crying, of course, he had a go at me and said, “I told you before, real men do not cry, so man up and be strong.” I sobbed, “Ok” and wiped away my tears.

He said, “Ok, now the reason why I have come to see you is I found out that no one has checked your penis and testicles, so I am here to do that now, if that’s ok?” I said, “Yes, that’s fine.”

He checked me over, it felt weird having someone else touching my private parts, but he did take a while, then he said, “Ok, the news is not good for you wanting to become a father, unfortunately, you are infertile, which means that you will never be able to father a child naturally.”

I said, “What caused it?” He said, “Well it is a combination of things, you were severely kicked in the genital area, so bad that we almost amputated your penis and testicles, but also because you were left naked, bound and gagged during one of the coldest weekends so far, this winter, I have noticed that your testicles were tightly squeezed, how you did not die from that much pain.”

I said, “I honestly don’t know, so what does it mean for my life now, especially when I find a girl I want to marry?” He said, “Well it means that you will have to be honest with them once the relationship starts to get serious.” I said, “So how serious? “

He said, “Up to you, but if you decide to propose to a girl, you should tell her that you can’t father any babies.” I said, “Ok, but I am young, and it should heal in time.” The Doctor said, True, but from what I see, whoever assaulted you, wanted to make sure that you can never become a father.”

I said, “Ok I need time to think about this, could you please make sure that no one tells my parents, I will when I am ready?” He said, “Ok, for now I will let you rest.” I said, “Thanks, but can you send the nurse back in shortly, please?” He said, “Yes, I will give you 10 minutes.”

I said, “Thanks,” then he left me to rest. Once he closed the door, I burst into tears, not because I now knew I could never father any children, but the fact that my penis and testicles had not been amputated, that would have made me so happy. I settled down a few minutes later and turned over to sleep on my stomach, until suddenly I heard a knock on the door, I said, “Come in,” it was the nurse from earlier.

She came in and sat down in the chair, she had also brought us both a coffee each and handed me mine. I said, “Thanks” and took a sip, being a female, she could tell that I was upset, and she moved over to comfort me. She said, “If it’s because of what the Doctor said about men don’t cry, don’t believe it, to me if more men let their emotions out, then we would have a much safer society.” I said, “Yes, I agree, I can trust you, can’t I? By that I mean that anything we talk about here is between us only.” She said, “Yes, of course, come on, spill the beans.”

I said, “Ok, he has told me that I can’t father any children, which I’m fine with as I think I am a homosexual, what I am upset about is that my penis and testicles were saved, I have felt like a girl in over 10 years.” She said, “Wow, that is young to know that, but honestly, looking at you and when I first saw you, thought you looked like a girl.” I said, “Thanks, honestly though I wish that I had died that weekend, especially if I can’t be a girl.”

She said, “Ok, yes, I understand that you said that you are not worried about fathering children as you are homosexual, how do you know that?” I then told her about Andrew and how we had been meeting for the last year, she said, “Ohh that’s so sweet, but won’t he be worried about you by now?” I said, “Yes, it’s why I want to ask you a favour please?” She said, “Yes, only if it’s legal.” I said, “Yes, it is.” She said, “Ok, go ahead and ask.” I said, “Ok thanks, it’s almost Saturday, could you go and meet him and let him know what has happened as it has been 3 Saturdays, and he may be thinking I have abandoned him.”

She said, “Ok I doubt that, but yes, I will go and let him know, but do you want him to come see you?” I said, “Yes, that would be nice, but I don’t want him bringing me anything, my parents, well honestly, nobody knows about him, only you, and I feel that if he brought me something, it may result in questions being asked, not that we have done anything.”

 She said, “But you want to, don’t you?” I didn’t answer, just smiled, she said, “Wow, I think you may be in love then.” I said, “Maybe, who knows, but all I want is to be able to go and live with him, maybe as his wife” She said, “Wow, let’s hope so, sounds like you do have very strong feelings for him, but yes, I will go and talk to him, so what does he look like?” I proceeded to describe him to her, when I was finished, she said, “Wow, he sounds hot, maybe I should date him.” I said, “You better not”, she said, “I won’t, but by me meeting him Saturday will allow me the chance to see if he really loves you, then he will talk about you a lot, if he doesn’t he may be like most other men and try to make a move on me.” I said, “Ok, great, thanks.” We had finished sipping our coffees by then, she offered to take my cup and wash it up, I asked her to please not tell anyone what we have spoken about. She said, “I promise, I always keep my word.” I said, “Ok, thanks.”

She went to wash the cups out, leaving me to think about Andrew very much, and in that moment, I realised that I did love him, but I was very unsure about how I was going to tell my family, especially my father. Of course, I still had to figure out how I was going to start living my life as a girl, I didn’t have any resources then to find out.

N.B. This was 1980/81 and the only way to do research was by going to a Library and checking books, magazines etc. I had a very controlled upbringing, and it was not easy trying to find information about being Different, unlike today, where we have the internet and a much wide variety of resources available to us. Those who grew up before the internet, I’m sure know what I am talking about.

The nurse came back in a few minutes later and we chatted for a few minutes more, she did tell me that if I needed a place to dress up, then give her a call. I said, “Thanks, what’s your name, please?” She said, “Monica.” I said, “Thanks, nice to meet you Monica,” she said, “Same here.” She wrote her number on a piece of paper and said, “I will help you the best I can, for now I am off duty and need to go home, but I will see you on Sunday afternoon.”

I said, “Thanks, but what if I am discharged before then?” She said, “You won’t be, we do not discharge patients on weekends.” I said, “Ok, great, well, have a great weekend then, and thank you.” Monica said, “It’s my pleasure, now let’s tuck you in so you can sleep, good night,” and left the room.

I went to sleep almost immediately, and didn’t know a thing until I got woken up later that evening to be checked over, of course, it was all normal, but I was unable to fall asleep straight away, this was a combination of being stressed over Monica seeing Andrew Saturday and the upsetting news that I was keeping my penis, when it was totally useless.

I honestly wanted it gone if I couldn’t use it for its intended purpose, but in saying that, I did feel that I was homosexual, so if that was the case, well it didn’t matter, did it?

I did eventually fall asleep again, and slept very well, and again got woken up early by the day nurse doing her morning checks, she was a bit concerned as my Blood Pressure and Pulse were slightly high, but she was not concerned, she said, “Are you ready for breakfast?” I said, “Yes, I am thanks,” she said, “Ok I will bring it in shortly,” I said, “Thanks” and she left.

I relaxed in bed, looking outside at the nice day out there, wishing that I was going to see my gorgeous Andrew instead of Monica, of course, I still had a feeling that something might happen, but I trusted them both. The nurse brought my breakfast in and placed the tray on the mobile table, she asked, “Do you need anything else?” I said “No, thanks,” she said, “Ok, I will come back in shortly,” then left the room.

I ate the food, which was disgusting, and coming from me that is saying something, Julie had a nickname for me “Garbage Guts”, yes, I would eat almost anything placed in front of me, except for Mushrooms and Broccoli, although these days, I can’t get enough of either, maybe I am making up for lost time. I finished the food and moved the table away so I could look outside again.

This is now a summary of what followed over the next few days.

The Doctor respected my wishes and never told my parents that I was infertile, I never did either.

Monica returned on the Sunday afternoon and told me how nice Andrew is, she said, “He understands and knows that you will meet up with him when you can, I gave him my number so he can keep in contact that way, do you still have my number?” I said, “Yes,” she said, “Good, my offer still stands.”

I got released from Hospital on the Monday and had the next few weeks off school to recover, this took me all the way until the end of term two, but I still did my schoolwork every day.

I had a few appointments with a Heart Specialist, but it was found to only be a minor heart murmur caused by the stress of being assaulted and being pressured to reveal the assailants’ identities.

I found out that the girls did get arrested and charged, but when it went to court all they copped were community service orders, despite my injuries, they claimed I assaulted them first and they retaliated, of course, they were only defending themselves from me, as I denied touching their friends breast. N.B. I to this day still say if I did touch it, it was accidentally.

I finished Secondary School, but barely passed my certificate, which upset both my parents to no end, and of course the person I have been most disappointed with is ME.

I found out a few years later that all the girls were fatally injured in a car accident when they were driving home after celebrating the youngest turning 21. When I found out, I did cartwheels and jumped for joy up and down our street for many hours, something I regret because I was relieved that I would never be bullied by them again, but I was selfish, and that is not right, Karma can be cruel and I feel that these girls have been taking their revenge on me from the grave for all these years, something I have only started to realise in the last few months, especially given what happened in 2015-2020.

                                                            Chapter 5:

                                                            Wedding/Rape

TW: There is Incest and non-consensual sex and under-age alcoholism, in this chapter, you can skip it if you so wish.

This chapter was very hard to write but it must be revealed, mainly because I need this out in the open. I do apologise if it makes anyone uncomfortable or angry.

I was so happy when the Spring school holidays were coming around as mum, dad, Julie and I were heading north for my cousins Wedding. I was excited as it was my first Wedding I was attending. As usual we drove up, well dad drove whilst mum sat in the front passengers’ seat, with Julie and I in the backseat, either asleep or me teasing her, yes, I was a right little Pratt when I was a teen boy, especially towards Julie. I do blame myself partly for what happened a short time later.

We arrived at mum’s mothers place early afternoon, unpacked the car, and as usual dad headed down to the local hotel, we knew he wouldn’t get back for a while. Mum, Grandma, Julie and I climbed into Grandma’s car and went to see the Bride to Be and her family. When we got there, there was no parking so we parked on the main road around the corner and walked up to the house, we never knocked, just walked straight in to a bunch of young women all in various stages of undress, they were all getting their final fittings for either their Wedding Gown or Bridesmaids dresses.

When Denise, the Bride and our cousin/niece saw us she screamed and came running over to kiss and hug us all, especially me even tighter as we were very close. I could see that something was not right with her, even though she put on a happy face for everyone else, our close bond allowed us both to know when the other was hurting, she knew a bit about my assault, but not the full details.

I had decided to wait to tell her until after she had returned from her honeymoon.

Denise whispered in my ear, “I need some private time alone with you before the Wedding.” I nodded. We broke apart and asked if we could catch up please? The others all said, “Yes,” Denise went to get changed, grabbed her bag and keys and we went to her car. When we were both in the car, she said, “Ok, where too, Mr. Navigator?” I said, “you know where, Miss Driver.”

N.B., I have never revealed these nicknames we had for each other to anyone, and our special place will never be revealed either, but it was our calming place where we could both sit and chat quietly, we had been coming here since she first got her licence. Honestly, I do miss going there with her.

I digress, so will continue; Denise started the engine and reversed out of her parents’ driveway, then headed for a nice coffee shop for a coffee each. Denise knew me that well, that she did not even have to ask me what coffee I wanted. I waited in the car until she arrived back.

When she arrived back, she handed me the coffees and got in then drove to our special place, both of us were very quiet which was unusual as we were normally very talkative with each other, so we knew there was something up with the other one. Once we arrived, we got out and walked to a bench and sat down, we both took a sip from our coffees, then I said, “Ok ladies first, spill, what’s going on?”

Denise said, “Ok, I think Terry (Her Fiancé) is cheating on me.” I said, “No way, he loves you and has since the day you two met.” She said, “Well he goes out at night and doesn’t come home until the early hours of the morning, has another shower, then comes to bed.”

I said, “Wow, why would he cheat when he has such a gorgeous woman like you in his life?” She said, “I know, but I don’t know if I want to Marry him now, I just don’t trust him enough.” I said, “Ok, do you want me to have a chat with him and persuade him to give up this other woman, especially now we have that new fatal disease around.”

N.B. AIDS or Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome had become public knowledge in 1980, even though it was then a predominantly Homosexual disease, it became apparent some years later that it did spread to the wider heterosexual community as well. Thankfully, today, there is a vaccine and medication, but still no cure. I always practiced safe sex especially during the first 6 months of a relationship, when it reaches the physical, intimate stage and regularly, even today, even celibate, still get STD blood tests done.

Denise said, “That would be great, he knows how much you love me, and he knows that you would protect me.” I said, “Yes, and I will warn him off, and tell him that if I hear of him so much as even looking at another female in a cheating way, I will physically hurt him.” She said, “Yes, I know you would,” then she burst into tears.

 I held her to my shoulder and patted her back until she calmed down, that took so long, that even a nice Spring day where our coffees should have stayed warm, were almost cold by the time we got to finally drink them, but neither of us minded though.

Once we had finished our coffees, she said, “Ok, now I know a bit about what happened to you in June but have been waiting to get the full story from you.” I said, “Ok, but this is between you and I, not even my parents or Julie know the full story.” She said, “Yes, of course, you know me.” I said, “Ok,” then proceeded to tell her what happened and what the Doctor told me, I even told her about Andrew, which shocked her a lot. She said, “Wow, I thought you liked girls.” I said, “Yes, but he makes me feel so happy.”

Denise said, “I am so sorry that happened to you, I hope those girls get everything coming to them, makes my problem with Terry seem very insignificant.” I said, “No both are equally bad,” she said, “Aww that’s so sweet.” I said, “I have something else to tell you and again this is between us,” she said, “Wow, we are full of secrets today, aren’t we?”

I said, “Yes, not only am I in love with Andrew, but I am also a girl inside and have known for a few years, I want to be a girl and hopefully in a few years be Married to Andrew as his Wife.” Denise said, “What, ok so how do you know you are a girl?”

I then proceeded to tell her about my times with Claire Baire and how she used to dress me up, and when I was watching a documentary on television about a Transsexual woman, which is when I told mum. Denise said, “So what did she do?” I said, “She told me to go tell dad, and you know how he is with poofs etc.” She said, “Yes, true, so what are you going to do?” I said, “Well I don’t know yet.”

Denise said, “Well, what if you come back to my place for a few nights and I can help you out.” I said, “What about Terry?” She said, “I will tell him that I need time with my favourite cousin, and he is not welcome back into my house until we are Married.”

I said, “Great idea, thanks” and lent over to kiss her. She said, “Come on let’s go back to my parents’ place and let them know what’s happening.” I said, “Ok, great.” I grabbed our empty coffee cups and disposed of them, whilst Denise headed to the car, then I went and got back in the car.

When we got back, the driveway and street was deserted, except for her mum’s car, but we still went inside to find out where everyone had gone. Her mum said, “Your mum, grandma and Julie have gone back to grandma’s place, the other girls have gone to a bar for a few drinks.” Denise said, “Ok, I hope they are not upset with me.” Her mum said, “No, as you haven’t seen Mark in a while and you both deserve private time.”

Denise said, “Ok, thank you, mum I’ve asked Mark to come and stay with me for a few days.” Her mum agreed as she knew some of the story about my assault and could also tell there was something up with Denise. My Aunt asked Denise to go and get some water please?” Denise said, “Yes.” My Aunt asked, “What’s going on with Denise?” I said, “You know us two, what we talk about in private, stays between us.” She said, “Wow you two both still have that strong bond.” I said, “Yes and will forever.”

Denise then brought the waters out and said, “Ok, what have you two been talking about?” Her mum said, “Just catching up on the news.” I said, “I refused to say what we talked about, you know we have that strong bond that will never be broken.” She said, “Yes, no matter what.” We sipped our waters and when we had finished, Denise took the glasses out to the kitchen, we said, “Goodbye” and left.

Denise drove straight to our grandma’s place; she had her left hand on my thigh all the way there. I was a little disturbed by it as she had never done that before, even though we both were very touchy feely with each other in the past, but that was just our close bond we had. I didn’t say anything to her, honestly, it felt nice.

When we arrived at our grandmothers’, we went inside, and I asked mum, “Is it ok if I stayed with Denise for a few days?” She said, “If it’s ok with Denise and you won’t be in her way, but are sure as she is getting ready to get Married, are you sure you want to be there?” I said, “Yes, I know, but we haven’t seen each other since Summer and have so much to catch up on.” Denise said, “It was my idea, if I thought he would be in the way, I would not have suggested he come stay with me, besides I need a big strong man around the house as I have asked Terry to not come home until after we are Married.”

Our Grandmother of course, made a negative comment, she did not approve of couples living in sin, but I did read something about my grandparents, which shocked me. Denise and our Grandmother never got along, why I do not know. Denise helped me pack some clothes, of course, we both knew it was just for show as I was going to be wearing her clothes for most of the next few days, unless we went out, then of course, I would put my own clothes back on.

Once we had packed my things, we went to say goodbye to them, Denise said, “I will have him back by early Friday, as we have the Wedding rehearsal and dinner that day/night.” Mum said, “Ok great, well, have fun you two.” We said, “We will,” and looked at each other with very sly smiles, and then left.

We walked to her car, I put my bag in the backseat and got into the front passenger seat, while Denise got into the driver’s seat, started the engine and we headed to her place, which only took around 10 minutes. Again, Denise was squeezing my hand very tightly. I said, “Why are you doing that?” She said, “Because, I really love you and it is a way for me to express that love to you.” I said, “Ok, yes, I love you too, but I don’t show it that way, and honestly, it does feel strange, especially as we are related.” She said, “Well who better to learn from.”  I turned my head and said, “What?” Denise said, “Ok, as much as I love Terry, if you were not my cousin, I would dump him for you, I have had a crush on for a few years, but know that it is wrong to feel that way, I think it is a reason why I said yes when Terry proposed to me.”

I said, “Wow, I never knew, I have always thought of you as my favourite and yes, I have had a crush on you as well, and yes, I got very jealous when you started dating Terry, honestly, I don’t know how I am going to cope on Saturday if you Marry him.” Denise said, “Well, I have an idea, but it is between you and I, no one else, you need to promise that you will never tell a living soul.”

I said, “Yes, I promise, if I know you, it is revenge on Terry.” She said, “Yes, but we can have fun though.” I said, “But aren’t we going to, well I will as you are going to let me be myself?” She said, “Well, when we get inside, I will tell you.” I said, “Ok,” then I grabbed my bag while she unlocked the house.

I walked up to the house and walked in as per usual, I asked Denise where she was, she said, “In my room, bring your bag in here, please?” I said, “Ok, what about me,” she said, “Ha ha, funny, yes, your bag is coming in by itself, now get your ugly butt in here, now.” I said, “Ok, coming, gees.”

When I got in there, she had already opened her underwear drawers and was sorting her panties and bras out, there was a wide assortment on her bed. I asked her what was she doing? She said, “Well, I am looking for the underwear that I rarely wear now, those on the bed are yours if they fit, but you need a bath first, so come strip off and I will tell you what I am going to do.”

I undressed, and instinctively placed my arms over my genitals and breasts, she saw this and started laughing, I said, “What’s so funny?” She said, “That is how us girls act when we are naked with someone new, even another girl.” I said, “Oh ok, I didn’t know, it just felt the right thing to do.” She said, “And it means you are a girl.”

She went and started the bath filling, and looked under the vanity sink for some things, she placed some nice smelling lotions into the bath and found some razors as well, with shaving gel and a towel.

When the bath had filled to her required level, I got in and she washed me all over, I smelt and felt very feminine, then she said, “Ok, now I am going to shave your body hair so you will feel much better.” I said, “What? No way, how long before it will start to grow back?” She said, “Relax, for a 16-year-old boy, you have very little, which says you have a hormone deficiency, and even I can see you are more of a girl than a boy.”

Denise then dropped another bombshell on me, and said, “You know what, I wish you were a girl, because I always wanted a sister, but now you are the closest to that, and I will always love you like a sister.” I said, “Aww, thanks, yes, I wish Julie and I were closer, but she’s very distant with me, maybe because I’m such a terror with her.” Denise said, “No, she is just a downright little bitch.” I agreed and we both laughed at that. I did relax more though, which I needed.

I said, “Ok go ahead, and shave me.” She shook the can and sprayed some cream into her hands, then rubbed it along my legs. Denise was right about me having little hair, it caused me embarrassment in the boys changing rooms at school. I told this to Denise.

I used to get bullied because I had very little body hair, this caused me a lot of anguish and hated when I had to play sports and get changed after. I decided that I would go into a lavatory cubicle and change in there, and just feel all hot and sweaty for the entire day, being a boy.

I didn’t care about offending anyone else, especially as I was bullied for something out of my control. Denise said, “That is not fair, but you are safe here with me.” I said, “Yes, thanks, I know I am.”

When she had rubbed the cream on my legs, she got the razor, which was brand new, rinsed it in the water, then started shaving my legs, she said, “Stay still otherwise I may nick you and make your legs bleed.” I said, “Ok, we don’t want that, especially as I know I will faint.” I sat my leg as still as I could, and Denise started shaving it, she knew what she was doing as she had it done in no time, then had me place it in the bath, and lift the other one out. Wow did my first leg feel great, it tingled, but felt so smooth and for the first time ever, I felt like a girl.

Denise had the other one done just as quick, then had me lift my arms so she could shave my arm pits, after that she shaved my arms, then the most delicate part, yes, that’s right my genital area.

Once she had finished, she helped me dry off and apply lotion to my entire body, wow did I feel so happy, I started to cry, in which Denise grabbed me and said, “It’s fine, you are a girl now, so you can cry.” I sobbed, “Thank you,” then told her about the doctor when I was in hospital. She said, “That is so archaic, but typical of a male, they all think that it’s a sign of weakness if a male cries, in my opinion, it’s a sign of being a strong male, and can stop them being violent, honestly, males are only useful for one thing, even thing it’s not exactly joyful for us girls.” I said, “Yes, that’s exactly how I feel, I just wish I could tell dad.” Denise said, “Yes, but look let’s just enjoy the next few days, ok.” I said, “Yes, great.”

Suddenly the doorbell rang, and I panicked, Denise said, “It’s ok, just go and put your panties on, it’s a couple of my girlfriends come to help you be yourself.” I said, “What???? No way, I thought it was just you and I,” she said, “It will be soon, they won’t tell anybody, I promise, ok.” I said, “Ok” and she went to let them in.

I returned to her bedroom to put the panties on, they felt so soft and silky gliding up my legs. Denise then came back into the bedroom with 2 of her Bridesmaids, she introduced me to them, of course, we had forgotten about a name for me, I blurted out, “Megan,” they said, “Ok, nice to meet you Megan.” I knew both the girls as Denise had grown up with them both and they were all the best of friends, their names were Beth and Fiona.

They immediately started to transform me, it felt nice being fussed over, but not the pinching and slapping me, this was so I could fit in to the girdle that Beth had brought, strangely once it was strapped in, I had breasts, albeit only small B cups, but I finally had breasts. Denise decided to take some photos for fun. I knew that she would not show them around or have them developed in her local town. Beth said, “I’m going away after the Wedding, I will have the photos developed where I’m going, that way I’m not known, nor could I be identified.” I said, “Ok, great, thanks.”

The rest of the day was relaxing, and we decided to go for a drive, it felt so exhilarating going out as a girl, although wearing heels was not exactly the best feeling, but I knew that in time, I would be a pro at wearing and walking in them. We did stop on the other side of town for some food, none of them were known there, so we could all relax. I did need to use the toilet, of course, I was slapped and told, “Either ladies or bathroom.” Denise said, “Yes, I need to go as well,” so we both went together.

When we got in there, it was empty, but she insisted on us both sharing a cubicle, she said, “It’s alright, girls share all the time, it’s a part of how close we all are.” I said, “Have you shared with Beth and Fiona?” She said, “Yes, many times, it’s an effective way to save water and help each other out.” I said, “Oh, ok.” We both did our business, then helped each other straighten up, left the cubicle and I went to leave, she said, “Excuse me, but have we forgotten something?”

I said, “No,” she said, “Yes, you didn’t wash your hands, girls are more hygienic than boys, and we wash our hands after using the bathroom, this also gives us the chance to check our make-up.” I said, “Oh, ok,” then went to wash my hands and check my Make-Up.

We dried our hands and left the bathroom and walked back to the table, of course, there was another lesson in eating very dainty, like a lady would. Denise and the girls said, “Ok, great.” Once we had finished our meal, we all sat and relaxed and chatted, mainly about how I felt finally being myself, I said, “I love it, too bad I can’t stay this way.” The girls said, “Yes, but once you turn 21, you will be able to decide.” I said, “Yes, but I really to stay as a girl from now on.”

Denise said, “Listen, every time you come up here, I will send Terry away and we will have girl time.” I said, “Great,” of course, both Beth and Fiona said, “We will always be in that.” Denise said, “Ok, who is ready to leave?” We all said, “Yes.” We got up and put our chairs back under the table and left the restaurant.

When we got to the car, we all got in and headed back to Denise’s place, once we got there the girls both said, “Goodbye” and left us alone. We both walked inside and immediately kicked our heels of and said, “Ahh that feels better, do you want a drink?” I said, “Yes, please,” thinking she was going to give me a soft drink N.B. I was a big Cola drinker in those day, and she knew it.  No, she came over with two glasses of red wine, I said, “I can’t, I’m only 16,” she said, “It’s just you and I, so who cares, and I assume you will have a sip or 5 of Champagne on Saturday.” I said, “Yes, true, ok great” and took the glass she had held out for me.

Denise sat down and said, “Ok let’s toast to very happy night, so far, it’s been great, but the best is yet to come.” I had no idea at the time about exactly what she meant. We both clinked our glasses and took a sip, I scrunched my face as it tasted horrible, she said, “It’s because it’s red, it doesn’t go in the fridge, so it’s warm.” I said, “Ok thanks.”

Denise then chatted to me about what I was going to do with telling dad I was a girl. I said, “I don’t know, him and mum don’t know that I can’t give them grandchildren.” She said, “Well as far as you know you can’t, who knows if you meet the right girl, it might happen.” I said, “I had her, but she hates me.” Denise said, “She doesn’t hate you, honestly, if I was your girlfriend I would never let you out of my sight,” then the strangest thing happened, she leaned over and kissed me very passionately, I pulled back resulting in her getting upset and asking, “What’s wrong?” I said, “Well, we are related, and this is so wrong,” she said, “Yes, it is, isn’t it,” with a very wry smile on her face.

We spent the rest of Sunday at her place, just lounging around, of course, Terry tried to come back, but she had put the deadbolt and chain on the door so he couldn’t enter, both of us were worried as to what he would say if he saw me dressed in his fiancées clothes.

Denise said, “I know him, but don’t know how he would react.” I said, “Ok, yes, true,” but lucky though she told him to leave as she was not feeling well, and she didn’t want to talk to him until she was ready.

Terry was not happy, but he knew when Denise said something, not to question her, for a country girl, she was very strong willed, and it was a reason I loved her. We both sat down on the lounge and chatted about the weekend, of course, I was sad that I would have to go back to male mode soon. Denise said, “It will be ok, you have love and support here, and even though I am marrying that dipshit on Saturday, I will always make time for you.” I said, “Thanks, but are you sure you want to marry him?” She said, “No, but I can’t Marry you, so to keep the peace, I will Marry him, but once we have a baby or two then I will kick him out, all I want is to become a mother.”

I said, “Ok, but why not just find a guy who will love you, almost as much as I do, honestly, if we weren’t related, I would worship the ground you walked on,” she said, “I know, but I don’t think the rest of the family would be accepting of us both if we decided to get married, besides imagine how our kids would turn out.”

I said, “Well for a mother like you, they would be totally gorgeous, she said, “What if they were born, you know, not normal.” I said, “What like me? She said, “No, deformed, I have heard that if relatives produce babies, then that’s the way the baby turns out, as it’s God’s punishment.” I said, “Yes true, I get what you are saying.”

Denise said, “I know, but come on let’s go and have fun, and let’s see if you like girls or guys, it will be your last chance, besides I know you want to.” I said, “No, we can’t as we are related to each other, we are first cousins.” Denise said, “Look, if that dipshit can cheat on me, with some bimbo, I’m going to cheat on him, with my first choice, now get your fat arse into my bedroom and get ready.” I am stopping there.

We both woke up rather late Monday, which was ok as Denise was on leave for her final wedding preparations and honeymoon. Denise asked me what I wanted to do today?

I said, “Well, I do want to go and talk with Terry, he knows how much you mean to me, and knows that I will not be happy if anything happens to you.” She said, “Yes, true, ok, let’s go and have our shower, then I will drop you at his work.” I said, “Ok, great, hang on, what if we test him.” Denise said, “Ok, how?”

I said, “Well why not dress me up in all new female clothes, and then see what he does, but I will talk to him first.” Denise said, “Ok, what we will do is this, today you go and talk to him then I will pick you up and we will drive across to Newcastle for a couple of nights, you can change on the way and be Megan, that way you can try on any clothes we see.” I said, “Ok, great, and I can see if I can pass as a female,” she said, “Yes.”

We both ourselves dressed and had a late breakfast, then went to her car and drove to Terry’s work. Denise dropped me off and said, “I will come back shortly, I will go and tell your parents that we are going away for a couple of days, then I’ll go back and pack some clothes.” I said, “Ok, great, see you shortly.”

Denise drove off, I walked in to where Terry worked, when I opened the door, he looked up and said, “Hello.” I said, “Hello, can we talk when are ready, please?” Terry said, “Yes, I will finish with client and we can talk.” I sat down and glared at him the entire. Once he was finished, he took me out back to the staff tearoom, he made me a coffee, then sat down and asked, “What’s wrong?”

I said, “Well, you know how close Denise and I are?” He said, “Yes, you tell each other everything.” I said, “Yes, we do, and she is very upset with you, honestly, I am too, so I am here to let you know that I want you to give up your girlfriend and only have eyes etc. on Denise, if I hear of you hurting her in any way, shape or form, then I will come up and make you regret the day you were born; do you now get it?” Terry said, “Yes, I do, I said, “Good, keep saying I Do in preparation for Saturday, because you will never find a better young lady than Denise, capiche, now Denise and I are going away for a couple of days, you are not permitted anywhere near the house, until after you are both married, and don’t forget that even though from Saturday, Denise will be your wife, you are both equal partners, therefore, you will pull your weight.” Terry said, “Ok, yes, I get it.”

There was a knock at the door, Terry said, “Yes,” the girl came in and said, “Your Fiancée is here to pick up Mark.” We said, “Ok, thanks, we are coming out now.” I said, “Now I don’t ever want to have a talk like that again, with you anyway,” he said, “Ok, I’ve got it.” I left and saw Denise, giving her a sneaky thumbs up. We walked to her car, and got in, she asked, “What happened?” I told her, she said, “Well I wonder what he will do when we test him later this week, I said, “Yes, ok so what happened with my parents?” She said, “They were ok, they said that they expected us to go away, they told us to have a wonderful time.”

I said, “Ok, did you get some decent clothes for me to wear please?” She said, “Yes, I am going to stop shortly so you can change.” I said, “Thanks, I can’t believe that I only wore your clothes for a day, but I miss them,” she said, “I can imagine.”

Denise then turned off the roadway and drove into a bit of a clearing. She stopped the car and told me to undress, she will get the bag out of the boot.

I undressed, lucky I was already wearing panties, she got back in and had some tape, she said, “Ok this may hurt a bit, but it will be worth it.” I said, “Ok,” then she had me push my breasts together, like I had any, but did, she said, “Ok hold it,” then she placed some tape at the base of my breasts. I looked down to see a pair of very small but feminine looking breasts. Denise said, “Do you want to wear a bra?” I said, “No, but it depends on what dress you have chosen,” she said, “Well it’s a tube top and hot pants.”

I said, “I don’t think I could wear hot pants,” she said, “Yes you can.” Then said, “Ok can you lower your panties to your knees?” Which I did. Denise fished around in her bag and said, “Here we go.” I said, “What is that?” She said, “It’s a menstrual pad, what it will do is hide any bulge, now stay still while I place it in there,” which she did. When she was done, she tucked my penis under my body and had me lift my panties in place, then she helped me lift the hot pants in place.

Once they were in place, she had me put a pair of 1” heeled pumps on and then stood back and said, “Wow, you look totally awesome, she said we are going stop at the next petrol station so you can have a look at yourself in the mirror.” I did look in the car mirror, but it didn’t give the right effect. Denise said, “Ok, let’s continue sweet,” and we kissed again, then she said, “But first some Make-Up,” she decided to just apply mascara and lipstick. When she was done, she said, “Wow, I wish I was marrying you instead that of cheating jerk.”

I said, “I know, but unless you are willing to wait another 2 years, and then we move away from everyone, you are better off Marrying him, besides he can give you the one thing I can’t.” Denise said, “And that is?” I said, “A baby, I know that is the one thing you really want,” she said, “True, come on, let’s go.”

We both got in and she drove off, we both chatted while she drove, of course, it was all girl talk, and what we did the other night, I won’t go any further, but suffice to say, WOW.

The drive was very relaxing, of course, I felt a little uncomfortable exposing so much of my body, but did like my breasts, I told Denise that I wished that I had my own, especially like the size of yours, she said, “Well you need to be courageous and tell your father that you are a girl.” I said, “Yes, but I am so scared to tell him.”

Denise said, “Ok I have an idea, I assume that you all will come up for Christmas and New Years’, so what you can do is when you arrive, give me a call and I will come pick you up, then drive you to my place and dress you up.” I said, “Yes, great idea, but I don’t think it would be the best to tell him.” Denise said, “Ok, well what if I come down early next year and I’m sure your mum will let me stay with you.” I said, “Yes, she will, so what then you will dress me up and see what happens.” She said, “Yes.” I said, “Ok, great idea, and by then you will be out of school, and if he doesn’t like you being a girl, then I am sure we could work something out, but for now, let’s just go and have fun.” I said, “Yes,” then I put my feet up on her dashboard and crossed them and sort of danced while she drove.

The drive took just over 2 hours, Denise found our hotel and checked in. We took our bags up to the room, I did notice many males perving on me, I wasn’t sure if I liked it or not, but honestly, I did blush.

Once we had placed our bags in the room, I said, “Sis I want to see myself in the mirror,” she said, “Yes, did you just call me sis, but have a look behind the bathroom door.” I said, “Yes, what is that a problem?” Denise said, “No, I love it.”

I stood there while she closed the door, I then looked at myself and all I could say was, “Wow, yes, I did look hot, if I was a boy, I certainly would have asked me out.” Denise said, “So you like it then.” I said, “Yes, no wonder those guys outside were perving on me.” She said, “And once we hit the shops, you will have more perving on you, but don’t forget when school gets out, all those school boys will be placing their bags in front of them to hide their erections, cause the way you are dressed right now, if I was a boy, I would want to rape you.”

We decided to go shopping for the rest of the afternoon, we both tried on many outfits, and lingerie, shoes, you name it, it was a great afternoon. Denise suggested we have afternoon tea, she knew a great little café that did Devonshire Teas, we took our shopping back to the car, then walked back to the café. We found a table outside and sat down and waited to place our order. A waitress came out a few minutes later and took the order.

Denise told me to cross my legs like girls do, I said, “Ok, and crossed them,” we both relaxed and watched the people walking past. The waitress brought our refreshments out, Denise organized mine for me, then handed it to me. I said, “Thanks” and waited for her to start.

I saw some boys coming our way and yes, they were tenting their trousers, one that I was thinking nice. Denise could see me looking and asked, “Which one do you like?” I said, “The one that is really standing out, honestly, if I was like you, then I would be as wet as you were the other night.”

She said, “Ok, if you want to, you know, then go for it, he is a boy and won’t care.” I said, “Yes, true,” then fluttered my eyelids at him, which of course, him being a boy, took it as a sign that I wanted him, and he walked over. He said, “Hi” to me, and said, “I’m Jake, you are so hot.” I said, “Thanks, I’m Megan, would you like to join us?” He said, “Yes, thanks,” then grabbed a chair and turned it around to sit with his legs spread, I didn’t like it as I could see his penis and wow it seemed to be getting bigger. I asked him if he could close his legs please?

He said, “Oh come on you know you like it, if you could you would already have me in the dunny and on your knees.” I said, “Ok, that’s it, get lost, I am not that type of girl, and that’s if the only reason you came over here, then I think you should look elsewhere.” He said, “Ok, but you don’t know what you are missing out on, baby, you are just a dumb, fucking cock- teasing slut.”

Denise said, “Wow, that was great, you handled yourself very well, he is going to go home now and take care of business.” I said, “Yes, I know, honestly, if I was him and had just been rejected by a hot looking girl, then I would be doing the same thing. I would like to know what it’s like though.”

Denise said, “Well the first time is scary, I know when Terry and I decided to go there, he was really gentle with me, it took me time to get used to him in my mouth but love it now.” I asked, “Could you teach me, as I would to love to pleasure Andrew?” Denise said, “Yes, I would be happy too, listen let’s finish our food and I will drop you back at the hotel, then I will go and get us something.”

I said, “Why can’t I go with you.” She said, “Because where I am going is for over 18’s only, and you are not 18 yet.” I said, “Yes, true, just wish I could with you,” she said, “When you turn 18, I will take you.” I said, “Ok, great,” then finished up and left. Denise drove me to the hotel, and we took our shopping inside, then she said, “Enjoy, I will be back soon.” I said, “Ok, thanks.”

The rest of the week went great, we had an exciting time and the Wedding went well. We returned home, and I returned to school for the remainder of term. I did leave Secondary School in early December. I did chicken out of telling my father that I was a girl. I will not reveal the reasons why here as even 35 years later, they are still too raw to reveal.

                                                            Chapter 6:

                                                            Ripped Off

I was very happy when in 1989, my best friend and I decided to travel to Newcastle, New South Wales, Australia to watch our football team play, his father and uncle decided to come with us, something I did not agree to but again his father was very “Persuasive”. We had checked in to the hotel and then decided to go and check out the area.

My friends’ father decided to start teasing me which had me crying and being very upset, when I retaliated, he decided to try and put my head through a shop window, he was only stopped when a passing Police Patrol saw him.

I was astounded at what happened, I was told to go and pack my things and leave, otherwise I would be charged with assault, I tried to ask why, but was not allowed to. I went back, by myself, to the hotel and not thinking just packed my bags and left. The drive back in those days was usually around 3-5 hours, it took me most of the night as I was so upset.

The thing that upset me the most was I forgot to tell Hotel Reception that I was leaving, until I suddenly got my credit card statement in the mail, they had run up a total of $2500 on it. My limit then was only $500, thankfully my parents paid it off for me.

My father tried to have them reimburse him, but of course my former friends father talked dad out of it, he even lied about me and what happened up there. I will not reveal to anyone, suffice to say that when I was told, I vomited so much that my stomach started bleeding, but dad would not take me to the hospital, he told me that it was my punishment for ruining such a good friendship. I have never been in contact with them since, nor do I plan to.                       

                                                            Chapter 7:

                                                            Age-Gap Relationship

Please be advised that this chapter contains a very taboo subject, age-gap relationship, he was 36 years my senior, and even today is still frowned upon, but does occur. My personal opinion is that unless you have tried it, please do not judge others, you are just jealous because you can’t enjoy it, honestly, those much younger would be better off if they did go in to one, for the simple reason being, the older person would die before them and they would inherit the older persons’ assets, including money.

In early 1982, I had a big fight with my father as I refused to apply for the Army, he would not accept that I hated guns, even as a child I would not touch toy guns, he would not accept that his son would not follow in his footsteps. I tried to tell him that I was shy around other people, especially when I was naked.

My father decided that I was no longer worthy to be his son, therefore I was not welcome in the family home either and kicked me out. I said ok, that’s fine with me, then went into my bedroom and packed my cassette tapes and vinyl records, along with a small amount of clothing then left the house.

We were lucky as our local bus stop was at the front door, it was just about to leave when I walked out the door, I knew each driver, and this one usually did look back just before closing the doors and departing, he saw me and got off to assist me with my bag. I said, “Thanks, and we chatted all the way to the terminus, which was a railway station. When I alighted, he said, “I hope you will be fine.” I said, “Yes, I will be, I have somewhere to go,” then left.

I went to the phone box and called Andrew to let him know what had happened, he asked, “Where are you?” I told him, he said, “Ok when you get to Epping, please call me and I will come pick you up.” I said, “Ok, thanks,” then we hung up.

I went and bought a ticket and waited for the train, I was both sad and happy, but decided that I was going to tell Andrew that if he still wanted me as his girl, then I will be his girl for him.

The train arrived a short time later, I boarded and found a seat, I did look outside the window thinking that this was the last time I would be seeing this area. The train had many stops to make, until finally we reached the transfer station, I alighted and went to find out what time the next train was to Epping and the platform number. I noticed that I had missed a train by 10 minutes and had 20 minutes to wait, I decided to call Andrew and let him know, he told me to leave the station where I was and go and wait for him, he will be around 15 minutes. I said, “Ok, thanks, Love You.” He said, “Same I Love You Too, Megan.”

I blushed when he said that, like he knew I was finally going to live as a girl. We hung up and I realised that I needed to pee, so looked for men’s toilet, and went in. I was not willing to stand up and decided that girls sit to pee and found a cubicle and did my business.

I left the cubicle and thought wow I never want to see the inside of men’s toilet again, washed my hands, grab my bag and left the toilet.

I walked to the barrier and handed my ticket to the barrier attendant, who said, “Sorry but this is not a valid ticket.” I asked, “Why?” He said, “Well you have a ticket to go to Epping, this is not Epping, you need to travel there to alight.” I told him that my friend is coming to pick me up, as I had a long wait for the next train and decided to call him. The attendant said, “Well here keep your ticket, if he doesn’t arrive then I will let you back in to continue your journey.” I said, “Thanks” left the station, I found a seat and waited for Andrew to arrive. He did arrive around 10 minutes later, he helped me with my bag and opened my door for me which I liked, sorry loved. He closed the door and walked around to his side and got in, then drove off.

I so wanted to kiss him, but felt that it was not right, especially given that most people would have gotten angry thinking that he was a paedophile, even though I wanted to take our relationship further, decided against it until I was a legal adult. We did discuss this whilst travelling to our place, I said, “I have no problem with just cuddling and kissing, but I would not go any further until I turned 18.” Andrew said, “Yes, of course, whatever my little princess’s heart desires.” I said, “Ohh thanks, babe” and leant my head on his shoulder.

The drive was a little long, but I loved it that I was with the man of my dreams, yes, I so wanted to go down on him so much but wanted to wait until I was an adult. When we arrived at our place, he said, “Ok, I have made some changes to your bedroom, hope you like them.” I said, “I will.” We went inside and he showed me my room, I was speechless as he had, had it painted pink and decorated for a girl my age, I went and kissed him so passionately, I was sure he was going to explode in his pants. He said, “So I take it you like what I have done.”

I said, “Yes, I love you so much babe,” he said, “Well, that is not all, have a look here” and opened the wardrobe to show me that he had bought numerous female clothes for me. I loved it and asked him who helped him? He said, “Well you know my cousin Anna.” I said, “Yes, you have mentioned her.” He said, “Well she helped out, she is coming over later to help you start your new life.” I said, “Great, for now can I have nice relaxing bath please?” He said, “Yes, of course, Anna has left this note for you.” I said, “Thanks” and took from him then started reading.

I said, “Ok, she has assumed that I will want a bath when I get here, she wants me to shave all my body hair off,” he said, “What body hair, you don’t have much.” I said, “True, even my pubic hair is very sparse.” I started to run the bath, placed some of the scented gels and washes in it. Andrew said, “Ok, I will leave you to it, do you want me to send Anna in when she arrives?” I said, “Yes, please, if she doesn’t mind seeing me like this, he said, “She won’t I can assure you,” then he left me to relax.

I wondered why he said that. I was soon to find out why, but for now all I wanted to do was relax in a bath. I did enjoy it very much, and did shave my entire body hair, including my genitals, then decided to read a magazine that was sitting next to the bath, of course, it was a teen girl magazine, which I got in to. I heard a gentle knock at the door and said, “Come in Anna.”

She asked, “How did you know it was me?” I said, “Because Andrew’s is harder and stronger, yours is much softer,” she came in and inspected me, she said, “Wow what a gorgeous feminine body, too bad about that thing though.” I said, “Yes, wish it was gone so I can really enjoy my hot handsome boyfriend out there,” she said, “He is handsome, wish I wasn’t related to him.”

I said, “Well I want to tell you a secret,” she said, “Great, our first girl secret, go on.” I said, “Ok,” then told her about Denise and I, she said, “Wow, so what was it, you know with a woman,” I said, “It was nice, and I am torn between girls and guys,” she said, “Yes, it is hard, but you can like males and females, it is your life and you decide no one else.”

Anna said, “Ok since we are spilling secrets, is it ok if I undress and join you first?” I said, “Yes, of course, we are both girls here,” she said, “Yes, we are.” She undressed and turned around and wow was she gorgeous, even my penis noticed, she said, “Well someone likes what he sees.” I said, “Yes, because you are totally gorgeous,” she said, “Thanks” and slipped into the tub.

When she was immersed in the water, she said, “Ok, now Andrew knows this and so does most of the family, but when I was your age, I had a penis as well, but I had breasts as I had been living as a girl since I was 12 years old.” I said, “What no way.” She said, “Yes.” I said, “So apart from getting your operation, what else have you had done?” She said, “Nothing, my breasts are totally natural from being on hormones early enough to make me more feminine, and I can tell with you that you have more female hormones running around your body than male.” I said, “Well that’s possible especially after the vicious assault last year.”

Anna asked, “What happened?” I told her, of course, I did cry as well, she leaned over and hugged me, she said, “It will be fine.” I said, “Yes, but doesn’t stop me being angry and upset,” she said, “True, but what they did to you was good, as you look more like a girl now, so what I am going to do and take you to my Doctor so she can give you a referral to my Endocrinologist.” I said, “What’s that?” She said, “Another word for a hormone Doctor.” I said, “Ok, great, so when are we going?” She said, “Don’t rush, girls enjoy their baths, and getting ready, so lie back and enjoy being a girl, ok.” I said, “Ok, boss,” she said, “I like that.”

We relaxed in the bath for a long while until the water started to get cold, we got out and dried ourselves off, then cleansed and moisturized our bodies, this I learnt from her. We went in to my room and started choosing an outfit, she chose the dress first, which was a white spaghetti strapped dress with red hearts on it, it was totally cute, although I wasn’t happy that my first time going outside in public as a female had me wearing something so revealing, but I trusted Anna and decided to wait and see what she does to make me pass. N.B., yes, I did go out in public with Denise some months before hand, but that was in a small regional area, this is a big city, and I was fucken shit scared.

She then found a pair of open toed wedges to wear, next she went to the underwear drawer and said, “Ok, now you choose.” I said, “Ok,” and my typical male brain just picked out the first pair of panties I found, she said, “No, girls always match their underwear with what their outerwear, well I do anyway, do you want boys thinking you are easy?”

I said, “No,” she said, “Ok, well since you are wearing a light-coloured dress, you need to wear light coloured underwear, so try again.”

This time I looked at all the underwear and decided on a pair of white panties. Anna said, “Well and what else?” I said, “What?” She said, “Girls wear bras to support our breasts, and even though you don’t have any yet, you will shortly, now here, this is the matching bra, ok, now get dressed.” which I did, of course, she had to help me put it on, then I put my panties on. Anna said, “Ok, now you are a teen girl, and teen girls have breasts, so let’s get too and give you some cleavage.” I told her what Denise did, she said, “Ok, yes, great idea, but I don’t have any tape, we will get some while we are out today.” I said, “Ok, so how am I going to have breasts for today?”

She said, “Don’t worry, I have a plan,” then she got to and placed some breast forms in to my bra, I stood back and looked in the mirror and said, “Wow, I have tits,” she said, “Breasts, you are a girl now, and girls are not vulgar.” I said, “I’m sorry,” she said, “It’s ok, you are still learning, now put your dress and wedges on,” which I did.

Anna then put some Make-Up on me and styled my hair then said, “Ok you are ready to make your debut.” We walked out, or should I say, I hobbled out, to the lounge room where Andrew was sitting just in his underwear drinking beer and watching sports, I thought that’s my man, and yummy.

Anna said, “Ok introducing the scrumptious Megan.” Andrew looked up and said, “Wow you are gorgeous, I Love You So Much Babe.” I said, “Yes, I Love You Too, Babe”. I don’t know but placed my hand inside his boxers and started playing with his penis, it felt so nice, but very sweaty.

I pulled my hand out and said, “If you want me to touch it again, you need to have a shower first.” Andrew said, “Deal, just let me know when you are ready.” I said, “Well if Anna wasn’t here, I might consider now, but I’m not 18, so until then, no can do.” Anna said, “Well we don’t have time, us girls have things to do, now give your hot boyfriend a kiss and let’s go.” I said, “Ok” and kissed Andrew goodbye and slowly released his hand as Anna dragged me outside to her car.

We walked to the car and she showed me how to get in like a lady, then we left, and she drove somewhere, which I found out later was her Beauty Salon. We went in and she introduced me to the girls, Kylie was the owner, Coco was her partner and Hairdresser, Caroline was a Beauty Therapist, so was Rebecca, but I also learnt that like Anna were all born boys. Kylie and Caroline had had their surgeries, Coco and Rebecca were off to Thailand in coming months to get theirs. I was taken back to be worked on, which was great.

I totally enjoyed my time with the girls, it felt so nice being pampered, getting my nails done, facial, massage, I totally knew that I was in heaven and I knew I was a girl. Once we had finished and it started to get late, Anna and I said our goodbyes and we left, I totally felt so happy as a girl. Little did I know what was going to happen soon.

When we arrived home, Andrew was fast asleep on the lounge with the television still going, Anna said, “Come on let’s leave him there and go up to your room,” I said, “Ok great.” What happened up there, I will not mention.

The next few months went well, I started working in Kylie’s salon, mainly as the clean-up girl and part time receptionist which I enjoyed very much. My life had finally started to make sense and felt right, the only thing missing was that Andrew and I had not been intimate yet, I so wanted to. Andrew said, “Look our age difference is a bit high, but once you turn 18, then yes, we would be enjoying each other, and I can promise you that our first time together will be spectacular, ok.” I said, “Ok thanks, yes, I can wait.”

I had started to see Anna’s Doctor and hormone doctor as well, but I was told that I can live as a female but was unable to get my name changed or go on hormones until I turned 18, which got me so depressed, that I did contemplate suicide.

The only person who saved me was Andrew, he sat me down one night and told me that it is only less than 12 months to wait, but I love you for you. I said, “Oh that so sweet, I Love You Too, Babe.”

The next few months were great, until suddenly I arrived home one afternoon to find Andrew very upset, I asked him, “What’s wrong?” He said, “Well your mother rang here today; you better sit down for this.” I sat down and he played our answering machine.

                                                            Chapter 8:

                                                            Bad News

N.B., For personal reasons, I will not be fully revealing what happened here, have written a novel about my father, and have revealed the story there. “Mark’s Controlling Father.”

I listened to the recording, it was mum telling me that Julie had gone wild and for some reason has accused dad of something, that even today, I still get very angry and upset, please do not ask me to tell you.

I rang mum to find out what was going on, it wasn’t easy sitting there chatting to her as her son, when I was dressed as her daughter. She told me what was going on and asked me if I would come home please?

I told mum, “I will talk to my manager and see if I can get some time off, I will ring you tomorrow night, but dad and I need to sit down and talk before I decide.” Mum said, “Yes, I have told him that.” We hung up the phone, then I cried my eyes out. Andrew hugged me and said, “It will be fine, come on let’s go out for dinner and just relax.” I said, “Yes, agreed, can you give me some time to shower and change please?” Andrew said, “Wow you are a girl, but yes, go ahead.” I gave him a kiss and went to the bedroom and undressed. I had my shower, and for some reason, made it a very good one, like I scrubbed my body, shaved and used body wash, then got out and dried off and went to get dressed.

I found a really slinky lbd to wear, along with my black stockings and 3” heels, underwear was a pink g string (Thong) and pink bra. I had noticed in the last few months that my erections had subsided a lot, it was like I was already on hormones, even when I masturbated, my ejaculate seemed to be clearer. I didn’t know at the time why, more on that soon.

Once I was dressed, I went out to Andrew and he had changed as well, wow did he smell totally sexy. I wanted to stay home and just enjoy him for the night, but I decided not to especially as he would not like it because I was still underage, even our relationship was only known to a select few people, they didn’t judge us for being in love.

N.B. Some people even today consider age-gap relationships disgusting, honestly, unless you have tried it, then please do not judge others, it can be very good and fun, we cannot help whom we fall in love with.

My opinion is those who don’t like age-gap relationships or even friendships are just jealous, but we all have them within our blood families, so what is the difference.

For those of you thinking that I am being mean and having a go at certain peeps, yes, I am. Please go and buy “2 (Trans) Gurls.”

Andrew said, “Are you ready to leave?” I said, “Yes, Darling I am,” he said, “Wow you called me Darling, I could get used to that.” I said, “Great, just wish I could stay here with, honestly, I wish I had a vagina so we could make love the way we are supposed to.” Andrew said, “You will in time, don’t rush it, come on let’s go.” I said, “Yes, me too, I’m famished.”

We left the house, he locked up and we got into the car and left he drove off. I had no idea where we were going, but I didn’t care as I was with the man of my dreams, I couldn’t be happier.

When we arrived at the restaurant, I looked up and saw it was one that I had wanted to go to for a very long time, but didn’t expect to until my 18th Birthday, which was on a Saturday. Andrew opened the door for me, and I got out, very lady like, then he put his arm around me, and we walked inside, we were seated very quickly.

The meal was justed magnificent, I felt like a real queen that night, afterwards, Andrew drove us to the beach where he bought us both a Hot Chocolate each, he had pre-planned it as I said, “My feet hurt from walking in these heels.” He said, “Well what about these,” and rummaged through the back and produced my favourite pair of sandals, I immediately took off my heels and stockings, then put them on, of course, Andrew couldn’t resist feeling my legs, he told me they were so sexy, I could see his penis was getting erect and placed my hand over his pants. I could feel mine straining against my g string, I so wanted Andrew to suck me off. I looked into Andrew’s eyes and said, “Sorry darling, but you deserve this.”

I will not go any further here, suffice to say that Wow, I loved it, and before you asked, yes, I decided then that I was Bi-Sexual.

Once we had finished and cleaned ourselves up, we grabbed our drinks and got out of the car. We walked for a few minutes before we found a seat and sat down. I asked Andrew what he thought I should do? He said. “Well, if I wanted to be selfish, I would tell you to not go and support your father, especially after he threw you out, in my opinion, he doesn’t deserve your love and support, but the unselfish part of me says that it is your decision and I will support you no matter what.” I said, “Thanks darling, honestly, I don’t know what to do.”

Andrew said, “Ok, I was going to surprise you with this on your Birthday.” My 18th was just around the corner. He said, “If you decide to go and support your father and mother as well, then come back to me, I will for your Birthday, pay for you to have your sex change operation just after your 21st Birthday.”

I said, “Wow, you don’t have to do that,” he said, “Nonsense, I do because I love you and hopefully once you are officially a woman, maybe we could make our relationship all legal.” I said, “What get Married.” He said, “Yes, if that’s what you want.” I said, “I want nothing more than to call you my Husband, I Love You So Much, My Darling Andrew, ok I have decided what I am going to do.”

Andrew said, “Ok, and what is that?” I said, “I will return to support mum and dad, then once it’s all over, I will come back here, and we can live as we want.” He said, “Ok, great,” then we kissed and looked out into the ocean, it was such a romantic sight. I knew then that I was very much in love with Andrew and wanted to tell my parents, not only about him, but also that their only son is going to become their daughter soon, but I decided to refrain from telling them. I would just be a little aloof about what was going on and only reveal a little bit about it.

I started to get cold, so Andrew said, “Come on let’s go back home and get some sleep, you need to be at work in the morning,” which was true. We threw our cups into the bin and walked with our arms around each other. I said, “Wow, someone is very happy,” he said, “Who, where?” I said, “No, here feel,” and placed his hand in my crotch, he said, “Wow, yes, what does that mean?” I said, “Well I think I might be in love, isn’t that a male’s way to tell?” He said, “Well, lust, but you are not a male, not to me anyway, you are a very beautiful young lady, and yes, I am in love with you too.” I started to blush, as I was so happy, and already regretted my decision to go and support my father.

We arrived back at the car, as usual he opened my door for me, once I was in, he closed it and came around to is side and got then kissed me and started the engine, then we left the beach. I was very quiet all the way back home, something that was rare for me as we usual chatted about something, but he knew when I was quiet to just let me be.

When we arrived home, we got out and went inside and got ready for bed, my penis was still erect but I didn’t care, I put my nightie on and got in to bed with Andrew, we chatted for a while, of course, I told him about how I was feeling, he said, “It’s ok, look if things get too bad, you can come back here, after all this house is yours as well as mine, and once you turn 18 and you are on hormones and have your name changed officially, I plan to change my will so you will be left the house and some money, I do know that my greedy children will contest it though, which is why I will include a clause so they can’t.”

 I said, “You are so sweet, Thank You, but all I want from you is you, and my operation.” He said, “Yes, I know, but I want to make sure that you are well taken care off when I die.” I said, “Ok, but I want you around for a very long time,” he said, “Yes, me too, especially if I have such a beautiful young lady as my wife.” I said, “Aww that’s so sweet, you are the best man a girl can get.” I started to yawn and said, “Good night,” then we both kissed and went to sleep.

The following day, I woke up and got ready for work, when I got in, I asked Kylie if we could chat quietly please? She said, “Yes, of course, sounds serious.” I said, “Yes, it is.” We were the only two in so far, so it was good, we both made a coffee and sat down. I then told Kylie what was going on, she said, “Well my opinion is only go to support your mum, not your dad especially after he kicked you out.”

 I said, “Yes, that’s what I’m thinking, and Andrew said the same thing last night.” She said, “Good, you love him so much and I can see that you don’t want to leave him.” I said, “I do, and I don’t.” I then told her what he said to me. She said, “Wow, you are one lucky girl, if I liked guys, I certainly would be trying to steal him from you.” I said, “And I would fight you.” Kylie said, “Yes, I know, so when do you want to finish up?” I said, “Saturday if that’s ok, I want some time to enjoy being a girl a bit more and I want to tell the other girl’s when they arrive as well.”

Kylie said, “Yes, you better, if you just left her Saturday and never said a word, well you know how bitchy girls can be, but Transsexual girls are much worse.” I said, “Yes, I know.”

When the other girls arrived for work, Kylie said, “Ok, we are having a Staff Meeting before we start today.” The gurls looked concerned, because I found out that the last time there was a meeting, some of the staff were let go. Kylie said, “Its ok girls, there is something that has come up this morning and I feel you all should be told together, now Megan I will leave it to you.”

I got a shock as I wasn’t expecting to be the one to tell them, but I got up and told them what was going on, of course, there were hugs and tears, I am sure if Warragamba Dam was short of water that day, we could have re filled it, yes, it was that much.

The gurls all said, “It’s ok, we all understand, but we want you back here as soon as possible and as Megan, but you are welcome to come in anytime as Mark.” I said, “Yes, thanks, I am only going to support mum, not dad especially after the way he treated me, but I don’t know what he will do when I arrive back, he may be thankful that I didn’t join up, if I had then I may not have such a thoughtful and sensitive manager, yes, Kylie I mean you. “

“I am going to miss you all, but I will be back.” Kylie said, “Ok come girls, let’s get organized, the first client will be here soon,” we all got to and stocked the rooms. I made the coffees as usual, and greeted the clients as they entered, we had decided to not tell them that I was leaving, even though most wouldn’t care, we just felt it was bad enough that I had to tell the other gurls I was going.

The week went fast, of course on Saturday afternoon after the last client had left, Kylie decided to throw a farewell party for me, which was nice. I did drink champagne, but only a couple of glasses though. Andrew attended, so did Anna, it finished around 8pm as we were all exhausted and my feet were killing me from wearing heels all day. I said my goodbyes to them all and promised to come in before Coco and Rebecca left to get their operations.

Anna came home with Andrew and I as she was very worried about me and I asked her to stay with us while I got myself used to being a boy again, that was not easy, especially standing up to pee, it was harder than I thought, but it did happen, I even went back to being a typical slobbish boy, which was surprisingly easy to do.

On the Monday week after I had left Kylie’s salon, Anna drove me to mum and dad’s place, I didn’t call it home as it didn’t feel like a home, whereas at Andrew’s it did. I wasn’t happy about returning there, but asked Anna if she could stay until I felt safe, she said, “Yes, of course, but who do I say I am, you know they will ask?” I said, “Well, why don’t we say are in a relationship, at least that way it will keep him happy and it will mean that we can stay in contact.” She said, “Ok, yes great, but do we tell them about me?” I said, “No, what we say is that you are a female, who I met while working and we fell in love.”

“I doubt my father could handle me in his words “Falling In Love With Another Man”, even though you are not a man, but with him being so homophobic, I would rather not say anything to him,” she said, “Ok, I fully agree then.”

When we arrived at the house, mum came outside straight away and hugged me so tightly, I thought she was going to crush me, but it felt nice though. Once she had finished crushing me, she said, “Who is this young lady?” I said, “Mum, this is Anna, she is my Gir……lfriend, Anna this is my mum Mrs. Harrisons.” Mum said, “Nice to meet you, Anna but you can call me Doris.” Anna said, “Nice to meet you, Doris.” Mum said, “Same here, oh I forgot that I said that, please have a seat while I get Mark’s father.” Anna said, “Ok thanks.” I in the meantime had placed my bag back in my old room, which hadn’t changed, but looked fine. I sat on my bed and started crying, which Anna heard, and she came in to find out what was wrong?

I said, “As if you don’t know,” she said, “Yes, but it won’t be for long, just hang in there, I will come by as often as I can and I am sure someone will pass on messages and little mementos to you.” I said, “Yes, and I’m sure I will pass some on to that person, it is going to be hard sleeping alone again.” Anna said, “Yes, but even though you only have a single bed, it will be a nice cosy squeeze.” I said, “Yes, ok thanks.” She gave me a big hug and kiss, wiped away my tears and we went back into the dining room so dad and I could talk.

When we got there, dad was a little coolish with me, something I wasn’t happy with, but mum had made a pot of tea and a tea cake with fresh cream, she poured us all a cup each, and asked if we wanted milk and/or sugar, I had missed mum’s tea cakes so much, this was a profound way to keep me here, she asked me how I had my tea now? I said, “Same as my coffee, milk and 2 sugars.” Anna said, “Just a dash of milk for me please?” Mum said, “Ok great.”

Dad just sat there reading the paper, he wasn’t even interested in what I had been doing the last few months or what my girlfriend’s name was. Mum decided to start, she said, “Come on Thomas our son has come back home to support you, the least you can do is talk to him and be nice.” Dad knew that when mum called him Thomas, he was in trouble, as it was usually Tommy, or Tom. Dad said, “Ok, yes, that’s true, ok Mark so what has been happening?”

I said, “Well, first up this is my girlfriend, Anna. Anna this is my father, Mr. Harrisons.” Anna said, “Nice to meet you, Mr. Harrisons,” Dad said, “Yes, same here, Anna.” Mum glared at him, and said, “Like be nice and tell her she can call you by your first name.” I was upset and got so close to grabbing my bag and leaving, but mum said, “Ok, Thomas either you be nice to Mark and Anna or we all will leave you to deal with this mess on your own.” Dad said, “Ok, point taken, sorry I am just so upset about what your sister has done. “

I asked him what happened, of course, he was not happy talking about it with Anna there, I said, “Well we tell each other everything, so either you tell her now or I tell her later,” he said, “Ok,” then proceeded to tell us.

Anna and I both said, “What a bitch,” together, which made mum smile, both of us asked, “Why are you smiling for?” Mum said, “Because you both called Julie a bitch together, and only those meant to be together would do that.” Anna and I laughed.

I went over to dad and said, “I don’t believe a single word she has said, honestly, what do you think has caused her to act like this?” Dad said, “Well, after I kicked you out, she went wild, for a 14-year-old then, she started to stay out late, with the crowd and started disrespecting us both.” I said, “So, this is her revenge on you kicking me out, but Julie has always been a bitch, even when we were children, she was nasty towards me, she would have been very happy that I was no longer around as she could play up.”

Dad said, “Ok, but what are we going to do with her?” I said, “Well honestly, I don’t know, have you seen a solicitor yet?” Dad said, “Yes, she thinks it should be thrown out when it gets to court, but it depends on the magistrate.” I said, “Well, I will stay here now and support you, but what am I going to do about food etc.?” Dad said, “Don’t worry about that, we will feed you and let you live here for free, and I will give you an allowance of $50 per week.” I said, “Ok great, but I still want my freedom to spend time with Anna and occasionally go to my job.” He said, “Yes, of course, and by the way where have you been working?”

I said, “Well, you are not going to like this.” He said, “What you have been involved in crimes?” I said, “No, Anna here is very good friends with a Beauty Salon owner, and I was offered a job helping out.” Dad said, “That is for girls and poofs, not real men like you.” I said, “Dad, it was the only job I could get then, and I love it, honestly, I have learnt a lot about girls.” He said, “I don’t care, you should be doing manly jobs, and that is not a manly job.”

I said, “But dad, I am very happy there, honestly, my job is waiting for me when I am ready to return, and right now, I feel like grabbing my bag and getting Anna to drive me to Andrew’s and leaving you to deal with this mess alone, as I’m sure mum will follow me not long after.” Mum said, “Yes, so Thomas, start treating our son like a human being, or we will both just leave you.”

Dad said, “Ok, point taken, so who is Andrew?” I said, “Well he took me in after you kicked me out, he has been very supportive and is Anna’s cousin, that’s how we met.” He said, “And how did you meet him?” I said, “About 12 months ago when I went to the city and felt depressed, he saw me and we started talking, he has made me feel very happy, and told me that if I never anything, to call him.”

Dad asked, “So how old is he and is he Married?” I said, Anna chipped in and said, “He is 53, his wife died a couple of years ago and he has a couple of bratty children, but I can assure that he has only treated Mark very well, mainly because when we started dating I told him to treat Mark right.” Dad said, “Ok, I don’t like it that you have been living with a man even older than me.” I said, “Dad, he is very nice to me, and even if I liked males, I would not date him.”

Anna said, “And why not? I said well for one he is a male, and two I don’t think anybody would approve of us dating because of the age difference.” She said, “Who cares, as long as two people are in love, they are the only two people concerned, no one else.” This opened a can of worms as dad asked how old Anna was? Mum said, “Excuse me, but a lady never reveals her age,” of course, Anna said, “Thanks, but I don’t mind saying, I am 25, and I am very much in love with Mark.”

Dad said, “Sorry but I am not going to allow my son to date someone who is much older than him.” I said, “Dad, it is my life, and as Anna said a few minutes later, it is no one else’s business but us, come on Anna lets grab my bag, we are leaving.”

I knew this was a mistake. Dad said, “No please, I’m sorry, ok, if you both feel that strongly about each other, but there will be rules if you stay over Anna.” We said, “Yes, of course, no sex or alcohol.”

Dad said, “And no sleeping in the same bed.” I said, “No fair, Anna just said no sex, so what’s the harm in her sleeping in my bed with me, besides we have slept together at Andrew’s and no sex, I have told her that no sex until I turn 18.” Dad said, “Ok, but if I hear more than talking or snoring, then I will separate you both immediately, ok.” We both said, “Ok,” then Anna said, “Ok, I had better get going, I need to go home and get ready for work.” I said, “Yes, sorry I forgot about that,” she said her goodbyes and I walked her to her car, and once she was in, I gave her a kiss, of course, it was for show, but it wasn’t like we hadn’t kissed before. Anna started the engine and left, I watched until she had turned the corner and was long out of sight, I was sad, at the time I didn’t know why, but found out soon enough.

The next few months were very busy, getting dad’s case together, our next-door neighbour had been helping us, I was so busy that I barely thought about Andrew, even though Anna would come and stay on her days off and it was nice, I missed Andrew’s big strong, manly arms wrapped around me.

Mum noticed this and after Anna left one time, we both had a quiet chat about what I had been doing when I left. I came clean with her about everything, which got me crying but she said, “Listen you, I know what you did, I followed you the day you left here.” I said, “You did, how did I not see you?” She said, “Easy, I wore a disguise, and when I saw you get into Andrew’s car, it was Andrew OldMont wasn’t it?” I said, “Yes,” she said, “Well I recorded his registration number and went to motor vehicles making up a story about him hitting my car, they gave me the details and I had Audrey (Our Next-Door Neighbour) drive me to his place one day, just as we got there, we saw this beautiful girl leaving the house, I knew straight away that it was you.”

 I asked, “How did you know it was me?” She said, “A mother knows, and even through all the Make-Up and those clothes, I knew it was you, honestly, you looked so happy, I wanted to get out of the car and go hug you.” I said, “Mum, I wish you had, honestly, I only dressed as a boy again so you and dad thought I was normal,” she said, “Look you are normal, if you feel happier as girl, then you should be allowed to live as a girl, remind me but, did you tell me a few years back that you thought you were a girl?”

I said, “Yes, I did, but had I told dad, I wouldn’t have met Andrew, he is wow.” She said, “Yes, even I was jealous, he is very scrumptious, have you both done anything sexual?” I said, “Yes, we did a few weeks ago, but it was a spontaneous moment that we enjoyed, but have planned to hold off until I’m eighteen.” Mum said, “Ok but why are claiming that Anna is your girlfriend for?”

 I said, “Well she is, Andrew and I have an understanding, which is great, but I have told him that once I go on hormones and am living full time as a girl, then we will be exclusive.”

Mum said, “Wow, you sound like a much older person there, the past few months have made you all grown up.” I said, “Yes, I have had too, but I am still your little boy.” She said, “Thanks, ok now, what we have just discussed, goes no further, the only other person who knows is Audrey, and she has promised not to tell anyone.” I said, Thanks, great.”

We got a phone call one day to say that the hearing date had been set down for a couple of weeks’ time, which got dad very upset, but mum and I helped calm him down, which wasn’t easy.

I in the meantime got a phone call from Andrew’s son telling me that they will not accept me in their father’s life. Andrew’s son, Tarquinn said, “We know you only want his money, so you are forbidden from being in contact with him as of now you little gold-digging perverted faggot, and you are to stay away from our perverted cousin as well, if we see you in our area ever again, we will take action against you,” then he hung up.

I hung up and burst into tears, I was lucky that it was only mum home as she would be able to understand, of course, being a mother, she did and let me get my emotions out which took a while, but I did. Afterwards mum told me to go and have a nice, long, hot relaxing bath, I said, “Yes, that sounds nice.” I went and got the bath running, once it was filled, slowly lowered myself in and just relaxed, I felt so good, but of course I remembered all the good times with Andrew, Anna and the girls and of course, started to cry yet again, which brought mum in. She comforted me for a long while.

Once I had finally calmed down, she said, “Ok, tomorrow I am taking you to the doctor, you need help.” I said, “Yes, I want to go on hormones,” she said, “No, but I think you need to see a shrink.” I said, “Yes, that is true, but I want to go on hormones as well.” She said, “Not until you turn 18.” I said, “Ok.”

I enjoyed my bath as it reminded me of being a girl, but I knew that dad would insist on me having showers as in his words “Men Have Showers, Baths are For Girls”, something I totally hated as it was very common for males to have that attitude then, although I have still heard some men saying things like that.

Once I had fully rested and relaxed, I got out of the bath, dried myself off, wrapping the towel around my body, yes like a girl, some habits do take time to break, I went to my bedroom to get dressed. I had noticed that I now seemed to match my clothes a lot. I found the clothes I wanted, plain underwear, long sleeve shirt, with a pocket of course and long trousers, socks with my lace up shoes. I was very much a dork in those days, nothing much has changed, has it.

I went into the kitchen to help mum prepare tea, she loved it as she had not had anybody help her in a long while. I enjoyed it and it allowed me to express my feminine side, whilst still maintaining my masculine side, something I found to be very difficult, but honestly, it kept me very directed, then.

The next few days flew past very fast until finally we had to go to court to support dad. We arrived early and went to speak with dad’s Solicitor and Barrister, with the introductions done, we were told that the Magistrate was an easy one, but he wasn’t the type to be lenient, he would listen to the facts then decide how to proceed, we said, “Ok, but how do you think it will go?”

The Barrister said, “Well I think it will be ok, especially as Julie has waited for over 4 years to tell anybody, Mark, how close were Julie and you growing up?” I said, “Very close, if anything was going on, I am sure that I would have seen it, or the very least she would have changed.” He said, “Ok, so what does your gut feeling tell you?” I said, “Well I feel that it is all lies. I am not just saying that, it is how I honestly feel, if I believed Julie, then I would be supporting her.”

There was a knock at the door, the Solicitor opened it and said, “Hello, come on in.” We were introduced to the person, it was the Police Prosecutor, we all laughed and joked around, it was hard to believe that in a short while this man was going to be trying to get dad in to jail. When the time came to go to court, we all walked down together, Audrey met us as we were walking down and came over to say, “Hello,” then we all got the shock of our lives.

Julie arrived wearing a very conservative outfit, but her Aunt, dad’s younger sister was wearing exactly the same outfit, right down to matching shoes and bags, we all just walked in to the court room and sat down, of course, both mum and I were disgusted but we then realised who was behind the whole thing.

I will not say the complete reason why, but suffice to say that she was jealous as she had only given birth to boys, dad was the only one on their side to parent a girl, but my Aunt had hated dad for many years over something that happened between the two of them when they were late teens, early 20’s. I feel that if I do reveal the full story here, then I am certain that I will be in legal trouble, even though it is the truth, although I have only ever heard dad’s side, not my Aunts, which is another reason why I will not reveal, yet.

The Court Clerk asked us all to rise while the Magistrate entered the room, then when he sat down, we were able to sit. The Magistrate looked over at Julie, her Aunt, then to mum and back again. Our Barrister whispered, “He is confused but is a professional and will proceed.” The Magistrate requested that the Court room be cleared of all persons not involved, which got others very upset, but he explained that it was a very delicate matter and he wants to maintain privacy.

Once the court room had been cleared, which only left, dad, mum, me, Audrey, our Solicitor and Barrister, Julie, our Aunt and the Prosecutor, of course, the Magistrate and clerk.

The Prosecutor got up first and tendered the statement, followed by our Solicitor, then the Magistrate asked dad to stand up and declare if he was Guilty or Not Guilty, of course, dad said, “Not Guilty.” The Magistrate said, “Ok, I feel there is a case to answer and we will have a further hearing in 3 months’ time, if that suits all parties?” They all checked their diaries and said, “That is fine.” The Magistrate said, “Ok then I will see you all then, I will have the court room cleared as well.”

We all stood and allowed him to leave, then we all left, of course, Julie and our Aunt barged their way out before anyone else, I followed close behind as I wanted a coffee, and knew that mum, dad and Audrey would as well, it was my excuse, but I wanted to see if Julie and my Aunt were attracting any attention.

I was right, they were, most people were just shaking their heads with strange looks on their faces and talking to their friends. I honestly did love it as it showed that what they did only made things worse. I did go and get the coffees, then came back to where the others were all talking, of course, they did talk about how Julie and my Aunt were dressed, and both the Prosecutor and Solicitor said, “The Magistrate looked confused like who is this trying to imitate Julie’s mother.” We all laughed about it, then parted ways.

Dad’s Solicitor needed us to come back to the office in a couple of weeks to go over everything, we said, “Yes, of course.” She said, “I will get my Secretary to call you with the date and time,” then she headed back to her office, while Dad and Mum finished their cigarettes, Audrey asked, “Can Mark and I could spend some time together please?” Mum and dad said, “Yes, of course.” I looked at Audrey, but she said, “It’s ok, come on.”

We walked to her car and got in, then she said, “Ok now we haven’t chatted since you got back home. I know you that you are not happy, especially after the way you got treated, but listen to me, all will be fine, if you ever need to chat, you know where I am.” I said, “Thanks, but all I want is to go back to Andrew, I miss him so much,” she said, “Yes, I know and I am sure he misses you, even though he thinks you left him, it is just other selfish people who don’t understand.” I said, “Yes, but I suppose that I will see them all my life,” she said, “Yes, you will, everybody is greedy especially those with money, if they think someone else is trying to muscle in on what they feel is theirs, then they will do what they can to discourage that person.”

N.B., A favourite quote of mine, is: “PEOPLE LIE TO MANIPULATE AND BRAINWASH OTHERS FOR THEIR OWN INSECURE, SELFISH, JEALOUS, ULTERIOR MOTIVES.”

Audrey said, “It’s like males, if they see a really beautiful woman but she is already dating someone, they will go to all different lengths to oust that male so they will have her, I have seen it in the past and it’s mainly because males have their testosterone running rampant through their bodies, they all think about one thing and one thing only, sex.” I said, “Yuck, no thanks.” Audrey laughed when I said that, I said, “What’s so funny?” She said, “Well only a girl would say yuck, you, to me have come back much more feminine, you haven’t realised it, but you have changed, for the better, I might add.”

I said, “I have not noticed but then again you are a woman, so you would notice.” She said, “Yes, and so has your mum, between you and I, I think she wants you to finally tell your father how you truly feel.” I said, “No not yet, not while this case is going on, I don’t want him to kick me out again for being selfish.” She said, “See, that is how us girls’ think, putting other peoples’ happiness before our own.” I said, “Wow, I never realised it.”

She said, “Yes, now let’s go and do some shopping, I have borrowed some clothes from my girls’ today, without their knowledge of course.” I said, “You want me to dress as a girl.” She said, “Yes, but don’t worry, where we are going, no one knows us, and I have arranged for your mum to pick the girls’ up from school, so we have all day and into the late evening if we want, ok.” I said, “Ok great”, then she started the engine and we left the car park.

Audrey drove for around 15 minutes, then pulled off to the side of the road into park, she stopped the engine and said, “Ok, stay here, I will be back in a few minutes.” I sat there while she went to the boot and pulled a bag out, then walked over to the ladies’ lavatories. I sat there with my eyes glued to them, suddenly she came out and waved me over. I got out of the car and walked over to her, she said, “Here quickly.” I didn’t even have the chance to react, but she pushed me inside a cubicle and told me to undress, which I did. She said, “That includes your male underwear, ok.” I said, “Yes, great, finally I can be myself again,” she said, “Yes.”

I undressed, then Audrey handed me a pair of panties and a bra, then said, “Ok, now we are both girls here, so you can come out here now, which I did.” She helped me pad the bra with tissues and balloons filled with water, it felt strange having her hands in there, but felt nice though, yes, my male hormones were making me feel well interested.

Once Audrey had finished fixing my “Breasts” she helped me put the dress on, followed by the wedges, she even ran her hands up my legs and said, “Wow you are smoother than my 14-year-old daughter’s legs.” I said, “Ok, maybe it was from all the help I got while I was living at Andrew’s,” she said, “Yes.”

Audrey applied a minimal amount of Make-Up on me, when I say minimal, I mean just Mascara and some blush, of course, after she had applied my foundation. I couldn’t believe that only a few had passed and I had forgotten how to apply Make-Up, Audrey told me that if I don’t use my skills all the time, then yes, you can forget, especially as you were born a boy, then it is more difficult. Audrey said, “What female name have you been using?” I said, “Megan.”

She said, “Ok, Megan let’s go shopping.” I said, “Yes, please,” we picked up all the clothes and bags and wiped down the vanity basin, then walked to the car. We placed the bags in the boot, then Audrey unlocked the car and we got in. I asked her about if I was going to need a bag today.

She said, “Ok, let’s make out I am your mum and I will take of everything for you, ok.” I said, “Yes, great, mum.”  Audrey said, “I like that.” I said, “Me too.”

She started the engine and we left the park and headed for a shopping centre that I had wanted to go for a while, I was supposed to go with Anna a few months back, but of course, that did not happen. The drive was long, I decided to place my legs on the dashboard, which felt nice, we chatted about various things all the way there, yes boys and fashion.

When we arrived, we went into the centre and all I could say was, “Wow, Audrey, I mean mum.” Audrey said, “Ok Megan it’s your day, what do you want to do first?” I said, “Well I could use the toi… sorry bathroom,” she said, “Yes, me too, come on let’s go, but if there is a line, we will use a cubicle together, ok.” I said, “But,” she said, “It’s ok, today we are mother and daughter, and lots of mothers and daughters use the same cubicle.” I said, “So it must be the thing with girls, I noticed that during my time with Andrew, well Anna and Kylie.” Audrey said, “Yes, it’s our safety mechanism.” I said, “Ok great.”

The line moved quickly, and we found a cubicle, and went into pee, of course, it was strange peeing with my neighbour watching, but I did feel like a girl, so wasn’t worried. Once we had both finished, we straightened ourselves up and left the cubicle to wash our hands, then left the bathroom and walked around the centre. We both tried on various clothes, sometimes in the same changing room, others separated, but was fun.

I had a wonderful day, but soon enough, it was time to go home and for me to revert to my sad, male self. Audrey saw that and said, “Look, since you are not working, if you want to come over to our place during the day and dress up, you can.” I said, “Thanks, I will possibly take you up on that.”

The next few weeks flew by, I did go across to Audrey’s several times per week, we always used the excuse that she needed me to help her with chores or moving furniture around. Dad got suspicious and said, “Are you having an affair with her?” My response was, “No way, she is Married and is a good friend, I would never ruin a friendship with sex.” Of course, no one knew that I had been having sex dreams about her. This is the first time I have admitted that to anyone.

The time for us to go back to court came, which had dad very anxious, but with mum, Audrey and I as support, he was ok. The hearing lasted for almost a week, at the end, the Magistrate announced that he would give his verdict at the end of May.

I decided to look for work and found a job working as a Trolley Boy for a major department store that was opening a new store close to where we lived.

I met a number of great people there and in the mall, including a guy who became my best friend, his name was Simon, we had a lot in common, and did spend a lot of time together until he met a woman and they started dating, she was 4 years older than him, but neither cared as they both loved each other.

I would like to go further telling you about them, but honestly, I am still very mad and upset with him. The reason being is when they got Married, and she worked night shift, he would go looking for “Action” as he would put it.

I hated when I was with him and he would be successful, only my loyalty to him stopped me telling her. I did eventually tell her but of course he said, “You are just jealous of me having such a gorgeous, hot Wife and you want her.” I tried telling him that I was not interested in her, but she believed him and they both threw me out of their house. I have had nil contact since then.

My father had decided to leave his Security job and buy a van to become a courier, he asked me if I was interested in being his off sider. I accepted and loved it and saw areas of my city that I had never seen before, including for the first time, the beach, yes, I was 17 and saw the beach for the very first time.

Dad took me to get my learners permit and decided to teach me how to drive, in mums’ manual car. He also taught me how to check the oil, brake fluid and water and change a tyre too. These skills have come in very handy over the years.

Then the day came for us to be in court for the verdict by the Magistrate, we were very upset as Julie had decided against being there, we were told that she said that it was not worth her very valuable time. I immediately saw red and wanted to go and “Talk” with her, but decided against it for several reasons, I didn’t know where she was, or what school she was going to.

The Magistrate came in and started giving his verdict, he said that there was insufficient evidence to proceed to trial, therefore he is Acquitted, then said, “Case dismissed.” Dad broke down crying, something I thought was weird, but I never said a word. Once he calmed down, we walked over to the Solicitors office for dad to sign some paperwork. After that was done, dad said, “Ok I am taking you all out for lunch to celebrate,” we said, “Ok thanks.” We went to a nice restaurant nearby and had a terrific meal.

The next year went by ok, I continued being dad’s off sider, turned 18, which on that day I was legally introduced to the two worst things ever, Alcohol and One-Armed Bandits, otherwise known as Poker (Slot) Machines. Both created a lot of trouble for me over the years.

N.B. To those of you who are 18+ Please if you do either, then make sure it is in moderation, I totally regret not having someone tell me the same thing when I was 18. If any of you ever need advice and/or support, please just email me.

I enjoyed working with dad, except for most afternoons, he would stop for a few beers and chat with other couriers and Radio Operators, of course I was unable to drink as I was the driver home.

Dad stayed there for another couple of years, I asked mum and dad if they could help me buy my own van so I could be a driver as well, they said, “Yes.” I found a ½ ton panel van, but the company dad worked for had a minimum requirement of 1 ton. I was lucky that I found a company that allowed smaller vehicles. I worked for them for around 11 months.

Dad had in the meantime gone to work for a parcel delivery company, I took the occasional day off from driving to travel with dad, and found it was fun, especially as he would get his work first thing in the morning, whereas as a courier, I may not get my first job until late morning. I remember one day where I didn’t get a job until 4pm, which only gave me less than $10.

N.B. In those days, most Self-Employed Delivery and Courier Drivers were paid per delivery, or parcel, unlike today, it is by hourly rate and has become much more cutthroat.

Mum, dad and I would go to a local club every Saturday for a Horse Racing game, which was fun. I met a girl there who we both selected the same colour (Green) and if our horse was going to come 1st, 2nd or 3rd we would try and beat each other to the table. The announcer would always mention both our names and he was the first to say that these two look great together, despite her having a boyfriend then, we did end up dating, which was great, but even though we sat at the same table, we still got competitive, we both loved it. We dated for around 8 months, until she broke up with me citing her mother’s reluctance to let her continue dating me as she was almost 4 years older than me, neither of us cared about that, but others did.

I decided one day to confront her mother and knew when she would be home alone. I knocked on the door and she answered it, but seemed mad at me, I asked, “What’s wrong?” She said, “Well you have the hide to hurt my daughter’s heart then come here.” I said, “That’s not what happened, she broke up with me because you didn’t like the age gap.” She said, “What? No, I love you and would love to see you both get married one day.” I said, “Well yes, maybe.”

She allowed me to come in and we sat down to chat, she automatically went to make us a coffee each, she knew not to ask me as the answer would be yes. We chatted about what she what had told us and realised that something else was going on, she told me that my girlfriend, when she got home after my Birthday Party, was distant and not very talkative, which was unusual for her, she said, “Honestly, I thought she might have been staying over that night.”

I felt weird when her mother was assuming that we would have both had sex, but I said, “Yes, even though neither of us had talked about it, I admitted that she always used her accident as an excuse for us not being together.”

Her mother said, “That is rubbish, as I know her and the guy before you used to be constantly here, so I don’t know what is going on in her head.” I said, “Same here.” I finished my coffee, said, “Thank you” and left.

My father did reveal something to me about Simon and this other girl, but that will be revealed later, which totally upset and hurt me when I was told.

Please be advised that I am writing a novel called “My Controlling Father.” I have not held back on what I reveal, and I also reveal what my theory is about this relationship.

Dad was offered a permanent run but needed to buy a truck, he asked his Manager if it would be possible for me to come and be a driver in his van? The Manager said, “Yes, that’s fine.” I immediately resigned from my courier position and started several days later with the parcel company.

I loved that job as I got to see a lot of Sydney, especially the CBD, Eastern Suburbs, Inner West and I knew a major University extremely well.

                                                            Chapter 9:

                                                Bus Driving/Newcastle Earthquake.

Please be advised that this chapter covers from late 1989 to end of 1999 and is a long chapter. There is good news, an adventurous time, and Tragedy too.

N.B. The Gurl who spread the nasty lies about me, resided in the Newcastle area, although he was not born at this time, but I regret helping out up there now.

I stayed at the Parcel Delivery company for a while until I saw an advertisement for Bus Drivers, I talked it over with my parents who both agreed that I should apply, which I did and was accepted. I was scared the first time I sat in the drivers’ seat, but once I started driving, knew I found my calling. I remained there for almost 18 months, working at 2 different depots.

Late 1989, an earthquake hit Newcastle, New South Wales, and I was asked if I could go and help with the clean-up, which I agreed too, and spent the rest of 1989 there, which meant that I was there for New Year’s Eve, but it was a very sombre occasion, especially amongst all the bus drivers. To say that I was deeply affected by this event, is an understatement, even today, I still have nightmares.

When I returned home and to work, I was a changed person because of what I saw, and felt weird for some reason, something I still can’t put my finger on.

I remained driving buses for the next few months, and to keep myself busy, would work as much as allowed to, until I finally got to breaking point one evening driving my own vehicle home. I started feeling very emotional and teary eyed, then pulled over and got out and burst into tears, which also caused me to start screaming. I scared some people walking past, who ran away.

Not long after, I heard sirens and saw a Police Car followed by an Ambulance coming in my direction, and they stopped near the people I scared.

I realised what I had done, and walked to them to apologise, but was stopped by a Police Officer, who demanded to know why I screamed. I then sat down and explained, to which she said, “I’m so sorry, that must have been awful.” I said, “Yes.” She waved for the Ambulance men to come over and check me over, which they did and even though I was not 100%, was advised to not drive.

The female Police Officer asked me if I had anyone who could come pick me up, I said, “Well, my parents, but it will take them over an hour to get her.” She said, “Well, if you give me your number, I will arrange for someone to call them to come pick you up, and we will stay here until they do, ok.”

I said, “Ok,” and gave her my number, N.B., This was before Mobile (Cell) phones, most people had landlines, and I still remember this number. The Police Officer waved her partner over and gave him the number then he went to radio it in.

The officer told me something personal which I ended up supporting her. Her partner returned several minutes later and said, “Your parents are on their way, would you like some food, Mark?” I said, “Yes, please” and reached for my wallet, but the male partner said, “It’s fine, what would you like?”

I asked, “Where are you going?” He told me, then I gave him a small order, so did his partner and he said, “Ok, I’ll be back shortly,” then he left. The Ambulance men also left but gave me a card just in case I felt sick again later.

The female Police Officer and I sat and chatted about the earthquake, and honestly, I felt better getting all that grief and distress off my chest, and she admitted the same thing to me too.

A short time later, mum and dad arrived and came over to see what was wrong. I explained about crying and scaring some people, which had mum distressed and hugged me tightly. Dad said, “Are you ready to head home?” I said, “Well no, this officer’s partner has gone to get some food for us, and I’m not going to leave her alone until he gets back.” Dad said, “Ok, I will drive your van home, your mum can drive you when you feel well enough to continue.” Mum and I said, “Ok.”

The partner arrived back a few minutes later with the food, and sorted out who ordered what, then we all ate. The male partner said, “Are you ok now?” I said, “Yes, thanks to this young lady, by the way this is my mother Mrs. Harrisons.” Mum said, “Please call me Doris.” The male partner said, “Ok, nice to meet you, so how has Mark been whilst I’ve been away?” His female partner said, “Ok, he seems to have calmed down a lot, his father came and got the van and is driving it back to their place.” The Police stayed and watched us leave, then as we left the park, their headlights came on and they disappeared out of sight. I guided mum home, as it was an area that she was unfamiliar with.

Mum and I talked all way the home, but I will not reveal what was said. Suffice to say that I made a decision that night. When we got home, I rang my depot to advise that I would not be in the next day, I explained why and for safety reasons, they agreed, but I was asked to go and see my GP to be fully checked, which I agreed to and said, “Goodbye.” I then went to bed, ensuring that all lights were off, and doors securely locked, as mum and dad had already gone to bed.

I slept very well, the best sleep in several months, and didn’t wake up until around lunchtime. I had my shower and a quick bite, before I caught the bus up to see my GP. I explained to him what happened, and he checked me over very thoroughly and gave me a clean bill of health, although I did see him concerned about something, but did not let on. He gave me a certificate for that day and the following day too.

I had the weekend off, so in effect had four days off, then upon my return on Monday, my manager wanted to see me. He was not happy about what I had done, despite me explaining that I didn’t mean it, because I was in uniform, it looked bad for them. He told me that for the next few weeks, I was not allowed to drive any buses on the road, and that I was ordered to see a counsellor several times per week, at my cost, which annoyed me, because I did them the favour of helping the clean-up, after the Newcastle earthquake.

I did as was ordered, but one afternoon, went to see my union about my rights, and was told that I was not responsible for what happened, and thankfully they advised that they will ensure I’m reimbursed, which I was very soon after.

I did not return to driving, instead decided to take some leave to sort myself out, during which time, my parents had decided to sell up the familia home and buy a business in the country, which seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I emphasize, WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO.

Both mum and I found one in the same town where her family was, and we would have been able to stay with her mum, but dad being the stubborn, selfish, control freak that he was, said, “No, we will buy this one.” I was not happy as it was located many kilometres from a major town, it wasn’t the place that I wanted to live, being 25 and still seeking someone.

I resigned once we decided, or should I say dad, on the business. We spent the next few weeks cleaning up the house and throwing out a lot of excess stuff.

I travelled to the shop around two weeks prior to the contracts being exchanged, so that I could learn the business, which I did. The day the contracts were exchanged, dad called us to let us know, and that him and mum would be staying overnight in a hotel, then arrive mid-morning the following day.

When we closed that night, the former owners decided to take off, leaving me alone, not only upstairs in the unit, but meaning that I had to open alone Saturday, which I was petrified about. Dad called around 7.30 pm and I informed him about what happened, he said, “Ok, don’t worry we will drive up now, see you in a few hours.”

I decided to have a good look around the shop and do an inventory too, so that way we knew exactly what we had on hand. Mum and dad finally arrived just after 11pm, and unloaded the car, then we securely closed the shop and went upstairs to sleep.

I woke up around 5.30am, and quietly had a quick shower, then dressed and went downstairs to prepare for opening, which I did around 7am. I was happy as it was very quiet in the street, so I could enjoy my first coffee, but finally around 7.30, I got my first car come in, who needed fuel, coffee, food etc. Their total was just over $87, which was a great start to the business.

Mum and dad finally came down around 8.30am, and I closed the shop to show them around, then they made a coffee each whilst I reopened. Dad saw the inventory that I had done the previous night, and he started looking at the dry goods on the shelves, just to make sure that everything was still in date. Most of it was, but dad got angry at the excessive cost being charged to our customers.

We suddenly got busy with people coming in wanting hot food, so I was elected the short order cook, and even though I got flustered at the beginning, got every order correct, and to my knowledge there were no complaints.

I didn’t mind it though, we were very busy at the beginning despite being abused for lowering our prices, which was strange. I met a girl who yes, could have married, but her family were, well let’s just say pushy and arrogant.

In June 1991, mum asked to go and see the Doctor. Monday’s were usually our banking and shopping day, so mum and dad went together, leaving me by myself, which meant no hot food, although I did have a regular that I cooked for him, but as I was busy, his food got burnt and subsequently he never placed an order from us again, despite me saying when the order was placed that I was alone and we had posted a notice on the front window the previous Friday. I asked him to allow me to cook a free replacement for him, but he declined.

N.B., Please do not abuse a Hospitality worker if they say they are alone, or unable to do something when YOU want it.

When mum and dad returned, mum went straight upstairs to our flat, which was unusual. When dad had unpacked everything, we decided to close the shop for a couple of hours. I went upstairs to find out from mum what was wrong? She said, “The Doctor is not sure yet, but he wants me to get some tests done, I know I have Cancer.”

I said, “No, please don’t think that way.” Mum said, “I am an ex-nurse and I know, it’s why I wanted to leave Sydney and why I wanted to buy that other shop.” I said, “Oh ok, so what are we going to do?” Mum said, “Well I need to go down to Sydney for some tests”. I asked, “When are you leaving?” She said, “In a couple of days, your dad is going to drive me down, so you will be in charge of the shop by yourself until we return.” I said, “Ok, but I am not going to be the one to tell everyone that all hot and cold food is off.” Mum asked, “Why?” I told her what happened, she said, “Ok, we will try and find someone to help out, but I doubt anyone will want to.” I said, “Well what about Maude, you know Tracey’s mum?” Mum said, “Yes great idea.” I said, “Ok, I will go and ask her now, I need to go and see Tracey anyway.”

N.B., I have not mentioned Tracey yet, the reason being was because things were not so great, she had accused me of cheating on her because one of her friends, who wanted me and was jealous, told her that I was secretly dating her, I was not, but Tracey believed her, which totally upset me. I have never told anyone the story about her and I especially after the way she treated me, suffice to say that it wasn’t the best relationship ever in my life, her and her family are a reason as too why I now have major trust issues, not just relationships, but also friendships.

I went downstairs and told dad where I was going and why, he said, “Ok, I suppose we won’t see you for the rest of the day.” I said, “You will, I plan to be back within 30 minutes, especially as the lunch rush will start and it will give me a great excuse to leave,” he said, “Ok.”

I walked over to where Tracey and her family lived, knocked on the door, of course Tracey opened it and said, “I don’t want to talk to you.” I said, “Same here, I came here to talk to your mum.” Tracey said, “Why?” I said, “None of your business, but can you ask her to come over to the shop later today please?” Tracey said, “No, I won’t.” I said, “Ok then, if you don’t, you are banned in the shop effective immediately, how does that sound?” She said, “I don’t care; besides you are a terrible cook and your prices are way too high.” I said, “Ok then, you are all now banned, I will find somebody else to help out,” then walked away.

When I got back to the shop, both mum and dad said, “How did it go?” I said, “It didn’t as Tracey answered and was a total bitch towards me, I have just banned her and her family from the shop.” Dad said, “And who gave you permission to do that?” I said, “No one, just me, she wouldn’t allow me to see her mum and she wasn’t interested in passing on a message, I warned her, then she told me that I was a bad cook and our prices were too high.”

Dad said, “Ok, I agree then,” of course, mum was concerned about who was going to help me out. I said, “It’s fine, what we will do is let everyone know that there will be no hot food, or cold, including coffees until you have returned but if I find someone to help me out, then re-start the food.” Mum and dad both agreed, then we all got ready for the lunch rush, mum came and helped me in the kitchen, which was nice.

The rush kept us all very busy, and our minds off what was going on. We had decided not to tell anybody why mum and dad were going back to Sydney, we decided to say that they were going down to see some friends who are not well. We decided that since the rush was over, to close early so we could talk, but did have a sign-up asking customers to knock on the door if they need something.

I made us all a coffee each, while mum made sandwiches, then we all went to the office to talk about what was going to happen.

N.B. Please be advised, that even over 30 years later, I am still emotional, and therefore will not mention what was said. I hope you all can understand. We had several Customers wanting to buy, I decided to serve them to allow mum and dad the chance to rest up, I knew that neither was happy, but we all hoped that the tests would show that whatever mum had was still in early stages.

We re-opened in time for the school rush, which as usual lasted around 20 minutes, most of the kids wanted junk food as per usual, something that I have noticed even today, has not changed. We remained open for the rest of the day until 7pm as usual. The only weird thing that happened was the local Police Officer came by to ask, “Why have you banned Tracey and her family?” I told him, he said, “Ok fair enough, you are within your rights to do that, if she apologized, would you lift the ban?” I said, “No, especially as she is believing other people about me, and as far as our relationship, we are over”. He said, “Ok, well that is nothing to do with me.”

I said, “Why did they get you involved?” He said, “Well, she has alleged that you got angry with her and were abusive towards her.” I said, “What me, as much as I want to hurt her, the best way is what I did as it means that they all have to waddle further for their food.”

N.B. When I say waddle, I mean it, Tracey and her mum were both ok in their weight, but her sister and father were almost obese, and they would come in every day to order at least 3 hamburgers each, along with a very large serve of hot chips, and various other fried foods. Granted I love my junk food, but I was nowhere near as bad as these 2.

I told the Policeman, “In my opinion, banning them from the shop is the best way, hopefully they will lose weight or start to eat healthier.” He said, “You are kidding, they will just get Tracey to walk up to the other shop for them.” I said, “Yes, true.”

Once we had closed, we all did our regular chores, I cooked our evening meal, whilst dad re-stocked the fridges and dry food, and mum counted the days’ takings, followed by recording the amount in our ledger. N.B., We did not have a second ledger to write lower amounts in order to pay less tax, as we believed in paying our fair share of Taxation. Even today, I enjoy paying taxation and GST.

When we were, all finished and ready, we went upstairs to finally relax ourselves. We all ate our meal whilst watching television, then I took the plates and cutlery downstairs to wash them up, and the rest of the day’s dishes and utensils. When I was finished, I went back upstairs to relax a bit longer before going to bed. Mum and dad always went to bed by 10pm, with me not long after.

The next day we all kept ourselves busy, me in the shop serving, cooking food, or pumping fuel, while both mum and dad took turns going upstairs to pack, the mood with us was very sombre but we were still nice to our customers and delivery drivers.

One of our really good customers came in to order some food, which I cooked, and when I went to hand it to her, she asked, “Is your mum was ok?” I said, “Yes, why do you ask?” She said, “Well I know that I have not known any of you long, but I think your mum has put on some weight around the stomach.” I said, “Oh I hadn’t noticed.” N.B. Being a male, I had a little bit, but just thought it was from not much exercise, that observation was from my time as a female. I told her exactly that, she said, “No” and saw mum in the office then went over to talk to her, they both got on well as she was a retired nurse.

I continued serving other customers but was keeping my eye on the office. When we got quiet, mum said, “Can you come to the office, please?” I did, mum said, “Would you be interested in having this lady, Vera, help me out while her and dad were away?” I said, “Yes, that would be great.” Mum said, “What time should she start tomorrow?”

I said, well it’s up to Vera, but I would say 6am as I open up.” Vera said, “Ok that’s fine with me, but I will need to go home around 7.30 to wake the grandkids up for school.” I said, “That’s fine,” then she left.

Mum said, “I’m tired, can you handle down here for a while?” I said, “Yes, if it gets busy, I’ll bash on the ceiling for dad,” she said, “Ok” and went upstairs. I went into the kitchen to make yet another coffee and came back outside to enjoy some fresh air. I loved the late afternoon as it has such gorgeous sunsets, and some of the most amazing smells, some good, some well not so good.

The time came to close for the night, which I did, although mum and dad did come back downstairs again to assist, we did our normal chores, then went upstairs. We all had an early night as dad wanted to leave early the next morning.

The alarm went off at 4.30am, I got up and got dressed, then grabbed last nights’ dishes and went downstairs to cook breakfast, while mum and dad finished packing the car, then dad drove it around to the front to fuel it up.

When breakfast was ready, we all went and ate in the office, then I took the dishes to the kitchen. Just after 5.30am they were ready to leave, I kissed and hugged mum and said, “Good luck,” dad as usual just shook my hand, I really wanted to give him a hug, but he wouldn’t allow it, in minutes they were on their way.

I went inside to organise the float, and placed the dairy products away, did the dishes and made another coffee, then just on 6am opened, of course Vera was just walking across the forecourt.

We both said, “Good morning” and walked inside, I said, “Do you know your way around the non-public areas of the shop?” She said, “No.” I said, “Ok, here is the kitchen, you can have anything you like from it, would you like a coffee?”

She said, “Yes, please,” then allowed her to make one, just as our first customer for the day was coming inside. I attended to him; it was easy as he always bought the same items.

Vera came out with the coffee and I showed her the office, but under instructions from mum and dad, was unable to open the safe in her presence, I had hidden the key as well. We sat and chatted for a while, of course, we both fought over customers but decided to take it in turns, unless it was fuel or food related, then I would attend to it.

The day went very fast, with many deliveries and sales, which I was happy about, the only negative was when Tracey tried to come in, I saw her and said, “Get out and stay out, you come here again, I will call the Police, that goes for your family as well, have you got it?” Tracey said, “Yes.” I said, “Good now get out and stay out.” N.B. Those who know me, know that tone I use, well I have toned it down a lot since this occurrence.

The day ended and I asked Vera to fill the fridges please, which she did, I had to explain the FIFO method, I knew this method long before I did a Safe Food Handling Course, to me it’s only common sense.

Once she had finished that, I allowed her to leave for the day, including taking some food home with her. I locked up and finished counting the takings, then just as I was about to go and cook my meal, the phone rang, as soon as I picked up the receiver, I heard the STD pips, and knew it was either mum or dad. I was right, it was dad to let me that they arrived safely, despite getting a flat tyre on their way down, but all in all it was a good trip, he asked, “How did the day go?” I told him, including about Tracey, he said, “Hope you are ok though.” I said, “Yes, it felt really good to kick her out.”

I asked, “How is mum feeling?” He said, “Hang on I’ll put her on,” as she was coming on, she asked dad to grab some food please, I knew it was so her and I could chat quietly.

She said, “Hello,” I said, “Hello and asked her how she was feeling?” She said, “I’m fine, nervous about tomorrow.” I said, “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine,” she said, “Let’s hope so, but between you and I, I don’t think it will be good news.” I said, “Yes, same here, but let’s be positive,” she said, “Thanks son.” N.B. Mum had a nickname for me, but I will never reveal to anybody, she didn’t say son, to be honest.

She said, “How was your first day with Vera?” I told her, including about Tracey, but she could tell in my voice that I was not happy, she said, “So.” I said, “Yes, honestly mum, I am still in love with her and right now I wish she was here,” mum said, “Well go over and tell her.”

I said, “I can’t after what I did today,” she said, “Ok, tonight just relax, but when you see her next go and give her a big hug and kiss.” I said, “Well I want to, but I doubt she will be very welcoming,” mum said, “If you try and she refuses, it’s not your fault.” I said, “Yes, true, ok I will try it.”

We chatted a bit more until dad got back, we said our goodbyes and hung up. I went to the kitchen to cook my meal, of course, I couldn’t stop thinking about Tracey, but knew that I couldn’t do anything about it.

When my food had cooked, I plated it up and soaked the dishes/utensils, then turned out all the lights and locked up, then went upstairs to eat and watch television. I watched a video as well, decided on a comedy, but even that didn’t cheer me up. I decided to have an early night.

The next day was the same as all the others, except that around lunch time, the phone rang and it was dad almost in tears, he said, “Are you sitting down?” I said, “Yes,” He said, “Ok, your mum has cancer, Bowel Cancer to be exact, and she has been admitted to hospital to be operated on.” I immediately burst into tears and dropped the receiver which alerted everybody else in the shop.

I had dropped to my knees and was just crying uncontrollably, Vera came over to hug me tightly, which did work a bit, but strangely enough Tracey walked in and saw me on the floor and ran over to me to hug me tightly as well, she said, “Come on it’s not that bad.” I heard dad’s voice and said, “Oh no I forgot about dad,” then grabbed the receiver and spoke to him again, all he could do was abuse me for crying.

I said, “Dad it was not voluntary,” he said, “It is, you just wanted the attention there.” I said, “No I didn’t dad, it was just a shock about mum that’s all.” We argued a bit longer, until I said, “Excuse me dad but I think right now mum needs us both to be strong, I will do my best until you both get back.” He said, “Yes, that’s true, ok I will call you back tomorrow night with an update,” then without allowing me the chance to say anything, hung up on me, I hung up our receiver and then Tracey came in to the office to hug me really tightly, she said, “What’s wrong?”

I said, “I want to tell you, but for now can’t,” she said, “It’s your mother, isn’t it?” I said, “What makes you say that.” She said, “Well she went with your father a few days ago, now they have gone away without telling anybody, she is really sick.”

 I said, “Look I will tell you, but not yet, could you pack some stuff and come stay upstairs with me tonight please?” She said, “Yes, of course, it’s the least I can do especially after the way I have treated you lately.”

I said, “Ok thanks, so does that mean that we have made up then?” She said, “Let’s take it one day at a time for now, ok.” I said, “Ok,” then we both kissed, and she left, whilst I went to start cooking the food orders.

The rest of the day was very busy, which suited me, around 6.45 Tracey arrived back with her bag, and offered to cook our meal for us, which I was grateful for. Vera offered to re-stock the fridges again, whilst I counted the days’ takings. When Vera was finished, she grabbed her bag and said, “Good night,” then I let her out. I finished the count and placed it in the safe and hid the key, then went to help Tracey with the food.

I took her bag upstairs and cleaned up the table so we both could sit down to eat, then went downstairs to turn everything out and lock up. We both walked upstairs and ate our food, after wards she said, “Ok what’s going on with your mum?” I didn’t go into full details, mainly because I didn’t know them, but also because in all honesty I didn’t want her knowing our private business.

When I finished, she came around and comforted me, saying “It will be fine, and I’ll be there for you.” I felt so comfortable that I started crying again, with her being the loving, supportive, caring girl that she is, allowed me to let my emotions out. Once I had recovered, we decided to head to bed, funny though, she wanted to finally have sex, but I was not interested, we both laughed, but she understood why. I said, “We will soon.”

I just didn’t have the feelings for Tracey that I have for Claire Baire, she was never far from my mind, and no one would ever come even 20% close to how I feel about Claire Baire, well I didn’t think that would happen, but more on that shortly.

Tracey and I snuggled up together and fell asleep very quickly, neither of us knew a thing until the alarm went off the following morning at 4.30am, I had forgotten to change it, but neither of us had had a shower the night beforehand and decided to have one before we went downstairs to prepare to open.

Once we had both finished getting dressed, we went downstairs to get ready. Tracey went to cook our breakfast, while I organized the float and checked the shop to make sure everything was fine. Once Tracey had cooked the food, she brought it over to the office, I had made the coffees and brought those over, we both ate in silence, but I could tell she was upset with me about last night.

I decided not to say anything yet, but when she asked, “Are you ok?” I lied and said, “I’m thinking about mum,” she said, “Oh ok, she will be fine, look I will stay with every night until they get back if you want, but on one condition.” I said, “And do I have to guess what that is?” She said, “Well, no not really.” I said, “Honestly, I do want to but right now, I doubt I would enjoy it.”  She said, “Wow are you sure you are a man, cause you act more like a girl?”

I said, “Well last I checked I have a penis,” she said, “I bet it’s more like a big clit than a penis.” I said, “Excuse me,” then she came over and unzipped my trousers and fished around for my penis, then pulled it out, she said, “No, that is nice.” I said, “Listen here, this is not the place for this, ok if you behave today and are nice to everyone, then tonight we will make love.” She said, “See you even sound like a girl, it’s called sex, and I will make sure that you will never want anybody else, ever again.” I said, “Ok,” and put my penis away, then zipped my pants.

I looked at the time and noticed that it was 5.50am and needed to make sure everything was fully ready to open, while Tracey went to wash last nights and this morning’s dishes. I opened the doors at 6am again to Vera walking across the forecourt. I asked Tracey to put the kettle on, which she did.

When Vera got to the door, I said, “Good morning, the kettle’s on and Tracey is in the kitchen,” she said, “Oh ok, so she stayed last night.” I said, “Yes, but nothing happened,” she said, “Ok.” Our first customer arrived, I attended to him while Vera went to make her coffee and chat with Tracey.

The day went very well, and surprisingly without any hiccups, although I did notice Vera looking at me strangely several times. When it came time to close-up, I asked Vera if she wanted to stay for tea?

She said, “Yes, please may I cook for the three of us?” I said, “Yes, that’s fine.” I counted the takings and Tracey re stocked the fridge, I had to instruct her in making sure the old stock was brought to the front.

Once we had all finished our work, Tracey and Vera brought the food in to the office then we all sat to eat. Then the questions came out, and the first one was why I didn’t want to sleep with Tracey last night. I then repeated what I told Tracey, to which Vera said. “Ok, understood, but I have never heard of a man turning down the chance to make love, especially to his girlfriend.” Tracey said, “Yes, same here.”

I said, “Yes, I know it’s unusual, but I just didn’t feel that it would have been appropriate to last night, but I am very upset with Tracey for blabbing, and I don’t know if I want to tonight either.” Tracey said, “I’m sorry, but I was just so upset when you refused last night and when Vera asked me how I was this morning, I blurted it out.” I said, “Ok, but that was between us and honestly, I am not sure if I want to tonight, especially that Vera now knows what we could be up to.” Vera said, “I don’t care, as long as you both have fun, but play safe.” I said, “There is no issue there” which had Tracey looking at me very weird, like you have condoms already.

I never said a word, just asked if they were both finished? They said, “Yes,” and I removed the dishes to go and wash them. Vera came to let me know she is going home and that since Tracey is here, she will be in around 9am after she has dropped the grandchildren at school, I said, “That’s fine, and thanks for today and tonight’s meal,” then let her out. I did watch her until she got to her front gate, then I closed and locked the door and finished the dishes. Once that was done, Tracey and I turned the lights off, locked up and went upstairs, holding each other’s hands.

When we got up there, we closed the door, and locked it then decided to take a shower together, which was nice, but for some reason I was unable to get aroused, unless Tracey was, well let’s just say, massaging me. Once we finished, we dried each other and went to the bed and made love. I don’t know why, but it didn’t feel right, but I did suspect that it was because I was still very much in love with Claire Baire. I didn’t tell Tracey as it would have hurt her feelings.

We snuggled up after and chatted until we both fell asleep, again the alarm sounded at 4.30am, but I told her to sleep a bit more, and went to have my shower, then went downstairs to prepare the shop, of course, the first stop was the kitchen for a coffee. When I had everything either ready or slowly heating, I went upstairs to wake Tracey, but she was already in the shower. I said, “Ok great, I will see you downstairs, gorgeous.”

I went down to open and let the day begin, our regular customer did not come in this day, something I was confused about, especially as we opened that early as he had a long drive to his job. Tracey came down a short time later and went straight to the kitchen to make her coffee. The day went along fine, too fine I thought, like customers who paid their accounts, and a lot of big orders for food and vehicles being fully fuelled, I thought that something bad was going to happen. I was unaware of just how true that was going to be.

We had just closed and were doing the normal closing duties when the phone rang. I answered it and it was dad, he told me that mum had been operated on earlier that day and was now in a coma. I immediately thought the worst and dad confirmed it, he told me that it doesn’t look good, but the Doctors put her in the coma to allow her body to repair itself, they will slowly bring her out of it in a few days, dad was advised that there was nothing he could do and it was suggested that he come back to the shop for a couple of days, he said, “I’m leaving early tomorrow morning and should be home by mid-afternoon.” I told him to take it easy, he said, “Yes, I will,” then we hung up.

I sat down and just let my emotions really flow, of course, both Tracey and Vera and came in to find out what was wrong? I told them. Vera said, “It’s ok, if they have advised your father to go home, means that your mother just needs her rest, and all he needs to do is come home to recharge his batteries.”

I said, “Ok, but I will still need you both to help out, I don’t want him doing much, unless he wants to.”

Vera and Tracey said, “Yes, of course,” then we all finished what we were doing, Vera went home when she had finished re-stocking the fridge.

Tracey finished cooking our meal and brought it in to the office just as I was closing the safe, I still didn’t trust her enough to show her where I hid the key. But put it in my pocket whilst we both ate. We both ate in silence, which was unusual, but it was nice though. When we had finished, Tracey took the dishes to the kitchen to wash them up, I said, “I’ll be back in a few minutes,” once she had gone, I hid the key, then went to the kitchen to help her out. Once that was done, we turned off all the lights, ensuring that all doors and windows were locked and the fans were off, then went upstairs to relax. We did watch television for a while, of course, it was mainly about the first Gulf War, for those of you who were alive then, it was a terrifying time.

N.B. The cost of fuel was very high, but our pumps only showed 99.9 Cpl, yet we were paying well above that, so were unable to make any money, but our fuel supplier did give us a discount as they were unable to replace the pumps with newer ones, yet.

Tracey and I were both so tired that we fell asleep on the lounge. We both woke up before the alarm went off and had our shower together to save both water and time. I asked her if she could clean upstairs please, including changing the bed linen? She said, “Yes, of course.” I said, “Thanks, and I will come up once I have organized the shop so we can lift the mattresses up for them to air for the day.” I went downstairs to do all the usual things and made our coffees, then went upstairs for us to air the mattresses.

The day went along very well, dad arrived back just after 2pm, and as usual he said, “I will be back later,” we knew where he was heading, I immediately called the hotel to let them know and asked if they could keep an eye on him, and if he seemed like he couldn’t drive back to call me and I will come drive him home. They said, “Yes, that’s fine.”

I got a call around an hour later from them, saying he was a little upset and drinking way too much, I said, “Ok, I’ll walk up and be there in about 10-15 minutes,” it wasn’t the best time to leave the shop as the school children were about to start their afternoon rush, but Vera and Tracey said, “We will handle it,” so I left and basically ran to the hotel. I walked inside and was shown to dad, he looked very bad, I grabbed him and said, “Come on, I am taking you home to rest up, I bet you have not had any food all day,” he said, “Yes, I grabbed some breakfast at a well-known fast food establishment.”

I said, “That is not healthy” but fished into his pockets for the car keys and with assistance got him to the car and we drove back.

I got him back and upstairs and on to the lounge to sleep, and went back downstairs to assist in the shop, thankfully by then, the school children rush had finished. Vera asked. “How your father?” I said, “I don’t think he is handling things too well, the problem is he is a typical male and holds his feelings in, until he drinks too much, I just wish he would confide in me how he is feeling.” Vera said, “Yes, it is typical of males of his generation, I have noticed that my husband is the same way.”

 Tracey said, “Mark, if you ever get that way, please don’t shut me out, it is good to talk about your feelings and cry as well.” I said, “That is totally against what dad has been telling me all my life.” Tracey said, “Well he needs to be brought out of the dark, you can’t keep your emotions and feelings bottled up, doing that only causes you to feel worse, and sorry to say, but when you release them, it may not be a pleasant experience for anyone.” I said, “Yes, that’s true.”

The shop got very quiet and we decided to close early, which suited us all, we all did our regular jobs. When we were finished, I let Vera out, then Tracey and I went upstairs with the food. Dad was fast asleep on the lounge, I woke him up to let him know that his meal was ready, of course, he said, “I’m not hungry.” I said, “Come on, you need to eat something, it is only a light salad,” he said, “No.” Tracey said, “I have prepared this for you, the least you can do is eat it, please? “

Dad said, “Ok, I will try.” I said, “If you don’t finish it, I will wrap it and put it in the fridge for you to eat later, ok.” He said, “Ok,” then we all moved to the table to eat.

Dad took his time eating, but did get some food inside him, of course, both Tracey and I downed our food in minutes, neither of us had eaten much all day. Once we had finished, I asked Tracey to help me make the beds, and told dad to take a shower, which he begrudgingly did, once he came out, he decided to go to bed, I said, “Ok great idea, we are going downstairs to give you some quiet, but we will be back up shortly.”

He said, “Thanks” and we went downstairs. The television was down there, so we watched quietly, whilst we both cuddled up together, I started to wonder what it would be like being Married to Tracey, yes for those of you who know me, this was only the second time in my life that I considered the M word.

After a while, we both decided to go upstairs and to my bed, resulting in both of us falling asleep very fast. Dad woke up overnight screaming, but we both calmed him down and we all went back to sleep, none of us knew a thing until the alarm woke us up. Dad said, “Stay in bed a bit longer, I can handle downstairs.” We said, “Ok, but if you need help, just bang on the ceiling,” he said, “I will.”

Tracey and I couldn’t sleep, but we chatted, she could tell that something was up with me, I admitted to her about my feelings last night, she said, “Wow, I didn’t think we would be at that stage for a while yet.”

I said, “Yes, same here, but after recent events, I feel that I don’t want to wait, but I need to tell you something first, and what I am about to tell you will always remain secret between us, no one is ever to know, ok.” She said, “Yes, wow sounds juicy.” I said, “Well not really, it’s just if we are talking Marriage, you need to know that I may be infertile, which is a reason why I was hesitant to make love the other night.” Tracey said, “What, how?”

I then told her a little about the assault, not all the details though, but she said, “It’s ok, if I get pregnant, I do, if I don’t that’s fine, as long as I have you, that’s all I want.” I said, “Thanks, you are so special, I Love You, listen, mum and dad don’t know, so please keep that to yourself about me possibly being infertile.” I got down on my knee and proposed to her.” Tracey said, “Yes,” but we decided to keep it quiet for a while, until mum came home anyway. We both decided to get dressed and go downstairs.

Dad was in the office watching the early morning news when we came in, he of course said, “You could have stayed upstairs.” I said, “Yes, but you know what I’m like, once I’m awake, I stay up.” He said, “Yes, just like your mother.”

I said, “Yes, that’s true, do you both want a coffee?” I knew it was a silly question, and just grabbed dad’s cup and walked to the kitchen to make them and check on how the pastries were heating up. I made the coffees and took them to the office, then went to open for the day.

The day was again busy, which allowed us all to keep our minds off mum. Dad decided to call the hospital late in the afternoon to see how mum was, they said, “No change, but we will slowly start to bring her out of the coma in a couple of days, and if all is as expected, she will be allowed to travel home early next week, we insist on her travelling by train as it will be smoother.”

Dad said, “Ok, I will come down by train in a couple of days’ time and stay until she is ok come home.” They asked if he could let them know what day and approximate time he will be arriving, dad said, “Will do” and hung up.

Dad said, “Ok I’m taking us to the hotel for tea tonight,” we said, “Ok, thanks.” We did our usual jobs and then Vera left to go home. Tracey, Dad and I then turned everything off and locked up then got in the car, I drove as I had hardly driven MY car in almost a week. When we got to the hotel, I went to speak to the licensee and let him know that dad has a restriction of 2 beers maximum, that is in place as of now, please? He said, “Yes, agreed.” N.B. This was long before the RSA had come into operation, RSA stands for Responsible Service of Alcohol.

I went over to the table with our drinks and perused the menu then placed my order, yes it was steak with chips and salad, I was a very big meat eater in those days. Tracey ordered a chicken salad, while dad ordered the steak with chips only, I said, “Salad too.” He said, “No.” I said, “You will, and you will eat everything on your plate,” he begrudgingly said, “I will try.”

He finished his first beer long before Tracey and I had even drunk half our soft drinks (Sodas), he went and got another beer, when he got back I said, “That is your last one for tonight, I have limited you to 2 beers each time you come in here.” He said, “Why is that?”

 I said, “Because alcohol is a depressant and it will only make you feel worse.” He said, “I am your father and I will tell you how many I am going to have.” I said, “Ok for tonight only, if you eat everything on your plate, then I will allow you to have 2 more, ok.” He said, “That is a big ask.” I said, “Yes, but you can’t get your own way, without me getting something as well.”

Tracey said, “I totally agree with Mark,” he said, “Wow, I am now being ganged upon.” We said, “We are only doing this for your health and safety, besides mum will need us both when she gets home, so we need to be fit and healthy for her, ok?” Dad said, “Ok, agreed.”

Our food came out and we all ate, funny dad ate everything on his plate, so I told the Licensee that he can have 2 more beers, but tonight only, he asked, “Why?” I said, “Well he agreed that if he ate everything on his plate, then I would allow him 2 more beers,” he said, “Ok, great.” I waited for him to pour the drinks, then I took them over to the table.

We drank them and dad asked me, “How is it with you both being together again?” I said, “No, we are not back together, we are just testing things out.” He said, “Ok, well I hope it all works out then.”

We finished our drinks, and strangely enough, dad didn’t want his 4th beer, instead he wanted to go home, which we said, “Yes, of course” and we said, “Good night” to everyone, then went to the car and drove back.

The next few days were good, I decided to close the shop at midday the day dad was catching the train to Sydney, as Tracey wanted to come with us both, I was driving him to where the train started from mid-afternoon. The drive down was very uneventful, but sombre.

Once we arrived, we waited until dad could board, then once the train had departed, I spoke with the Station Master and told him about mum coming back in a few days and asked if I could park as close to the platform as possible that day. He said, “Yes, of course” and wrote down his name and number and asked me, “To call the day before hand so I can organise a parking spot for you.” I said, “Ok thanks,” then we drove back to the shop.

I decided to re-open for a couple of hours, those who did come in asked, “Why we did you early today?” I explained about mum being in Sydney and dad is on his way down there now of course, the question was, how? They all knew that he always drove everywhere, but I said, “We dropped him at the train station earlier.” They said, “Ok.” I said, “For now, we will be back to our normal hours of 6am-7pm 7 days per week, but if we are going to close early, I will put a sign on the door beforehand,” which pleased everybody.

We closed as per normal, Tracey and I went upstairs to relax, and I wanted to make love to her, especially as then, she was going to be the last person to make love with. Tracey was so eager that she was undressed and naked in seconds then helped me undress and led me to the shower. I enjoyed making love with her, maybe it was because we had become committed, but it felt better, and wow was it great, but yes, I was a male, and all males say that.

I cared about Tracey though and did eat her out before I went inside her, whether her orgasms were real or fake, I still don’t know, but she didn’t go to the lavatory after wards, something I have heard a lot of females do to bring themselves to an orgasm.

We both fell asleep quickly and didn’t stir until the alarm went off, we both did the usual. Dad rang me around 9am and said, “I arrived safely, and mum is being slowly brought out of her coma.” I said, “Ok great, can you please pass on my love and can you let her know that when you both get home, I have some very happy news.” Of course, his first reaction was “Tracey is pregnant.” I said, “I will not be telling you anything until you both get back.” He said, “Ok, I will ring you later today if there is any news, apart from that enjoy your day.” I said, “Yes, same here, Vera and Tracey say hello,” then we hung up the phone. I went out to continue serving and cooking.

The day went great, and dad called back around 7pm, knowing that we would be closed, I spoke to him for a few minutes, he said, “Your mum has come around and apart from a bit of pain in her stomach, is fine, looks like we will be coming home in a couple of days.” I said, “That’s great, can you let me know when, so I can put a sign up, Tracey and I will drive down to pick you both up.” He said, “Yes, of course,” then we hung up the phone, and once again I burst in to tears, bringing both Vera and Tracey in to the office to comfort me, I told them what dad said, they were both overjoyed at the news, then we finished our jobs. Vera then left and I assisted Tracey with cooking our meal, then we went upstairs to eat and relax.

The next couple of days went along swimmingly, I was felt like I had won the lottery 100 times over as I felt so happy, I was engaged to a great girl and mum was going to be fine, little did I know what lay ahead.

Dad rang me and said, “We are travelling back tomorrow, can you pick us up at the station, please?” I said, “Yes, of course,” then we hung up the phone. I went and wrote a sign explaining about the early closure, but only for around 4 hours, I put the sign up and continued the count.

I called the Station Master to let him know that mum and dad would be arriving on tomorrow’s train. He said, Ok, I will make sure there is spot for you, what time do you plan to arrive?” I said, “Hopefully around 1.30-2pm, depending on how the drive is.” He said, “Ok, no worries, see you tomorrow.”

Vera asked me if I still needed her assistance. I said, “Yes, I think so, as I don’t think mum will be able to do much for a while.” She said, “Ok,” then she left to go home. I closed then went to help Tracey and we went upstairs as per usual.

The next day, the morning went well, Vera asked, “Do you want to stay in the shop?” I asked, “Why?” She said, “Well I can do some cleaning just to help out, don’t worry I won’t let anybody in.” I said, “Ok great, thanks Much Appreciated.” I checked the oil, water and cleaned the windscreen (Windshield), then fuelled the car up ready for us to leave.

At 12 midday, we closed and then Tracey and I left, the drive down was great, we both laughed and giggled all the way down, I told her that I told dad I have some happy news, of course, she asked, “Why did you tell him?” I said, “Well this way mum will be happy when she hears and it will lift her spirits,” she said, “Ok.” I said, “But I am not going to tell them in the car, I will wait until we get back home.” She said, “Ok, have you asked my dad for my hand in Marriage yet?” I said, “You know I totally forgot, but do I have to?” She said, “Well, yes as its traditional.” I said, “Ok, I will go over and ask tomorrow, the rest of today is dedicated to mum and dad.” She said, “Yes, of course, agreed.”

We arrived at the station around 15 minutes before the train did, it was late as per usual, I never knew this train to ever arrive on time. I saw that there was a vacant spot for us, and asked Tracey to go and see the SM, which she did, and they came back out a few seconds later. I parked the car, and then went to get a coffee.

When the train arrived, they had a wheelchair for mum to help her off, dad allowed everybody else off first before he went to grab their bags, while I helped the Station Master with mum, she gave me a quick hug, but I was more concerned about getting her in the car and back home, which we did in around 10 minutes, she sat in the front passengers’ seat with the seat back and down, I drove, dad sat behind me, while Tracey sat behind mum.

The drive back was slow as I didn’t want to upset mum, of course both her and dad wanted to know the news, the first thing mum did was look at Tracey was her left hand, she didn’t see a ring and assumed that Tracey was pregnant. I said, “We would rather wait until we get home, but, babe, what do you think we should do?” She said, “Well honestly, we all should wait until we get back, sorry Mr. and Mrs. Harrisons, but Mark and I agreed to wait to tell you both.”

 Mum said, “Ok, but can you give us a clue, please?” I said, “Well all we can say is you both will like it.” Mum said, “Ok, looks like you two are not going to spill.” I said, “Nope.”

The drive home took almost two hours, and when we arrived at the shop, we couldn’t believe our eyes, Vera had organized for almost the entire town to welcome mum home, which had mum crying. I stopped the car at the front of the shop and Vera opened mum’s door, then welcomed her home, of course, no one was told the real reason she had been away, but all everyone cared about was that mum was back now.

I helped mum inside and in to the office, of course the questions started, but I said, “I am sorry but we are not willing to reveal yet what is going on, it is personal between mum, dad and I, but when mum is ready to tell everyone, she will.” There were several negative comments, but mostly positives, then they all dispersed to allow us to relax for a little while, Vera asked, “Do you want to re-open today?” I said, “Well it is getting close to the evening meal rush, but it’s up to mum though, if she can handle people coming in to talk.” Mum said, “Well, I think the best thing for now is for me to go upstairs.” We said, “Ok great idea.”

I suggested that mum and dad both relax up there, and we will bring their evening meal up when we come up. Mum asked, “Who is the second person?” I said, “Tracey, of course.”

She said, “Ok, but when you bring the food up, you have to tell us what the news is.” I said, “Deal.” Tracey helped mum upstairs, whilst dad carried their bags. Tracey came back down a short time later. The evening rush had started, but thankfully Vera and I had it in hand, Tracey came to help me in the kitchen, of course, we both wanted to steal a peck every so often, but we didn’t want any rumours to start, as there way too many already.

Once the rush was over, Tracey started cooking the meals, while Vera re-stocked the fridges and I counted the takings, then Vera left and Tracey took mum and dad’s meals upstairs, while I finished up downstairs, when I was finished, I grabbed ours and went up. When I got there, mum virtually grabbed me as soon as I walked in the door and said, “Ok, now come on please tell us.”

I looked at Tracey and she smiled, which I knew meant, yes, go ahead. I said, “Ok, well Tracey has been a great support to me the last week or so and I finally just realised how much I love her, and proposed to Tracey,” then I nudged her, Tracey continued, “And my answer was a resounding YES.”

Mum said, “Wow, Congratulations you two, so have you set a date yet?” I said, “No, the problem is that I haven’t asked Tracey’s father for her hand in marriage.” Dad said, “Well I think you should and tomorrow.” I said, “Yes, I plan to, we wanted to settle you both in first,” my parents said, “Ok great.”

Mum then asked me where Tracey had been sleeping? I said, “My bed with me, although a couple of nights ago, we were both so tired, we fell asleep on the lounge, but snuggled up together.” She said, “Aww that’s so sweet and romantic, I remember those days with your father.” Of course, dad being dad, couldn’t remember.

We all finished our food and I took the dishes downstairs to soak overnight, then made sure the shop was safely secured, including all lights turned off. I went upstairs to relax and watch television with mum, dad and Tracey, although both my parents felt so tired, they decided to have an early night. Tracey and I stayed up a little while longer, but we both got tired as well.

The following morning, the alarm went off and I had my shower, dad woke up early as well, and said, “I’ll be down shortly.” I said, “Ok,” finished getting ready, kissed Tracey and went downstairs, of course the milk and bread had been delivered, so they were put away, then I turned the pie warmer on, and washed last nights’ dishes, yes, I made a coffee for both me and dad, as I knew he would be down soon.

Tracey decided to surprise me, but as usual went straight to the kitchen to make hers. We all sat in the office chatting about our engagement, especially as I needed to get Tracey’s father’s blessing, something I hadn’t admitted to, but I was totally scared of his reaction, especially after I had banned them all from the shop.

The time came to open, just as Vera approached the door. We said, “Good morning” and she went to the office to put her bag down and saw dad, she asked, “How’s Doris?” He said, “She is fine, I decided to leave her to sleep.” Vera said, “Ok, but why aren’t you up there with her?” Dad said, “I felt like being down here to help out for a while, but I will go back up after the school rush.” I told him to stay in the office, unless we get super busy, he said, “Yes, boss.” I said, “And don’t you ever forget that.” I was joking, sort of, of course.

Once the morning rush was over, I said, “Tracey do you want to come over to your place with me?” She said, “Are you kidding me? They are nowhere near awake yet.” I said, “Oh, ok, we will go over later then.” We both went into the kitchen to prepare all the food for the day, of course, neither of us could resist sneaking some passion in when we could.

Around 10am we saw her family walking down the road, Tracey said, “There you should go and talk to dad now.” I said, “What while he is walking down the road?” She said, “Yes.” I said, “Ok” and went out to talk to him, of course, he abused me at first, but I said, “All I want to do is ask you a question?” He said, “Ok, and what is that?” I said, “Well the last few days with Tracey being so supportive and loving, I have realised just how much I love her, and I am asking for your permission for her hand in Marriage?” He said, “I should say no, especially after the way you treated us all, but I need to talk with Tracey first and I will give you my answer soon.”

I said, “Ok, but the reason why I banned you all was because she believed a rumour about me, then wouldn’t listen to me and when I came over to talk to your wife, she refused to pass on a message, but it is up to you, though.”

I walked away back to the shop, Tracey could tell that it didn’t go well and stormed off to have it out with her father. I was terrified as the look in her face told me that she may do something she will later regret, I just stood and watched her storm off with her arms swinging and I thought wow he better watch out. When she got to him, she was pointing her finger at him and going a million miles at him. I noticed him then turn towards me and nod, Tracey hugged him and waved me over, I ran towards them, almost got hit by a Double-B Livestock truck, thankfully the driver saw me and sounded his air horn, which, yes, it scared me. I finally arrived to where Tracey and her family were, she said, “Babe are you alright?” I said, “Yes, I have so much to live for right now,” she said, “Me too.”

Tracey then told her family that we were already engaged, which enraged her father, but of course, I chipped in and said, “I hadn’t intended on proposing, it just felt right and honestly, I expected Tracey to say no.” Her father said, “Well I am still not happy, but ok, as long as you treat my little girl right, because if you don’t, then you better split, like a banana.”

I said, “You can be assured that I will never hurt Tracey, well not intentionally, and even accidentally, I will hurt myself first.” He said, “Ok, good, now come here and give us all a hug and welcome to the family, son.”

Tracey then shocked everybody and grabbed me to give me a long and very public passionate kiss, which was totally, well, wow. I looked around and saw a few of the towns folk standing watching us, some with their mouths open in stunned silence, others had very wide smiles on their faces. When Tracey and I broke apart, we said, “Goodbye” to her family and skipped hand in hand back to the shop.

Please be advised that this next section is very hard for me, even so many years later, I still get very emotional. I have not included the full story, because either it still hurts too much, or it’s too personal for me to reveal, yet.

The next few weeks went by uneventful, mum went back to hospital a couple of times, until the time when she was so bad, that she was transferred to a bigger hospital in the nearby town, where we did our banking and shopping for dry goods. She was in there for almost a week, I called my grandmother to let her know, she called me back later that day to let me know mum’s older sister and her son are going to come over tomorrow, but not to tell mum, I decided not to tell dad either.

Dad came back from visiting mum one day and said, “Your mum wants to see you on your own tomorrow, please?” I said, “Ok, no worries.” I thought it was strange as mum knew that Tracey and I were now joined at the hip. I decided that night to take Tracey to tea at the local bowling club, they had a foreign restaurant there, but the food was delicious and reasonably priced.

Tracey could see I was not with her tonight, but she understood, and said, “Listen if you want me to come up with you, I can, but I will wait in the waiting room.” I said, “That would be great, but dad will need you here in place of me.” Tracey said, “Ok.”

We finished our meal and went back across to the shop, I felt like a coffee, which for me was unusual, but we both had one and rested in the office, we were both so tired that we fell asleep in the chairs, only to be woken up the following morning by dad when he turned the light on, we scared each other.

Dad said, “Why did you both sleep in the office?” I said, “We were both so tired, we just fell asleep.” He said, “Oh, ok, do you both want to go upstairs and freshen up, then come back down and help out?” We said, “Yes, give us about an hour,” he said, “Ok,” and we went upstairs.

We were ready in just over 40 minutes and went downstairs to help. The morning went well, it was very steady, and when it got to 10.15am, I grabbed the car keys so I could check the oil, water, windscreen washer fluid and give the windscreen, side mirrors a clean, then got in and drove it around the front to fuel up.

I went inside to grab my coffee, something Tracey had assumed I would want, gave her a kiss and said, “Goodbye” to them all and drove to see mum.

The drive up was I think the most unpleasant drive ever, only because I was expecting the worst and wanted to delay it, but I was so wrong. When I arrived, I parked the car and went to mum’s ward, she had been moved into a private room, which had me worried, I soon found out why. I went in and saw mum, then gave her a kiss.

I could smell something that I have never smelt before, and so far, have not smelt since. Mum and I chatted for almost 3 hours; I will not reveal what was said as I promised her that I would never tell. I was supplied with lunch and did have a chat with her Doctor, he told me that she was almost well enough to go home, he said, “I think by the weekend, you or your dad can come pick her up.” I said, “Great, but excuse my ignorance, what is that strange smell in her room today?” He said, “That’s possibly just the hospital smell.” I said, “No, it’s different, something tells me that things are not exactly right.” He said, “I don’t know then.”

He told me that I have taken up too much of her time and she needs to rest, I said, “Goodbye” to mum, we kissed and hugged, then I left to drive home. I felt ok for a bit of the drive, but then started to feel my emotions boiling over, lucky there was a rest area coming up, so I pulled over and got out. I sat at the table and immediately burst into tears, I had never cried so much in all my life, I still don’t know if they were from bottling my emotions up for the last few months or if I knew what was coming. I sat there for I don’t know how long, but suddenly heard a horn sounding. I looked up and saw that it was my Aunty, Grandmother and Cousin pulling in.

I tried to pull myself together and be strong for them, but my Aunty could always see through me and came over to hug me. They said, “How is your mum?” I told them what the Doctor said, they said, “Oh that’s great, are you heading back to the shop?” I said, “Yes, I just stopped to rest and reflect a bit.”

They said, “Ok, we better keep going as we don’t want to be driving back in the dark.” I said, “Yes, I will make up the spare beds when I get back.” They said, “Thanks,” we all hugged, kissed and parted ways.

I got back into the car and continued my drive home, which thankfully now was quicker as I had released my emotions and strangely enough, I felt like a huge, big weight had lifted off my shoulders. When I arrived, I drove around the back and parked the car, then walked into the shop.

Dad straight off went off at me and said, “Why did you tell your mum’s family for?” I said, “Well they deserved to know.” He said, “You know how I feel about them.” I said, “Yes, but this is not the time to feel that way, we should all pull together and support each other, for mum’s sake.” He said, “For your mum’s sake only, I will, but once she is fully recovered, then I will go back to how I truly feel.” I said, “Ok, that’s fine.”

N.B., I’m revealing a secret here, but at the time, I knew that mum only had hours to live, my honest feelings were that mum had finally decided to give up and leave dad, because of how tyrannical he was. I know I sound very mean and nasty, and these feelings have been locked up for many years, again, events in 2018, have unlocked these feelings.

The rest of the day was truly a blur to me but having Tracey by my side helped so much. We made up the beds upstairs and we decided to sleep in the office to make things easier for everybody. Mum’s family returned just as we were closing, and my cousin parked his car around the back. We did our usual closing procedures, then dad offered to take us all to have tea at the hotel. We said, “Ok,” but had to take both cars though, which was fine as my cousin was a Christian, and I never consumed alcohol if I was driving.

The drive was only short and when we arrived, I could see both my aunt and grandmother very apprehensive about entering the hotel, but I said, “This is for mum tonight,” they said, “Ok, yes.” We all went in and found a table, then sat down to peruse the menu. I knew what Tracey wanted, and she knew what I wanted, although dessert will come later, yes, I am being rude and dirty there, more later.

Seriously though, we all ordered our food, and dad went to get the drinks and came back for us all to chat, of course, neither Tracey or I had told them the news, and lucky for us, dad had, for once, decided to keep his big mouth shut. The conversation was about mum mainly and what transpired when her family arrived today. They were all very optimistic that mum would be fine, judging by how she was so talkative today, I said, “Yes, me too, but did any of you notice a weird smell in her room.?”

My aunty said, “Yes, but it is possibly because your mum hasn’t had a decent shower in a few days.” I agreed with her, even though deep down I felt it was something else, and I tried not to admit it to anybody else.

Our food arrived and we all ate in silence, despite someone touching my upper leg throughout the entire time. We all finished roughly about the same time and sat back to allow our food to digest and we all resumed our chat about mum. After a while, I could see everybody was yawning, I suggested we all adjourn back to the shop/flat to retire for the night, even though I knew that Tracey and I would be up for a little while longer, despite my apprehensions.

We got into the cars and travelled the short distance back, then we all said, “Good night.” I made sure that everybody had everything they needed from downstairs, then locked the shop to join Tracey in the office. I won’t go into details, but I am sure most of you have a fairly good idea what happened.

The next day, we both awoke early and did all the pre-open preparations, then at 6am opened as per usual. The others all came down in dribs and drabs, until around 9.30am dad finally came down, it was unusual for him to sleep so late, but we all knew the toll of the last few months had started to take its effect on him.

I started to worry a lot more about him, especially as he had started drinking more and earlier in the day, although since mum’s family was with us, he had reduced his consumption, but I knew he would increase it once they had left.

Mum’s family decided to spend the day exploring the township, that can be done in 10 minutes as it was that small, in all honesty, it should have been called a village.

Tracey, Vera and I attended to the many customers that wanted to buy, dad helped a bit, but he seemed very distant, we thought it was that he was thinking about mum. I said, “Dad, look why don’t you go and see her, and I will come up tomorrow with Tracey, if she wants.” He said, “Ok, great idea.”

I said, “But I am not allowing you to drink any alcohol, that is still my car, and if come back with even the slightest smell of alcohol on your breath, you will be banned from driving it for 12 months.” He said, “Wow, are you getting bossy, being Manager here has gone to your head.” Tracey heard what I had said and his response, she said, “No, Mark cares about you, and has almost lost his mother, he doesn’t want to lose you, besides we need you both around to meet your Grand Children,” which had his eyes as wide as, she said, “No I’m not, yet.”

Dad grabbed the car keys and left while I gave Tracey a kiss and said, “So when are you going to start trying? “She said, “As soon as we get Married.” I said, “Ok, why is that?” She said, “Well I want to be a mother and we will make great parents, besides you have plenty of land here, so we can build a little cottage to make our own.” I said, “Ok, great.”

I was called to the kitchen by Vera as there was a large food order, Tracey came to help as well, but I concentrated on cooking all the food and making sandwiches.

I think Tracey could tell that I was upset, but she knew that I was best left to myself, at least until I had had time to think things through. Honestly, I did want children, but I was still unsure if I could get her pregnant and even though she had told me she was ok if she never did, I was scared that she would leave me for another man.

When the rush had ended, I asked, “Could you both watch the shop please as I am going for a walk?” They said, “Yes, of course.” I left the shop and started walking with no destination in mind at all, all I wanted to do was clear my head and hope that Tracey would Marry me despite the fact that I was not a complete man.

Yes, I was sounding like an insecure man, but if you all knew the full story about the assault, then you would understand. I have not revealed the full story, mainly because of how terrifying it was to not only endure at the time, but also to recount what happened here. I have saved you all from a lot of the goriness.

I walked for almost 3 hours, and when I got back to the shop, mum’s family and dad were back. Tracey and Vera were in the office talking and I could see that Tracey had been crying, I went in and asked, “What’s wrong?” Tracey said, “Typical, men, you don’t know why I am upset.” I said, “Well no I don’t, if you are because I didn’t talk to you in the kitchen earlier, it was because I needed to concentrate on what I was doing.” She said, “Ok, right, I believe you,” then she said, “I’m going back home, you can come and talk to me when you make up your mind.” Tracey stormed off out of the shop.

I asked, “Dad what happened at the hospital with mum?” He said, “Well not great, she has slipped down very badly overnight.” I asked, “Why?” He said, “Julie rang her last night and said that everything she alleged about me was true and then hung up on her, resulting in mum crying very heavily, and even the nurses could not stop her, the night nurse gave her a sedative so she could sleep.”

Dad said, “Can you go and get me some beers please?” I said, “yes, I’ll be back shortly.” I grabbed my wallet and car keys, then drove to the hotel to buy a carton of beer for dad, then drove back home.

Once I got back, I took the carton upstairs and went to assist, yes, assist, in the kitchen until closing time, when my grandmother said, “I will cook our tea,” which suited me as Vera restocked the fridges, and I counted the takings. My Aunty and Cousin were still up the hospital with mum, that we knew of.

Once everything had been cooked etc., my grandmother took the food and drinks upstairs whilst I swept and mopped the floors, then turned all the lights off and locked up, then went upstairs myself.

After wards, my grandmother said, “We are returning home tomorrow, but if anything happens, please let us know immediately.” I said, “Yes.” I knew dad will be in no fit state to call. We all chatted for a while, especially about my cousin’s sister who was getting Married in a few months’ time. I had not met her Fiancé at that time.

Once we had all finished our food, and took the dishes downstairs and said goodnight, I had decided to sleep in the office again, although I knew it would not be a comfortable night as I had gotten used to Tracey sleeping next to me, but strangely enough I did sleep well, until the phone suddenly rang, which startled me.

I turned on the light and answered the phone, it was a nurse at the hospital to advise that mum was slipping away and fast, she advised us to get up there quickly, but safely. I ended the call and woke dad up and told him. We were both dressed and on our way in minutes, and I drove like a maniac that night.

Upon arrival we went into mum’s room, but she had already passed away several minutes before hand. Dad and I both collapsed on the floor, thankfully though we were helped to the quiet room and offered coffee, which we graciously accepted.

Neither of us spoke for a long while, just stared at each other, either blankly or in disbelief, as we couldn’t believe that mum had gone. I wanted to cry, but knew that if I did, dad was abuse me for being weak. I decided to go and sit with mum and stroke her hand, even though I knew she couldn’t feel me, I knew that her spirit was still watching over us. I felt at ease and did finally cry, I laid over mum’s lifeless body to hug her and it felt comforting whilst doing that.

I went and saw the Doctor and asked, “Will there be an autopsy performed on mum?” He said, “No, because of death is Bowel Cancer.” I said, “Ok, thanks, what do we do now?” He said, “For now, we will keep her body in the morgue, then once the funeral has been arranged, we will release it.” I said, “Ok thanks, much appreciated, I’m going to find dad and drive us back home.” He said, “Great idea, but please be careful driving back.” I said, “I will.”

I went to find dad, he was asleep in the quiet room, I woke him up and said, “Come on, let’s go home.” He said, “No, I don’t want to, I want to stay here with your mum.” I said, “Yes, me too, but the others need to know what happened, and we need to start planning the funeral.” Dad said, “Ok, but with what money, we have nothing?” I said, “We will work something out, now get your cup and come to the car, or I will arrange for someone to bring a wheelchair for you.” Dad said, “Ok, can I just spend a couple of minutes with your mum, please?” I said, “Yes.”

We walked to mum’s room, and he entered alone. I stayed outside to allow them some private time, I know it sounds like mum was still alive, but the reality had yet to sink in. After a few minutes, he came out and we walked to the car. The drive back was very scary as I was not used to driving on country roads at night, especially where we were living at the time as kangaroos were known to graze along the side of the highway at night, but we arrived back safely.

 We went upstairs and woke the others to let them know what had happened, and of course we all cried very heavily, and even dad did too, he was the worst, as I felt that he was finally releasing all the emotions from the past few years. My cousin went downstairs to make us all a coffee or tea each, which we all needed. I mentioned about the funeral cost and how we were going to pay for it.

My grandmother said, “Look, I have some money, so I can pay, but she gets buried in her birth town,” which I agreed to, but dad said, “No, she is my wife, I will pay and she will be buried here, ok?” I said, “Dad, with what money, and mum should be buried close to her father, please don’t argue, not now, ok, for mum.” Dad said, “Ok, agreed, thanks.”

My grandmother said, “Mark can you drive me to the hospital in the morning, and we will get things moving?” I said, “Yes, of course.” We all sipped our drinks then decided to go to bed, I remained in the office again.

Despite being up for almost 20 hours, I was not tired, but did get a couple of hours sleep, until thankfully the alarm sounded at 4.30am. I got up and went to turn the pie warmer on, and bring in the overnight deliveries, then went upstairs to have a shower.

I finished my shower, got dressed and went downstairs to complete the pre-open procedures then opened for the day. Vera arrived just as I was opening, and she could see that something was up. Vera said, “Good morning, you look awful.” I said, “Yes, we have been up most of the night, mum passed away late last night.” Vera said, “Oh I’m so sorry, my condolences, how is your father?” I said, “I don’t know, he did cry last night, but like me I doubt it’s sunk it yet.”

Vera said, “Yes it will take a day or two, come on, let’s get inside and I’ll make you a coffee.” I said, “Thanks, for now, I’m not going to let anyone know about mum, not until dad is ready to tell them.” Vera said, “Ok, agreed, here drink this.”

I was happy as we got busy for a while. Dad finally came downstairs around 8am. Vera passed on her condolences to him, which he accepted and said, “Ok, who else knows, blabber mouth?” I said, “No, one, only Vera, because she could see I was not right when she arrived.” Dad said, “Ok, for now, I don’t want to tell anyone, because it doesn’t feel real yet.” I said, “Yes, agreed, if anybody asks, we will just say no change.”

Around 9am, once it got quiet, I said, “I’m going to chat with Tracey.” Dad and Vera said, “Ok, see you soon.” When I arrived, Tracey was sitting outside smoking a cigarette, I said, “Why are you smoking for?” She said, “Because I want to, and you stressed me out yesterday.” I said, “Ok, well if you want to smoke, then we are not getting Married, I refuse to kiss an ashtray for the rest of my life.” Tracey said, “So if I give up cigarettes, you will still want to Marry me.” I said, “Of course, but I am fearful that you may leave me for another man, especially one who can give you what I can’t.”

Tracey said, “No, if we get Married, we will stay Married until one or both of us die, deal.” I said, “Ok, deal, but I am not going to kiss you whilst you stink of cigarettes.” She said, “Ok as of now I have quit,” scrunched up the almost full packet she had and threw it in the bin, then gave me such big passionate kiss, that I almost needed a cold, almost freezing, shower.

Once we had broken apart, we went in to her house to let her family what was going on, and I decided to come clean about me possibly being infertile, of course, her mother was very upset and angry at the possibility of never being a grandmother, she said, “Well the only way I will allow you to Marry Tracey is if you can guarantee that you can get her pregnant.” I said, “I can’t, maybe if I allowed my sperm to build up over a few weeks, then maybe I could, but honestly, I don’t know.” She said, “Well until you can, the Marriage is off, now get out of my house and I don’t want you ever coming back here again, until you can guarantee us.” I said, she said, “No, get out.”

I walked out of the house, back to the shop, when I got back there, dad could see I was very upset and angry. I said, “Yes, her mother kicked me out, saying the Wedding is off.”

Dad said, “Well if Tracey really loves you, then she will support you and want to get Married to you, but for now, you need to go and get the car and drive your grandmother to the hospital.” I said, “Yes I was about too.” I went and got the car, but checked everything over first, which was all fine. I drove it around the front to fuel up. My grandmother came out a few minutes later and she got in, then we left.

The drive up was quiet, which scared me, because normally she would have things to say, especially nasty things about dad, but not today. We finally arrived at the hospital and let her go make the arrangements. I couldn’t go inside, and to this day, still can’t. After about an hour, my grandmother came out and asked me to drive her to the bank, which I agreed to. Once she had finished in there, we headed back to the shop.

The rest of the day went very smoothly, although Tracey came over with her mum to get her belongings, I only allowed Tracey upstairs to collect them, and dad went up with her to make sure that she didn’t remove anything that didn’t belong to her. I asked her mum to leave the premises, and again imposed the ban on all of them coming on to the premises ever again, of course she tried to change my mind. I said, “No, why should I change my mind, when you are not willing to accept things with me, so either you get off my premises right now, or I will call the local Policeman.”

I had started to walk towards the office to pick up the telephone, which had her saying, “Ok, I am going” and she turned around to exit the shop, as she did, she tipped over the bread stand, almost hitting a young child. I said, “Ok, so now you want to be childish, you are lucky that poor child was missed, otherwise I would be calling the Policeman and you would have been charged with Attempted Murder.”

The mother said, “Well, I can if I want to.” I said, “Yes, and I will be a witness for she has just done,” then I headed to the office to report the incident. Tracey’s mum said, “Ok I apologies, here I will pick everything up and I will pay for anything this mother and daughter want.” I said, “Ok well, it is up to them,” the mother said, “Well, you scared her, so we are going to make you pay,” then she ordered up big, and I mean big. I told Tracey’s mum to go home and bring back every cent they had in the house, by the looks of it, you may be paying this off for the next few years as well, she ran back home.

The mother and I both laughed, then I asked her “What are you after?” She well, “In all honesty, we just wanted to fuel up and get some more snacks.” I said, “Ok, I have an idea, why don’t you tell me what you like and I will add them to her account, she deserves to be punished,” she said, “Yes, but can I ask why you have banned her?”

I said, “It’s fine, yes, she has said that I am not allowed to Marry her daughter.” She said, “What? If my daughter was going to marry somebody like you, I would say yes and be very accepting.” I said, “Ok, thanks, but what if there was a chance that you may not become a grandmother?” She said, “So that is the reason why, that is a pathetically bad reason. I think there is something else that caused her to react that way, listen if her daughter really loves you, she will come back to you, just give her time.”

I said, “Thanks,” then we started to place items into her basket, her daughter even went crazy as well and got things for her brother, which was so nice. I thought about Julie then as well, but only for a second.

When we had finished basically demolishing the shop, I started adding everything up, even I was astounded by the total, it came to $1,468.73 plus the fuel which was $185, so all up-Tracey’s mum owed us $1653.73, we all laughed, the lady said, “That is way too much.” I said, “Nonsense, she has to realise that what she did was nasty, but I have not included the cost of the damaged bread, which just so happens is $346.27, bringing her total to exactly $2,000.00, wow, she is not going to be happy, but either she pays up, or I call the Police and have her charged with both Attempted Murder and Malicious Damage, and I am within my rights to do that.” She said, “Ok.”

Tracey and dad then came back downstairs, Tracey came over to me and said, “I Love You, and we will find a way to get Married.” I said, “Same here, but after what your mum has just done, the Engagement is off.”  Tracey said, “What, why?” I said, “Because I have banned you all from the shop, and she knocked over the bread stand almost hitting this lady’s daughter.”

Tracey said, “Oh” and went over to apologies to the mother and daughter and gave them both a hug as well. Tracey’s mum then arrived back and said, “Ok, how much do I owe?”

I said, “Well for the damage to our stock and almost hurting this lady’s daughter, $2,000.00.” She said, “What? I can’t afford that.” I said, “Ok, so do I call the Police, and have you charged then?” She said, “No, ok I will give you what I have but will have to pay the rest off to you?” I said, “Ok how much do you have?” She said, “$378.” I said, “Ok that covers some, but as of now, you all owe us $100 each per pension day, meaning we should be given $400 every 2 weeks, and the debt will be paid off in a few months, but if any of you fail to pay as agreed, then I will call the Police.”

Tracey said, “Ok mum, if it is ok with Mark and his family, I am going to move in here and if Mark still wants to Marry me, regardless of whether we can get pregnant or not.” I said, “It’s fine by me, what about you, dad?” He said, “Yes, but what’s this about whether or not Tracey can get pregnant?” I said, “Well, nobody knows until if or when it happens.” Dad said, “True.”

Tracey’s mum said, “So if I let my daughter move in here and Marry you, does that mean I am let off the hook?” I said, “No, you are still liable, even Tracey said you can’t be a vicious person.” (I know she refrained from swearing in front of the daughter, that girl was only about 4-5, I did love Tracey more for being so respectful). Tracey said, “And I will work here 1 day per week for free to help pay off the debt, but mum you need to support us both and stop being a selfish person, otherwise I will totally wipe my hands of you three.”

Tracey’s mum had zero support and begrudgingly handed over all the money she had, I wrote a receipt for her, with a total outstanding. I said, “Ok, Tracey working here will be a total of $100 per week, that will be every Monday, I will record that and take it off the amount each time you make a payment.” She said, “Ok,” grabbed the receipt and stormed out of the shop. I said, “Excuse me, but manners please, especially in front of this young lady.” Tracey’s mum just continued storming home.

I helped the lady and daughter with their shopping, then came back inside to let dad and Tracey know what had happened, both were appalled and said, “Don’t blame you.” Vera had come back into the office by then and said, “Even I was scared, especially when the bread stand went over, my heart was in my mouth.” I said, “Yes, same here, and as much as I hated doing what I did, I had too, only to teach Tracey’s mum a lesson.” I turned around and said, “Tracey if anything we talk about here in private gets out, then I will kick you out as well.” She said, “I know, and I won’t.” Vera said, “Neither will I.” I said, “Ok great, thanks.”

The rest of the day flew by, Tracey and I were in the kitchen for most of the day, which was good, we both wanted to kiss each other several times, but got orders so we couldn’t. When it got to 7pm, we closed, dad counted the takings, while Tracey cooked our meal and I helped Vera.

Once Vera had finished, she said good night to us and I let her out, then locked up and went to help Tracey. When we were all ready, we took the food upstairs to eat.

Once we had finished eating, dad said, “I’m tired and going to bed.” We said, “Ok goodnight,” then he went to bed.

Tracey and I sat on the lounge and kissed each other, we needed to make up for lost time. Suddenly the phone rang, I answered it, it was Denise ringing to see how I was. I said, “Well, as good as can be expected, can you give me a minute please?” Denise said, “Yes, of course.” I asked Tracey to go and make us both a hot drink, but please don’t come back for at least five minutes, this is my favourite cousin.” Tracey said, “Yes, of course.”

I then started speaking to Denise again, I said, “Sorry, but we haven’t told many people yet, as it’s still sinking in.” Denise said, “Ok, so who is that with you tonight?” I said, “My girlfriend, I asked her to go and make us some hot drinks but take at least five minutes.” Denise said, “Ok great idea, now spill, how are you really?” I said, “Copping, but I’m more concerned about dad though.” Denise said, “Ok, mum and I are coming over tomorrow to straighten him out and support you, ok.” I said, “Great, you didn’t want to come here whilst the old girl is here.” Denise said, “Yes, because you are my favourite cousin, and I’m worried about you.” I said, “Yes, same here, I’m fine, been keeping myself busy.” I told her what happened with Tracey’s mum, which we both laughed at.

Denise said, “Look, mum and I will drive over tomorrow, then you and I will drive back in your car, because we both need to talk, ok.” I said, “Excuse me, what’s going on?” Denise said, “Nothing, it’s been too long since we have talked, and I miss you so much.” I said, “Yes, true, and same here, look I better go, Tracey is coming back.” Denise said, “Ok, great, see you tomorrow, love ya, cous, I said, “Same here. miss Navigator.”

Tracey came in and said, “Come on, spill, you two sound way too close.” I said, “No, we have always been close, she is like my sister, and it was hard not telling her about our engagement.” Tracey said, “Ok, as long as there is nothing going on between you two.” I said, “Look, we are related, there is no way in hell that I’m going there, besides she is married, so that means no go zone.” Tracey said, “Ok, come on let’s drink up and get some sleep.” I said, “Agreed, tomorrow will be a very busy day.”

I fell asleep rather quickly, and woke up before the alarm went off, then went to turn the pie warmer on, and grabbed the overnight deliveries, then went upstairs to have my shower and freshen up, and yes, I cried a lot too.

Once I finished in the shower, I went and got dressed, then headed back downstairs to finish the pre-open jobs, and yes, make a coffee. Vera arrived just on 6am, we said, “Good morning” to each other. Vera asked me, “How is everything today?” I said, “Fine, although I had a cry in the shower earlier.” Vera said, “That’s great, you need to let your emotions out because your father is going to really need you over the next few months.” I said, “Agreed.”

Around 9am the others came downstairs with their bags, saying, “We are heading back to plan the funeral.” Tracey said, “Who’s funeral?” I said, “mum’s, she passed away a couple of nights ago.” Tracey said, “Great, so you are keeping secrets already and we are not married yet?” I said, “Listen, it got very busy yesterday, and strange as this may sound, you were very happy, and I just forgot.” Tracey said, “What, you selfish prick, how can you forget something like that?” Vera said, “Look, Mark didn’t mean to forget, with what your mum did yesterday, and him being so happy that you both got back together, I’m sure he didn’t want to spoil things, so stop being a spoilt little prat, ok, bitch.”

Tracey said, “Ok, I’m sorry babe.” I said, “It’s fine, come on let’s go and farewell them.” Once our family had left, dad, Vera, Tracey and I sat in the office and I explained to Tracey about what happened.

The day went by more like in a haze, I totally have no recollection of it. The only thing I remember is in the late afternoon, my aunt and Denise arrived, and I noticed that Denise seemed distant towards me.

I had no idea why when, I thought it was because she knew I was dating Tracey, but she gave me a kiss and hug telling me how sorry she was for our loss. I said, “Thanks” and introduced them both to Tracey, but not as my girlfriend, but my Fiancée, both were astounded and said, “What, no way.” I said, “Yes, it is only recent.”

Denise said, “Wow, I never thought you would find love again, but I am so happy for you,” her mum said, “Yes, me too,” then they brought Tracey in to hug and kiss us both. Of course, the first question was, “How did he propose,” Denise being the romantic, said, “I bet it was in a nice restaurant over a romantic candlelit dinner.” Tracey said, “No, it wasn’t as romantic as I would have liked, but the only thing I cared about was that he proposed, she did say how I did.” Denise said, “Yes, that’s Mark, always does things on an impulse,” then she said, “Ok, you need to get this gorgeous girl of yours a spectacular engagement ring.” I said, “Yes, I plan to and soon.”

Dad then came over and said, “Ok, I am closing up early tonight so we can all sit and chat about the funeral.” Denise and her mum said, “Well can we cook the meal please, after all it is the least, we can do for you?” Dad said, “Yes, if you want, Mark can you show them where everything is please?” 

I said, “Ok,” and showed them to the kitchen, of course Denise couldn’t contain her happiness for me then they went to start cooking, while Tracey and I got the fold-up table and chairs, dad counted the takings, and Vera re-stocked the fridge, I helped her out as well.

When Vera was finished, she grabbed her bag and said, “Good night” to us all and left. Tracey and I set the table and helped bring the plates, cutlery and glasses to the table. When everything was ready, we all assisted in bringing the food to the table, then we all sat to eat, but I surprised everyone when I said, “For mum’s memory, can we say Grace, please?” I got a resounding “Yes” and was chosen to say Grace. I have forgotten a lot, so please forgive me, but here goes:

“Dear God, We thank you for this wonderful food you have provided for us tonight, and we pray that you look over all of our family to keep them safe from harm. We also pray that you watch over our Mum/Wife/Sister-In-Law/Aunt/Future Mother-In-Law, we know that you had your reasons for taking her so young, and even though we do not understand, yet, we will in time.”

We all said, “Thank You, Amen.”

I opened my eyes to see that everybody was crying, and we all just let our emotions out. Tracey said, “Wow, that was totally sweet, if it is at all possible, I Love You even more now” then she gave me a very passionate kiss, which resulted in applause. Once we broke away, I said, “Ok can we eat please?” They said, “Yes,” and we did.

After tea, we all sat and chatted. I said, “Ok, Denise and I spoke on the phone last night, and what we want to do, well Denise, is once the funeral has been arranged, her and I will travel to Cavill Beach in MY car, with dad and Aunt Sylvie travelling in your car.” They said, “Yes, great idea.” Dad said, “Has anyone gone to sign the forms to release her body, yet?” I said, “I think grandma may have, as she is paying for the funeral, but what I  suggest is we open from 6-9am tomorrow, then 3-7pm, but dad if you stayed here with Vera to do some cleaning up, whilst I take Denise, Tracey and Aunt Sylvie up and if I’m allowed, I’ll sign the forms.” Dad said, “Ok, great idea, I doubt I could walk into the hospital, not yet.” I said, “Agreed.

Around 9pm, we all started getting tired and decided to go to bed, but Denise being Denise said, “Can we stay down here tonight, because I want to get to know my future cousin-in-law.” Everyone agreed, then dad and Aunt Sylvie went upstairs to leave us alone. Denise asked Tracey many questions, which astounded me, but I knew what she was doing. Tracey answered them as honestly as possible, then after a while we all got tired and went to sleep.

The following morning, the alarm woke us up. I did the usual, then at 9am, when it had finally died down, we closed. I had already brought the car around and fuelled up. Then Tracey, Denise, Aunt Sylvie and I left to head to the hospital to let them know what was happening with mum’s funeral. What had happened was that our grandmother was arranging the funeral in Cavill Beach and the Funeral Director would send a car to pick up mum’s body and take her back to prepare her for the viewing and funeral.

Once we arrived, I went to see the doctor. He said, “I have received the paperwork and her body is ready to be released, even though you are not next of kin, but his son, you can sign the release form, how’s your father copping?” I said, “Not good, but having these two here, should help him cope better.” He said, “k great, yes, you both need family around you for now, but please remember that if you need counselling or anything, please just contact me. I said, “Yes, thanks, but I’ve this cutie pie here, she has been my rock, and so has this one,” meaning Denise. Once the paperwork was signed, we said, “Goodbye” and we left.

I asked if they felt like walking around the town for a little while. They both said, “Yes, sounds nice,” we got into the car and I drove up to the bank and parked. I noticed our bank manager exiting the bank as we were getting out, he noticed me and came over to offer his condolences to dad and me. I asked, “How do you know?” He said, “You forget my wife works as a nurse there.” I said, “Yes, but isn’t that a breach of privacy?” He said, “Well, yes, it is, but she was upset when she heard.” I said, “Ok, that’s fine.”

I introduced Denise and her mother to him, he said, “Delighted to meet you both, but I’m sorry as I am running late for a meeting,” we said, “Ok” and we parted ways. I asked Tracey, Denise and Aunt Sylvie where they wanted to go? They said, “Well let’s just have a walk around and browse for a while.”

Denise had started to warm up towards me again, which was nice, I was still confused by her coldness towards me yesterday, but decided not to push it, yet. We walked around for over an hour, by which time we were all tired and decided to rest up in one of the many cafes along the main road. I wasn’t very hungry, which had them both worried as usually for me I would be ordering up big, but all I wanted was a coffee.

Once we had rested for a while and finished our orders, we walked back to the car and I drove back. The drive was rather sombre, but I know we were all thinking about mum. When we got back to the shop, I parked the car and we all went inside. Dad said, “Oh you just missed a call from your husband,” this was directed at Denise’s mother, she said, “Ok, is it ok if I call him back please?” Dad said, “Of course, but maybe you are better chatting upstairs as it will allow you more quiet and privacy,” she said, “Ok great idea.”

I said, “I’ll come up with you,” Denise said, “Same here.” Tracey said, “And what am I, chopped liver?” I said, “No, you can come up, but please be quiet.” We went upstairs, and I let them in, as I was about to leave, Aunt Sylvie said, “No, you should stay just in case.” I said, “Well shouldn’t it be dad up here. She said, “In his current state of mind, no you are best right now.” I said, “Ok,” then she called her husband.

The call was rather short, she was nodding a lot and said, “Ok I will tell them,” then she hung up the receiver. I asked, “what’s going on?” She said, “well he has organized for the Funeral Director to come pick up your mum’s body, they are driving over tomorrow, and the Funeral will take place on Friday.” I said, “Ok, great, let’s go and tell dad,” they said, “Ok” and we went downstairs.

We spoke to dad and told him, he said, “Ok, great.” I asked Tracey if she wanted to come over. She said, “Yes, of course, but we will not reveal to anybody about our great news.” Denise said, “Why not? I think when we get back for the wake that you both announce it then, this way it helps everyone feel better.”

I said, “Well ok, but I think Tracey and should discuss it first,” which Tracey said, “I agree.”

We then got to and helped all the late afternoon customers; it was good having Denise and her mum with us as we needed the help.

Finally, it died down and we were able to start our close-up procedures. We sat to have our tea, and we decided that we would drive across to Cavill Beach tomorrow in preparations for the Funeral. Denise said “Ok, Mark, I think we should leave around 8am to drive over, and I want you to stay with me tonight.” I said, “Ok, but what about Terry and Ashley?” Ashley was her first born 7-year-old son. Denise said, “They are in Newcastle visiting his family for another week or so.” I said, “Ok, great.”

Tracey then dropped a bombshell saying, “Look, I think I will stay here and help Vera out, because it’s family time for you both, and I’m not family.” Denise said, “Excuse, bull fucken shit, you and Mark are engaged, so you are family, if you don’t go, then I won’t go to the wedding.” N.B., I didn’t know about something at that stage, it was between Tracey and Denise.

I went over to let Vera know what was happening, and to find out if she knew of anybody else who could help while we were gone, unfortunately she didn’t know of anybody. I said, “Ok, the best thing to do is still open up, but don’t serve anything from kitchen, I will show you the open-up procedures tomorrow morning before we leave.”  Vera said, “Ok, so what time?”

I said, “Can you be there at 5am please, only so I can show you everything?” She said, “Yes, of course.” I said, “Ok thanks, but back door please?” Vera said, “Yes.”

I left her place and walked back to the shop to let them know, Tracey said, “Well, why don’t I stay here to help out, we don’t want the regular customers being disadvantaged, and honestly, you know how I feel about Funerals.” I said, “Well if you are sure.” Denise said, “Agreed.” Tracey said, “Ok, I will be with you all in spirit on Friday.” I said, “Yes, I know.”

Tracey and I decided to sleep downstairs in the office, especially as we both needed privacy for some overdue loving. The others all said, “Goodnight” and went upstairs and left us lovebirds alone. I won’t go into details, but what a night. Tracey and I did decide that yes, I can reveal to everybody that we are engaged, and for me to explain why she didn’t come with us, we both fell asleep around midnight.

I sneaked over to the counter and put a couple of packets of cigarettes and a lighter in the car, the only reason I did was because I knew that I would be very upset on Friday and even though I had in the past been upset about others smoking, I doubted if anybody would complain if I did on the day.

N.B., A few years before hand, I abused Denise for smoking.

We didn’t know a thing until Denise woke me up saying, “It’s almost 4.30am, come on you need to shower and get ready to show Vera everything.” I said, “Ok,” then I went upstairs to shower and get dressed, then I went to pack my bags, but found they were packed. Dad said, “Yes, Denise packed them last night for you, but I was shocked that she knew what to pack.” I said, “Well she is a female and we have been close for many years,” he said, “Yes, but have you ever packed for her?” I said, “no, but then again, she has not had her mother pass away, and she knows that if I need to do anything for her, I will.”

I went downstairs to wait for Vera, who arrived spot on time. I decided that since Tracey was staying too, to show her the procedures, and said, “Look, everything you are about to learn, stays here, ok?” They both said, “Yes, agreed.” I showed them where we kept the safe key and how to sort out the float. Once everything was ready, we sat to sip a coffee and wait for 6am to roll around, which it finally did.

I stayed in the office and watched how they went, and surprisingly, they went well, only needed for a couple of things. I had checked the orders before we left to make sure we had everything we needed but advised them that if they ran out of anything to just put it on the list, I showed them how I did the orders, by placing a dummy order.

Everyone else came down in dribs and drabs, but finally around 9am, Denise was ready to leave, so I went and check my car over, then loaded our bags in, and brought it around to fuel it up. Once I had done that, I went inside to grab some water and soft drinks to consume going over and back, and some snacks too. Denise came out with our coffees, we said, “Goodbye” to everyone and left. Dad and Aunt Sylvie were not far behind us.

I chatted to her and said, “Why were you so cold towards me when you arrived?” She said, “Well I felt guilty as we were so close until I got Married, and what we did before hand was so wrong.” I said, “Yes, it was, but it was fun, and I have never told anybody and never will, although I almost told Tracey after our phone call the other night.” Denise said, “Ok great, wow, so you tell her everything?” I said, “Yes, isn’t that what marriage is all about?” Denise said, “No, it’s about being able fuck each other legally and not have anybody judge you, but I am surprised though that you didn’t go and brag, especially as you were a teen boy.

The rest of the drive was just us talking about how her life with Terry and their son, Ashley was going. Denise said, “I suspect he is cheating on me again but haven’t been able to find out whom.” I said, “So do I need to have another talk with him?” She said, “No, I want to deal with it and promise me you will not say anything to him.” I said, “I promise.”

We finally arrived at my grandmother’s place, of course, it was difficult trying to find parking with all the cars there, but I saw one of Denise’s brothers who guided me up the driveway, they had saved me a parking spot. We got out and he came over to offer me his condolences, I said, “Thanks mate, great to see you, well not under the circumstances.” He said, “Yes.”

We went inside to see everybody else, and of course, everyone was shaking my hand or hugging me and passing on their condolences, but the great thing was, I was able to cry and get emotional, which felt so great. I was happy that Denise stayed close to me, but got a shock when she suddenly said, “Come on let’s go outside for some fresh air.”

I agreed. When we got outside, she pulled out my cigarette pack and pulled two cigarettes out then lit them. Denise handed me one. I said, “I don’t smoke.” She said, “Oh, so how come I found these in the glove box this morning?” I said, “Must be dads.” She said, “No, I know he smokes menthol, these are not, here.” I said, “Ok you got me, I only got them because I feel I could be stressed out tomorrow and doubt anybody would complain, well, all except the old girl,” meaning our grandmother.

I felt so happy smoking there with her, I even placed my head on her shoulders and whispered, “Thanks cous.” Denise said, “Anytime, hey when the time comes, I expect you to reciprocate.” I said, “Of course.” Denise then said, “Did you call Tracey to let her know we arrived safely?” I said, “Shit, no, I forgot.” I finished my cigarette and went inside to see if I could call Tracey. My grandmother said, “Yes.”

I went to the hallway and rang, Tracey answered almost immediately, I asked her why was she in the office? She said, “It is very quiet, so we are taking a break.”

I said, “Ok, great, what time did dad and Aunt Sylvie leave, as they haven’t arrived yet? Tracey said, “Not long after you two, hope they are ok.” I said, “Me too, we are both worried, so how has it had been going and if she missed me yet?”

She said, “It’s been steady and yes, of course, we did get a visit from a rep earlier about the confectionary.” I said, “Yes, I totally forgot, I will deal with that when I get back, if we run out of anything, please put it in the order book,” she said, “Ok, will do.”

I said, “Ok, I better go I will give you a call late tomorrow, I Love You.” She said, “I Love You more,” then we hung up.

I went back into the kitchen and saw dad, and asked, “What took you so long?” He said, “we decided to just take our time.” I said, “Oh, ok, we were worried, I just rang Tracey, everything’s going great, but I forget the confectionery order.” Dad said, “Oh shit, so did I, what did you tell her to do?” I said, “If they run out to just record it and we will deal with it when we get back.” he said, “Ok, great.”

The rest of the day was catching up with just catching up with everybody, we got taken out for tea which helped calm me down, but I felt having Denise virtually joined at my hip, was helping me so much.

The following day was Friday and the day of the Funeral, Denise had come over early to help me get ready, as both dad and I were, understandably, very upset, but we were ready to leave just after 10am. We had arranged for the service in the chapel of the cemetery, which was due to commence at 11am.

Dad and I sat at the front of the chapel, with my aunt in between both of us, at that time I didn’t know where Denise was, I found out later though. The service commenced spot on time and lasted for almost an hour.

When it finished, we followed the coffin out to the hearse, then we walked behind to the graveside. I looked up and see Julie there with her Husband and her best friend, who I briefly dated. I have not mentioned her as I do not feel she is memorable enough. Julie was heavily pregnant at the time and gave me such a look, that I am sure she wanted me dead.

When we arrived at the graveside, the service commenced, I looked around for Julie, but couldn’t see her, Denise gestured to me that they had already left and she would chat on the way back, I gave her the thumbs up and went back to concentrate on burying mum.

N.B., Denise and I had a secret language that only we understood and used.

Dad and I as expected couldn’t stop crying, and had people holding on to both of us. I felt that dad may decide to jump in and stay with mum, but thankfully we both had support.

After we had laid mum to rest, we spent some time alone with her, quietly with our thoughts and prayers. I gave dad space to talk to mum and walked back to where Denise was. I said, “Light me and come on where did bitch features and its tribe?”

She said, “They left, I will fill you in back at grandmother’s place.” I said, “Ok, I am very worried about dad,” she said, “Yes we all are, but my mum is keeping an eye on him.” Denise and I finished our cigarettes walking back to the car, of course she hugged me very tightly, because she knew that

My cousins had come to support me and make sure I was ok, I tried to remain strong for dad, but couldn’t and suddenly burst in to tears on a cousins’ shoulder. I had been crying during both services, but this was just so unexpected. Denise said, “Here, let’s go to the car and head back,” I asked about dad? She said, “It’s ok, my mum is there with him.” I said, “Ok” and we headed to the car and drove back to our grandmothers. Suddenly I started to smile and then laughed, which took everyone by surprise, Denise asked, “What’s so funny?”

I said, “I was just thinking about a couple of funny things mum told me in hospital the other day, but I promised her that I will never reveal.” I told her later though.

When we arrived back at the house, we all went inside to help with the food and drink, of course, I was told that I was not to do anything. Denise dragged me outside, which was good as I was dying for a cigarette, I knew she was as well. I found my pack and lit 2 then handed her, hers, we both puffed away and shocked all the others as I had never smoked in front of them before, actually no one knew that I had been an irregular smoker for many years.

I said, “Ok what happened with Julie?” Denise said, “You need to sit for this,” which I did. Denise said, “Well I said to her to that she murdered your, I mean you Mark, mum and then have the hide to turn up for the funeral, you are a cold, heartless bitch, then she grabbed her husband and best (Slutty) friend, got in to their car and sped off out of the cemetery, kicking up a lot of dust and stones.” I burst into laughter, which brought everybody outside and of course I copped abuse for laughing at my own mothers’ wake.

Denise then proceeded to tell them all why, which resulted in nearly the rest laughing, all except for my grandmother and her very religious daughter, they just looked at everyone very sternly.

Dad and I made a speech to say, “Thank you” to everybody for attending today, I said, “And I have been given permission to reveal this as well, Denise can you please come up here?” She smiled as she knew what I was going to say. Denise got to the front with dad and I, then said, “That even though today is more of a very sad occasion, I have some very good news. I have proposed to my girlfriend, Tracey.” Denise stepped in and said, “She said yes.” I got a resounding applause and of course, the most common question was, “Where is she?” I said, “Ok before you all get upset and angry at her, she is back at the shop helping out as we only had one person to help, it was a mutual agreement I know she wanted to be here with us, but it made sense that she remained there for us, so, can everybody please raise their glasses to toast both mum and Tracey.” Which we all did.

I then went outside to be by myself, as I was missing Tracey so much, thankfully though Denise followed me out and said, “Come on we are going to our special place?” I said, “Yes, great idea,” then for the first and only time, handed her my car keys so she could drive. I had been drinking beers and felt it would not be right if I drove, she had only been drinking coffee and tea, so was very sober.

We drove to our spot and she parked the car then we got out to find a bench to sit at. I asked her “Why did you want to come up here, as we have not been here together in such a long time?” She said, “Well, I thought we could have some alone time to chat.” I said, “Ok.” N.B. What we chatted about is private and personal, and therefore I will not reveal, yet.

Once we had finished chatting, we decided to go to Denise’s place to see how things were going, again Denise drove as I still did not feel sober enough to drive. Once we arrived, Ashley saw me and came running out and put his arms out, not for his mum, but me.

I bent down to pick him up, I said, “Wow you are getting very heavy and you are growing so tall.” Denise said, “Yes, he takes after his father.”

We went inside to sit and chat, Denise went to make us some coffee while Ashley showed me all his new toys. I should point out that he had turned 7 years young, but like his mum, was totally cute. When the coffee was made, we sat down to drink it and chat.

After about an hour, I felt fine to drive again, said my goodbyes to Denise and Ashley and drove back to my grandmothers’ place. When I got back, there were only a handful of people left, and of course, did I cop it for leaving, but I mentioned that Denise could see I needed some space and that is why.

N.B., I had arranged with her that if she saw me really down and depressed at the wake, to grab me and take me to our special spot.

I apologized to everybody but told them about the arrangement that Denise and I had. I was sort of forgiven but could tell that dad would have words with me when we got back home. I knew he wouldn’t there as he feared that I would leave him behind, between us privately, Yes, I would have very easily.

Once everyone else had gone, dad, grandmother and I sat to discuss what was going to happen with mum’s belongings. I said, “Well, honestly, I think Tracey and I could sort them out and store them in the shed, and we will decide later.” She agreed.

My grandmother then asked me when Tracey and I got engaged? I said, “A few days before mum passed away, but we wanted to keep it quiet as mum was so sick and neither of us wanted to overshadow what mum was going through,” my grandmother said, “Ok, that’s fine, but I wished that I had known when we came over.”

I said, “Yes, I told Tracey that, but we realized that if we said anything you may have thought that I was trying to be selfish,” she said, “Ok, yes, you possibly would have.”

The next couple of days were just dad and I catching up with the family and thanking them all for all their love and support during this sad time and also for them helping us out in giving mum the send-off she deserved.

Dad and I returned home on the Monday, of course, Tracey gave me the most loving, passionate, wettest kiss ever, which I totally loved. Vera said, “Why don’t you two go upstairs.” We said, “Great idea,” then I carried Tracey upstairs.

We decided to just lay on our bed and chat, I told her about making the announcement, she said, “Oh great, so how did it go?” I said, “Well some were upset that you didn’t come with us, and even though I explained why you didn’t come with us, there were still a few who thought you should have “Supported Your Man.” Tracey said, “What? Who said that to you?”

I said, “It was one of my chauvinistic male cousins, who has always treated women as slaves and that they have to serve their man.” Tracey said, “Well he is not invited to the Wedding.” I said, “Don’t worry about that.”

The next few months went by not well, dad got progressively worse, he broke his arm when he stumbled out of the hotel one night.

Tracey was offered a Training Scholarship in United States of America, she decided she was too good for me and ended our engagement, which had me joining dad in too much alcohol consumption, until finally dad said, “I’m closing the shop and suggest you move elsewhere.” I rang my grandmother to see if I could come and live with her for a while? She said, “Yes of course.”

I packed up that night and dad counted out what money we had on hand, taking out what was owed to suppliers, then he halved the remainder and handed me my share, which totalled $5,780.85.

I placed a notice on the front door of the shop and then went to pack some snacks, especially my favourite at the time, The First Person to guess that, gets a Prize. Once I had everything packed and ready near the back door, I went upstairs to have a shower and have an early night as I decided to get an early start in the morning. Dad and I chatted for a while, then I went to bed.

The following day I woke up later than I wanted, but got up and got dressed, then went downstairs to make a coffee and pack the car. I decided to grab the esky and place some milk in it with some ice and sealed it. I placed that in the front of the car with me on a blanket so the heat of the car would not melt the ice quicker than it should.

I said, “Goodbye” to dad and left, the drive over took almost 3 ½ hours, and as I would be driving close to Denise’s, decided to stop in see her and let her know that I was going to live with our grandmother for a little while, I also gave her 2 x 2 litre bottles of milk, but I suggested she leave it in the fridge to get really cold as it has been in the car, but in an esky in ice for the last couple of hours, she said, “Ok thanks.”

We chatted for a while, then she had to go to work, I let her get ready and left. I arrived at my grandmothers’ a short time later, as expected she was not home, but I knew where the key was kept. I immediately placed the milk in the fridge then went to unload the car.

I applied for jobs in that city, but had nil luck, until finally I decided to move back down to Sydney. I had been checking the newspapers and found a private hotel, I called them and found out the prices, then asked if they could hold a room for me please? The man said, “Yes, when do you plan to arrive?”

I said, “The day after tomorrow,” he said, “Ok I will see you then.”

I arranged to get my car serviced the following day, then once I got the car back, packed it with my belongings. I had decided to leave by around 7am the next morning, as I knew the drive would be around 7-8 hours, including stopping to rest.

I arrived there just after 3pm, paid the weekly tariff and key deposit then moved my things in. I relaxed the rest of the night, then the following day went to Social Security to change my address and fix up the various changes.

I applied for jobs over the next few months, but nil luck, I asked for assistance to find jobs from the department, but they were not interested.

I then had to return my car to the finance company, which really hurt me, and as a result I had to go Bankrupt, and then found out that a job I applied for and had the interview just before taking the car back, I got.

I had to decline it as it started at 2am every day and I needed my car to get to and from work. I rang the finance company to see if I could get my car back but was met with a resounding no and they hung up on me. I have never had anything to do with vehicle brand since, this includes that I will not even travel their vehicles when I need a taxi.

I obtained a job as a casual school bus driver, which was really good. I got some weekend work with them. I was terminated because I had a migraine one day and stopped to get some water, yes, I was in the wrong as I left the vehicle running and the children unattended, they had every right to terminate me.

Dad had sold the shop and decided to move to Sydney, which surprised me until I got home one night and this man with a beard said, “Hello” to me, it did take me a few seconds to realise it was dad, I moved in to the same room as him that night.

I continued looking for work and did on occasions assist a guy I used to work with, with some of his city deliveries, until the day I had an argument with a security guard who I accidentally hit, resulting in me being arrested and charged with assault. I tried telling the Police what happened, but they were not interested.

I was released on bail and told my court date was Christmas Eve, I wasn’t happy as it meant being very busy in the city but attended. I arranged for free legal help, she was very good and told me that if I pled guilty, then as it was my first offence, I would receive a Section 10 Bond, with no conviction recorded and a 12-month Good Behaviour Bond, plus court costs. I accepted that and yes, that is exactly what I received. I was that good that I did not even jay-walk, no matter what.

I obtained a job as a bus driver, I declared the charge, which they were unable to find. I enjoyed my time there, even though it resulted in me transferring depots after a friendship fell apart. N.B. I will not go into details as it still hurts me, even today. I will mention her briefly later and what we did.

The time with that company was a lot of fun and I made friends, both with other staff and some passengers, I was assaulted many times as I was a stickler for the rules. I would insist on seeing concession cards before issuing concession tickets, no matter who the person was. I would also ask where a person was going to ensure they were charged the correct fare. I did not allow anybody to board with open containers of food stuffs, I did relent once with a schoolboy, who was travelling home after his school pass was not valid, N.B. They were only valid until 6.30pm School Days, I departed from the terminus at 7pm, therefore he was fare evading.

I commenced the journey to the CBD, and upon arrival went to do my usual Lost Property checks, only to find his food scattered and ground into the floor. I decided then and there that I would not be a nice person again.

This next part is the second saddest part ever in my life and has not been easy to write, only the names have been changed.

Dad and I decided to find a place close to work, which was cramped but we survived though. I got home on Friday November 11th, 1994 to find dad upset and he told me to sit down, then handed me a beer. He said, “Ok I have checked this, and it is correct.” I took the newspaper and looked, then burst into tears.

I looked at it and saw that it was the Death and Funeral notice for Claire Baire, her Funeral had occurred 6 hours earlier, she had passed away the previous Tuesday. I downed the beer basically in one gulp, then told dad I was going for a walk. I walked for I don’t know how long, but it was the first time ever that I did contemplate committing suicide.

I had been thinking about Claire Baire every day for the previous 2 years, this was not like I would think about her when I had nothing else to do, it was constantly. I told dad, but he said, “She is happily married with a couple of children and living at the foot of the blue mountains.” I was to find out later, that this was untrue, she never had another boyfriend after me, but this is yet to be confirmed or denied, I’m only going by what I have read on her headstone.

I still love her like crazy, and I am letting you all in a secret, I have always shied away from relationships as I feel that I would be cheating on her if I dated somebody else, even though I have had a similar issue since 2015.

I, for some stupid reason, decided to become a vegetarian and only ate Carrots, Onions, Cucumbers, Tomatoes and Lettuce, which resulted in me 3 months later collapsing and ending up in a coma. I know that I died as I saw Claire Baire and we chatted, she told me several things.

She said, “Over next few years are going to be very tough, where you will feel like giving up, but it will be fine, will receive some money, but will be frivolous with it, you will meet someone who is totally wrong for you, who will listen to others and get rid of you.”

I said, “Babe, but I want to stay with you,” she said, “No, your father needs you and he will really need you even more in a few years.”

Finally, after 3 months, I woke up and saw dad, he bent down to kiss me and said, “Welcome back.” I said, “Yes, same here, what happened?” He told me and said, “I was told to prepare for the worst, because until a short time ago, there virtually no signs of you coming back.” I said, “Ok, I didn’t want to because I saw and spoke with Claire Baire, and I wanted to stay with her, but she wouldn’t let me.” Dad said, “I seriously doubt you saw and spoke with her; it was just a dream.” N.B. Dad was very sceptical about the afterlife and us being guided by loved ones who have passed away, whereas I have always believed in ghosts and spirits.

I remained in the hospital for another couple of weeks until the Doctors felt I was recovered enough. I returned back to work, but on restricted duties, meaning I was unable to drive until I had been passed as fully fit by their own Doctor which took another few weeks, but final after almost 6 months I was able to resume driving again.

Dad and I decided to part ways, only because Zoe had a spare room and asked me to share with her, I said, “Yes,” after consultation with dad, he moved into a rooming house in the next suburb. I remained living there for a few months until we were robbed, and her boyfriend moved in who well let’s just say liked to play the field with both sides. I never told her, but they broke up not long after, I don’t know the details about it and I never told her about his wandering eyes and at times hands.

Zoe met another awesome guy, who was younger than her, but I could tell from day one how she felt about him, I was happy for her. Zoe and Max ended up getting married, which pleased me, and a couple of years later produced their first child. For Zoe and Max’s privacy, I will not go any further, not until I receive written permission from both of them.

I moved into a serviced studio apartment close to the CBD, which was great. I loved it there and met a couple of nice friends, one of whom, well let’s just say we would spend a lot of time together, yes, she was a female, and a lot of fun. Our friendship?????? Ended when I started to get way too serious and she moved out. I tried to contact her, but she had disconnected her phone. I decided then and there that it would take a lot for me to trust someone again. N.B. Those of you who know me, I hope you all can understand why I have been so cold towards most of you. The above is part of the reason why.

A woman was getting Married at work and she had an open invitation for all the females to come to her Hens’ night, someone had written, “And guys welcome as well.” I saw that and thought I wanted to go but as a girl, then my female friend, Leonie, said, “What if we dress you up and make you a girl for the night.” I straight away went into defence mode and said, “No way, I am a man.” Leonie said, “You act more like a girl a lot, and honestly, I think you should have been a girl.” I said, Well can we discuss it please?” She said, “Wes.” We decided that she would go to my place during the afternoon to pack some clothes for me, male of course, and then she would catch my last bus with me to the terminus then come back to the depot and travel to her place for the night.

When we arrived at her place we went inside and then we had our tea, she decided to go through her wardrobe to find something suitable for me to wear.

I did not realise just how much of a slut she was, all her clothes were way too short for her to wear, let alone me, but we found a dress that had sequins on it and when she placed it against me, came to just above my knees, she had me go and have a shower and use her gels and lotions then asked me to come back in naked, I was nervous about that, especially at I had the hots for her and knew that I would be awake.

I finished in the shower and walked in to her bedroom, and sure enough I was awake, said, “Nice, but well that needs to go down as girls do not get erections,” but we both concentrated on making sure the dress fits me, she placed a bra on me, followed by a pair of rolled up socks in each cup, then she helped me put the dress on.

Even with the erection, I looked hot and wanted to date me. We decided on that dress, but then she said, “Well now you need heels, pantyhose, and your own underwear, so tomorrow we are going out shopping, to make it easier, I think you should go as a female.”

 I said, “No way, in public all day,” she said, “It will be fine,” then she found a cute little sundress that belonged to her sister, lucky we both wore the same size shoes, but none of her clothes went with the dress chosen, but the sundress she found, matched a cute pair of open toed sandals to wear.

I said, “No way.” Leonie said, “Look you need to wear them as we will both get Manis and pedis tomorrow and a facial each as well, you will love it.” I said, “Ok great,” then she said, “Ok,” and suddenly dropped to her knees to suck me off, wow she was good, we ended up making love, she said, “You are wasted as a man as you eat pussy like a girl.”

I admitted to her then that I was seeking to go on hormones, she said, “Wow, it’s about time,” then she hugged me and said, “I will help you as much as you need.” I said, “Thanks, that would be appreciated, what we just did was a one off or maybe the occasional bit of fun?” She said, “Well I enjoyed it, and we may do it again.” I said, “Sweet.” We both fell asleep wrapped in each other’s’ arms.

We woke up the following and took a shower together, which yes resulted in some fun, but then we both get ready to go out for the day, this included her shaving my legs, arms and underarms, she said, “Your eyebrows can be done on the day of the Hens’ night.”

The day went great, even getting my mani and pedi was heavenly, we found the perfect heels and accessories, and I felt totally at ease by the end of the day. I knew then that I was a girl but didn’t say anything to her.

We went back to her place so I could practice getting used to the heels, which took a bit of time, she suggested that I stay with her for the next few nights so I can wear them when I was there. I got a shock when she said, “You look hot in those heels that I want to fulfill my fantasy of having sex with another girl.” I said, “But I’m not really a girl,” she said, “You are better than a real girl.” I said, “Ok.”

The week went great and when it came to Saturday, we woke up early and went to get our waxing down, then went back to her place to start getting ready, she said, “You should shave your crotch area?” I asked “Why?” Leonie said, “Well you never know what action you may get.” I said, “The only action I want is you, sweetie pie.” She said, “Aww, ok but we will both shave though.”

She said, “Ok, can you get a towel and a bowl please, and lay the towel on the floor in the lounge room, then half fill the bowl with boiling water then put some cold in and take it to where the towel is.” I said, “Ok” and did that.

She came out a few minutes later totally naked and with a very wet, glistening pussy, which had my penis straining against my panties, she had a bag with her and sat down, telling me, “I’m naked, so you better strip, Megan,” which I did. Leonie asked me to lie on the towel so she could shave me, which I did, but it did feel strange when she rinsed my pubic hair with the towel, then she sprayed some shaving cream, of course female, on to her hands and lathered it up then applied it to my pubic hair, she let it soak in for a few seconds and did ask me when the last time I had shaved my genitals? I said, “Never, this is the first time,” she said, “Wow, you will never know yourself shortly.”

 I said, “Ok, so when was the last time you shaved?” She said, “2 weeks ago, that’s why it looks like a forest down there, and I hate it, I love how when I am shaved and horny that my clit rubs my g string and gets me even more hornier.” I said, “Ok, but once we are both freshly shaved, are we going to have sex?” She said, “Yes, of course, but it will just be quick as we need to get ready for tonight.” I said, “Ok.”

When she had finished me, I had a look and feel, and wow did I love it. I then got in and shaved her, which I was scared about as I didn’t want to nick any of her parts, but I did it and felt around, she was so smooth and even her clit was poking out as well, she said, “Give me your cock, I want it inside me right now.” I didn’t have to be told twice and moved around to pound her pussy. We were both so horny that we both came within 2 minutes.

We got to and finished getting ready and then left for a great night out. Leonie wore Gold Hot Pants and a Tube Top, without any underwear. The first part was at a restaurant for dinner and working out where we were all going. When we arrived, Leonie introduced me and all the other girls said, “Wow, you are gorgeous,” even those I worked with were shocked at how well I looked, I was even told that I looked better as a female than I do as a male, Leonie and I both laughed. We all sat down and perused the menu for what we wanted.

We all chose our food, of course, Leonie and I were rubbing our legs together, which had me very aroused, and I could smell her pussy, I totally wanted to grab her and drag her to the bathroom and fuck her pussy hard, but resisted as I knew that would happen later tonight. I did however, let my fingers do some walking though.

The Bride-To-Be, Jane, then asked us all where we wanted to go? The answer, including me as well, was to see male strippers, lucky she knew a show that we all could get in to. We paid the bill and went to the cars, of course, I travelled with Leonie, there were 2 other girls from work, Chris and Michelle, who were both rumoured to be Lesbian lovers. We drove to the city to where the club was, the 4 of us talked along the way as well, Chris said, “If you had a pussy tonight, I would take you into the ladies and eat you until I couldn’t take anymore.” I shifted in my seat.

Leonie said, “Wow someone seems interested, I can tell by her dress here,” it didn’t help that Leonie was massaging me, and I was starting to feel some pain, suddenly and surprisingly, Michelle leaned over and started to rub me as well, I decided what the hell and reached under my dress and pulled my cock out of my panties. Each girl said, “Wow, nice,” then I had 3 hands stroking me, which had me pinching my nipples, honestly, I was that horny, I thought I had breasts and the nipples I was playing with were mine.

Chris suggested we all stop somewhere quietly to have some fun together, Leonie said, “Especially as my hot pants are getting totally soaked.” She turned off the road and went down a very dark road, then stopped and said, “Ok, I used to come here with my ex-husband before we got married.” We said, “Ok great.” Leonie went to the boot and pulled out a blanket then we followed her down, of course my dress was still raised, and my cock was very hard. Chris and Michelle guided me just by grabbing hold of my cock, it felt so nice.

When we got to a clearing, Leonie laid the blanket on the ground, then they pushed me to the ground and suddenly I was being ravished by them all. I still have no idea who was doing what to me, but knew that I was touching Leonie’s pussy, as the two I was touching had hair. I fucked them both and watched as the girls all ate each other out, I don’t know how long we were there, or how many times we each came, but wow, what a night.

We decided to clean ourselves up and go home, Leonie offered to drop them both off home, which they said, “Yes, please, we need to enjoy each other, but what happened tonight stays between us and is never revealed to anybody.” We all agreed and slapped hands. We dropped them off and Leonie drove us home so that we could both fuck each other all night. I honestly, had no idea why I was so horny, maybe because I was fucking a totally hot girl. N.B. Leonie wore glasses and was in my opinion cuddly, and I was just totally in awe of her. I had the best night ever since Tracey broke up with me.  

Leonie and I continued seeing each other for the next few months, including many times of me going out as “Megan” which I loved. I wanted to show my appreciation with her, and her birthday was approaching, I booked us a table at a restaurant that I was really wanting to dine at, this included ordering a coffee cake as a surprise as well but found out that she was two-timing me with another staff member.

When I found out, I was totally annoyed and yes, wanted to hurt them both, but knew that would not solve the problem. I stopped talking to Leonie and even gave her boyfriend the cold shoulder, the only time I would talk to him would be when the other was relieving the other’s bus.

I went back into my deep depression, and would stay home on days’ off, the only time I would go out would be to go and do shopping or see dad. I remained living at the apartments until a friend of Zoe’s, said, “I’m looking for somewhere else to live, would you be interested in sharing with us? I said, “Yes.” We did search for places, until we found one that was perfect, and we were the successful applicants. We moved in almost straight away, things went well, until her boyfriend moved in and they started doing drugs together, then I found out that she was not paying her rent and I decided to move out one weekend when they had gone away.

I got a notice from the agent saying that we would not be getting our bond back and that we still owed a lot of money. I tried to contact her, but she had changed her mobile (Cell) number. I repaid the money, to this day I have no idea where she is.

I moved back to the place in near the CBD, this time two floors up, I enjoyed it there, even though that floor had some weird peeps on it. I kept to myself as best I could.

As my friendship with Leonie had now split the depot, I decided to transfer depots, and would vary when I would come to work, thankfully Slut Features (My Nickname for Leonie) was now working in the Maintenance section, which made me happy, and every time I would see her, would duck into the men’s dunny.

The transfer application took several months to be approved; it was funny how I was told. I was in the depot having my meal, when the Manager came and asked me to come see him before I went out for my second half, I said, “Ok,” and finished my food. When I had done that, I washed my dishes and went to find out was going on. He said, “Ok, I was waiting for Leonie to leave, she has just gone on three weeks leave from today, now, I am the only person to know this and you are not allowed to tell anybody either, if you say yes.” I said, “Wow, sounds ominous”, he said, “Well, your transfer has been approved and you start there the day before she comes back, but you must keep it quiet from everyone.”

I said, “Ok, but it won’t be easy as I am going to cop abuse from the other drivers.” He said, “Yes, I know, but I will talk to them after you have left. “

I said, “Ok, I understand where you are coming from and especially as you want to keep it a surprise for everybody, and you can be assured that I won’t reveal to anybody.” I was handed the official paperwork and I left.

I found it very difficult to keep the news quiet for the next few weeks, and even my best friend there could tell there was something up, but I said, “I’m thinking about Claire Baire,” this excuse always shut everyone up, as they knew that I would snap out of it in a few days.

I was lucky that the last few days I was working there, I had the Thursday-Saturday off, as it was the end of our roster, and we used to swap to actually give that person 5 days off, Thursday was what was called Additional Day Off (ADO). I decided to rent a car to take all my belongings home after I had cleared out my locker, I still felt bad for not telling anyone, but this night was hard as I had to sneak everything out, what I said was since I had 5 days off, I was going to sort out all my stuff at home, this excuse actually worked though.

I started at the new depot on the Sunday, and still knew some of the staff from a few years before hand.

I got tired of having to act like a male and finally decided to seek medical help. I was lucky that my GP was Transsexual friendly, and he gave me a referral to an Endocrinologist and Psychiatrist. I said, “Thank you” to him and went home to make an appointment with both, I had my first appointment with the Psychiatrist in a couple of weeks’ time, but Endo was still a few weeks away. I was so happy that I was finally going to start my journey.

Fast forward 2 weeks, I had the day off and travelled to see the Psych, I arrived around 20 minutes early, but that was fine as I was so nervous, finally he called me in, and we chatted. Once it was over, he walked out with me to let his receptionist know that he wanted to see me again in 3 months’ time. I paid the bill, then left.

I was floating on air when I left which made me happy, even the next couple of weeks at work, everyone wondered what was going on, but I didn’t reveal to anyone.

I had major trust issues with my work colleagues, especially after what Leonie did to me, and I even started to get very nasty with passengers and got the point where I finally started getting bad migraines again, which I was then asked to resign from my job. I did and was able to use my insurance to live off, until they found out that I lied on the application form. I told them that I told my agent, but he told me to not include it as I would not get covered. I had neglected to inform them that I was seeking hormone therapy, but that was my fault as I did not obtain a second opinion.

I ended up back on government benefits but ended up finding a job working for a frozen food company, which was fun, even though it was long hours and I was treated like dirt. N.B. No one there knew about me planning to live full time as a female. 

The next few months ended up being me paying my bills and the remaining amount went into the poker machines at the casino, the lowest point came when I was taking some leave and was given the chance to be paid my full annual leave money in advance.

I decided to go to the casino and within 4 hours had lost the entire amount, this was over $2,500. I was seriously fucking pissed off with myself and even though it was early morning, by that 2-3am, I decided to walk home, honestly, I had a death wish and was hoping to be mugged and with any luck, being murdered as well.

I spent the next 5 weeks at home, either watching videos or television, I had very little money for food, and thankfully my father helped me out, otherwise I would have starved, something I was hoping to do, yes, my depression had become so bad that I wanted to join Claire Baire, and spent many days at home just crying.

I even decided one night to go for a walk, and not in the brightly lit, main areas of the suburbs, the back lanes where a lot of criminal activity occurred, but as it turned out that night, even wanting to be terminated, didn’t happen.

I was so happy when I returned to work, as it helped raise my spirits, even though not as high as I wanted, yes, I was still missing Claire Baire very much. This was in late 1999 and I didn’t want to see the new millennium at all.

                                                            Chapter 10:

                                                            New Millennium

I couldn’t believe that I had made it, a new millennium, and strangely everything remained the same, no flying vehicles or us wearing space suits, living in fully automated homes, nothing changed. I had hoped that my life would change, well let’s move on and I will tell you.

I was still working at the Frozen food company and was interested in an office girl who was yes, very cute, even though she had a young child, that did not bother me at all. She resigned and went elsewhere, last, I heard she had married a guy who I hope has been treating her very well. I do think about her from time to time.

I applied to be a Bus Driver again and had to put my current employer down as a reference, when my manager found out he sacked me. I was not fussed as he was very demanding and expected me to work every Saturday, and do the company banking every day, despite my protests about only wanting to work every second Saturday, and the safety issues with a driver carrying so much cash, he would not listen, and he would, without my knowledge, change my delivery run, which was not possible as many of my deliveries were to restaurants that do not have any staff arriving until late morning, but he was under the impression that since we started work at 4am, that everybody else did too.

I was unable to do anything as he was the Brother-In-Law of the company founder/owner. I was not re-employed by the Bus Company, I found out later that someone had made a major complaint against me and my driving and I have been placed on a “Never To Be Employed Again” List. I am still unable to find out what this complaint is as mysteriously, that file has gone missing, but even so I am still banned.

I found a job as a Courier Driver for a company that treats its staff well, although I did have some issues there, I enjoyed it. I was trusted enough that when there was a big delivery to Canberra, I was asked if I could do the job. I was unable to tell anybody what I was carrying or who for or even who the receiver was. I was very jumpy the entire journey as I was constantly watching for any vehicles that remained behind me for too long. Thankfully I arrived at the location and unloaded. I remember that it was around 4 degrees Celsius that morning, and everyone else was all rugged up, yet I was walking around just in my work pants and short sleeved shirt, I was getting funny looks from people.

Please be advised that Sydney was chosen to host the Olympics, something I did not agree with as it meant many disruptions to many people, I was one of those disrupted as there was a ban on delivery vehicles entering the city during the day. I was doing a Dry-Cleaning run each afternoon Monday to Friday, but because of these bans, it was changed to early morning. I would drop off the cleaned clothes and pick up the dirty ones to and from hotels, most of the guests were not tolerant of this change, even though most had come over especially for the Olympics but would not accept having to wait overnight to receive their clothes back. I had an issue with another customer who demanded that I park my truck illegally and, in my opinion, unsafely, they complained about my attitude. I tried to explain to my Manager what happened, but it was futile, and I was subsequently asked to take some time off, which I did. Thankfully it meant that I had the second week of the Olympics off, and I could watch some of it.

I returned to work after the event and was allocated the company van to drive, which I loved and spent most of my time in and around the city, with occasional trips to the Northern beaches, and as far south as the Sutherland Shire. The only drawback was every Friday, I was expected to buy the beer, so we could enjoy our end of week celebrations. I was re-imbursed of course, I sometimes drove home very intoxicated, but mostly left the van in the depot over the weekend and would sometimes come in on Saturday mornings to wash it and be on stand-by in case there were any jobs.

We had a client who would have many jobs all over Sydney each Saturday, and we also had a mobile (cell) phone company where we delivered new phones to their clients. I earned so much money on Saturday’s because of those two clients. I stayed with that company until the end of 2000, I resigned as I was yet again suffering from migraines and my Doctor wrote a letter for the Government saying that in his opinion, I am unable to work until he has sorted them out. I was successful in going on benefits but was allowed to seek casual or part time employment.

This next part is a Flashback:

1998 I was struggling with my Gender Identity and was at a loss as to what I should do, I decided to hire a car and go to the cemetery where Claire Baire was buried and take her some roses. I hadn’t been there in a while and felt very guilty for neglecting her, yes, the male side of me felt that giving her flowers, she would be putty in my hands. I had to ask directions, but finally found her grave. I immediately began to cry, but after a while, I composed myself and knelt to chat to Claire.

I know this will sound cuckoo, weird, delusional, nuts etc. but I wanted her advice about how I should proceed and started to chat to her, I felt strange, I don’t know how, but I felt as if she was responding to me and I suddenly had a very clear head and direction. I spread the roses on her grave and kissed her head stone and said, “I will always love you, Babe.” I walked back up to the car and got in, then immediately burst into tears. Once I had composed myself, I started the car and drove back to where dad was living.

Dad was a caretaker in a men’s hostel, which he enjoyed, I knocked on his door and asked him if he wanted to go and have a couple of drinks, he knew there was something up as it was rare for me to want to drink, but he said, “Ok” and we walked to the nearest hotel and ordered our drinks, then went and found a quiet spot to chat, dad asked, “W2hat’s wrong?” I said, “Well I’m not sure, but I need to be honest with you about something, but I don’t want a decision now, ok.” Dad said, “Ok.”

I then proceeded to tell him my plans, which got him very angry and upset and well let’s just say, I think he wanted me dead. I decided to finish my drink and said ok I will give you a couple of days, before I contact you, then I left the hotel.

I decided to end my life, but was unable to decide how to, instead went to the local bottle shop and bought 4 bottles of spirits, then went home to drink myself to death. Unfortunately, as I entered the building, I saw one of the other tenants, Lisa, who I was close to, she could see I was upset and could tell I had something bad in mind, she said, “Come on up to my apartment, so we can chat, ok.”

 I said, “Ok, thanks.” We travelled up in the lift (Elevator) together to her apartment, once we entered, she set her bags down on the table and then took her heels off, followed by her bra.

She said, “Do you want a drink?” I said, “Yes, let’s see what I can pull out of the bag.” She came over and said, “No, we will share them over the next few days, I have never seen you with that much alcohol, so I know something is up, come on give.”

 I said, “Ok, but what I am about to tell you stays between us, not even your best friend can know.” Lisa said, “Wow, sounds juicy, come on I am intrigued.” I said, “Ok, here goes” and then told her about me wanting to be a girl and finally being honest with dad and his reaction. When I had finished telling her, she said, “Wow, I had no idea, well you have me and Brittany to help you.” I said, “Hang on, no I didn’t agree to her,” she said, “It’s ok, she knows how to keep a secret and she will definitely love to help you out.” I said, “Ok, but if this gets out,” she said, “It won’t until you are ready.”

Lisa then said, “Brittany thought you were a girl when she first met you and was surprised to find out you were a male, Brittany would love to turn you.” I was astounded, but said, “Ok, wow, then that’s fine.

Lisa called Brittany who arrived around an hour later, but Lisa had me jump in the shower and shave my body hair, including my pubic hair and when I was ready to call her as she was going to wash me with her feminine scented shower products. I didn’t allow her to see me naked, as even though I thought of myself as a female, my penis still reacted like a male would, see a naked female and instantly stand to attention, of course, Lisa was flattered and unexpectedly she went on her knees and started to suck me off, which was heavenly, but even though I was feeling like a male, it wasn’t Tracey, and I started crying, which made Lisa get mad at me.

I said, “It reminds me of my ex-fiancée and even though it felt good, I still miss her.” Lisa said, “Ok, it’s fine,” then she hugged me, but continued to wash me all over and she even shaved areas where I had missed. We stepped out of the shower and dried off, I said, “Lisa can I return the favour, please?” She said, “Yes, that would be nice,” she laid down on her bed and I got too and ate her to several orgasms.

I loved her taste, it was a cross between vanilla and shellfish, but what a taste, of course, my male brain was controlling me, and I suddenly slid up the bed to insert my cock inside her, but she clamped her legs shut and said, “No, only my husband on our wedding night can do that.” I said, “Ok.” Brittany arrived not long after and let’s just say I was happy with the result. You, Dear Reader, May use your imagination with what the three of us got up to, suffice to say, nice.

I contacted dad a few days later, he said, “I’m not happy about your decision about being a girl, as I think you are being selfish and delusional, but I won’t stop you.” The next few months went well, both Lisa and Brittany helped me, and we went shopping, movies, nights out and in, they were fun, until I then found out that despite, Lisa telling me some time ago she was waiting for her husband to fuck her, her and Brittany had been having sex the entire time, including penis shaped toys. I was furious when I found out. I ended our friendship then and there, and to date have not had any contact with either since, nor do I have the desire too.

Dad eventually sort of came around and said, “I will not refer to you by whatever female name you chose but will never be happy or accept you as my daughter.” I let him go and decided that I was old enough, and ugle enough to make my own decisions, so enough is enough and decided to proceed ahead as planned. I will be detailing more soon.

I was still working as a Bus Driver then, until my migraines got the better of me and I was “Asked” to resign. I do remember one particularly bad afternoon, when I was driving a service and stopped to allow passengers to alight and board, a girl asked for a concession fare, to which I asked, “How old are you” her response was “17”, I then asked if she had her concession card on her? Her response was “No, It’s at home”. I responded, “You are required by law to pay the adult fare,” this resulted in a very heated argument between us both, until finally another, male, passenger paid her adult fare.

I issued her a ticket, then she walked to the back of the bus and sat down, but instead of sitting like a normal person would, she spread her legs and patted her genital area, she was wearing jeans, so I was happy. I reacted by lifting the internal mirror up, so I could not view this disgusting spectacle.

I continued stopping as required, until we reached her stop, she came all the way to the front and whispered, “Thanks a lot you cock-sucking pervert”. I was in a foul mood and immediately jumped out of my seat, why I still don’t know, suddenly she went in to a yard and said dad “He is trying to rape me” of course she was crying and gaining his approval of her, he said “Get out of here you pervert before I call the Police”. I jumped back into the bus, apologizing to my passengers and continued the journey. Once I had finished, I checked and closed all the windows, changed the destination board to Special, and route numbers to 000, then drove back to the depot.

When I arrived back, I was immediately summoned into the office and was told that this father had complained. I explained what happened, but of course, I was unable to prove what she said to me, it was a case of she said/he said, and as usual I lost out. I was suspended for the rest of the week until investigations were completed. I found out that this girl was a repeat offender and used her “Charm” to gain free rides, either by the Bus Driver feeling sorry for her, or a mug passenger feeling sorry and paying her fare. I was interviewed, even by the Police, and I was cleared of wrong doing, even though I admitted guilt in jumping out of the bus, but I explained that my mother’s anniversary had just gone, and I was not in a good place, emotionally. I was given a caution which included a severe penalty of $5000 donation to a child protection group and returned to work a couple of weeks later. The reason why I took extra time was to pull myself together, I was put on “Stress Leave” for the entire time, this included the suspension time as well.

I remained there for the next few months, I was lucky to be given an exclusive shift, which I loved very much, although it did have its drawbacks though, one of these was in Kings Cross one evening, when I was accused of running a woman over with my bus, even though I checked my mirror as I was turning and could not see anybody writhing around the ground in pain. I will not go any further here, as this incident still gives me nightmares. Suffice to say that because of it, I resigned and have never returned, nor plan to return to public passenger driving.

I was still taking my hormones and was advised to seek sickness benefits from the Government, which was approved, and I took some time out to just recharge my batteries again, of course, dad was not happy, but it was my life and felt that my Professional Driving career had run its course. I had managed to find a casual job working in, of all places, a porn shop, I only worked there a few nights per week as I lived close by and didn’t have any problems getting home, until one night when I was just closing the shop, a patron who had the impression that if someone looked at him with even the smallest smile, wanted him. It was a part of my job to smile and welcome all patrons into the shop. I felt someone behind me and when I turned around it was him, trying to grab my hand to I think put it down his pants, I froze and said, “No, sorry I like girls not guys.” He said, “That’s not true, you are a girl, therefore you must like men, like me.”

I said, “I am a man, not a woman.” He said, “Well you look more like a girl than a man, I don’t care what you are as long as you suck me off, you know, you want to.” I said, “No” and pushed him away and tried to scream, but nothing came out.

I was not surprised that even that time of night and on a very busy street, no one came to my aid, but I defended myself by struggling free and kicking this twerp in his balls, causing him to collapse in pain, this brought several people to his aid and I was restrained until the police arrived. I was read my rights and taken to the police station to be questioned.

 I tried to tell them why I kicked this twerp, but in their opinion, I attacked him without provocation as there was no evidence that he had touched me. I was then informed that I was being charged with assault causing grievous bodily harm, namely causing a man to become infertile through assault on his Manhood. I laughed at that and said, “He deserved it.”

They took me to the charge room, but as we arrived, a higher officer stopped them and ordered my release, at the time I didn’t know why. I was allowed to leave without further charges, and once I got to the reception area, noticed a girl who worked across the road from us, she said, “I heard that you had been arrested and came in to say that even though I did not see me assault the twerp, I saw him grab your hand and try pushing himself on you.” I hugged her and said, Thanks.”

I said, “Can I buy you a drink?” She said, “Yes, please, Thanks” and we walked up to a local hotel. I found out her name was Tiffany, we chatted for a while about numerous things, including our shared passion of fashion. Tiffany then said, “Please excuse my ignorance, but are you a cross dresser?” I said, “Yes, but I am in the process of going to live as a female hopefully sometime in the next few months.” Tiffany said, “Wow that’s great, so do you have a boyfriend?” I said, “No, I like girls,” she said, “Hang on I don’t understand, you want to be a girl, but you still like girls, shouldn’t you like men? “

I said, “Yes, true, I have struggled for so long, ever since I knew at 4 that I was a girl but didn’t like boys.” I explained to her about Claire Baire and Andrew, and also Tracey. Tiffany said, “Ok, so do you want a sex change operation, you know to have a pussy like me?” I said, “If I ever raise the necessary funds and get approved, yes.” Tiffany said, “Ok, great, well if you are interested, maybe we could go back to my place to have some fun.” I said, “Yes,” but honestly, wasn’t that interested, even though I had an erection, I only wanted to home and go to sleep, but decided to go back with her and see what she had in mind.

We walked back hand in hand, which was nice, she had her head resting on my shoulder, which again felt nice and to be honest, that’s all I really wanted as it felt comforting, but decided to go along with her. We arrived at her place and went in, she told me to be quiet as her flat mates were asleep, I said, “Ok,” then she led me to her room and closed then locked the door.

She didn’t waste time in getting undressed, which prompted me to as well, then she fell to her knees and started to suck me off, and of course, being a male, came within seconds. I was disappointed, but she said, “It’s common with most males who haven’t had sex in a while, so don’t worry about it.” She wanted us to continue, honestly, her pussy tasted magnificent, and the intercourse was great. Tiffany said, “You are wasted as a male as you eat pussy like a girl, she said, “Your intercourse skills need improving, but we can work on that.”

I said, “Hang on, are you saying that you want us to have sex again and again?” She said, “Yes, if you want to, and I will even help you with passing as a female.” I said, “Thanks, that would be great.” Tiffany helped me when she could, but after a while, she found a “Real” man and slowly became more and more distant from me, until eventually she moved away, and all contact was cut.

I was devastated, yet again, as I thought I had help to finally be myself but was just used and abused for someone else’s selfishness. I decided then that the only person I could truly rely on and fully trust was me and realised that I was no longer going to be an easy-going accepting person, but to be a very tough, withdrawn, sometimes arrogant person.

I went back into my shyness shell and would stay home on my days off, only venturing out to go to work, do my grocery shopping or see my father. I even limited my communications with my “Friends” as I could not trust them. I continued my hormone therapy and had a date set to transition, which I kept quiet from everyone. I had even slightly lost my passion to transition and stopped my skin care and Make-Up application.

                                                            Chapter 11:

                                                            2001-2005, Megan

I started living full time as a female on January 1st, 2001 and went to apply for my name change several weeks later, which was accepted, and I was then officially known as Megan Alison Tripp, or “MAT” for short. I had resigned from the Adult store as I knew it would cause a lot of problems.

I went back on Government Benefits but was lucky that I found a job as a kitchenhand, much closer to home. I only worked casual, but it was fun, and none of the staff had any issues with me being transgender, they were very supportive when I did, although I suffered some negativity from a couple of the staff who happened to be male and gay, they expected me to give them what they wanted when we had closed each night, something I refused and as a result, they lied to the owner about me, which gave him no choice but to terminate my employment. I was not even given the chance to say anything.

I continued to apply for jobs, but I was instantly declined each time because I was Transgender, even though I could not prove it, but could feel it from each interview I attended. I went to my job provider, who then took the time to assist me with finding a job, and within several weeks had found me a job driving for a well-known charity, I was offered the position which I really loved. I Stayed for the next few years, until I was asked to leave, this was because a girl that I was sort of dating. N.B. To this day, I still do not know what we were, as we never pashed or made love.

 I met the above-mentioned female, not long before I started at the charity, at a Transgender support place, she was there with a friend of hers, who at the time was in the final preparations for her operation. We got on very well and she had no issues with me being Transgender, but her family did, especially as they were from another country and felt that I was defying God’s will, which caused a lot of friction and subsequently had her messaging me one night. “It’s Mark or it’s nothing, you decide”. I was very surprised by this and tried calling her, but she had turned her phone off straight after she messaged me. I completed my shift and went home.

I did, for the first in a long time, buy some beers to drink when I got home. I was very depressed that night, as unbeknown to anybody else, I was having serious doubts about whether I was truly a female or just kidding myself. I drank all the beers that night and fell asleep. I didn’t wake up until late the next day, long after I should have been at work, I rang them and made up some lie, I said “I’ve had bad stomach pains,” honestly, it is that long ago that I have forgotten. I was given the rest of the week off to recover but was told that this woman had telephoned several times that day asking for me. I said, “Thank you, I will call her shortly.”

I was still very upset with her and decided against contacting her until I had decided, I had a shower and got dressed then went to see my father. N.B. He was still not very accepting of me as a female, and each time I would go and see him, I would dress very androgynously, meaning plain pants and top, the only clothes feminine about me were my panties and bra. I went to see him and knew that at this time of day he would be in the hotel drinking and socializing. When I entered, he saw me and said, “Why aren’t you at work?” I used the same excuse with him, of course, he was concerned that I may be overcome whilst out. I said, “It’s ok, I am sure the bulk has passed.”

 I asked if we could go back to his place as I need to chat quietly with him? He said, “Yes, of course.” Then he went to buy some more alcohol and we walked back to his place.

Once we arrived, he said, “What’s wrong?” I told him about what my friend said, and I know that you like me to be Mark again, but I also know how much you despise her, and if I did transition back, it may mean that her and I will possibly form a “Real” relationship with her if I do. He said, “Well you know my feelings on both subjects, so it is up to how you feel.” I said, “Ok, thanks, I will take the next few days to decide,” I decided to leave him as I knew that the best place for me to think was by travelling on the Manly Ferry, followed by a walk along the Manly foreshore, this always calmed me down and allowed me the chance to clearly think.

I walked around for a while, until I realised that I was going to miss the last ferry back to Circular Quay, I did by around 5 minutes, thankfully though there was a bus service from the northern beaches to the city, but I had over 45 minutes to wait for it. To say I was shit scared was an understatement especially given that in those days, the area was well-known for illegal activities at night. I decided to go in to a local fast food restaurant to have some food and to feel a bit more comfortable, but there were a lot of males being typical males, being rude and obnoxious to every female that entered or left the restaurant, strangely though, I was left alone, why I do not know.

When it was getting close to the bus arrival, I cleaned up my area, placing my rubbish in the bin and walked around to wait for the bus, thankfully it arrived several minutes later, I boarded and sat down to enjoy the ride to the city. The trip took almost 2 hours, but finally it arrived, and I alighted, then took the unusual step of walking back home, this resulted in me walking through a dangerous area, yes, I was shit scared.

I was approached by a male, who wanted me to suck him off, and when I declined, he grabbed my hair and dragged me behind a tree, then forced me to suck him. I totally hated the smell and taste as I could smell his urine and sweat, which was very bad, but decided to do what he wanted, but instead of putting my mouth on him, grabbed my hands and started to wank him off, in which he came within seconds, I moved up to kiss him, but his response was, “Are you kidding slut, I’m not kissing you when I just came in your mouth, yuck, fuck off and leave me alone.” I had not let go of his cock, and tightened my grip on him, which resulted in him letting out a girly yelp, then he grabbed me and wacked me around the head resulting in me falling to the ground, hitting my head.

I woke up in hospital with several tubes in my arms, I did try to speak, but was told not to. I had no idea what had happened, where I exactly was, or how long I had been out for, but could feel that my head was thumping. A Doctor then approached me and performed some tests on me then told me what happened, and that the police wanted to speak to me about what had happened, I said, “Ok, thanks, I will do my best to recall,” then he allowed 2 uniformed officers in to interview me. I was not happy as both were male, and I knew that they would not believe me.

I told them what happened and as expected told they did not believe me, I asked them why? One said, “Well you are just a faggot who is kidding themselves, and you took revenge on a client as he would not pay you.” I said, “Excuse me, but I am not a prostitute, nor was I looking for any sex.” Then they said, “Ok so what were you doing walking in that area that time of night?” I told them, but again did not believe me and I started crying very heavily, which resulted in the Doctor asking them to leave and come back later. I was heavily sedated to allow my body to repair itself, I have no idea how long I was sedated for.

When I was finally brought around again, was told that the assailant had admitted to the assault and I was no longer arrested, the person who told me was I think someone high up in the Police Force, I don’t know what the markings are on the uniforms, so can’t say how high she was, but she apologized for the way I was treated, I said, “Thank you, honestly, I was not happy at the way I was assumed to be a faggot and a prostitute, which I am not either, I do not have any interest in sex or intimacy, despite what others might say.“

N.B., I have now come to realise, thanks to the Internet, that I am Asexual, or ACE as most put it, this is due to the molestation from 6-14 and vicious assault at 16.

She said, “Ok, fair enough, here is my card, please call me anytime you feel like talking or if you are assumed to be something you are not”. I said, “Thank you,” then we hugged, and she left the hospital.

I had been referred to a Psychiatrist who I saw every three months, but he told me from the outset that he thought I was wasting my time and he would never approve me for surgery. I later found out that he only ever approved less than 10 Transgender Females during his entire career. I felt even more disillusioned and depressed after he said this. I have never revealed this to anybody, but I once stood at the very centre of the Sydney Harbour Bridge around 2am one morning and was very close to jumping in, and that was the closest I came to ending my life since I heard about Claire Baire’s passing back in 1994.

I decided to transition back to male, mainly because it was what everyone else wanted, and even I felt it was the right thing to do at the time. Once I had been released from the hospital, I returned home to being told that I had been evicted as I had not paid my rent for several weeks. I informed them that I had been in hospital and produced a certificate from the Doctor, of course, it was not accepted, and I was told to hand over my keys, which I refused, then went to the nearest Police Station to try and contact this other Police Lady, I will call her Janice, not her real name, of course. I was able to get through to her and explained the situation to her, to which she said I will meet you out the front of the building in around 20 minutes, I said thank you.

I took a slow walk back to the building, arriving just as Janice did, we went inside, and the receptionist was surprised that I had brought someone dressed as a Police Woman, but Janice produced her identification and told her that I had been in hospital for the last few weeks, she said, “Megan was unable to inform anybody as her belongings had been stolen when she was assaulted.” The receptionist said, “Oh, ok, can you please give me a minute,” then she went to see somebody. She came back a few minutes later and said, “Ok, you can move back into your apartment, but you will need to get your rent up to date asap.” I said, “Yes, of course, hopefully I still have a job.”

Janice came upstairs with me, so we could chat, I asked her “Could you come to my work tomorrow to explain to them about my unexplained absence?” She said, “Yes, of course.” I gave her the address of where we were and the time I would be there, then I escorted her out and I travelled to see dad to let him know what had been going on. I knew where he would be, and when I walked in, he was gob smacked, then came over, not to shake my hand or hug me, but he slapped me across the face and abused me.

I said, “Excuse me, what was that for?” He said, “For disappearing without telling anyone.” I then collapsed crying, which brought the owners wife around to comfort me and she abused dad, not only for slapping me, but also being verbally abusive towards me, she took me in to the office for me to compose myself and chat to me.

Once I had fully composed myself, I explained the situation to her, she then hugged me tightly, and said, “Do you want me to bring your dad in, but I will be in the room as well?” I said, “Yes, thanks,” then she left to get him.

They came back a few minutes later, the first thing dad did, was come and hug me, saying, “I’m so sorry, so what happened?” I told him, and of course, he was upset, but asked me why I missed the last ferry? I said, “Because I was too slow, pure and simple.” He then said “Rubbish, you know the times and you are usually much better.” I said, “Yes, but my mind was elsewhere at the time and I was not thinking straight,” again he got abusive, I told him to leave me alone, which he did. The owners’ wife then said, “I will be back in a minute.” I said, “Ok.” I sat there thinking that if I hadn’t been kidding myself, then none of this would have happened, by kidding myself, I mean going against Gods will to think I was a female, this re-enforced my decision to transition back to male, which resulted in me crying again.

The owners’ wife came back in with a glass of white wine and a chicken Parma dinner and asked me to eat, which I did. She chose these two as they were my two usual buys. I ate the entire plate of food and drank the wine, then once she was satisfied, I was ok, escorted me to the train station and waited until I had boarded.

I got home just over an hour later, and didn’t worry about a shower or getting undressed, just collapsed on the bed and fell asleep. I woke up early though, had a shower and walked to my work and waited for Janice, once she had arrived, we went inside to my direct Manager, of course, I copped abuse but also strange looks as I was being escorted by a Police Officer, but when we arrived at my Managers office, I knocked, and he allowed us in, then we closed the door and I proceeded to explain my absence.

He wasn’t very happy about it, but understood that I was unable to contact anybody, he said, “Ok you will be on restricted duties for the next few weeks, meaning you will be office bound until further notice,” which didn’t worry me at all. I was informed to take the rest of the week off and to report at 7am Monday, I said, “Pk, but what about any money due to me, or have I been on unpaid leave?” He said, “All you will receive is what you have already several weeks back, but I will see if I can have you paid at least at half pay.” Janice said, “And I will speed up you victims’ compensation as well, especially as you need to pay your back rent.” I said, “Yes, I do, Thanks.”

We said goodbye to my manager, and we walked outside to a nearby café that I knew, I owed her big time for being such a supportive person. We sat down and perused the menu, and made our selections then placed the order. We chatted about the events of the last few weeks, and I told her what I was planning, something she agreed on, but told me to really think about it to make sure it’s what I wanted to do, not others, ok. I said, “Yes, I have been thinking a lot, and that’s why I was out the night I was attacked, but I decided then, to transition back. I am on leave in a few weeks, and will transition back then,” she said, “Ok, great idea.” I said, “Thanks,” then our order arrived, and we ate in silence. Once we had finished, I walked back to Janice’s office with her, I got some strange looks, but didn’t care, we went up to her office and she handed me the pre-filled paperwork for me to sign, I had a read of it and agreed to it, then signed. Janice said, “Ok, my offer for help stands, no matter what gender or name you use.” I said, “Thanks, I really appreciate your support,” we shook hands, but she saw me as a female and came around to give me a hug, including pinching my bottom, which I found was unusual, but didn’t react at the time. I left her office and went back to check my bank account, to find that there was enough money in it to pay half what I owed, which I withdrew and walked to my apartment building then paid what I had and said I will get the rest to you asap, as both my employer and my Police friend are working to get me some extra money, she said, “Ok, that’s fine.”

I went to my apartment to read my mail and found some overdue bills which needed to be paid asap, of course, both my home and cell phones had been disconnected, so I went in to the city to a store to pay the bill, same with my electricity as well, and was told it would be re-connected in a couple of hours, especially given that I explained why I had not paid the bill. I then decided to go and see dad and see if he was willing to have a mature conversation with me, of course, I checked the hotel first, and sure enough there he was sitting at the bar drinking a beer and reading the paper. I approached him, and he instantly turned around then hugged me saying, “I’m so sorry about what I did and said.”

 I said, “Apology accepted,” then he asked me if I wanted a drink? I said, “Yes, please, just a lemon squash for me please,” he was surprised as I normally had white wine, I said, “I don’t feel like any alcohol right now, maybe soon, this is all I feel like today.” I remained there for several more hours, chatting with the regulars, which was nice.

I returned back to work on Monday and told my Manager what I had planned, which he agreed with, I saw my Psychiatrist who told me it was the best decision, my Endocrinologist put me on Testosterone injections, which increased my levels, but not as high as he wanted, or they should have been, so he increased the dosage, which helped a bit.

 I transitioned back to male and I seemed happier, my relationship though did not happen, the first time I went over to see her as Mark, she told me to leave, she said, “Well you did what everybody else wanted, so I no longer want you in our lives.” N.B. What she said was full of profanity, I have cleaned up what she said, as even I took a long time to get over her nasty abuse. I was devastated as the main reason I transitioned back was for her and I thought that we would finally start a normal relationship.

I am being very vindictive here, but I stayed over as per usual when I had weekends off. One weekend, this female, I will call her Emma, started drinking alcohol at 11am Saturday and did not stop the entire day, but the funny thing was on the Sunday, she wanted to go to church. I said, “Yes, why not.” So, her, me, her son and mother all walked up to the local church, but Emma decided to go across the road to the liquor store to get some more beers, then she came back over for us to enter the church.

Both her mother and I looked at each other and shrugged our shoulders but knew that keeping quiet was best as we had both been on the very vindictively bad side of her in the past. I was very nervous the entire time, and someone did notice the brown paper bags. We were then asked to leave and never return. When we returned back to their place, she started drinking again, I had had enough and packed up my things and left.

We did not communicate for almost 4 weeks, which suited me fine as I finally felt free of this restrictive, nasty, controlling person. N.B. Our friendship has been over for many years, and I have no idea where her or her family are. I do know that both her children were taken away from her because of her drinking problem, and because someone felt uncomfortable with her having a “Freak” in their lives.

I started back at work as Mark, but was not welcomed back the way I expected, things slowly got worse, until one day when I overreacted about the smallest thing and was subsequently terminated. I spoke to dad about us both moving back to the private hotel again, which he agreed to, I went to see the owner and he was more than happy for us to move back, we even got our old room back.

                                                            Chapter 12:

                                    2006-2010, Caring For Dad/Train Cleaning.

Dad and I applied for and received Government assistance to move in. I had also noticed that dad was not taking care of himself, and made enquiries about me being his full-time carer, which meant paperwork, but was approved and was issued a pension card as well as extra assistance for looking after him.

I took him to appointments, made sure he ate his dinner every night, and washed his clothing, the only thing I didn’t do was wash him, but would push him each day to have a shower though, which he would argue with me, but I would always tell him that if he didn’t shower, then I would go and stay with my friends who lived an hour away.

I received a letter from Janice telling me that I had been awarded $5000.00 and asked me to come and see her asap, which I did. She said, “You look great, so what are doing now and how are you feeling?” I said, “I feel ok, and feel useful looking after dad.” Janice said, “Ok, look I will go and have the cheque re- written in your legal name.”  That took just over an hour to do, but I received it before I left. I deposited the cheque that day but decided against using it much as I didn’t know if I may need it later. I was honest with the Government but was told that it did not affect my payments.

In late January 2006, dad was rushed to hospital in a bad way. He had very bad stomach and chest pains. He was admitted for observation, but several days later was transferred to a recovery hospital. He remained in there for almost five weeks. I visited him every couple of days, which was good. On one of these visits, he was visibly shaken, and I asked, “What happened?”

He said, “Well, last night, I was given pain killers, but after wards I was watching a live episode of my favourite television, it was so real and life like.” I said, “Ok, what pain killer was it?” Dad was unable to tell me, but I went to ask a nurse. She said, “It’s a popular brand, why?” I told her what happened to dad. She said, “Ok, I will let his doctor know and see if the brand can be changed.” I said, “Thanks.”

Dad’s medication was changed and to my knowledge, he did not have any further hallucinations, thankfully, but he was subsequently released several days later. I remained at home with him just to ensure he was ok. Even when I went to have my nightly bath, I ensured somebody was close by just in case, thankfully nothing did.

I continued to look after dad for the next few years, I travelled to Melbourne for a weekend to visit a friend, which was nice, but had somebody checking on dad regularly, that person had my cell number to call me if anything happened, thankfully nothing did. I started to get bored sitting at home most of the time, and decided to apply for jobs, albeit Part-Time, but still meant I was working.

I was there for dad every day, and what we did was arrange for our pension payments to be on opposite Thursdays. What that mean was that dad would get paid one Thursday, then I would the following. Thursday’s were always my freedom days, whereby I would enjoy the day, either by going to the movies, or just travel somewhere.

However, as time went along, I started getting bored and itchy feet again, and started seriously looking for a job, even part time to fit in with my caring requirements for dad.

I was successful in obtaining a job as a Government Cleaner, which I loved, training was full time, but then my shift was 9am-3.30pm Monday to Friday, and I was able to take unpaid days off when my father needed to attend appointments.

I made one very, near-fatal mistake, that was not wearing my correct Personal Protective Equipment one day and ended up being splashed with a dangerous chemical, resulting in me suffering 3rd degree partial thickness burns to my lower abdomen, something that even today, still gives me trouble, but is a reminder to be safe.

I was very happy there, but of course, was asked many times if I was a female as I showed feminine traights, something I had not realized at the time, but spent time with the female staff. I was then offered a full time, albeit only temporary position elsewhere, on a station, which I accepted and did enjoy.

I met many wonderful people there, one who to this day, we are still friends. I remember one Friday night, when I was training another person, and my friend was being trained by a very homophobic person, the last train of the night arrived, with smoke pouring out from a vestibule area.

We all went to investigate and saw that someone had stacked a whole lot of free afternoon newspapers against the Guards compartment and lit the pile. I was amazed at how quickly all the on-duty station staff responded to this, including us lowly cleaners, but we had the fire out in less than 10 minutes.

 The only trouble was that the train was then taken out of service, but thankfully another train had just terminated on another platform, and it was decided to allocate that train to complete the service. The passengers all complained, not only about the long delay, but also having to transfer to another platform, which annoyed us too, as we were now around 85 minutes behind schedule with our clean.

 I had been elected Team leader that night, so I had called our on-duty supervisor to let them know, and was advised to do the best we can, I was told to split up to try and get the work done, which I agreed too.

I told the others what I had been told and because of earlier issues, decided to swap partners, meaning my friend and I worked together on one end of the station, including 2 of the platforms, whilst the other 2 worked the main end, and everybody agreed to.

We all got to and worked our rears off that night, and honestly, had I been in charge, was very proud of the work done. When we all finished, we sat down to chat and rest before signing off and going home, but the homophobe decided to start being nasty to my friend, and he wasn’t expecting to be copping it from 3 people, as me, my friend and my trainee, all got stuck in and told him to apologise, otherwise we would take it further.

 He refused to, and he went home, over 45 minutes early. I went downstairs to use the office computer to compose a complaint letter, which was drafted by the 3 of us, and once we were happy, printed it, then signed it. I placed it in an envelope for our area manager to see on Monday. We all then signed off and went home.

I was rostered on Saturday and Sunday night, thankfully by myself, but I get my best work done then. I had Monday off, and only slept for around 4 hours, as I was back on duty at 6am Tuesday morning, and my area manager knew that I would be awake by around 12pm, as expected, he called me and asked to come see him, which I agreed too, but was cunning. I caught a bus to the station, but alighted a few stops away from his office, which at the time, was located at the station, but outside.

I finally arrived, and he showed me into his inner sanctum, closing the door, and then proceeded to ask me about not only the fire, but also the complaint. I told him the truth, and said, “It is an offence.” Which he agreed, and he asked me what I would do in his position? I said, “Well, I would place said staff member on 6am Monday-Friday only, for the next 6-8 weeks.” I was surprised by his response, he said, “Ok, done, as of tomorrow, you two have swapped shifts, or can you come in tonight?” I said, “I can come in tonight, especially as I’ll be working with Leigh.” Which I knew would be great as even though we were both friends, we still got in and did our work. The homophobe remained on the lowest paid shift for several more weeks. I hated coming in to work to relieve him, as I knew I would have my work cut out for me.

I was rostered on afternoon shift one day, but received a call from my area manager to come in a little earlier as he wanted to talk to me about something, which got me worried, although usually we spoke about football, AFL, aerial ping pong, and I had a feeling it was about the game on the weekend, as his team absolutely slaughtered mine. I arrived at work and immediately went to see him, and yes, we did talk about the game, but, he said, “I was wondering if you would be interested in another role as Team Leader in a very busy location?” I said, “Are you sure?” He said, “Yes, you did a great job recently, not only evacuating passengers during the fire, but delegating the work and having Leigh work with you.” I said, “Ok accepted.” He said, “Great, training starts on Monday, so you will have Sunday off now.”

 I said, “Ok thanks, much appreciated, I’ll try not to let you down”, he said, “I know, but it is a big responsibility and I feel you can handle it.” I said, “Thanks, and asked if Leigh could transfer with me, as I will worry about him?” My area manager, said, “I have already done the paperwork, and he will be rostered on the same shifts as you, I have notified your Area Manager there, and he will chat with you about it next week.” I said, “Thanks,” then we shook hands and I went to sign on.

I kept the news quiet for the rest of the week, I only told Leigh, especially as he was transferring there with me, and on the on the same shifts as me, as much as possible. Saturday, I cleaned out my locker and said my goodbyes to the other staff, and closed that chapter of my life, but was concerned about Leigh as he still had to stay for another week, thankfully though, he was rostered on with the person who replaced me, who he trained.

Monday morning, I got up nice and early, had a really good shower, washed my hair several times, and shaved several times too, then around 7.15, left home to go and buy a coffee, then catch the train to my training location. I soon arrived and met all the other staff that were handpicked for these roles. N.B., There were 5 of us going to our location, with several more at other locations spread within the area, but we were told that we may be required to work at these other locations on occasions, and therefore we would be not only inducted to each, but also be trained on the policies and procedures of each too.

 I started to feel very over-whelmed by it all and felt that I wouldn’t be able to do the job required, well not to the standard required, but like I always do, decided to not let my area manager down, and give it a go, which I did.

It took 2 weeks to fully train us all, but by the end of it, I was satisfied that I could perform to the standards set. I was happy that my first shift was a night shift, and thankfully, Leigh had been transferred. I was so happy to see him, and as we both had arrived early, I showed him around the station. N.B., It was the On-Duty Team Leaders job to induct new staff, and he was the only new staff member starting that night, the rest were displaced station staff, who knew their jobs and the station, I learnt so much from them, which I really do appreciate. Thank You, All.

I treated Leigh like any other staff member, and told the others that even though him and I are friends, please tell me if he does anything wrong, or better still, train him correctly, Please? They all said, “Yes.” Apart from Leigh, I had a few other staff that I enjoyed working with and knew that if I needed to change their shifts, they would happily oblige, something I had to do on more than one occasion.

N.B., I believe in rewarding and giving credit where it’s due, especially when I can see someone deserves it, but if you treat me badly, then I will not reward or credit you.

Just before Christmas 2009, it was the annual Carols by Candlelight, and I was rostered on to my all-time favourite shift, Night Shift. I always walked around the station to see what needed to be done overnight, checking each store to ensure it had enough consumables.

At around 11.30pm, a patron from the Carols, was about to enter the station precinct with their candle still burning, and lucky it was me that saw them, and quickly asked them to extinguish the flame, but I copped some abuse, I responded that it is an offence to have a lit anything on railway property, and if they didn’t extinguish the flame immediately, oh it’s ok. I looked up to see some of our security staff walking in my direction, one used his eyes to let me know that the incident is on camera. They immediately spoke to the person, who not only extinguished the flame, but had the candle taken off them. I said, “Thanks” to the security staff, and we went our separate ways, but suddenly all hell broke loose.

The fire alarms went off, and all the fire doors started to close, this resulted in a complete evacuation of the station, but someone forgot to tell the train crews, who still stopped and opened the doors to allow people to alight and board. We found out a short time later that someone had lit a cigarette in one of the lifts, which set the alarms off, so we were pleased that it was not a major event, although I spent the remainder of the night cleaning the lift, to ensure it sparkled for Sunday morning.

New Year’s Eve 2009 was a night I will never forget, I was rostered on to start at 10pm as per roster, but I was asked if I could start at 7pm instead, just to assist with the extra staff on duty and making sure that all areas were cleaned. I was allowed to complete 12 hours if I so desired, which I did.

 The lavatories were still being renovated, which made the night easier. The afternoon Team Leader and I decided to go and do a walk around to ensure each cleaning store had enough stock for the night. I had decided to place several 240 litre bins in each storeroom too, just to make it easier for the contractors coming on at 11pm. I was the only staff member rostered for that night. I notified the station manager before-hand to let them know about the bins and for them to notify the flagging staff about new bags, which they would tell me, and I would come down and place them in the bins immediately for safety reasons.

I was happy that everything ran smoothly for the entire night, except for when I tried to have some food, each time I would sit down, I would be called away. By the time I finally got to eat, my food was cold and my drink hot, but didn’t care as I was so hungry and thirsty. I must have drunk 10 litres of water and lost 25 kilograms that night, but it was a night that I will never, ever, ever forget.

                                                            Chapter 13:

                                                 2010-2012 Tragedy Again/Moves.

 This part is going to be very long, but you will find out why as you read.

I enjoyed being there and met some wonderful people, including Ellen, whom I will talk about more, but I ended up not being successful in being appointed to a Team Leader role and subsequently ended up back at my appointed position, that as a depot cleaner. I enjoyed being back there as I was on a normal routine and Monday to Friday, day shift which at the time suited me, until several months later, I was notified that a transfer application had been approved and would take effect after my leave.

Friday September 17th, 2010 was my last day there as I had planned to take 2 weeks off to relax and recuperate, before I started at my new Full-Time location. I hired a car to clean out my locker on the final day, and once I returned home and had cleaned the car out, informed my father that I was taking the car back, but  informed the office that I would not return before dinner was finished being served and requested ours to be kept for us, which was agreed to. I returned the car, then travelled back home.

When I returned home, I found dad had collapsed on to the garden bed outside our room, and even with help, we were unable to lift him. I called an Ambulance, which arrived within minutes, but there was only 1 person, who told us they were short staffed, but he would stop by the station and transfer staff on our way to the hospital. I was very upset at this, but accepted it, he stopped, and a new crew got in and we drove to the hospital. I stayed with dad most of the night, I was told he would stay there until they had found a bed in a ward for him, I said ok and travelled home, but of course had very little sleep.

N.B., Saturday September 18, is my mother’s Birthday.

I returned to the hospital early afternoon the following day to find out that dad had been moved to another ward, I was given directions and went up to see him, of course, the first thing he said was, “Did you bring some beer and my fags?” I said, “No, and you won’t get them back until you leave here,” he got upset, but I had to be strict with him, I stayed for a while longer and we chatted, of course, all he wanted to do was go home. I knew why it was, so he could just drink his wine and smoke. I decided that I had been there long enough. N.B. I may sound callas and cruel there, but if you knew my father, you would understand.

I left the hospital, but instead of heading home, decided to go for a walk to try and clear my head, which I did. This may sound very weird, but I sat down on a bench and started chatting with both my mother and Claire Baire, but I listened to them both, although what they said didn’t make sense at the time, and honestly, even today at times still don’t.

I decided to finally go home and let everyone know what was happening, of course, I had sympathy for dad, but a couple of the other residents abused me for being selfish and working, instead of being a responsible son. I tried to explain why I was working, but they would not hear of it. I then said, “Ok, no one is allowed to go and visit him,” then I left and went back to the hospital to make sure the only authorized visitor was me, and said that if anybody else tried to, please call me.” They said, “Yes, of course.” I said, “Thank you,” and went up to see dad, he of course wanted his beers and fags, again I said, “No, not until you are released, so stop asking.”

He got very upset and angry with me, but understood what I was saying, he for the first time in a very long time said something that got me a little weird. He said, “I Love You, Mark, and always will, but also, I need to tell you something, that I have kept secret for a long time.” I asked, “What is it?” He said, “remember your 21st when Simon and your girlfriend became distant after your party, and she broke up with you?” I said, “Yes,” he said, “Well, I caught them in your bed having sex.” I said, “What, they are lucky I didn’t know as I would have dumped them both then and there.” I said, “Dad, I forgive you for not telling me,” he said, “Thank you, I appreciate that.”

I was weirded out by it as it sounded like he wanted to die and that was the last thing he wanted to tell me, I left him saying, “Yes, dad I Love You Too.” I left the hospital and walked to the nearest train station, which if I remember correctly is around 2.2 kilometres away but that did not stop me walking there.

I finally reached a café nearby to the station and ordered a coffee, once it was ready, I said, “Thank you” and walked to the station to wait for the train home. N.B. Even though this was late 2010, there were trains every 30 minutes on weekends and I had missed one by a minute or two but didn’t care. I honestly, didn’t feel like going home yet.

I sat on the station slowly sipping my coffee and thinking about how much of a failure I was, not only to my father, but also my mother, and for some strange reason Julie, my sister, which I started to laugh about as I thought it was funny. I know that she would not have cared one way or the other, especially as I knew that she hated me. N.B. I will talk more about a meeting with her soon.

Finally, the train arrived, and I boarded it to head home. I decided to alight at the station near where dad used to live and go to the hotel to let them know about dad. When I arrived, the owners’ wife was there and was very surprised to see me, but she could see that I was upset about something, her first question was, “Where is your father?” I broke down and sobbed saying, “He is in hospital.” She grabbed me and said, “Oh no, that’s no good, sounds serious.” I said, “Yes, and I am fearing that this time, he may not be walking out this time,” she said, “Oh no,” then she started crying.

After a few minutes, she said, “Wait here, I will be back shortly.” I said, “Yes, of course,” then she left me alone in the office. She came back around 15 minutes with a tray of food and a bottle of wine with 2 wine glasses. I helped her with the wine and glasses, and she set the tray on the table then uncovered the food and handed me a plate and said ok dig in.

I said, “Thank you” and began eating, it was totally delicious, she had arranged for me to have Rump Steak, well-done, with salad and chips and mushroom sauce, she poured our wine which was a red to go with our red meat meals. She handed me my glass and said, “Let’s hope your father will be ok.” I said, “Agreed” and we clinked glasses then took a sip each.

We ate the rest of our delicious food and polished off the first bottle of red, she also arranged for some dessert to be brought in, Lemon Meringue Pie slice with ice cream and fresh whipped cream, which had my mouth salivating, we both dug in and ate them, and wow it just melted in my mouth.

Once we had finished eating, we relaxed for a while and chatted and yes, polished off a 3rd bottle of red wine, which not only made me feel relaxed, but also caused me to release my emotions, but lucky she was there to comfort me. I actually felt comfortable in her arms, not in a sexual way, but more of a motherly way. N.B., She had two children and was very protective of her children, she was also very motherly to a lot of the hotel patrons, which is a reason why she was very well-liked.

I realised that I was in no fit state to travel home by train, she asked her husband to drive me home and make sure I was safely in my room. I fell asleep in the car, but he woke me up when we arrived, and he walked me to the room. Once I was safely inside, he left, I said, “Thanks for everything, I will drop by in a couple of days,” he said, “It’s our pleasure.”

I crashed on my bed and didn’t know a thing until I woke up, which I found out was almost 43 hours later. I woke with such a bad migraine and very hot and sweaty as well. I decided to go and have a nice relaxing, hot bath, something I found helped relieve my headaches. I grabbed all my stuff and headed upstairs, but of course, it took a while as I was being stopped by other residents who wanted to know how dad was and they were concerned about me as I hadn’t been seen in a couple of days. I explained to them all about what had happened.

Finally, I made it to the bathroom and started the bath running, when it had filled to the right height, I immersed myself totally in the water for a few seconds, then lifted my head out of the water, it helped a bit, but not as much as I hoped, but then again, I had only been in the bath for a few minutes, but decided to stay in and just allow the water to soothe my tired, aching, old body.

I totally enjoyed the bath until the water started to get cold, which told me it was time to get out and dry off, then got dressed. I pulled the plug and gathered up all my belongings and walked back to my room, when I got back and opened the door, I found an urgent message for me to call the hospital. I found my phone and noticed it had gone flat, I plugged it in to charge and went to the office to see if I could use their phone to call the hospital, which given the circumstances, they said, “Yes.”

I called the hospital and lucky it was one of the nurses I knew, she said, “Mark, we need to operate on your father asap as he has a knot in his stomach which needs to be removed, can you get here asap please?” I said, “Yes, I will leave now.” She said, “Ok, I am due to finish work shortly, but will wait for you to arrive.” I said, “Ok, thanks, bye” and hung up the phone. I told the Hostel Manager, “Thanks, and I will explain everything when I get back.” He said, “Ok, do you need a lift?” I said, “No it’s fine, I can relax on the bus and think on my way there,” he said, “Ok.” I went back to my room to collect my wallet, travel pass, keys and phone.

I made sure the door was locked tightly and virtually ran to the bus stop, which was around a normal walk of 12-17 minutes, I did it in less than 10, the bus arrived moments later. I boarded and found a seat. I don’t know if my guardian angel was looking over me, but the bus only made 4 stops all the way to where my stop was, I pressed the button to alight, and exited via the centre doors, then walked up to the hospital.

I entered the hospital and went to the reception desk to ask for them to let the ward know I had arrived. N.B. The ward where dad was at the time, was a restricted ward and only authorized persons were allowed access.

I walked to the ward to be met by the nurse I spoke to on the phone, she took me in to a quiet room, and said, “Would you like a coffee?” I said, she said, “Yes, I know silly question, I will be back in a few minutes.” I sat there wondering what was going on. She came back a few minutes later not only with the coffees, but another lady, who I assumed was a Doctor as she had a stethoscope around her neck.

She handed me the coffee and said, This is Doctor Lewis, she is the Surgeon who needs to operate on your father,” I held out my hand and we shook hands, then we sat down, and she asked me some questions about this twisted stomach issue. I told her that he has been complaining for a long time about it, but he has told me that he has been told nothing could be done, I said that I had told him for a long time that if he didn’t get a second opinion, it could kill him.

Doctor Lewis said, “Ok, well if he doesn’t have this fixed, it will kill him.” I said, “Yes, I totally agree, and even though he can be a real pain, he is still my father and I would like him around until at least when I turn 50,” she said, “Well, I will do what I can for him, but first we need you to sign the consent forms,” which I said, “Yes.” She handed me the forms, and even helped answer any questions I had, until finally I had fully signed as required, then she said, “Ok, I will go and arrange for an O.R. now and come back to let you know when he is being operated on, nurse as of now, Mr. Harrisons is nil anything,” the nurse said, “Ok,” I asked,  “Can I go and sit with him, please?” Dr Lewis said, “Yes, of course,” and I walked back with the nurse.

When I got there, she said, “Ok, I will see you soon, I should have finished a while back, but I am back on tomorrow afternoon.” I said, “Thanks,” then she left. Dad saw me and asked, “Where have you been?” I said, “I needed some space to think things through, but I’m fine now”, he said, “Ok,” then we started chatting for a while, until Dr Lewis came back in and said, “Ok, great news Mr. Harrisons, you are going to surgery shortly, so we need to prepare you,” of course, dad asked, “What surgery?”

 She explained it to him, of course, as he was a male said it won’t do any good, she said, “It will, it is complicated, and you will be under anaesthetic for at least 12 hours, but I am sure that it can be rectified.” I said, “I told you that you should have gotten a second opinion.” He said, “I did.” I said, “Well, I should have insisted you get it checked a few months back, instead of listening to you.”

Dr Lewis then had the nurse inject dad with the anaesthetic, she said, “I am going to get ready for the surgery, I will chat to you after it’s over.” I said, “Thanks,” then I watched as dad slowly fell asleep, then waited and watched as he was lifted on to the gurney. I held his hand as he was wheeled towards the Operating Room, of course, I was unable to go in, but kissed him on the forehead and walked back up to the nurses’ station to let them know I was going to have something to eat, but if anything happened, if they could call me please? The nurse said, “Yes, may I have your number please?” which I gave her, said, “Thanks” and left.

I walked out to the front of the hospital and called my best female friend and told her what was happening, of course, she wanted to drive down and support me, but I said, “No it’s fine, he will be out for a while, but I am going to have some dinner then go back in a couple of hours,” she said, “Ok, well if anything happens, please let me know.” I said, “Yes, will do,” we said, “Bye” and hung up.

I boarded the bus and headed back to the hotel again but decided that I would return the favour from a few days ago. When I arrived, I saw the owners’ wife behind the bar, she saw me and came over to greet me and asked, “Where have you been?” I said, “Sorry but after I got home, I slept for over 40 hours, but then got a phone call to get to the hospital asap.” She said, “Oh I hope it was nothing too serious.” I said, “It is, dad is currently in surgery, but it won’t be over for a few hours, so I decided to come here to return the favour from the other day.” She said, “Ok, come with me.”

We walked up to the bistro and she asked, “What would you like?” I said, “Chicken Parmigiana please?” She said, “Ok, yes same here.” I went to grab my wallet, but she said, “No, it’s on me.” I said, “No, I owe you for everything.” She said, “It’s ok, your father can re-pay us both when he gets released from hospital.” I said, “Ok, but I won’t come here each day for free food,” she said, “It’s ok, you can come here as much as you want.” I said, “Thanks,” then she went and placed the orders.

She came back and sat down, and we chatted until the food arrived, she said, “Would you like a soft drink?” I said,” Yes, please, thanks, just a lemon Squash,” she said, “Ok, I will be back in a minute.” I decided against eating until she returned, which she did very shortly thereafter. She handed me my drink and she sat down, we toasted dad again, then took a sip and started eating in silence.

When we finished eating, we just relaxed and chatted, until my phone rang, which then didn’t provide the number of the caller, I answered, it was Dr Lewis saying, “Ok the surgery is over, but your father went in to Cardiac Arrest (Heart Attack) and has fallen in to a coma, could you come back to the hospital asap?” I said, “Yes, I am just finishing up my meal,” she said, “Ok, but when you get here, he is in the Intensive Care Unit, but can you please ask reception to page me and I will meet you down there?” I said, “Yes, I will see you shortly”, then we hung up.

I immediately began crying, which had the lady coming around to comfort me and patted my back, to be honest, it felt like she really cared about me, and don’t ask me why, but I could feel my penis starting to get erect, something I was shocked about, but hey I was a typical male and someone with breasts was showing me affection.

Once I had calmed down, she had one of the kitchen staff fetch her a cold, damp washcloth, then washed my face free of tears, then she offered to drive me to the hospital, which I accepted, it was only a 5-minute drive. When we arrived, she said, “Do you want me to come in with you?” I said, “If you can find a safe parking spot,” which strangely, we did. We both got out and she paid the parking fee, then walked to the main entrance, when we entered, I went to the reception desk and asked, “Could you page Dr Lewis please?” She said, “Yes, who shall I say needs her,” I told her my name, she said, “Yes, I was informed that you were on your way, I will page her, but she has asked you to go to the ICU.”

 I was given directions down to the one dad was in, we said, “Thank you” and we walked down, she clutched my hand very tightly, I was unable to work out why at that time. When we arrived, Dr Lewis was waiting for me, I introduced her to the other lady, Jenny, they both hugged and said, “Nice to meet you,” I explained about her supporting me and is here now just in case I need support. Dr Lewis said, “Well, that is good as you are going to need support.”

I said, “Oh no, please tell me everything is going to be fine.” Dr Lewis said, “I wish could, but unfortunately it doesn’t look good for your father, even though the surgery went well, he suffered the Cardiac Arrest just as we were finishing up and then he slipped into a coma.” I said, “That is no good, but you told me he would be ok,” she said, “No, I said that I would do my best, but sometimes things happen, has your father had any other major operations throughout his life?” I said, “Not that I know of.” She said, “Ok, my feeling is that his body couldn’t accept the anaesthetic and went into defence mode, and that defence has caused his body to basically shut down. I am really sorry to say, but if there is no improvement in the next few days then we will have to consider turning off his life-support system.” N.B., I have not fully revealed the details about the above event, mainly because it is still very raw for me, and honestly, I don’t feel comfortable fully revealing everything, yet, maybe when my memoirs get written after I have carked it, then the full story will be revealed.

I asked Dr Lewis if Jenny and I could go into a quiet room to chat please? She said, “Yes, of course.” I said, “Thanks,” but as usual I stopped by the kitchen to make a coffee, which Dr Lewis said, “Wow, you certainly go through that stuff.” I said, “At the moment, it’s either coffee or alcohol,” she said, “Please coffee.” Jenny said, “You can have a wine or 3 back at the hotel.” I said, “Yes would you like a coffee?” She said, “Yes, thanks.”

Dr Lewis said, “I need to go check on some other patients, but I will be back to chat to you later.” I said, “Thanks,” then Jenny and I walked to the quiet room, and of course, as expected as soon as I had put my coffee down, burst into tears. I had never cried so much in all my life before, not even at mum’s funeral or when I heard about Claire Baire’s death, even Jenny’s motherly touch failed to calm me down, which showed just how emotional I was at the time, but finally after, I don’t know how long, I calmed down and was able to compose myself again.

Jenny handed me the box of tissues, I said, “Thank you,” then cleaned myself up and drank my coffee, then we chatted about what I am going to do. Jenny said, “Well you are next of kin, it’s totally your decision, but I feel the kindest thing to do would be to let him go, but as I said, it is up to you though.”

 I said, “Yes but it still won’t make it an easy decision, I am with you though, and I need to think things through.” Jenny said, “Yes, true, this is someone’s life, not a car or a house.” I said, “Yes, true,” then she said, “Are you ok now?” I said, “Yes, why?” She said, “Well, I need to get back to the hotel, but I expect you to drop by in the next day or two to keep me updated, ok.” I said, “Yes, I promise”, then we hugged, and I escorted her to the door, and I walked back to the quiet room to think about things.

A while later, Dr Lewis came in and said, “Ok your dad is slipping fast, it was now or never to decide.” I started to cry again, and sobbed, “Ok, yes, let’s do it,” she said, “Ok, I will go and get the consent forms.” I said, “Ok, thanks, I’m going to make yet another coffee,” she said, “My suggestion is to make it a strong one as you are going to be here for a long while.” I said, “Ok, thanks.”

Dr Lewis went to get the consent forms, while I went to make a coffee, I walked back to the quiet room and just sat down and stared at the ceiling until Dr Lewis came back in with the forms. We sat down, and she went through the forms with me in total and full detail. I initialled and signed where needed, and once we reached the last page, then I broke down again, she said, “I know it’s hard, but you need to think about him right now.” I said, “Yes, ok,” then composed myself enough to sign the final section, which included writing my full, Male, name, dating it and signing it as well. Once that had been done, Dr Lewis filled in her part, then said, “Ok, let’s go and let your father join your mother.” I said, “Ok.”

We walked to where dad was laying, and she showed me the button to press when I was ready. I said, “Thanks,” then she cleared the area, so I could say my final goodbyes to dad, which weren’t easy, and I think took me several hours to finally press the button to relieve him of his pain and suffering, even though he was still unconscious, and, in the coma, I knew that if he had been conscious, he would have been in pain and screaming for pain relief.

I sat there holding his hand watching his chest deflate until there was nothing at all, which alerted the Nurse on duty who came in and checked him over, she nodded, but was unable to declare him legally deceased. That had to be the Doctor on duty, whom she called in and he checked dad, exactly the same way the Nurse had done a few minutes before hand. She said, “Time and date of death 6.15am Monday September 27th, 2010,” we all nodded in agreement.

The Doctor asked me to go into the quiet room while they prepared dad’s body but said, “You can come back in after to say your final goodbyes to him.” I said, “Thank you” and went to make a coffee, as I was both tired and in need of one.

Once I had made the coffee, I went in to the quiet room to reflect on the past 45 years that he had been my father, as much as I want to degrade him here, I will not, but will say that even though he was my father, there were times I wished he was not, or at least more open minded about various things. He was my father and out of respect for his memory, I will say this about him, He Was Very Loving, Caring, provider for us growing up.

After a while, a Nurse knocked on the door to let me that I could come say my final goodbyes to dad, yes, I know I had all night to do that, but this was just so I could let go of my feelings and to realise that he was finally at peace, but strangely enough though I didn’t cry then. I think it was because I had had over 9 days to get used to the idea that he may not survive, I held on to his hands very tightly, and this may sound strange, but he felt warm. I should explain here why I said that, he never felt warm at all, every time I touched him when he was his normal self, he always felt cold, so him feeling warm now was very unusual.

I remained with him for a little while, but then realised that I needed some sleep, and decided to leave him. I had every confidence that he was in great hands as I had dealt with that hospital in the past when I worked for a charity, and I needed to start the paperwork going to claim his Funeral Insurance.

I have not mentioned this yet, but the week prior to his death, I had been in contact with the Insurance Company about how do I claim, which they were very helpful, I had also found a great Funeral Company, who gave me a quote and I told them that if the worst happened, I would use their services.

I Thanked all the staff in ICU and asked that somebody thank Dr Lewis for me as well, they said, “Yes, we will and our pleasure, please look after yourself, Mark.” I said, “Yes, I will.”  I left the hospital and rang Penny who I was going to be staying with for the next few days.

Norm and Jason had left that morning to go and see his mother, she couldn’t go as she was unable to get the time off work. She asked me to come and stay for company, this had been arranged for over 2 weeks, which was before dad ended up in hospital this final time. I told her about dad and of course, she was very sympathetic, I told her that I needed to fix some paperwork up and have a shower before I come up, she said, “Ok, can you text me when you are on your way?”

 I said, “Will do,” then we hung up. I went to catch the bus to fill in and print the forms required to claim dad’s Funeral Insurance. Once I had done that, I headed back home to have a couple of hours’ sleep, then a shower.

 I had a few of the residents where we resided ask me about dad, and I told them that he had passed away, I received sympathy from some but abuse from a couple who told me it was my fault he was dead as I didn’t do a good enough job looking after him. I fired back that they had no idea what they were talking about and I told them to Fuck Off and never talk to me again. I then stormed off and headed back to the hospital to obtain a form proving that dad had passed away, which was ready upon my arrival.

I went to fax the paperwork to Melbourne, then headed to Penny’s place. I text her to let her know I was on the way and gave her my estimated time of arrival, of course, as I was travelling by public transport, it was an estimate, and the time I gave her was the timetabled arrival time. She text back, “Ok I will be waiting at the usual spot for you.”

I arrived at the station to wait for the train, but felt hungry, so I bought some food and yes, another coffee, then boarded the train and waited for it to depart. I received a phone call from the Insurance company letting me know that they had received the forms and that I would receive the money within 24-48 hours. I said, “Thank you” to them then hung up. I continued eating and drinking as the train made its way on its journey, again I reflected not only on my life with dad, but also the negative comments made earlier at home which had me almost crying again, but I didn’t.

When the train left the last stop before mine, I text Penny, saying, “The train will be there in around 15 minutes.” Penny responded, “I’m in the shopping centre can you meet me at our usual coffee place?” I responded, “Yes, of course, see you soon.”

 When the train arrived, I alighted and placed my rubbish in the bin then placed my ticket in the barrier, and once the gates opened, I walked through and across the road to the shopping centre. I walked in and found Penny sitting at a table with our drinks, she got up and gave me a hug and asked, “How are you?” I said, “Bearing up so far, but I think I will need you over the next few days,” she said, “Yes, of course.” I sat to drink my tea, which she knew me so well what type I preferred and my preferred milk as well. N.B. The first person to guess both will win a prize from me.

We chatted for a while, she said, “I have taken tonight off explaining why, and work is fine with that, because neither of us know how you will be later tonight.” I said, “You didn’t have to do that, but yes, I agree.” We decided to go and rent a couple of movies to watch, which I felt would help in the short term.

We headed back to her place and I placed my bag in her sons’ room. When I was on the Carers Pension, I would look after their house during Christmas and New Year’s, and would usually sleep in their sons’ room, I would also have use of her car, which I loved driving.

Once I had unpacked my clothes, I went out to the kitchen where Penny had a cup of coffee waiting for me, we walked to the lounge room to chat about the Funeral arrangements, which thankfully I had already partially made. Penny suggested; “I think you should contact your father’s side of his family to let them know of his passing.” I said, “I don’t want to, but it is the courteous thing to do.” I rang the only number I had for a cousin, and within 20 minutes he called back. I explained the situation and asked to speak with his mum, dad’s younger sister, I spoke with her to let her know what was happening, and the arrangements are yet to be decided.

My Aunt said, “Do you want me to inform Julie?” I hesitantly said, “Yes, but I am not comfortable with her attending the Funeral.” She said, “Ok, but I think she will attend, especially as I feel she will want closure.” I said, Ok, but she had better be nice to me, otherwise I will have her removed from the location.” She said, “Ok I will tell her.” I said, “Thanks, I will call you back once I have finalised the Funeral,” she said, “Ok thanks, you take it easy and if you need anything, we are just a phone call away,” I said, “Thanks” and we hung up.

I sat down and told Penny about the call, but told her that I didn’t want Julie there, Penny said, “Agreed, but she deserves to be, but you will have us there and if she tries anything, one of us will step in.”

 I said, “Ok, thanks,” then we put a movie on to watch. I forget what it was, but it was a romantic comedy though, which helped take my mind off things. Once the movie finished, we decided to go and get something to eat at a local well-known fast food restaurant, which for those of you who know me, know that I ate at various ones regularly.

Once we had our food, we went back to her place. I said, “Do you mind if I drove please?” Penny said, “Yes, it’s about time you asked to drive” and handed me the keys. I said, “Instead of heading back to your place, could we go to the park near the river and eat there?”

Penny said, “Yes, of course.” We got in then I drove off, we arrived shortly thereafter and got out to find somewhere to sit, which wasn’t easy as the park was full of families all enjoying the Spring weather, but lucky Penny kept a picnic rug in the car, she grabbed the keys off me and went to grab it then we walked to a vacant spot on the grass and laid it out then sat down.

I was feeling a bit better, but had a very strange feeling in my stomach, which I didn’t tell Penny, mainly because I was not sure what it meant, honestly, I felt it was just my emotions trying to be released. We ate our food and relaxed for a while until the sun went down, we picked up our rubbish and placed it in the bin then folded the rug and walked back to the car and headed back to her place.

Once we arrived back, I asked, “Could I have a bath please?” She said, “Yes, of course.” I said, “Thanks” and went to start the bath running. I went to grab my pyjamas and towel, then went back in to wait for the bath to fill, once it was where I needed, usually between half to ¾ full, I undressed and slowly immersed myself in the water totally, which felt so nice and relaxing.

I washed myself all over until I heard Penny knock at the door, she said, “You have a telephone call.” I asked, “Who is it?” She said, “Of all people, Julie.” I said, “What, ok I am getting out now” and quickly dried off then wrapped the towel around my body.

I went to the kitchen and pressed the speaker button to talk to Julie, I said, “You are on speaker,” she was not happy, but had no other choice. I asked, “What do you want?” She said, “I just want to make sure that you are ok and to find out what happened with your father?” N.B., She emphasised Your, not Our Father, which had Penny speaking up and saying, “Excuse me, but he was your father as well.” Julie said, “If you knew what he did to me, you would understand.” I piped back in and said, “Julie, I never believed that he did anything to you, if I did, I would have supported you, even the Police found no evidence to support your claims,” then the phone went dead.

Penny said, “Wow, she does sound like a total bitch.” I said, “Yes, that’s what I have been saying for a long time.” Penny said, “Well if she does show her face at the Funeral, I will be letting her know a few things.”

 I said, “No, not that day as it will be for dad, I don’t want anything negative happening,” she said, “Apart from saying goodbye to him.” I said, “Yes.” I went to finish drying myself off and put my pyjamas on then went back to the kitchen to make us both a Hot Chocolate each and we sat down to watch the next movie, but I have no idea what was said or even the storyline as all I could do was think of that bitch of my, in my opinion, deceased, blister, and yes, my blood was boiling so much that I wanted to go and really have it out with Julie, but thankfully, I have no idea where she lives or works.

When the movie finished, both Penny and I were tired and decided to go to bed, we both said, “Goodnight, sweet-dreams” and went to our respective rooms. I fell asleep quickly thankfully and didn’t know a thing until Penny woke me the following morning, it was almost midday when she woke me up. Penny said, “I have been trying to wake you since around 7am, but you were totally dead to the world,” sorry for the pun. I said, “Sorry, what time is it?” Penny told me, I said, “Oh I am so sorry,” she said, “It’s ok, it shows how tired you were.”

I got out and went to have my shower and get dressed, then went to the kitchen to chat with Penny, she said, “Ok if you are ok today, then I’m going to work.” I said, “Yes, it’s fine, actually I might go to the movies.” She said, “Well, if you drop me at work, you can drive the car back to the shopping centre and I will call you 30 minutes before I finish work.” I said, “Ok, sounds like an idea,” then we had some lunch and relaxed, even though I said, “I was ok, honestly, I wasn’t.”

I said, “I will do the dishes while you get ready for work.” Penny said, “Ok,” then she went to have her shower. I finished the dishes and sat down to watch the television until she was ready to leave. Once Penny was ready, we left, she drove as I had no idea where her workplace was, only a suburb name, but I soon found out where it was, once we arrived, she said, “Do you want to come in for a quick drink?” I said, “Yes, thanks, but only a soft drink,” she agreed.

We walked inside, and she went straight around the back of the bar and poured me a cola with ice and a lemon wedge in it, then handed it to me and said, “I will be back in a few minutes.” I said, “Thanks” and took the drink from her, then walked to a table and sat down.

A few minutes later, Penny came back with another man. Penny said, “Mark, this Michael Stewart, the Day Manager.” I stood up and shook his hand and said, “Nice to meet you.” He said, “Same here, I heard about your father, we offer our condolences to you.” I said, “Thanks.” Penny said, “Ok, I have spoken to Michael and we are offering the Function room here for your fathers’ wake, if you want.”

I said, “Thank you, that is so kind and yes, I do accept the offer, I am sure Penny will let you know what day and time once I have finalized the Funeral and I can’t do that until I have the money, hopefully in the next couple of days, I will be able to start the process.” Michael said, “It is ok, we don’t have anything booked during the day next week at all, but it depends on when you can get it organised.” I said, “Yes.”

I finished my drink and said, “Thank you” to them both, then Penny walked me to the car and said, “Ok enjoy your afternoon and night, I’ll text or call you later.” I said, “Thanks, yes you too,” then I watched her walk back inside before I started the engine and left the car park.

 I drove straight to the shopping centre and found a parking spot, then went to the movie cinema and searched for a suitable movie. I found one that I felt might cheer up. I joined the line and waited patiently to buy my ticket and snacks, then went to the theatre to find a seat and wait. The movie was ok.

I left the theatre and decided to drive to the riverbank and sit to reflect on the past few days and also plan dad’s Funeral as I felt that the Insurance money would be deposited overnight, which would allow me the chance to then make the arrangements as I also knew that if his remains remained in the hospital morgue for too long, they will have him transferred to the state coroner’s office.

I noticed that it was getting very dark and I was in a very secluded area, which was known to attract, well undesirables, that is the best I can think of, I got up and walked to the car, just as my phone rang, it was Penny saying, “I’m closing up early as it’s very quiet.” I said, “Ok, no worries, I will head down now,” then we hung up the phone.

I got in to the car and started the engine, it was then I noticed that the car needed fuelling up, so I decided to fuel up on the way, and as I was leaving, I noticed some cars arriving that looked suspicious, but I just continued driving. I found out later what happened in there.

I drove to a service station that was on the way to the freeway, I fuelled up, paid and left. I continued on my way to pick up Penny, but all the way along, there were Emergency Services and Media vehicles all travelling at high speed towards where I had just come from, but I didn’t think anything of it then.

I soon arrived at the club where Penny worked and text her to let her know I had arrived, she text back almost immediately to saying, “Ok I will be out shortly.” I turned the radio on to see what was playing only to hear the 11pm news and the headlines started with a fatal triple shooting at the park that I had left just over an hour beforehand. I started shaking almost immediately when I realised that I may have been the last person to see those people alive, even though I could not see into the vehicles, but I still felt guilty for not turning back to see what was going on.

The reason I didn’t was because I knew that it may have been suicidal for me, especially as I had witnessed numerous criminal acts when I lived in the city fringe, sorry but I will never reveal most, maybe in my memoirs they might be revealed.

I got out of the car and walked around trying to calm down before Penny came out, especially as I knew that she would not want to drive home, this walk around cleared my head and helped settle me. Penny came out soon after, I opened her door and she got in, then I walked around and got in, started the engine and we drove home.

We chatted about her shift and how it was, she asked me about what movie I saw, she wasn’t happy as we planned to go and see it, but I said, “Well we still can, honestly, I missed some parts,” she said, “Ok, great.”

I then told Penny about being in the park and missing the shooting by minutes, she said, “Wow, how do you know?” I said, “Because I saw some cars arriving just as I was driving out, and I had a very strange feeling about them.” Penny said, “Are you going to go to the Police to give a statement?” I said, “Yes, tomorrow,” she said, “Ok great.”

We soon arrived back at her place, Penny got out and I locked her door, then I got out and locked mine then we both went inside, Penny had unlocked the house whilst I was locking the car. Once inside Penny made us both a Hot Chocolate, then we sat and chatted, I then told her what I had come up with for dad’s Funeral and Wake, here goes:

This only applied if I received the full amount of money tomorrow morning.

Tuesday, we hold the Funeral in a chapel at a major cemetery, the music would be songs I knew both dad and mum loved, especially their song, which to this day I am still unable to listen to, dad’s coffin would slowly move behind the curtains on its way to the crematorium, those who want to attend the Wake, can join us at your club. I will pay for finger food and Coffee, tea, soft drinks. I have decided to write the Eulogy, especially as there is no one closer than me to give it. Penny said, “Sounds great, but what about seeing if Julie would speak as well?” I looked at her with very angry eyes, she said, “Ok that is not going to happen.” I said, “No, if she offers to help then maybe I would ask her.” Penny said, “Ok.”

We finished our drinks and washed the cups up, then we both hugged each other and went to bed. I took a while to fall asleep as I couldn’t stop thinking about those killed tonight, even though I didn’t know the details as yet, I still felt bad for them no matter who they were, yes, by me saying that shows THAT:

I have a caring soul as I do feel bad when anybody under the age of 30 dies, no matter what from, and honestly, if I heard of any of my friends, or ex friends, under 30 being physically hurt or fatally wounded, then the assailant had better hope the Police catch up with them before I do.

I finally fell asleep and slept peacefully until I was woken the following by my phone beeping. I checked it and screamed which brought Penny flying in thinking something was wrong. I apologised but showed her my phone, she said, “Wow, that is great.” I said, “The beeping was my bank telling me a deposit had been made, it was dad’s insurance money.” We both hugged each other and decided to have our showers then discuss the Funeral. I had my shower first as Penny was not at work until mid-afternoon, she would have hers around late morning.

Once I had finished my shower, I got dressed and went to join her in the kitchen, she had made us both breakfast, then we both sat down to eat. Once we had finished, it was 8.30am and I realised that I could call the Funeral Directors to arrange dad’s Funeral. I was lucky that I spoke to the lady from last week, she asked me some details and then told me the cost of the Funeral, which I was happy about and gave her my credit card details. N.B. My Bank Account had a Credit/Debit Card facility, which meant the money from the Insurance money was available.

Once the transaction had been processed, she said, “Ok I will call you back later with the details.” I said, “Thank you” then hung up the phone and told Penny what was happening, she said, “So do you want me to book the Function room at work tonight?” I said, “Not yet, not until I have the Funeral date and time set, even though it looked like it would be Tuesday at 9am, but I want to wait for the confirmation from the Funeral Director.”

 We both washed the breakfast dishes, when suddenly the phone rang, I answered it thinking it was the Funeral Director calling back, instead it was Norm wanting to speak with Penny, which I handed her the receiver and they chatted for a while, then hung up the phone.

Penny said, “They are coming home tomorrow, mainly because they are worried about you and want to be here to support you.” I said, “Ok sweet, but not necessary as you have done more than enough for me,” but I knew it was only an excuse for them, as his mother and step father were both very heavy smokers and Norm and Jason would always find an excuse to leave early.

Penny and I then moved to their home computer to start writing the Eulogy, strange as it felt, but I felt relieved writing it, especially as Penny knew dad almost as well as I did, and we had it written in just over 2 hours, but decided against printing it yet, just in case either of us wanted to make some changes, we saved it and shut down the computer.

Suddenly the phone rang, I answered it, it was the Funeral Director giving me the details for the Funeral:

“Tuesday October 5th, 2010, Major Cemetery, Chapel 3, 9am,

His Body will be Cremated afterwards, we have organised a Funeral Celebrant to contact you to make arrangements for us to discuss the Funeral.”

 I said, “I have already decided on the music, and the Eulogy has been partly composed, I will be going to search for the music after I have dropped my friend at work later.”

The Funeral Home lady said, “Wow, you are prepared, wish all of our clients were as prepared.”

I said, “Ok thanks,” then hung up the phone, and told Penny, she said, “Ok I will book the function room when I get to work, but we need to work out the refreshments.” I said, “Well I am not expecting more than 50 people to the Funeral, so maybe 25 will travel back, but let’s have enough for 50.”

Penny said, “Ok and any food left over, we can take home.” I said, “Ok thanks.” I then rang my Aunty to let her know and also inform her about Julie’s attitude on Monday, I said, “If Julie wants to try anything on Tuesday, Security will remove her.”

She said, “Why you are having security at your father’s funeral.” I said, “Because I know that Julie hates both dad and me and why she would want to attend for is beyond me.”

My Aunty agreed but said, “I will keep her in check and will make sure that she is on her best Behaviour.” I said, “Ok great thanks, Tuesday is for dad, and me, and everyone else attending to say their final goodbyes to him, not for bringing up old grievances.”

She said, “Yes, agreed, and I will tell her.” I said, “Thanks, do you know how many may attend on Tuesday?” She said, “Not at the moment, maybe around 25 in the family, you will have me and my son, along with Julie and her family, and other sister, maybe other family members as well.” I said, “Ok thanks, I have also organised wake which will have finger food, coffee, tea, soft drink, but if anybody wants anything alcoholic, they will be required to buy their own.”

She said, “Ok great.” I said, “May I call your late Sunday with confirmation details of everything?” She said, “Yes of course, if you need anything please give us a call.” I said, “Thanks,” then we hung up the phone.

I immediately fell to the floor crying, which had Penny coming to comfort me, I couldn’t stop crying at all, it just kept flowing and flowing for a long while, until Penny said, “Ok, listen I am not going to work tonight, we will go shopping for you to buy a suit, shirt and shoes for Tuesday, and to buy the songs as well.” I said, “No you need to work,” she said, “It’s ok, I spoke to Michael yesterday and they understand,” then she got up and called her work. She also told Michael about the Funeral on Tuesday, which he agreed to and said, “I will take care of everything.”

Penny said, “Ok, you make a coffee and watch television, while I go and have a shower and get ready.” I said, “Thanks” and did that. I watched some program that was on, which was ok, but I wasn’t really watching it. Penny was ready is just over an hour and then said, “Ok, let’s go.” I said, “Ok great” and we left the house.

I unlocked the car, but Penny wanted to drive as she refused to tell me where we were going, she said, “It is a surprise.” I said, “Ok” then sat back and relaxed and let her drive. We soon arrived at the shopping centre and found a parking spot, then went inside, I went to withdraw some money from my account, then she dragged me to a men’s wear store that I saw had men’s suits on sale.

Penny then looked through the racks until she found a suitable one and said, “Go try this on,” which I did, and it fitted me perfectly, while I was in the change room, she was picking out a shirt, tie and shoes, which matched exactly. We decided, or should I say, Penny decided, that everything was fine, and we went to pay for everything. Penny told the salesperson the purpose of the suit, and he gave me an extra 15% discount as his way of saying sorry, which we said, “Thanks.”

We left the store and Penny took the bags back to the car while I walked to the music store to try and find these songs before Tuesday. I walked in and found someone and told her the song names, which she said, “Ok I have never heard of any of them.” But she checked the computer for them and said, “Wow, you are in luck, I can order them in, but they may take a couple of days to arrive.”

 I told her the reason why I needed them, she said, “Ok, I will make a phone call,” which she did and gave me the thumbs up. When she hung up the phone, she said, “Ok our Melbourne Warehouse will despatch them right now and they will arrive tomorrow morning.”

 I said, “Thank you” and paid for them, including the express delivery cost, she took my details and said, “I will personally call you once they have arrived.” I said, “Thanks” and left the store.

I waited out the front until Penny arrived back, she said, “Have you been waiting all this time for me?” I said, “No, everything is fixed, and the songs are being packed in Melbourne now.” She said, “That means they won’t arrive in time.” I said, “They will be here tomorrow morning, as I have paid for express delivery.” She said, “Ok great, are you thirsty?” I said, “Silly question.”

We went to our usual place to have some tea and chatted about the next few days. I said, “I would like the suit and tie dry-cleaned,” which she agreed on and we decided to put them in before we left, but for now we just wanted to sit and sip our teas. Penny said, “After we have finished here, we should go back and clean the house up.” I said, “Agreed.”

Once we had finished our teas, we got up and walked to the car, we grabbed the suit and tie and took them to the Dry-Cleaners and requested that they be ready by midday tomorrow please? They said, “Yes, that is fine.” I paid, then we left.

We went back to her place and immediately got to work cleaning up, which meant dusting, vacuuming, wiping down all surfaces and changing bed linen, he always insisted on the bed sheets being changed daily, which Penny would do, not only for their bed, but their son as well, something she rarely did when he was away. As much I like him as a friend, but sometimes he just went overboard.

I haven’t spoken about how we met, so here goes:

Back in 1994 we were both Bus Drivers and we worked the same shift at times, N.B. I was still a newbie and as such was still a relief on rosters, which meant I replaced those on Annual, Sick or Long Service leave, meaning I could start as early as 4am some mornings, or even do the overnight shift, which I loved.

 I was on a shift that coincided with Norm’s, and we would travel part of the way home each night by bus, he would alight at a railway station and catch the train home, whilst I would continue in to the city and walk home from where I alighted.

Our friendship was strong, and we helped each other out many times, but as you will see later, it was not as strong as I thought, I will be very nasty when I reveal something. Neither Norm or Penny supported me as Megan when I transitioned in 2001-2005 and refused to call me Megan, they still called me Mark, even in public and I was dressed in female clothing. I thought about ending our friendship during that time but decided against it.

Back to the story:

Penny and I finally had the house cleaned to Norm’s satisfaction, I said, “Ok come on let’s go have dinner somewhere nice.” She said, “Ok but we both need to shower first.” I agreed, then Penny had hers, after wards I had mine, once we were ready, we left the house and drove to a restaurant that we both wanted to try but didn’t have anyone to takes us there.

When we arrived, we walked inside to be greeted by the head waiter, who showed us to a table and handed us both a menu each, we said, “Thank you.” I asked Penny if she wanted a drink. She said, “Yes, please, could I have a white wine please?” I said, “And a cola for me please, as I am driving,” she said, “Ok great, I will bring them over shortly,” then she walked away.

Penny and I chatted about the Eulogy and I had decided to add a couple of things to it, which I told her, and she sort of agreed, the add ons were about Julie and even though I did not feel that Julie should be acknowledged as dad’s daughter, I decided that she should be, yes out of revenge for what she did to us. I know that sounded callus and petty, but honestly, what she did to us was totally unforgivable and I felt that if I mentioned her at the Funeral, then it would make dad happy. Penny said, “Wow, you really hate her, don’t you?” I said, “No, not really, just 100 million thousand times around the moon and earth and back.” Penny said, “Ok that’s not much at all then,” and she agreed that I should include her on the Eulogy.

Our drinks then arrived, and we gave the waitress our food order, she said, “Ok I will bring them over once they are ready,” we said, “Thanks” and she left. We continued chatting until the food arrived, then we both ate in silence. Neither of us felt like dessert, we decided to leave, I went and paid the bill and we went back to the car and got in then drove back to her place.

When we got back, I asked, “Could I have a bath please?” She said, “Yes, but can I have my shower first please?” I said, “Yes of course,” then she went to have her shower, which allowed me the chance to gather up my things, you know towel, pyjamas, shaver and face washer, then I waited for Penny to finish which she did within a few minutes, she came out with her towel wrapped around her and said, “All yours,” I said, “Thanks” and went in to start the bath running.

Once the bath had filled sufficiently, I undressed and slowly immersed myself in the water, which felt so nice and I just relaxed for a little while, then washed myself, including shaving my face, then got out and dried off, got dressed and went to join Penny in the kitchen, she had made us both a Hot Chocolate, I said, “Thank you” and we sipped them at the computer while I added the parts about Julie. Once I had finished adding them, we saved the work, then shut the computer down, washed up the cups then went to bed.

I slept well and woke up early then had my shower and got dressed made the bed. Penny had woken up by then as well and she came to help cook our breakfast, which took no time at all, then we dished the food and ate it before it got cold.

 I decided to go home shortly, especially as Norm and their son would be home later, but Penny said, “No I will drop you at the station on my way to work, Norm will want to see you before you leave.” I said, “Ok,” then we decided to watch a DVD until it was lunch time, but after we had washed the breakfast dishes.

Just as we were about to sit and watch the DVD, the phone rang, it was the sales assistant from the music store letting me know my songs had arrived, I said, Thanks, I will be there shortly,” then I hung up and told Penny, she decided to come with me, as we also needed to pick up the Dry Cleaning. We arrived at the shopping centre and found a parking spot, we decided to split up, she would get the dry cleaning, while I went to get the songs. I walked to the shop and found the girl, who reached behind the counter and handed me the package, I said, Thanks,” and left the store. I walked back to the car and found Penny sitting in it waiting for me, I got in and she drove to the Police Station, so I could give them my statement, that only took around 30 minutes, especially as I basically saw nothing, I was cleared, then Penny drove us back to her place.

When we got back, it was almost 12pm, Penny had to start getting ready for work, I made us some sandwiches to save time for her, once she was dressed, we sat down to eat, then I washed the dishes, while she packed her work bag.

Norm and Jason, walked in the door just after 2.45pm, which was perfect timing as Penny was just about ready to leave. Norm hugged me and said, “I’m sorry about your father.” I said, “Thanks, but at least he is at peace and with mum now, something I know he has wanted for over 19 years.”

 Penny said, “Sorry, but I need to go to work.” Norm said, “Ok, so when are you coming back here?” I said, “Possibly Saturday or Sunday, I am not sure yet, I will let you know,” he said. “Ok, just take it easy, ok.” I said, “Yes, I will.” I got into Penny’s car and we left, she looked at the fuel gauge and, asked, “When did you fill the car?” I said, “Monday night on my way to pick you up.” She said, “Oh, ok thanks.” I said, “My pleasure,” and we continued on our way to the station. We arrived there just over 20 minutes later, which meant I had almost 18 minutes before my train was due, and she wasn’t due to start work for almost 45 minutes, we sat in the car and chatted, she said, “If you want to come back Saturday and stay until after the Funeral, then you could, but you are staying Monday night and we will drive down together.” I said, “Ok yes, I was thinking the same, I will see how things go when I get home and I need to get to and get dad’s affairs in order as well.” She said, “Ok.” I gave her a hug and a kiss, then walked to the platform and waited for the train.

The train arrived not long after, I boarded and sat down to again reflect, and for the first time in almost 2 weeks, it suddenly hit me that dad was gone, but strangely, I didn’t cry, just sat there dumb founded thinking about how much different my life was going to be now without him. I don’t mean anything nasty or mean there, what I mean is that I had lived with him for the past 4 years and had gotten used to seeing him almost every day, but now I had to get used to being on my own, which even though I had time to prepare for dad’s death, I had a small bit of hope that he would be ok, I suppose that is the optimist that was inside me.

The train arrived at the stop I needed, I grabbed my back pack and alighted, then went to the concourse and found my afternoon coffee shop and ordered my usual coffee, I surprised the girl as I told her I wouldn’t be in for a couple of weeks as I was on leave, but I told her that I had been staying with friends for a few days, but going home now to prepare for my new job from Tuesday, she said, “Oh, ok, here enjoy, see you soon.” I said, “Yes, thanks.” I walked to the platform I needed to go home, thankfully the train arrived shortly thereafter, I boarded but stood up as my station was the second stop. I sipped my coffee and watched the rest of the passengers and wondered what they had planned for the upcoming long weekend.

The train soon arrived at my stopped, I alighted and walked to the barriers, inserted my pass and walked through, grabbing my pass as I did, then slowly walked home. When I arrived back, I went to the office to let them know I was back and when the Funeral was set for, he said, “Ok, I will let all the residents know, but I doubt many will attend or will go to the wake, especially as both are not easy to get to via public transport.”

I said, “That’s fine, but I will need final numbers by midday Saturday, so I can place the refreshment order.” He said, “Ok will do how are you coping?” I said, “Only just, but I will be fine though,” he said, “Well you have our support here ok.” I said, “Yes, and thanks, I need to go and relax before dinner,” he said, “Ok, I will chat to you soon.” I said, “Thanks” and left.

I was asked the same question all the way to the room, I know everybody was curious as I had been away for a couple of days, but I was nice to everyone, and said, “ I need some time alone before dinner,” they all said, “Yes, of course.” I finally made it to my room and put my backpack down then sat on my bed and my emotions really, and I mean really, hit me, I started crying so heavily that a couple of the other residents heard and got the duty manager who opened the door and I was suddenly comforted by several people, until finally I calmed down and the manager announced that he was starting the dinner service early tonight.

I was escorted to the servery and received my meal then went to sit in the dining room, everyone knew who I would prefer to sit with, and those people came to sit down with their meals, and we all ate together.

Afterwards a few of the males said, “Come on let’s go to the hotel to honour your father.” Which I agreed on, but said, “I need my wallet,” they said, “No the entire night is on us.” I said, “No, I should pay for some drinks.” Then they said, “Ok you can shout the first round and the rest are on us.” I said, “Ok.” I grabbed my wallet and keys, then locked the door and walked up with the other males.

When we arrived, we decided that we would all have a schooner of dad’s favourite beer, I ordered the schooners, then paid and we all toasted him then we all downed the glass in one go, which made me sick as I was not a beer lover and if I did drink beer, it would take me almost an hour to consume one as I would only sip it. There was another placed, and again we all drank, but even though it was for dad, I was unable to gulp mine down which had the other males all laughing at me, saying, “You not a true man as only true men can handle their beer.” I got angry and ran out of the hotel, across the main road where I was almost hit by a bus and a truck, honestly, I didn’t care as I had nothing to live for and felt that I should die as well. When I got home, I went inside and just crashed on my bed and fell asleep. I didn’t know a thing until I was woken up the following day by someone knocking on the door, I opened it, and it was the owner with a strange lady, he said, “She is the Funeral Celebrant to discuss the funeral.” I said, “Oh ok, thanks, may we use the television room please?”

 He said, “Yes, of course, would either of you like a coffee? We said, “Yes please,” he said, “Ok you two go to the room and I will bring them up shortly.” We said, “Thanks” and we walked to the room, I closed the door and we went and sat down then started chatting about the agenda for Tuesday, I suddenly realised that I had left the songs in the room and excused myself to go get them. I was lucky that I was able to lay my hands on them in seconds and then returned back to where she was.

I showed her my selection and explained the reasons behind each selection, she then made her suggestions about the order for them, which I agreed to, the owner brought our coffees over to us and said, “I will lock the door so you both have privacy,” we said, Thanks.”

We finalised the entire service in just over 2 hours, and then she said, “Ok, I will see you on Tuesday,” handed me her card and said, “If you need to change anything, please let me know, apart from that, have a relaxing long weekend.” I said, “Thanks, you too and thanks for assisting us for Tuesday,” she said, “My pleasure,” then she left.

I went back to the room and decided to have a shower, and go out for a while, but first I needed to text Penny as she had sent me several messages, but I had yet to respond, I got to and replied to them, and apologised to her for the delay as well, she text back that it was fine. I told her I was going to have a shower, and go out for a while, maybe catch the ferry to Manly, or bus to Palm Beach, she said, “Ok great idea, please take care and text me when you get back home.” I said, “Yes, I plan too.” then went to have my shower.

Once I had returned back to my room, I dried off and got dressed and left to go and yes, get a coffee. Once I had my drug dose, I headed to the train station and waited for the terminating service, this became a return all stop service and I just needed time to think, but of course, being late Friday and heading into the city, it was wishful thinking.

I decided to alight at an earlier station which is well known for an “Alternative” Lifestyle, but I wanted some “Alternative” company that night. I walked around for a while until I stumbled across a doorway that looked good and decided to investigate, I pushed it open and was immediately hit with the stench of well not legal tobacco, smoke, but man did it make me feel great.

I paid the entry fee and walked to the bar, I ordered a beer, said, “Thank you” and walked around for a while, I loved it as there were naked men as far as the eye could see, every single one was either fucking or being fucked by a man, my cock immediately woke up and I knew that I wanted to pound some gorgeous guy tonight. My wish was about to come true, when a man approached me and asked if I liked what I saw? All I could do was nod, while trying to conceal my ever-hard cock, he came over and pressed his hand against it and said, “Nice, do you want me to suck it for you?” I nodded and made hmm sound, then he unzipped my pants and they fell to the floor and took my cock in his mouth and started sucking which caused me to cum and cum hard down his throat, he licked every last bit of cum and sucked my cock clean of cum.

Once he had finished, he moved up to kiss me, but I pulled away, which got him upset, but I said, “I have never tasted my own cum and I am not able to start.” He said, “Well fuck you faggot, pick up your pants and get out of here.” I tried to say something but was suddenly dragged outside and left on the ground half exposed. I fixed myself up and got up then walked back to the main road and finally found a café to sit down and rest, I decided to order some food and a coffee, then sat there reflecting on what had just happened, and I vowed never to do that again, no matter how horny I got. I decided that I will remain single for the rest of my life.

My food and coffee arrived, I consumed them very slowly, then sat and allowed it all to digest, then after a while, I got up to pay the bill and left. I walked around for a while and finally realised I had returned back to the railway station, I had a look and saw that the next train was due in a few minutes, I ran down the stairs to try and catch it, which I did and sat down to rest. I looked out of the windows all the way until my stop, then got up and alighted. I put my pass in the barrier and walked through, grabbing my ticket then walked home and into my room and crashed in bed straight away.

I slept for a long while, I have no idea how long for, but woke up with the sun streaming in, I checked my phone and it said it was 1.30pm, I thought wow, so what time did I get in last night, I still have no idea. I immediately text Penny to yet again apologise, she rang me, and she said, “It’s ok, even though I was worried, I didn’t get any calls from any emergency services, so I knew you were fine, hope you had fun last night.” I said, “Yes,” and told her a lie, I wasn’t prepared to reveal what really happened. N.B. What happened has never been revealed before to anyone, and I feel much better finally revealing it.

Penny and I chatted for a while until she said, “I have to get ready for work.” I said, “Ok, have a great night and I will see you all tomorrow sometime,” she said, “Ok, you too, “then we hung up the phone. I went and had a shower, then came back to get dressed and go out for a while, of course, as I left the room, had a couple of the other residents apologising to me for the other night, I said, “I refuse to accept your apologies, as you were all very mean to me, now get out of my way” and I stormed off.

I walked up to the main highway to wait for the bus into the city, I had just missed one, so I had a half hour wait for the next one, but it gave me time to sit and reflect. I rang Penny to see if I could come up later today. She said, “Yes, of course, what time will you be here?” I said, “Not until later as I am on my way to pick up a car, then going home to pack some clothes, I’ll text you just before I leave home.” Penny said, “Ok great, I have to leave by 4pm but Norm and Jason should be home.” I said, “Ok, but I still have my key, so if they are not home, I will let myself in.” Penny said, “Ok, I will tell them not to put the alarm on just in case you do arrive while they are out,” I said, “Ok thanks,” then we hung up.

Suddenly I saw the bus coming and waved it down, I boarded and found a seat. I rang my car rental agency to book a car, and they said, “Yes, that’s fine see you soon,” then I hung up. I just stared out the windows for the rest of the trip, sort of very blankly, but picked myself up when we approached where dad used to live, this was the area where just over 11 years earlier, I had told dad I was a gurl. I could feel my eyes starting to well up and decided to alight earlier, so I could go to the bathroom and wash my face. I decided to buy a coffee and walk from there to the car rental agency. N.B. For those of you in Sydney, it was Broadway to Kings Cross, which if I remember correctly is around 3-5 kms. This took me just over 1.5 hours to walk, but thankfully I knew the short cuts and was able to clear my head by the time I arrived there.

I walked in and didn’t have to say anything as I was known there, all I did was produce my Drivers’ Licence and Credit Card, then he filled everything in, found the car keys and filled that part, printed the paperwork and I initialled and signed where needed, which I knew off by heart. I was shown to the car, we checked it over and then I was handed the keys and I was off home to pack some clothes and up to Penny and Norm’s place. I dropped by the office to let them know that I will be away until after the Funeral, he said, “Ok, this is the attendees for your father funeral and wake.” I said, “Ok great thanks, that is under the budget, so will be fine.”

I left and went around the corner to place my bag in the car, got in and drove away. I could have parked in the hostel car park, but I knew that some of the residents would have either wanted favours or been abusive towards me taking advantage of my fathers’ death, which I wasn’t. I text Penny to let her know I was on the way, and gave her my eta as around 45-60 minutes, she text back, “Ok, the boys will be here when you arrive.” I said, “Ok thanks.”

The drive took a little longer than expected, only because there was a breakdown on the freeway, and the driver refused to move his vehicle, which caused a massive traffic jam back to the start of the freeway. I finally arrived and went inside to chat with Norm and Jason, of course, both were concerned about me, but knew that I if I needed anything, I would ask.

N.B. From the time I met Norm, I felt like he was the Brother I always wanted, but never had and we could always talk about most things, but once I declared my intentions to transition, his attitude changed towards me, but my friendship with Penny got stronger though.

Norm knew that without asking me, I would love a coffee and he went to make me one, he said, “What do feel like doing tonight?” I said, “Just relaxing but if you have something else in mind, I am all ears.” He said, “Well we were thinking of going bowling as it has been a while.” I said, “That sounds great, and it’s my shout,” of course, Norm argued, but I said, “No, you are all allowing me to stay here for a few days, so I should help out and we will take my car, ok.” Norm said, “Ok, fine, wow you are becoming more assertive.” I said, “No, just paying my way,” he said, “Ok, great.”

Norm handed me my coffee and we went to the lounge room to watch some television, but he wanted to ask me about dad being in hospital and how difficult it was for me to make the hardest decision ever about him. I told him, but what I never said was.

 N.B. What I am about to say has never been revealed to anybody and some of you may feel I am being callus, or vindictive or just plain selfish with what I did, but unless you have been in my position, you cannot judge me by what I did, felt or even thought.

When I was told that dad’s brain was unresponsive and that the kindest thing to do was to switch his life support off, I didn’t want to at all, I wanted to let him live, because, yes, he could be a real pain in the arse at times, and was a complete homophobe, racist, and a judgmental person, I did not believe that he deserved to die. I deliberated long and hard within myself and yes, I could have easily gone straight back to the hospital and said, “Yes, switch that creature off as I have had enough of him in my life.”

By doing that, it could have meant that I could then move on with my life and finally be my true self, but I am not a selfish prick, even though others assume I am, honestly, I can be sometimes, but most of the time, I put others’ happiness before my own.

Had I been selfish when I was 9, I would have just told my father I was a gurl and I am going to live as a gurl from that day forward, but I didn’t. I cared about his feelings and the rest of my family’s feelings, therefore I endured a lot of bullying and torment growing up, not only at school but also my male cousins.

Anyway, I digress, I had many sleepless nights trying to make the decision until suddenly and inexplicitly I decided to do the kindest thing for my father of 45 + years, and that was to agree to let him pass away peacefully, and that is what happened. But please bear in mind that not a day goes by that I don’t either miss him or talk to him, and cry a lot, but deep down in my heart, I know that I did the right thing. I also talk to my mum every day and Claire Baire too, and strange as this may sound, but I feel that they are guiding me as I keep seeing signs of one particular subject. I know this will sound totally delusional, but every time I have feelings for someone, in order for me to mention anything to said female, I ask Claire Baire for her permission. To date, she has only said, “Yes,” and only one person has come twenty percent close to how I feel about MY Claire Baire.

Back to my story.

Norm and I had finished our coffees, I grabbed his mug and went to soak it in the kitchen sink, then we got ourselves ready to go bowling. I said, “I will go and wait in the car,” they said, “Ok.” I went and waited and waited and waited for almost 45 minutes, then went inside to ask what the hold-up was? It was Jason being uncooperative and selfish little Pratt, I said, “Ok then you can stay here and do what you want, while your father and I go and have fun.” Norm said, “Yes, great idea.”

 Norm turned the television off at the wall and grabbed all the remotes as well, so Jason could not watch television. Norm said, “Come on let’s go bowl,” I said, “Cool” then we left.

The drive there was short, but it felt jovial, I don’t know why, despite me trying to work it out even all these years later, I still don’t know. Once we arrived, Norm got out and went to book a lane while I parked the car, and locked it then walked inside to see him just looking. I looked as well and noticed that not only was every lane taken but there was a long wait, we both realised that it was the long weekend.

N.B. This was the New South Wales Labour Day Weekend, which is usually the first Monday in October and the Sunday is usually when Daylight Savings started in NSW, Victoria and Tasmania. I am unsure about the rest of Australia but do know that Western Australia and Queensland do not observe it.

I said, “What do you want to do?” He said, and I was very surprised about this, “Let’s go to the club and invest some money.” I said, “Yes, great idea.” N.B. I was a heavy Poker (Slot) Machine player back then and peeps didn’t need to ask me twice. We went and got in the car and went to the club, but because of the 5-km rule, he was denied entry as he was not a member, so as much as I could enter, out of loyalty to Norm, declined and we went back to the car and drove back to his place.

When we arrived, we went inside to find Jason on the computer playing an online game with a friend overseas, he said, “Why are you back so soon?” Norm told him, then said, “Ok we are going to get some food, then come back here to watch DVDs for a few hours.” Jason said, “Great, hope you are getting food from my favourite fast food joint?” Norm said, “Mark is our guest, he gets to choose.” Both knew me and knew which one I would choose; besides it was the closest to their house. Norm asked, “Jason do you want to come with us or stay here to keep playing?” Jason said, “I will come with you.” I said, “Ok, you have 5 minutes to be ready, if you are not, we will leave without you,” he said, “Ok I will be,” then he went back to the study to hopefully stop or pause his games.

I started the timer on my watch and said, “I will go and wait in the car, when it gets to 4 minutes, I will sound the horn,” he said, “Ok” and I did exactly that. I started the car and listened to the radio, in those days I listened to a talkback station that on weekends had sports on, when I started the car, they were broadcasting a game live, which interested me as my team was leading. I no longer follow that team due to a certain person/s, N.B., Please go and buy 2 (Unique) Gurls, as that story is about that person. When the timer got to the 4-minute mark, I sounded the horn and within seconds, there was this flash of blue, it was Jason, he got in to the front seat with me, you may think it’s strange that an 8-year-old would sit in the front seat, the answer is simple, he used to get car sick, so his parents and me allowed him to sit in the front passengers’ seat. Norm locked the house and came to get in the back seat, buckled his seat belt and double-checked that Jason had, which he had, then we drove to get our food.

The drive was only a few minutes but felt longer as we were all joking around with each other, and for the first time in over 2 weeks, I felt relaxed and happy, and was laughing as well, which made both Norm and Jason happy as well, but did have Norm concerned for me as he saw what I went through after Claire Baire died and he knew that I would be a mess by Tuesday.

We arrived at the restaurant and placed our order, Norm excused himself to go and make a phone call, which I didn’t think twice about, instead I concentrated on trying to control little Jason, which in my honest opinion, have always felt that he was suffering from ADD or Attention Deficit Disorder. N.B., I have never revealed that publicly before. I decided that the best way to control him, was to say, “If you don’t stand still and be quiet, then your father and I will eat your food, you will go to bed as soon as we get back,” it worked as he grabbed my hand and stood so still I thought he was either dead or a statue.

Norm came back in a few minutes later, just as our order was being finished and handed to us, we all walked back to the car and got in then travelled back to their place. When we arrived, Norm went to unlock the house and get the plates for the food, while Jason and I grabbed the food and I locked the car. We went inside to distribute the food to each plate, then sat on the lounge to watch the first movie. I had brought a selection of movies with me; one was a boxset of a popular Police comedy from the 1980’s which both dad and I loved. N.B. Even today, I still watch them on occasions as they remind me of my youth, and because of those movies, considered joining the Police Force, but my fear of guns stopped me.

We watched and ate, of course, it was not easy trying to eat and laugh at the same time, but we did very gently, until finally we had finished our food and drinks. Once the movie finished, Norm put one of his favourites on, which was a thriller but out of courtesy I watched it, surprisingly, it was very good. Jason chose the third movie, which was a very popular child’s movie then, I loved it, I do have the first 2 on DVD. I hadn’t realised the time, but suddenly noticed that it was almost 11pm which Norm said, “Jason it’s past your bedtime come on time for bed.” Jason argued but soon went to bed after his nightly shower. Once Jason was in bed, Norm and I took turns having our showers, then we sat up drinking Hot Chocolate and chatting.

Norm said, “Ok, I have known you for over 15 years, are you truly fine?” I said, “Surprisingly, yes, I think because I had over a week to adjust knowing that the end was near for dad and I have quite possibly cried my tears dry, but who knows how I will be on Tuesday.”

Norm said, “No matter what, you will have us there to support you.” I said, “Thanks, and yes, I know and really appreciate it, in all honesty, I hope Julie does not show her face as I don’t know how I will cope.” Norm said, “If she does, just be nice to her and if she responds, accept it, but if she is cold and distant, accept that as well.” I said, “Yes, that is my intention, I feel that if she does show up, she will be a very cold, heartless bitch, but she may surprise me”. Norm said, “Yes, anything is possible.”

 N.B., I had never fully revealed to either Norm or Penny why Julie hated me and dad.

We had chatted for over 2 hours, as suddenly we heard Penny’s car pull up in the driveway, which had Norm jumping up to put the kettle on to make her a Hot Chocolate. I opened the front door for her, she came in within seconds and said, “Hi,” giving me a peck on the cheek as she did. Penny went and put her lunch bag on the kitchen bench and gave Norm a kiss, then she cleared the bag out and wiped it over both inside and outside. Norm had finished making her Hot Chocolate, and we all sat down to chat, mainly about her shift, a little about how I am and the discussion about what might happen if Julie shows up on Tuesday.

After a while, we all decided to go to bed, I was going to sleep in the study on the air mattress, which Norm and Jason had blown up earlier and made the bed for me, we all said, “Goodnight,” of course, both Penny and I said, “Sweet dreams” to each other, which was our usual nightly text to each other. I went in to the study and closed the door, then got in to bed and surprisingly fell asleep very fast and didn’t know a thing until I was woken up by Penny bringing me a cup of coffee in, we said, “Good morning” to each other, I asked, “What time is it?” She said, “Well it’s almost 12pm.” I said, “What, I’ve been asleep for almost 12 hours,” she said, “Yes.” I got up and made the bed, then walked out to the kitchen to find the house empty, it was only Penny and I home, I said, “Where are the boys?” She said, “I asked them to go out for a while, so we could chat quietly.” I said, “Oh ok great.”

Penny then said, “Ok, I know you are trying to be strong and brave, but with us you don’t need to be, we know that this has been hard on you, and even though we haven’t really helped plan the Funeral, we have still been here for you”. I said, “You have helped me so much, and I really do appreciate it.”

 N.B I had not told anybody what was contained in the Funeral plan, nor what the songs were. I said, “If it had not been for yours and Norm’s support, I doubt I would be this strong, even though it is a hard time right now, I should be selfless and say that dad is now in a better place, hopefully with mum, something I have known that he has wanted in over 19 years.”

Penny said, “Yes, that is selfless, and you have allowed him to rest in peace.” I said, “yes, But he died being disappointed in me as I have never amounted to anything in my life.” Penny said, “Don’t say that, you may not be a successful as other people, and even though you have never married and fathered any children, well yes, he may have been disappointed there.”

 N.B., I had never told Penny that I knew I was infertile, mainly because I had forgotten myself, it wasn’t until I started writing this novel, that I remembered what happened.

We decided to have our showers and then go out for a while, which we did. We went to the weekend markets that we both loved going to, and found some bargains, but I decided against buying anything especially as I had way too much junk, both in my room at the hotel and my storage unit, but Penny bought a few things for their place, which were really nice.

After about 2 hours, we decided to leave and head to do some grocery shopping, I looked at the time and told said, “It’s after 3pm, shouldn’t you be at home getting ready to go to work?” Penny said, “No, I have arranged for today through until Tuesday off to support you.” I said, “Ok thanks,” then we went and did the shopping and headed back to their place.

The rest of the day, we all just watched DVDs and relaxed, and decided on Monday as it was now warming up to go to Warragamba Dam for a picnic and to relax, which was very relaxing. We all decided to have an early night, but not before we completed my Eulogy for dad, which was very nice. When I read it, I burst in to tears and couldn’t stop as I realised that dad was gone, and I was never going to enjoy his company again, even though yes, he was a pain, and control freak at times, but he was mine and I knew that my life was never going to be the same ever again.

N.B., Despite having Penny, Norm and Jason as support for me, inside I felt so very much empty and alone.

We all decided to wake up early Tuesday morning and have a decent breakfast, we took turns having our showers, until finally around 7.45, we were all ready to leave. Norm had offered to drive us in his car as he knew that I was not in a fit state, or maybe even later. The drive was quicker than anticipated, even though schools returned today, some parents decided to take an extra day off work, therefore traffic was lighter than usual.

When we arrived at the cemetery, I guided Norm to the chapel. Once we arrived, I went to check which part we were, and found that we had the whole chapel and it was smaller than I expected but would still hold enough people. We all needed to use the bathroom, which we did and then went to wait outside for the others. My Aunty, who I first rang, arrived with her son, and of course, her eyes were red from crying, she came over and gave me a very tight hug, then her son came and shook my hand. I noticed that the owner of the hotel had arrived with the cleaner, they came over as well, then I saw Julie drive in like a speed demon. I waited to see what she wanted to do, but only stood with my other Aunty, the one who accompanied her to court the first day. I went over to say “Hi” to her, the response was “Hello,” then she turned and continued her conversation.

I walked back to where the others were and told Penny, and said, “See told you so.” Penny said, “Well at least she came.” I said, “Yes, for the free food and drink.” My Aunty said, “Listen today is about your dad, not what happened years ago, look, I never believed what Julie alleged.” I said, “Neither did I, if I believed her, then I would have supported her, but from day one I have not,” she said, “Ok could I sit with you during the service?” I said, “Yes, of course.” I then noticed the celebrant and hearse arriving, which again caused me to burst into tears, and not surprisingly, Julie just ignored me, but I didn’t care, I only cared about dad and giving him my total support today.

The celebrant came over and hugged me saying, “Wow you look so nice.” I said, “Thanks.” Then she said, “Ok, have you done what we spoke about on Friday?” I said, “Yes,” and handed her the Eulogy, she had a read and said, “Wow, that is very good, can you come inside with me please?” I said, “Yes, of course” and we walked inside the chapel to where dad’s coffin lay.

 N.B., I decided against an open casket due to how he looked before he died, and I felt that no one should see that as it may cause more distress, although I felt that a reason why Julie attended was to see his body and possibly do something evil to him.

The celebrant showed me where I was going to sit, she said, “Ok, who is sitting with you?” I told her, she said, “Ok great, I know today is very hard for you, but I think you should get up and give the Eulogy, don’t forget that today is for your father, no one else and if you give the Eulogy it will show how much you loved him and how much you will miss him.” I said, Yes, but I am totally nervous though,” she said, “It’s ok, I will stay by your side and step in to read if you can’t.” I said, “Ok thanks,” she said, “Come on it’s almost time, let’s go greet everybody,” I said, “Ok.”

We went to the back of the chapel and nodded for the staff to open the doors, Penny, Norm, Jason and my Aunty were the first in, I told them where we were sitting, I said, “I want to sit between you two ladies please?” They both said, “Yes, of course,” behind them was Julie and her family and my cousin, Julie and her family totally ignored me, but my cousin shook my hand again, then there were family members I had not seen in many years, which I was thankful that they attended, the hotel owner, cleaner and other residents were next, followed by a blast from the past, our former neighbours, without the husband as he passed away several years earlier.

I totally fell into Audrey’s chest and burst into tears, not only because of dad but also her husband, she held me tightly and said, “It’s ok, I understand”. I hugged both her daughters who were very grown up by then, Donna was 27 and Trisha was almost 22. I said, “Can you sit behind us in the second row on the right,” which they did.

Once everybody had arrived, the celebrant and I walked to the front, I sat down to allow her to commence the service, which was very beautiful, then she asked me to come up and give the Eulogy, which I did. I started to give it and surprisingly, I was fine, but got angry when I looked up around the chapel and noticed that everyone’s eyes were on me, except Julie, her Husband, children and my cousin. I felt so angry and upset then, and almost abused them, but refrained from doing so, only because today was for dad, no one else.

I completed the Eulogy and stood at the podium while dad’s coffin was slowly conveyed behind the curtains, I had decided to play Mum and Dad’s favourite song, which was their Wedding Dance song, as the coffin slowly proceeded behind the curtain, then once it had, the celebrant then announced that there was a wake for dad, she said there are direction sheets at the back on your way out. I said, “I will be along in just over an hour,” then nodded to Penny, that was her cue to ring the club and let them know we were on our way, then the service concluded, and I thanked the celebrant, of course, she was invited but she had another Funeral to do, I said, “Ok thanks, you did a totally wonderful job and I do appreciate it.”

I noticed that some people had waited for me to come to the back, but Julie and her family had disappeared which I was not surprised about, but everyone chatted with me and over 70% said they will go to the wake, the only people who couldn’t were the owner of the hotel and his cleaner, which I understood and said, “I will be home late today or tomorrow,” they said, “Ok, just take it easy.”

I then grabbed Audrey and asked, “Are you three coming to the wake?” She said, “Yes, of course, we have a lot to catch up on.” I agreed, and said, “If you want to follow us, you can,” which she agreed to. Penny and my Aunty then asked me why I saw red on the podium? I told them, of course, my Aunty was furious with her son as it was disrespectful, which we all agreed on, then I said, “Ok can we head to the club please?” I said, “Audrey, do you mind if I travel with you three, I know where to go, and can direct you?”

Audrey said, “Yes, that’s fine, besides I think somebody is very happy that we have reconnected today.” We walked outside. I looked around to see if I could see Julie, but no, they had already left, which allowed me to breathe better. Audrey showed me where her car was, and we got in, she said, “Who wrote the Eulogy?” I said, “I did with help from Penny and Norm,” she said, “It was very good, it sounded like it was written by a professional, but I think you got Julie’s year of birth wrong.” I had accidentally stated that she had been born a year later than she was, in all honesty, not having any contact with her for many years, she was lucky that I got the decade correct and I made her younger.

Audrey started the engine and signalled to Norm that we were ready then he moved off followed by us and several other vehicles behind us. I chatted to the girls about how everything was going and tried not to say anything about their father, but Donna, the eldest, then said, “It has been difficult, especially without dad, but we are all fine.”

 I said, “I heard about his death and took a card to the Funeral Home.” Audrey said, “We never received it.” I said, “Oh ok, I wondered why you didn’t respond, I thought it was because we had done something wrong,” she said, “No, if I received it, I would have reconnected with you both,” which both the girls said, “Yes, most definitely, but we have now.”

I then asked. “How did you all know that dad had died?” Audrey said, “Julie, we bumped into each other at the supermarket the other day and she told me, and I asked for your number, but she told me she didn’t have it.” I said, “Ok, great, but she does have it because she called me the night he died.” Audrey said, “When was that?”

I said, “Last Monday,” she said, “We bumped into each other on Thursday.” I said, “Ok, I had already called my Aunty with the Funeral details then and assumed that she had told Julie, so I don’t know why Julie is lying for.” We decided that Julie had her reasons, so we didn’t feel it was worth investigating further.

The rest of the trip was filled with various chatter, especially finding out that Trisha had recently gotten out of a very violent relationship with a boy, who had gotten her pregnant, and she was questioning her sexuality because of it. I said, “Wow, and you are only 22, so when is the baby due?” Trisha said, “In about 8 months.” Donna and Audrey said, “We can’t wait.” I said, “Donna is there anyone special in your life?” She said, There wasn’t, but there maybe someone from my past now.”

 N.B. Me being a dumb ass male at the time, didn’t get what she was saying.

We soon arrived at the club and I took the girls in while Audrey parked and locked the car, I noticed that Julie’s car was there, and I though what a free loader. We walked inside the club and I found Penny, she said, “Can you come up to the function room with me please?” I said, “Yes, of course.” I did, she wanted me to see if I was happy with the selection of food and drinks, which I was and even surprised me with a few banners of a photo taken of Mum, Dad and me at my 21st Birthday Party and wow did I look totally different then, and started to cry, which Penny said, “Thought you would like it.”

 I sobbed, “Yes,” she said, “Look go into the bathroom and fix yourself up, then when you are ready, we will open the doors.” I said, “Ok, thanks.” I went to the bathroom and peed, then fixed myself up, I didn’t feel the best, but knew that I had to be as strong as I could, especially in front of Julie as I knew that if I showed even the slightest weak sign, that she would love it and would never let me forget it, by bringing it up at any family functions, whether I attended or not, yes, that is the sort of person she is.

I left the bathroom and went to the door, Penny checked my suit and gave me a peck on the cheek then said, “Ok if you are ready, let’s open up and celebrate your father’s life.” I said, “Yes, go ahead.” Michael and another staff member opened the doors, and everyone started to file in one by one. I greeted everybody, saying thanks for coming, but Julie and her family just pushed past like they were some sort of “Above the law” peeps. Penny could see I was upset and grabbed them and said, “Excuse me, but why don’t you say hello to your brother, brother-in-law and uncle.” Julie said, “Why should we, we hate them both.”  Penny said, “Ok, excuse me, but they are both great people, but as you are only here for the free food and drinks, I want you all out of my club, and you are all banned for life.” Julie said, “It’s not your club.”

Michael stepped in and said, “I am the current duty manager today, Penny is on later tonight and she has the power to ban you all, you either leave or we call the Police and have you all charged with trespassing.” Julie said, “Ok, we are leaving,” but as she walked past me, she said, “FYI, in the Eulogy, you got my year of birth incorrect, I was born a year earlier.”

I said, “Well instead of being a spiteful, bitter bitch why didn’t you offer to help me plan the Funeral, then it would have been correct, hey you are lucky I got the decade correct, I have no plans to place a notice, sorry” She said, “I don’t care about you, you fucking freak.” Penny then yelled out for someone to call the Police please, the girl on the front door then lifted the phone and started dialling the local direct number. Julie said, “Alright, we are leaving.” Michael said, “No you are staying here to wait for the Police.”

Suddenly all of them started running towards the front doors, but they had been locked shut, that did not stop her husband as he threw himself through the glass doors to allow the others to exit easily, which they all bounded out of and straight in to the car, but they did not get far as the Police came flying in and blocked their path.

I stayed in the Function room and greeted everybody else, of course Penny went out to speak with the Police about what happened and arranged for the video of them evading questioning. I just wanted to concentrate on dad and giving him the farewell, he deserved, of course, as Penny was busy outside, I had my Aunty, and Audrey with the girls all supporting me, which I appreciated very much.

I got a lot of comfort from everyone else who were stunned by what Julie and her family had just done, but we all just concentrated on dad, and I suggested for those who especially grew up with dad, if they could stand up to tell us something about him, which nearly everybody from his past did, the only person who didn’t was his younger sister who ran out of the room. I still have no idea where she ran to. I learned so much about dad that day, that I broke down in tears, this break down included me collapsing and curling up in the foetal position, my tears were a combination of happy and sad especially with what I had just heard.

I was assisted to the ladies’ bathroom by Audrey and her girls and once we got in there, they all comforted me, including wiping my tears away and helping to straighten myself up, suddenly Donna whispered in my ear, “I still think you are cute,” which had me laughing in seconds, but I turned and faced her and said, “You know I’m old don’t you?” She said, “Not to me, you have always been in my thoughts and I remember growing up and you always being there for us, but you acted like a big brother with us, which was nice, but I always felt there was something else there with us and today when we arrived, and I saw you dressed in that suit, I really wished that it was our Wedding Day.”

I said, “Ok Donna, but you are way too young for me, I doubt your mother or sister would appreciate it if we started dating.” I suddenly got a shock when both Audrey and Trish said, “What is the issue, as long as you both love each other and don’t hurt the other, then we don’t care, and you are both over 18.”

 I said, “Well I am single right now and I’m willing to give it a go if Donna wants to.” Donna said, “Why not, let’s go have fun.” I said, “Ok, but before we go outside, I want to ask you a serious question,” she said, “Ok, yes.” I said, “Ok, will you Donna Lewis do me the pleasure of,” she said, “Hang on are you proposing?” I said, “No, just asking if you will be my girlfriend?” She said, “Oh, ok, yes, yes, yes, yes,” then leapt up and kissed me very soft but passionately on the lips, which was very nice.

I then said, “Ok, I am not going to say anything yet, but what if in say around 15 minutes, I get up on the podium and say that I want to ask someone very special a question, but you all have to act surprised, and Donna you can interrupt again.” They all said that would be great, I said, “Cool,” then gave her another passionate kiss and we all left the ladies’ bathroom.

When we got outside, of course, there were strange looks, especially as I had been dragged into the ladies’ bathroom, but I told everybody that all is fine now and I kept mingling. I noticed that Penny had returned and was looking for me, we went to sit quietly so she could tell me what had happened with the bitch and her family.

This is what Penny said:

“Julie told me that the only reason she came today was to make sure that the pervert was really dead, I was hoping it would be an open casket so I could spit on its face and so I could make sure he was dead.”

Penny said, “Ok then, you are angry with your father.”

Julie responded, “My father died a long time ago, he was not my father.”

Penny said, “Well if he was not your father, why attend his funeral?” There was no response only moans.  Penny said, “If you hate them both so much, then why did you all come today, and also it was very disrespectful to your brother by playing with your mobile phones during his Eulogy to your father?”

Julie again said, “That he was not my father, and why should I look at that freak, I hate it for supporting that animal.”

Penny said, “Ok, wow so much hatred, I pity your children, but I noticed that Mark had to approach you when you arrived, which was very strong of him, yet you treated him with contempt, you only wanted a paid day off from work, didn’t you, get out of here and if I ever see any of you on the premises ever again, I will call the Police, your husband will have a conviction soon for malicious damage and I can tell you that those door glass are not cheap.”

Julie said, “He is not my husband; we are separated now and are close to divorcing.”

Penny said, “Wow, does Mark know about this?”

Julie said, “No way, I have not even introduced that freak to my kids, they need to be protected from that pervert’s son, oh and by the way is that freak going to put a death notice in the paper so I can get paid for today?”

Penny said, “Excuse me, but you obviously do not know Mark, he is a very kind, sweet, loving, helpful man who has babysat our son, Jason, many times especially when he was a carer for his father, now get off the premises, you have 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, someone call the Police, but sorry, I do not know, you should ask him yourself.”

Penny said, “I have never seen someone run so fast, I couldn’t stop laughing, but she got me so mad and yes, I can see why you are both estranged.” I said, “Yes, thank you,” then she gave me a big hug and said, “I am so sorry.” I said, “It’s fine, anyway there is something I would like to do if you give me a few minutes please?” Penny said, “Yes, of course.”

I got up on the podium and looked around to find Donna, she was strangely chatting to Jason and I could see that Jason was trying to chat her up and I knew what her answer would be. I then alerted everybody to my speech, which had almost everybody turning around to listen to me, my speech went like this:

“Good Afternoon Everybody, I want to say thank you all for attending today and to say goodbye to dad, I really do appreciate it all and I am so happy to see so many who dad and I have not seen in many years, and I know this will sound very strange, but I am so happy to see you all again, please applaud yourselves for giving up your time to come and say goodbye to dad.”

 Then everyone clapped very loudly, and once everyone had calmed down, I said, “Now, I would like to ask a very beautiful young lady to step up here with me please, Donna please?” She left Jason’s side and walked to the podium and stood by my side. I then said, “I’m so happy that you came today, and well certain things have hit me hard today, so I want to ask you a question.”

Donna was trying to contain her smile, but she nodded, and I continued, I said, “We have known each for many years, and seeing you this morning, brought back hidden feelings, so, would you please do me the honour of,” Donna intervened as planned and said, “wi……,” I said, “No, but becoming my girlfriend, Please?” Donna stood there with her finger to her mouth and sort of thinking about it, I could see both Audrey and Trisha nodding, then Donna turned to me and said, “Well you are much older than me, but I have always liked you so Yes, why not,” then she kissed me very passionately, while everyone clapped and cheered very loudly.

I saw Penny, Audrey, Trisha and my Aunty all run up to the podium to congratulate us both, and strangely I was starting to cry, which in turn made the others cry as well, but Donna just held me very tightly and I knew then that I was totally and utterly safe.

After a while we all calmed down and Donna and I walked amongst the others for them to either offer their condolences or congratulate us or both, with some having to leave as they had long drives back home, I knew of two people who had driven from past the Newcastle area today and were driving back. I tried to get them to stay overnight in a hotel, but they insisted on driving back straight away.

Around an hour later, everyone had left, Audrey said, “Do you need a lift back to home?” I said, “I’ve been staying with Penny, Norm and Jason, but if it’s ok with them, I would love a lift out there, and you know what, I will buy us all dinner, as a private celebration now that Donna and I are officially a couple, to which everyone said, “Yes, of course.”

 Penny gave me her house keys and said, “We won’t be long.” I said, Thank you to Michael for the totally awesome work, I really do appreciate it,” he said, “It’s our pleasure, now I need to steal Penny for a few minutes.” I said, “Sure, Audrey are you all ready to go?” She said, “Yes, of course.” Trisha said, “I might sit in the back seat between the two lovebirds.” Donna said, “No you will not, it’s taken me so long to bag me this hunk of a man, nothing is getting in my way of spending time with him,” then grabbed me and kissed me passionately yet again.

N.B. Before I continue: The issues with Julie were very upsetting, but I want everyone to know that I did not believe the allegations she made from day 1, nor to this day do I, and I am a firm believer in punishing those who do ANYTHING illegal to anybody under the age of 18. The only person under 18 that I ever did anything with was Claire Baire, but we were both the same age, but as for me even wanting anything physically intimate with someone under 18, NO WAY, NEVER, EVER. I have written LEGAL proof that I have not, and have taken further steps too

N.B., This off subject, but in 2015, I was waiting for a train to depart, when several teenage boys boarded and saw me then as I was sitting alone, made a bee line for me and started demanding that I pleasure them. One of the boys opened his bag to show me that they would pay me, it was a large sum of money, bundles of $100 notes, and whilst at the time, I could use the money, because they were under age, I declined and reported them too. I mention more in “2 (Trans) Gurls.”

I suddenly got the urge to pick Donna up and carry her to the car, why I still don’t know, but it made us all laugh, which I felt was good as I preferred to laugh today which is why I offered to take us all to dinner tonight. Once we arrived at the car, Audrey got into the drivers’ seat, while Trisha, as a joke got in the back seat, and had both Donna and I yelling at her.

 I said, “You either get in the front seat or you are not invited to dinner,” she soon did, then I gently placed my totally hot, gorgeous new girlfriend in the back seat, then I got in and sat next to her. Audrey said, “What’s Penny’s address please? I gave it to her, which she said, “That’s easy to get to from here.” I said, “Yes,” then she started the engine and drove off.

Donna whispered in my ear, “I’m the luckiest girl in the world today.” I said, “I am the luckiest man, I Love You So Much, how long have you liked me for?” She said, “Since, well, forever, but I knew that I loved you after you all packed up and moved, I tried to forget you, and had several boyfriends, but they were not you, then when mum told us the sad news about your father, we both insisted on coming along today, we told mum it was to support her, but I wanted to see you and see if those feelings were still there and they are.” I said, “Wow, after all these years you still want me,” she said, “Yes”.

I said, “I have always looked at both you and Trisha as my younger sisters, but strangely though, Donna, I have had deeper feelings for you for a long time but didn’t act on them mainly because of our strong friendship with your parents and you two as well.”

Trisha said, “That is a good reason to start dating, even then I am sure that dad would have been ok with it.” Audrey spoke up and said, “Yes, I have never told you girls this, but your father knew how you felt, Donna, about Mark and he wanted you both together despite the age difference as he knew that Mark would never hurt you.” I said, “Wow, I never knew that.” Audrey said, “Yes.”

Donna said, “Well, it has taken us a long time to finally get together, so I am never letting Mark go, so let’s just get to know each other again and have fun, ok.” I said, “Yes, ok sounds like a great idea.” I then realised that we were coming upon a service station on the freeway. I said, “Audrey could you stop please as I need a coffee?” Audrey said, “You read my mind as I was going to and noticed that you only had one at the wake.”

 I said, “Yes, but something else was giving me energy today,” then I looked at Donna, and she smiled, and we kissed. Trisha said, “Cut it out you two, you both should get a room.” Audrey said, “No way, you both have work or uni tomorrow.” Donna responded with “Mum”, and her mum saying, “Sorry, but you spent way too much time with your friends.”

Audrey turned off the freeway in to the car park, we all got out and walked in to the shop to get our drinks, I said, “I’m paying,” and we all waited whilst the barista made our coffees, I was surprised that Donna ordered the same coffee as me, she ordered before me so had no idea how I had mine.

N.B. I was drinking Flat Whites then. Once our drinks were ready, we said, “Thanks” and left the shop.

We got back in to the car and left the car park, as Audrey was making her way back on to the freeway, a car drove past sounding its horn, I looked up and saw that it was Penny, Norm and Jason, with Penny shaking her head at me knowing that I couldn’t wait for a coffee. I gestured for Norm to get in front of us and we will follow, I told Audrey, she said, “Ok great idea,” which did happen.

Donna laid her head on my shoulder which felt so nice and comfortable and romantic as well, I kept my arm around her waist, but my hand was sitting just below her right breast, until suddenly she moved it up to cup it, I immediately tried to remove it, but she said, “No, I like it.” Trisha must have sensed something and looked around, then there was a flash from a camera, which had us both look up and asked, “What was going on?” Trisha said, “Well you both look so cute like that, I thought I would take a photo, don’t worry, you will both get a copy,” we said, “Ok thanks,” but we were both too engrossed in each other.

N.B., I actually felt like a teenage boy who had just snagged the hottest girl in school, and that made me feel so warm, alive and totally safe.

Suddenly Audrey said, “Ok we are here.” We said, “Ok great.” Audrey found somewhere to park, then we all got out and went over to Penny, Norm and Jason, but Jason just threw a massive tantrum then went to his room to play on his computer, as per usual, which got Donna upset.  Penny said, “It’s fine, he just needs to let off some steam, come on let’s all go inside and relax a bit.”

We said, “Great,” and being the gentleman, I was, allowed the ladies to go in first, they all said, “Thanks, “then Norm followed them and said, “Thanks.” I went in last and closed the screen door.

We all sat down to chat, of course I asked, “Ok everybody how did all feel about what Julie and her family did?” Norm said, “Well I am unhappy that she would go and ruin the day.” I said, “Yes, same here, it just shows how bitchy she can be, and I couldn’t believe that she asked me when I was going to put the death notice in the paper, so she could get paid for the day.” Penny said, “Yes, I couldn’t believe that either.”

Audrey said, “I can’t believe how bad Julie has changed, I remember when she was very young and very much a dad’s girl, only to turn against you all.” Donna piped in and said, “Yes, same here, but we remember how she arrived that first day at court.”

 I said, “You weren’t there, how do you know?” She said, “Mum told us, and we all laughed afterwards, anyway, we know that you are a really special man, but you are my man and always will be.” Then she kissed me, and had everyone saying, “Wow that’s so sweet.”

Penny noticed and went to chat with Jason quietly, none of us knew what was said, but I said, “Ok do you all want to get ready to go and have dinner?” They said, “Yes,” Audrey and the girls went to the bathroom to fix themselves up. I went and took my tie off finally, yes it was totally annoying me, but I was so happy to take it off. I took my suit jacket off and hung it up as well but kept my trousers and shoes on as I still felt ok wearing them.

Once everybody was ready, this included Penny and Jason, we all got into the cars, which was divided as follows, Audrey and the girls travelled with me, while Penny, Norm and Jason travelled in their car. I led the way, which had to be as no one knew which restaurant I was heading for, and it was one that I was really wanting to try for a while. Donna sat in the front seat with me, while Audrey and Trisha sat in the back, I was making eye contact through the rear vision mirror, with Trisha. I almost had an accident as I was watching her too much, but thankfully Donna noticed I was veering off the road and grabbed the wheel for me, I said, “Thanks.”

We soon arrived at the steak house car park, and I searched until I found 2 vacant spots together, then we all got out and of course, Penny grabbed me to ask, “Why did you almost drive off the road?” I said, “It was an accident as I was watching Trisha,” who then said, “What you are now going to blame me?” I said, “No, it was totally my fault and I vehemently apologize for almost killing my gorgeous new family. “Donna, Audrey and Trisha then hugged me, and we all walked inside the restaurant.

We were greeted at the door and shown to a table, I being a gentleman, assisted my hot girlfriend with her seat then pushed it in for her, she dragged me down for a kiss, then I sat down next to her, with her right hand gently squeezing my left leg, which was nice. We all perused the menu and made our choices then ordered.

I then said, “Jason what was your problem when Donna and I kissed earlier?” He said, and this was very abrupt and cold, “Nothing is wrong.” Penny said, “Excuse me but there is, he is jealous as Donna chose you over him.” I said, “I am sorry Jason, but I have known Donna since she was born, actually I still remember the first time I saw her, she was I think a day or 2 old when my parents took me to the hospital to see Audrey and this totally gorgeous new addition, the first time I saw her, she was sleeping very soundly with a smile on her face.”

Donna said. “Maybe it was because I knew you were there.” I said, “Yeah right, but I knew you would be a heart breaker when you grow up, and honestly, I wanted to protect you sort of like a big brother would, but I never thought that you would want me, mainly because of the age difference.”

Donna said, “Well, do you wanna know a secret?” I said, “Yes, she said ok let’s go outside and I will tell you.”

N.B. I will not reveal what said as it was personal and private, but all I will say is wow.

We both walked arm in arm back inside and sat down, of course the questions started, but neither of us relented. I excused myself to call my Manager to let them know I was taking my 2nd Bereavement Day tomorrow, which they expected me to do and said, “Yes, Mark, that’s fine, we will see you on Thursday.” I came back just as our food arrived then before we started, I said, “I want to make a toast,” which everyone said, “Ok.”

I said, “Well first up I want to say that even though today and the last couple of weeks have been very sad for me, I will totally miss my father, so here’s to you dad, hope you have reunited with mum and your ancestors,” then we all clinked our glasses and took a sip.

My second toast was much happier, I said, “Even though today should have been a very sad day, it turned out surprisingly well and I am thankful to not only reconnect with Audrey, Trisha and Donna, but to also end the day in a relationship with Donna, so this day will always be remembered for starting this awesome relationship and my toast is that Donna, you have made me realise just how much life can turn around and throw you a curve ball, for that I will always owe you a debt of gratitude.” I leaned down and kissed her, then said, “To relationships, Cheers.” We all clinked glasses and sipped our drinks.

I sat down, and Donna whispered, “Let’s feed each other our food,” I nodded, and we did that. Audrey, Trisha and Penny all said, “Aww that’s so sweet,” but both Norm and Jason just reacted very negatively, but we didn’t care, we only had eyes and mouths for each other. To Be Honest, it felt so nice feeling loved and wanted, and even though Donna was not Claire or Tracey, I finally felt like I belonged, and I was happy, something that Penny noticed after all these years just how happy I was, then.

Once dinner was finished, we all decided to head back to Penny and Norm’s, on the way back, Donna asked, “Do you want to stay with us tonight?” Audrey said, “Well, yes, but only if you two don’t do anything.” We said, “We won’t.” I said, “Besides I feel that today would be very inappropriate to even if we had been dating for a for few months, and Donna wanted to tonight, I would say no.” Donna said, “Yeah right, you are a man, if I gave you the slightest come on, you would say yes.” I said, “No, I am a gentleman and therefore respect my totally gorgeous, hot girlfriend,” which had them laughing, but could see I was serious.

We soon arrived back at Penny and Norm’s, who pulled up just behind us. Audrey and Trisha said their goodbyes to them, then the rest of us went inside the house. Penny asked, “Donna, why didn’t you travel back with your mum and sister?” Donna said, “Well Mark is coming back to stay with us tonight, and someone needs to guide him, so I thought I would help him pack and we drive together, it will give us the chance to chat quietly as well.” Penny said, “Ok,” then Donna and I went to pack my clothes and once that was done, we went to load the car.

We went inside to say our goodbyes, of course, I thanked them all for being so supportive over the past week, which the response was, anytime. Donna and I got into the car, and I started the engine, of course, Penny said, “Can you text me once you arrive at Donna’s.” I said, “Yes, of course,” and we left.

We chatted all the way about various things, yes, we chatted about when we would be going to make love for the first time, I said, “I would rather wait until you are ready.” Donna said, “I am now and totally want you tonight, but as you said earlier it would be inappropriate to, why don’t we wait until the weekend, ok.”

 I said, “Ok are you going to tell any of your friends about us?” She said, “What do you think.” I said, “Well I have an idea, let’s just keep it quiet for now, because I want to enjoy the newness of just us, I am not ashamed to be your boyfriend, but our relationship is brand new and if you go telling everyone about us, most will be negative, mainly because of the age difference and they will try and talk you in to breaking up with me but if waited to tell them, but still be very happy, then they should be ok, and if your friends truly love and support you, then they will be happy for you, ok.” Donna said, “Ok, yes, sounds like a total awesome plan,” then leaned on my shoulder.

When we arrived at her place, she went inside, while I grabbed my bag and locked the car, then I went inside, and as soon as I walked in, Donna grabbed me and took me upstairs to her room and as soon as we got in there, she grabbed me to kiss me, which also included her grabbing my crotch and making my cock wake up, she kept fondling me. I broke the kiss to say, “Hey sorry, but I don’t feel it’s right tonight,” she said, “Wow, are you sure you are a man as a real man would not say no.”

I said, “I am a man, but as I said earlier, I don’t feel it would be appropriate for us to get physical tonight.” Donna said, “Wow, get physical, most men would just say sex, but you say it like you respect it.” I said, “Yes, it is because I do, and I totally respect you as well, and even though I really want to, I think we should wait. I have an idea, why don’t we just get re-acquainted, and in a few weeks’ time I will take you on a very romantic date, we will stay in a nice hotel overnight, how does that sound?”

Donna said,” Wow, that does sound really great, ok, I can wait,” then we decided to go downstairs to say goodnight to her mum and sister. Audrey made me promise that we won’t do anything silly tonight, I said, “We have discussed that and have decided to wait until the time is right,” she said, “Ok, great, goodnight you two.”

We went upstairs and got ourselves changed, then went to bed and yes, we cuddled up to each other and chatted for a while, until we both fell asleep in each other’s arms. I slept very soundly that night and didn’t know a thing until Audrey came in to wake Donna to get ready for work. I decided to go and have a cup of coffee while she did, but surprisingly, Donna dragged me in to the bathroom with her and made me take a shower with her, which, well let’s just say, it was totally delicious.

When we had finished, we both got dressed, I left Donna to do her Make-Up etc. to go and see if I could help with breakfast, but Audrey had finished everything, she handed me a coffee and said, “how did you slept?”

 I said, “Great, better than I expected thanks to my girlfriend hugging me all night, which was nice.” Audrey said, “Well, as long as neither of you did anything else.” I said, “No, we talked about that and we have decided to wait until we both know each other better.” Audrey said, “Ok, that’s great.”

We all sat to eat breakfast, then Audrey asked me what I had planned for the day? I said, “Well nothing.” Audrey said, “Could you drop the girls at the station, then come back and pick me up then we can go shopping for the morning.” I said, “Yes, of course.” Once breakfast was over, the girls finished getting ready, then we went and got in the car and we left.

We soon arrived at the station, then they both gave me a peck on the cheek and got out of the car. I sat and waited until they both entered the station; I left and drove back to their place. Once I arrived back, I got out of the car and let myself in to find Audrey collapsed on the floor, I immediately screamed but went over to check her over, thankfully she was still breathing, albeit very shallow, I called for an Ambulance, which arrived around 5 minutes later.

I was unable to call the girls as neither had their phones with them, nor did I have their daytime contact numbers, but what I did was divert their house number to my phone, so when they called, I would receive the call.

Once I arrived at the hospital, I found Audrey and sat to comfort her for a while, then suddenly my phone rang and I answered it, thankfully it was Donna calling to say, “Could you stay again tonight?” I said, “Yes, but please sit down as I have something to tell you,” which she did, and I told her about her mum being in hospital.

Donna immediately started crying and asked, “What happened?” I told her but suggested that she stay at work. I asked, “Where do you work?” Donna told me, and I knew where they are. I said, “Well, look, I need to return the car at 5pm today, so what if you stayed at work and met me outside around 5.15pm.” Donna said, “And then we will go and see mum.” I said, “Yes, of course, do you know how to contact Trisha?”

Donna said, “Yes, I will call them and see if she can be excused for the rest of the day.” I said, “Thanks, and can you have her call me on my mobile,” which I gave her the number? Donna said, “Yes of course, but how are you holding up?” I said, “I’m ok, just concerned about your mum, but I will stay with you both until I’m no longer needed.”

Donna said, “Well, my boyfriend, I need you for the next 30 + years, ok?” I said, “Ok girlfriend, I need to go as the doctor needs to talk with me, can you call me as you are leaving your office please?” I won’t answer. Donna said, “Yes, of course.” We both said, “I Love You”, and ended the call, from my end sadly, but knew that in a few short, well, 7.5 hours, we would be together.

I put my phone away, then listened to the doctors about Audrey, it was good news, she had only fallen over and hit her head which is why she was unconscious when I found her, but they had run some tests and found that she will be ok, but they want to keep her in for observation for a few days, just to make she is ok. I said, “Ok great that will be a relief to her daughters.”

I was able to remain with Audrey for a while, thankfully around an hour later, Trisha arrived in tears of course, but I hugged her and explained about her mum, which calmed her down. I suggested we go and get some lunch and have a chat, which she agreed to, I told the nurse where we would be, just in case, then we headed to the cafeteria.

When we arrived, thankfully it was before the lunch time rush, so was quiet, we both made our choices and ordered our food then sat down to wait for it. Trisha then bombarded me with lots of questions, which I answered best I could, then she settled down.

I knew that she had her father on the back of her mind. N.B., To this day, I still don’t know what happened with him, I never asked and was never told.

I said, “Trisha I’ll be there for you, Donna and your mum as long as you all need, although someone has already told me over 30 years,” she said, “Yes, Donna told me, she really loves you.” I said, “Yes, and I love her, but I’m still concerned about the age difference.” Trisha said, “Why, you love her, and she loves you, that’s all that matters, fuck everyone else, if they can’t accept that you both love each other and want to be together, then they are just fucken jealous, ok.”

I said, “Wow, such language from a young lady, but yes, I agree, I wish you had been around many years ago when I was dating Andrew.” Trisha said, “Who?” I went into details about him and what happened. Once I had finished telling Trish, she said, “Oh that’s awful they treated that way.”

 I said yes, “It hurt more because they didn’t try to get to know me, but I got over it, and besides if that relationship had worked out, would we be here now, or would I be dating your sister?” Trish said, “True, I doubt it.”

Our food was soon ready, and I went to retrieve it, took it to the table and we both ate in silence, suddenly we heard our names, and looked up to see Donna standing near the entrance door. I stood up to welcome her over to us, then she walked over and instead of hugging me, hugged Trish, which I understood, then she hugged me and asked, “Can I share your lunch?” I said, “Yes,” then she sat and grazed with us both.

I explained about their mum and said, “I can stay over until she is released, but I have to be back to work tomorrow at 12.30pm,” which they were both fine about. Donna asked, “What time are you returning the car today?” I said, “5pm, but I’m going to extend it until 10.30am tomorrow, and asked her why?”

Donna said, “Well, I’ve taken the rest of the week from work, and was thinking if it’s ok with Trish, if she stayed here for a few hours, whilst you and I return to your place so you can grab some clean clothes?” Trish said, “It’s ok with me.” I said, “Yes, me too, so after lunch, we will head off, ok?” Donna said, “Yes.”

We continued eating then once we were finished, I said, “Would you girls want any dessert or coffee?” Trish said, “I can’t have coffee because of the baby, but I would love some plain jelly.” Donna said, “I would love a coffee and a large piece of pavlova with heaps of ice cream and whipped cream,” which angered Trish, but Donna said, “Hey sis, I’m making up for you, once I get pregnant, you can make up for me,” then they both laughed.

I went to get the desserts and coffees, along with a herbal tea for Trish, yes, I ordered a large piece of pavlova too. Once I had everything, I walked back with the tray and handed the food out to the girls, then we all ate.

Once we had finished, we decided to head back to Audrey and see how she was, before Donna and I said our goodbyes. Audrey was awake but only just though, when she saw the girls, she smiled and asked, “Why are you both here for?” Donna explained about me telling her, then said, “Ok mum, Mark and I are leaving for a few hours to go and get some clean clothes for him, for work this week, but we will be back as soon as we can, but Trish will be staying here though.” Audrey didn’t say anything, just looked and smiled at us both.

Donna and I headed back to the car and I drove back, but along the way, called the car return place to let them know that I needed to extend until tomorrow at 10.30am, which they did.

Once we arrived at my place, all the perverted males there made very inappropriate comments towards Donna, which got me angry and I said, “Excuse me she is my girlfriend, now leave us both alone as I need to go and pack.”

Donna and I walked to my room, I apologised before letting her in, but she said, “Hey, it’s ok,” then we went in and packed some clean clothes, including my work uniforms, and we left. I went to the office to let them know I will be staying elsewhere for a little while but did not explain why though as I did not feel they needed to know where or why.

Donna and I got back into the car and went to have some dinner before we headed back to the hospital. Donna was very quiet, so to cheer her up, said, “Look at this.” I got out of my chair and did my stupid, weird walk, which not only cheered Donna up, but had the entire restaurant applauding me and laughing, although I feel they were laughing at how stupid I looked. I didn’t care, all I cared about was my hot, depressed girlfriend, and thankfully she cheered up.

Donna got up and came over to give me the wettest, sloppiest most passionate kiss I have ever had, and I loved it. After a while, we cleared up our mess and placed the scraps in the bin, then headed to the car for the short drive to the hospital.

Once we arrived, we went inside to where Audrey was and found her sitting up chatting to Trisha, which made us both happy, but we found out that she would be staying in for a few days. Audrey thanked me for offering to stay and look after the girls, which I said, “It’s no problem, I only wish that I was on early shift, so I could bring the girls up here each night.” Audrey said, “it’s fine, I don’t need to see them every day, actually today is Wednesday, so they don’t need to come up until the weekend, if that’s ok.” I said, “Well it depends on the girls, but I don’t know what my roster is until I go in tomorrow.” Both girls said, “As long you are take care of yourself mum, we can stay home and rest up too, and we will make sure this young man has a nourishing dinner waiting for him when he gets home.”  Audrey said, “Wow that’s awesome, ok great.”

We all sat and chatted for a while, until it got to almost 10pm and Audrey said, “Ok girls, you both need to go home and get some rest, and you two,” meaning Donna and I, “No funny business,” which we said, “Of course not.” We all hugged and kissed Audrey then left.

Donna and I walked on the side, with Trisha in between us both as we could see she needed supporting, even though she said she was ok, but I felt like the protector, especially as I was a man and men protect their female charges, but I was not expecting what was coming.

As we were walking to the car, bearing in mind that we were still on hospital grounds where you would think a person would be safe, we were approached by several males, who demanded we hand over all of our valuables, of course, I said, “Yes,” and proceeded to hand them over, but Trisha said, “No I will not” and she suddenly lunged at them like she was a bowling ball knocking them all to the ground and proceeded to defend herself.

I held on to Donna very tightly, which she appreciated but whispered, “It’s ok, Trisha does Martial Arts training,” something I didn’t know, but she ended up stopping each of the assailants, and we all ran back inside the hospital to notify security and the Police. We were all checked over by a nurse, and surprisingly, were all fine, but when the security went to find the assailants, they had absconded, but there was video footage which showed the Police who the assailants were and how Trisha defended us.

I of course, was ridiculed for doing nothing, but I tried telling the Police about when I was first training to be a Bus Driver, but their response was, we don’t want to hear it, you are just a wimpy little girl. I could feel my anger growing inside me and wanted to cry, but didn’t, thankfully Donna saw me, and she said, “Come on, let’s go home.” We were escorted to the car by security then we said, “Thank you” and I drove home.

When we arrived home, Donna went to unlock the house, while I parked the car and locked it, even though the car was secured in the garage, I still felt it should be locked. I entered the house through the side door into the kitchen where the girls were just making us all a Hot Chocolate each, the way I loved it, with Whipped Cream and Marshmallows.

I said, “Thanks” to them and sat down, suddenly I burst in to tears uncontrollably, both Donna and Trisha came to comfort me and asked, “What’s wrong”? I said, “That yes, I felt like a wimp for not helping out, but I am angry that the Policeman said so.” Donna said, “Hey, just because you are a man, mine I might add, does not mean that you have to act like an imbecile, ok?” I said, “But,” she said, “No buts, I don’t want you as my boyfriend to go around being all macho, I have dated boys like that and honestly, I’ve had it, what I want now is you, but don’t change as you have never been big on fighting anybody.” I said, “Ok, babe, will do.”

We all sipped our drinks and did laugh about these males being beaten by a girl, they are all possibly frightened and embarrassed now by what happened. I said, “It won’t stop them trying to rob others, but let’s hope the video footage helps the Police catch them,” which we all agreed upon.

Once we had finished our drinks, we realised it was almost midnight and decided to go to bed, we all said, “Goodnight” to each other, then Trisha went to her room, whilst Donna and I went to hers. We both got changed, set the alarm, and crawled in to bed, we kissed and soon fell asleep.

I was woken up around 2am by a scream, and looked over to see Donna snoring herself away, I decided against waking her and got out to go see where the scream came from. I saw Trisha’s light on and knocked gently, then she screamed come in, which I did. I asked, “What’s wrong?”

Trisha said, “I dreamt about mum dying as well and it was so scary, I don’t want to be left alone so early in life.” I said, Listen, you will not be alone, you have Donna and me, you will be fine, besides your mum will be ok, she is just run down that’s all, she will be back home soon, but I will stay here to look after you both until she does.”

I immediately rang my Manager to let him know what had happened and requested the rest of week off as unpaid emergency leave, which he agreed to, but I had to go in and fill in the form, which I said, I would do once I have dropped the girls at the station. We said goodbye and hung up the phone, it was then I realised it was almost 5am, and decided to go and have my shower before I got the girls up to have theirs while I prepared breakfast for us.

Once we were all ready to leave, Donna said, “Goodbye” to us both, of course giving us both big hugs and kisses. I said, “I’ll call you as I approach the station, for you to come pick me up,” which she agreed too. I dropped Trisha to the station, then I headed to the car rental agency, via a fuel station to fuel it up. Once I had returned the car, I walked to the nearest station to wait for the train.

Once the train arrived, I boarded and stood up as I only had several stops and it wasn’t worth me sitting. The train got delayed as there was a medical emergency on board, and as such we had to wait for medical assistance to arrive, which took around 30 minutes. I rang my Manager to let him know, which he was thankful for.

Once the train started moving again, there was an announcement apologising to all the passengers for the delay. I arrived at the station and headed over to see my Manager, lucky he was outside the office when I arrived, we shook hands and went up to his office to chat privately. He conveyed his condolences to me for my loss, which I graciously accepted, then he asked, “Why do you need more time off?” I explained the situation, which he said, “Ok, that’s fine,” then we filled in the leave application form online, once we were both satisfied it was ok, he printed it, then I signed it, he signed the approval section and we chatted about, what else, but, football as our teams did not do well that year. N.B. I was and still am a big AFL, Australian Football League (Aerial Ping-Pong), which is almost a religion in Victoria, meaning that if you live there, you basically need to follow a team. I lived in NSW at the time and followed a Melbourne team, I will not reveal due to certain negative aspects of the team in the last few years.

Once we finished chatting, he gave me my roster for the next few weeks, of course, it had not been updated with my extra time off, but he crossed the rest of the week out. I was not due to report for duty until 12.30pm the following Tuesday, with 12 days straight then 4 rostered off for me, which I didn’t mind as I had almost 3 weeks off work and needed to get back in and feel useful again.

We said our goodbyes, then I headed back to catch the train to the closest station to the house. I checked my phone to find several messages from the girls and a missed call from the hospital, which I immediately returned. When they answered, I explained who I was and was told that Audrey was ok to come home today or tomorrow.

I said, “Ok that’s great, I’m on the way to the house to pick up the car, but we will come up later tonight, once we have all had dinner.” They said, “That’s fine, as long as she has been picked up by 8pm.” I said, “Yes, if I know the girls, they will come straight up after packing some clothes for her.” We hung up the phone.

The journey back was tinged with sadness especially when I travelled under the bridge that was replaced back in 1977, N.B., please go back and read Chapter 2. Finally, the train arrived at the previous station to the one I wanted to alight at, and called Donna to let her know, she said, “Ok, I’ll leave now and see you when I get there.” I said, “Thanks,” then we ended the call.

The train arrived a few minutes later and I alighted, then validated my ticket and walked through the barriers to where I had arranged to meet Donna, who arrived not long after and surprised me by getting out saying, “You can drive,” which I nervous about as I had never driven an 8 cylinder car before, but I was ok.

I immediately told Donna about the phone call from the hospital. Donna said, “Ok when we get back, I will pack some clothes and we will go pick her up.” I said, “No, we need to clean the house, so when we get back, we will have some lunch, then get too and clean the house, ok”

Donna said, “Ok boss, great idea, then once we pick Trisha up, we can go pick your mum up.” I said, “Yes, that’s what I was planning,” Once we arrived back at the house, we got out and locked the car. Donna went inside to start on lunch. Once lunch was finished I said, “Look, I’ve got an idea, why don’t you go pack some clothes for your mum, then we will go up to the hospital and give them to her, but we will only stay a short time, because we will need to get back and clean up.” Donna said, “Ok, agreed.” I said, “Great, whilst you are doing that, I will strip each bed and start a load of washing going.” Donna said, “Yes, great.”

We both got to and did our jobs, then once we had finished and were ready, we jumped in the car and headed to the hospital to see Audrey. Once we arrived, we got out, I locked it and walked to Audrey’s ward, and we saw that she was sitting up watching television and sipping a tea, which pleased us both. Audrey asked, “How are you both, but shouldn’t you both be at work today?”

Donna said, “We are fine, and we have both organised for the rest of the week off, to help look after you.” Audrey said, “Oh, ok, no worries, I hope you two have been resisting your carnal urges.” Donna said, “Yes, it’s not easy because he is such a hunk of a man.” I said, “You need glasses, and a seeing eye dog because you are blind.” Audrey said, “Donna, can Mark and I have a few minutes privacy please?” Donna said, “Yes, I’ll go get us a coffee each.”

Donna then left and Audrey said, “Mark, this is between you and I, ok, but I’ve had a bit of a crush on you since my husband and I moved in, but only my loyalty to him stopped me from acting on those impulses.” I said, “Thank you, and I’m happy you did, because I know what he would have done,” which we both laughed about.

Donna returned with our coffees, then we all sat to sip them and discuss what time we will be back to pick up Audrey. We decided on 7pm, as rush hour would be over, and parking in the pick-up area of the front entrance would be.

I suddenly saw the time and said, “We had better be going to pick up Trisha from the station.” Audrey said, “Yes, great idea, but please have your dinner before you pick me up, ok.” Donna said, “Yes, mum, we will.” Donna and I said our goodbyes and left the ward, then the hospital.

As we got to the car, Donna’s phone rang and she said, “Wow, speak of the devil, hey sis, how was your day?” I couldn’t hear what Trisha said, but judging by Donna’s scrunched up face and hand gestures, I could tell that Trisha was telling her things she didn’t want to hear.

We soon arrived at the station, and Trisha got in the back. Donna immediately told her about their mum coming home tonight, which please Trisha, but Donna said, “We are going to have dinner before we go and pick her up, but if you want to stay home and rest, you can sis.” Trisha said, “I will decide after dinner, how much do we need do to do to clean the house up?” Donna said, “Don’t worry, it’s all done.”

We soon arrived at their place, and we all went inside to prepare dinner, although Trisha looked tired, she went to have a lie down whilst Donna and I finished preparing dinner. Of course, neither of us could resist kissing each other, and Donna allowed a hand to explore, which upset me as we had promised Audrey that we would resist our carnal urges, and right now, I was wanting to take her upstairs and well, have fun.

I said, “Look babe, as much as I want you, we have promised your mum that we would not do anything under her roof.” Donna said, “I know, but I really want to make love with you, and I doubt I can wait for a few weeks.” I said, “Agreed, and how do you think I feel as a male saying no to you? I have so much respect and admiration for your mum, and if things work out, I want her to support us if we decide to get married.” Donna said, “What you are thinking that far ahead already?” I said, “Yes, have been since I saw you the other day, I just felt like you are the one, despite my strong feelings still for my Claire Baire.”

Donna said, “Huh, who is Claire Baire?” I then explained to her about her. Afterwards Donna said, “I’m so sorry babe, but look you have me now, so I will back off until you are ready, ok.” I said, “Thanks, wow, normally that’s a guy saying that to his girlfriend, not the girlfriend to her boyfriend.” Donna said, “Yes, but we are not a normal couple, we are an extra ordinary couple.” I said, Agreed, now let’s call Trisha for dinner so we can eat and go pick up your mum.” Donna said, “Agreed.” Donna went upstairs to let Trisha know, whilst I placed the food on the table, ready for when they sat down. Both came downstairs a few minutes later and Trisha came to give me a big hug and said, “Thank you. Donna briefly told me about Claire Baire, I’m so sorry, if I have a girl, do you mind if I name her after her?” I never said a word, just collapsed crying, which brought them both to me, very concerned, but they comforted me and helped me to sit down.

I apologised for collapsing, I said, “Sorry, Trisha that’s a great idea, thank you, she would appreciate that, and me too, but don’t think that she will be favourite though, now can we eat please?” Both girls said, “Yes, of course.” Then we sat to eat in silence. Once we finished, we cleared the table and placed the dishes in the sink to soak, then we left the house.

Once we arrived at the hospital, I dropped the girls off saying, “I’ll park the car, whilst you two go to help your mum change, ok.” Both girls said, “Yes, see you shortly.” Donna was looking at me a little strangely though, but I drove off to find a park, which I did rather quickly. I sat in the car for a few minutes, then let my emotions release and release very hard, but I did feel much better though.

I know, men are not supposed to cry, we hold our feelings inside, well, to those who say I was weak for crying, are weak, because in my opinion, those men who cry are very strong, because it shows that you are not afraid to show weakness. Strong people can show weakness too.

Anyway, I digress, once I had calmed down, I got out of the car, locked it, then walked inside the hospital to the men’s lavatory to wash my face and dry it. I only did that because I didn’t want Audrey, Donna or Trisha seeing how vulnerable and emotional I was. Once I felt better, I left and headed to Audrey’s ward, but as the lift arrived, they all came out, of course, Audrey was being pushed in a wheelchair.

Donna said, “Hey, we were getting worried so decided to come down and see if you were down here.” I said, “Yes, I just needed to use the lavatory, ok, I will go and bring the car to the entrance, if that’s ok.” Audrey said, “Yes, thanks.” I said, “I will be back in a few minutes.” I went to get the car and brought it to the front entrance.

Once I had brought the car around, Donna helped Audrey into the back seat, whilst Trisha placed her bag in the boot (trunk), and she got in next to her mum, whilst Donna got into the front seat next to me. Once I was sure everyone was safely secured and ready to leave, I left the hospital, but drove carefully out of respect for Audrey, but she said, “Look grandma, this car can go faster, so put the pedal down, ok.” I said, “Ok, but I’m not going to exceed the speed limit, especially as I have four very important people on board and it’s not my car.” Donna said, “You only have three, are you counting yourself too?” I said, “Four, I’m counting Trisha’s bub.” They all agreed.

We finally arrived at their house, Donna got out and went to unlock the house, whilst Trisha helped her mum out of the car. Once that was done, I moved the car inside the garage, locked it, and grabbed Audrey’s bag and went inside. Once I got inside, Trisha was making hot chocolates, whilst Audrey and Donna were upstairs getting Audrey ready for bed. I put the bag down and went to help Trisha with the hot chocolates.

Trisha said, “Ok come on give, I know something is going on, so you either tell me or I will lie to Donna about you.” I said, “I was thinking about Claire Baire and also how the past few weeks emotions were on my mind a lot, and when I parked the car, I just let them all out, but I feel better now, please don’t tell Donna or your mum, because your mum needs us for the next few days, and I don’t want her worried about me, ok.”

Trisha said, “Agreed, ok, but you don’t need to hide anything around here, we have known you long enough to know that you have been through a lot, I just hope my mum is around for many more years, because I would be lost without her.” I said, “Me too, she is a great person, and hopefully I will be around to help out and support you all too.”

Suddenly I heard a cough and looked up to see both Audrey and Donna standing at the foot of the stairs. Donna had her arms crossed like I was in trouble, but I didn’t realise just how close I was standing to Trisha, this had Audrey upset and asked me “What is going on down her?” Trisha said, “Nothing, Mark and I were just talking and he was comforting me that’s all, hey, I’m not going to get between these two, it’s taken too long for you both to finally reconnect again, and all I want is for you both to be happy, ok.”

I said, “Agreed, this young lady is the best, and yes, it has taken a long time, but I feel that since we have reconnected, nothing will tear us apart.” N.B., How wrong was I, more soon. Donna said, “Yes, I am so happy and never want us to break up, because you are my man and always will be.”

Audrey said, “Ok, agreed, but as I’ve said before, your father left the house to me, so if either of you want to misbehave, and I mean Donna and Patricia, you can find somewhere else to live, because you are both legally adults.” Trisha said, “Mum, I’m going to need you and Donna when the baby is born, yes, I made a mistake, and sometimes wish that I aborted the pregnancy when I found out, because of that scum bag, but because of how I was raised, I want my baby to have a great life, and by having a loving family who will support her, is a great way to start for her.”

Donna said, “Hang on, how do you know you are having a girl?” Trisha said, “Well I just know, mum you know what I mean don’t you?”  Audrey said, “Yes, Donna when I was pregnant with you, your father continuously said that he thought I was having a girl, but I could feel your spirit and I knew I was having a girl.” Donna said, “Wow mum, I never knew that, so if I had been born a boy, Mark and I wouldn’t be dating now.” Audrey said, “Yes, ok, for now, all I ask is that you all keep your carnal urges under control, but if any of you submit to them, you will be out of here, ok.” We all said, “Yes.”

We all sat down to sip our hot chocolates in silence, which was unusual, but we did. I felt like an outsider again, and honestly, I doubted my true feelings for Donna, because well it had been over twenty years since I had seen Donna and Trisha. Audrey and her husband travelled up for mum’s funeral, but I didn’t know they had attended as they only attended the service, not the burial.

Donna noticed how quiet I was and sidled up next to me and said, “What’s wrong babe?” I said, “Nothing, just thinking about mum and dad, but now how lucky I am too have reconnected with you all, especially you, my hot girlfriend.” Donna said, “Ok, as long as you know that we will always be here for you, and you know that Trisha and I wanted to come to your mum’s funeral, but mum and dad decided that it would be too difficult.” I said, “Hang on, Audrey you weren’t at mum’s funeral.”

Audrey said, “Yes, Adam and I drove up, but we only went to the service, then as it finished, we saw Julie flying out in distress, and Adam wanted to go after her to find out what happened, but by the time we got into our car and left, even driving at 100 km/h, we couldn’t catch them, but he decided to continue on driving back home.” I said, “Ok, wow, I never knew that, I wish had you stayed, because we could have used both of you for comfort.”

Audrey said, “Yes, but Adam was more concerned about Julie’s baby, but you know what he was like, once he set his mind to something it was hard to change it.” I said, “Yes, I remember.” Both Donna and Trisha agreed too. Once we had finished our drinks, we placed our mugs in the soapy hot water. Donna and I said, “Goodnight” to Trisha and Audrey, they were both finished and heading upstairs too. I said, “Pk, if you girls help your mum to bed, I will wash the dishes, ok.” They said, “Ok great.”

I went and did the dishes, then when I was finished, I turned off the lights, but decided to lie down on the lounge instead, and quickly fell asleep, but was awoken a little while later by the lounge room light being turned on. I looked up to see Donna standing there, with her arms crossed and the most devilish look in her eyes. I knew I was in trouble, but instead of saying anything, she just shook her head, turned and turned the light off then went to bed.

Despite being very tired, I just laid awake thinking that I had hurt and upset, yet another awesome girl in my life, but as usual, I was unable to explain why I was on the lounge. Finally, I fell asleep and slept well. I didn’t know a thing until the following morning when Donna came down to prepare breakfast, but she totally ignored me, so I just let her be. I went upstairs to have my shower and freshen up. Once I was finished, I went to get dressed and go downstairs to hopefully still be allowed to eat.

Audrey heard me moving about and asked if she could come in. I said, “Yes, of course, I’m decent.” Audrey came in and said, “Ok, what’s going on between you and Donna, she is very upset this morning?” I said, “Nothing, I just felt like being alone last night, because my emotions were too strong, and I didn’t want any sympathy from Donna, please don’t tell her if she wants to know.” Audrey said, “Hey, she loves you very much, actually we all do, none of us are going to judge you for taking some alone time, hey even I did when Adam died, and I know both girls did too, so we all know how you feel, we just want you to stop being a typical macho male, and let us in, ok?” I said, “Ok, but for today, if it’s ok with you, I’m going to go out and spend some time alone, just to try and clear my head, but I’ll be back later ok.” Audrey said, “Yes, look why don’t you take Donna with you, I know you want to be alone, but I think she will be beneficial being there with you as comfort and support, hey, if you both want to act on your urges, well go and get a room and get it out of your systems.”

I said, “I would love nothing better, but she is better off staying here to help look after you and Trisha, don’t worry I won’t do anything stupid.” Audrey said, “Ok, give me a hug and a kiss, then once you are ready, please make sure you come and say goodbye to us, before you leave.” I said, “Yes, I plan too.” I moved over and reluctantly hugged and kissed Audrey, then she left the bedroom to allow me to finish getting ready. I sat on the bed and strangely felt ill, because I had to hug and kiss Audrey, I felt as though not only did I cheat on Donna, but more importantly, Claire Baire. I just felt so lost and alone right there and then. I decided to pack up my things and said that since I’m not going back to work until Tuesday, I would make the excuse that I’m going home to do some laundry and clean up the room too.

I did exactly that, and went downstairs to say, “Goodbye.” Donna saw me with my bag and said, “What’s going on?” I said, “I’m just taking my dirty clothes home to wash them and find some clean ones until Monday, then I’ll come back, I should be back by around 8pm, please don’t worry about any dinner for me, ok.” Donna said, “Ok, you take care, we will see you tonight.” Audrey and Trisha said, “Yes, don’t worry about us, we will just relax.” I said, “Ok thanks, see you later.” I then left the house.

I walked to the nearest train station and caught the train home. Once I had alighted, I inserted my pass into validate it, then started walking home.

Once I got home, I went to let the owner know that I was back, of course he was concerned about me, and said, “Look if you need anything, please let us know.” I said, “Yes, thanks, for now, I just want to do some washing and clean up the room a bit, I might be going back to my girlfriends later, I’m not sure yet.” He said, “Ok, do you need any change?” I said, “Yes, I’ll come back in a few minutes and let you know how much I need.” He said, “Ok, by the way, the bathroom cleaner has asked if you can go and have a chat with her.” I said, “Ok thanks, once I put the first load on, I’ll go find her and have a chat.” I then left the office and headed to my room.

Once I entered, I immediately opened the blinds and window to get some fresh air in. Several of the residents saw me and stopped to say hi, most said they were concerned about me, but I had a couple who still blamed me for dad’s death and abused me, but thankfully the owner saw and heard them and said, “Listen here, I have known Mark and his father for a long time, and I’ve seen how bad Thomas went downhill in just a couple of short years, Mark did his best with his father, but Thomas wanted to die.” I said, “Thanks, yes, please do not ask me why dad felt that way, because I won’t reveal, all I will say is that when mum passed away, he passed away that day too.”

I still copped abuse because in their opinion, as a carer, I should have been there for him 24/7, but any person who cares for an elderly relative knows that carers need their breaks to recharge their batteries, but these males did not think that way. I tried many times to get them to take him out on occasions so I could clean the room and do laundry, but each time they said no.

I decided to go and have a shower to freshen up before I did the laundry and wow did it feel it great. Once I was finished, I got out and dried myself off, then dressed and went back to my room to my phone buzzing like crazy with messages and missed calls, mainly from Donna and Penny. I checked each message and I had several from Donna but decided against calling her just yet.

I decided to ring Penny and apologise to her for the long delay, we chatted for a long while, of course, she wanted me to come back up and spend the weekend with them, but she had to work, and I said, “No it’s fine, I need to get used to being here without dad.” Penny said, “Ok, well you know where we are if you need us.” I said, “Yes, thanks,” then we hung up.

I went and put my washing on, and saw the bathroom cleaner, we chatted for several minutes.

I decided to go and have a chat with the owner about what I need to do now. He said, “Well you can stay in the room for a while until you get everything sorted, then once you have, I will move you in to another room, which will be a single.” I said, “Thanks.”

Penny and Norm asked if I was interested in buying Penny’s car from her, which I said, “Yes,” too, and that was completed several days later. I arranged for my own vanity registration (Licence) plates and they arrived several weeks later. I met Penny and norm at the roads office to pick up the plates, and we took her personalised plates of my car, which I affectionately called “Bluey,” because it was a blue car and it suited him.

Fast Forward several months, I had sorted out the old room and was in a single room. Donna and I had totally broken up, this was for several reasons, Audrey caught Donna and I having sex one day, when she got home early, she immediately kicked me out. I ended my relationship with Donna then. I didn’t find out what happened with Trisha, her mum and Donna, honestly, I didn’t care now. I had concentrated my energies on my work and would seek out over time a lot, which meant I would work 12-13 days straight.

I was transferred to another location, but still under the control of the main location, I enjoyed working there as it was a small team and we all worked in together. I was travelling home one night and as usual had to change services, I noticed an ex-colleague and we started chatting about things, of course, she offered me her condolences about dad. I found out that she had a spare room at her place and was seeking another person to share with her, I said, “I’m interested,” and we set up a time and date for me to go and have a look.

We had decided on the following Saturday as strangely I had the weekend off. I arrived spot on time and she showed me in and around the house, and we agreed on me moving in when I could organise some time off. I left and went home, and sat down to work out when I could move in. I decided on a couple of weeks later and that I would drop by my main office before work on Monday to fill in the application form.

I spent the rest of the weekend cleaning up and sorting out my room, but didn’t tell anybody about the move, yet.

Monday morning came, and I travelled to the office to fill in the application and waited to see my Manager, who wanted to see me as well. I handed him the application and he said, “Yes, I will approve it, now we have a problem.” I asked, “How?”

He said, “Well some of the staff have complained that you don’t communicate with them and you refuse to obey instructions, like not taking breaks or sitting with them whilst waiting for your next job.” I said, “I had a day where I didn’t want a break, it was because I had my father on my mind and knew that if I took a break, I would think about him and would break down in tears, again the time where I preferred to stay by myself, I was thinking about him.” He said, “Ok, fair enough, well what I am going to do is put you on leave as of today, so I want you to fill in another application form and I will approve it.” I said, “Ok, thanks,” then I took the form and filled it in and brought it back to him. He said, “Ok, well take care, but I need you to come back and see me in 2 weeks’ time, ok? “

I left his office and saw some of my colleagues and had a quick chat with them and told them what was happening, and I would see them upon my return.

I went in to the city to have some lunch and walk around for a while, as I knew my new housemate would not start work until 2pm, I called her and asked her to let me know where she was working today, she said, “Yes.” I heard from her just after 1.30pm, she told me where she had been allocated, I said, “Ok, I will come and have a quick chat before I head home,” she said, “Ok great see you then.”

I continued my walk and when it got to almost 2.30, I started to head back to her work. I found her in the office chatting away as per usual, I said, “Hi” to her and she let me in, then we chatted for a while. I told her that I was on leave as of today and explained why, she said, “When do you want to move in?” I said, “This weekend, if I can get a van,” she said, “Well I have the weekend off I can help if you need,” which I said, “That would be great.”

I said, “I will go and see about getting a van now, but how are you going to get to my current place?” She said, “I will travel to Strathfield station, and you could pick me up, if that’s ok?” I said, “Yes, that’s fine,” she asked me, “what time?” I said, “Well maybe mid-morning as I know you won’t get home until very late,” she said, “Yes, how about this, I will call you when I am on the train.” I said, “Ok great,” then I said, “Goodbye” and went to the car rental place to book a van.

I arrived there around 20 minutes later and was able to book a van from Friday afternoon until Tuesday afternoon. I know it sounds strange having it for 4 days, but I did not know how it was going to be with the move and cleaning up as well. I said thanks to the reservation person and left the premises.

I went and caught a bus home and went to have my dinner. I was asked, “Why are you not at work?” I lied and said, “I was not feeling well when I arrived and for safety reasons was sent home.” They said, “Well you look fine now.” I said, “Yes, but wasn’t earlier.” I ate my food and went back to my room to start cleaning up and packing, then decided to go and relax in a nice long, hot bath, which was heavenly. When I had felt totally relaxed, I got out and dried myself off, put on my pyjamas and dressing gown then went back to my room to watch some television and sip a Hot Chocolate.

Around 12am, I started to get very tired and decided to go to bed, which I did, of course, I text Penny as per usual then turned my phone off and fell asleep. I did not know a thing until late the next morning when there was a loud knock at my door, I got out of bed to see who it was. I saw it was the owner who told me there was an urgent telephone for me, I said, “Ok, I am coming” and put my dressing gown and slippers on then followed him to the office and he handed me the phone.

I said, “Hello,” only to cop a barrage of abuse, it was Norm letting me know that Penny had been in a car accident on the way home and was in a very bad way. I immediately screamed and fell to the floor crying, but the owner grabbed the phone to speak with Norm and he wrote something down, whilst other residents attended to me.

The owner finished the call with Norm and went to make me a very strong cup of coffee and brought it out to me, he insisted I sit in the television room to sip it, he handed me the note from Norm, which I accepted and read, he asked me if I was going to go to the hospital? I said, “Yes, when I am finished my coffee, I will go and get dressed, then head up there,” he said, “Ok, if you want to take my car, you can, but you will need to be back by 7pm.” I said, “It’s ok, I appreciate it, but it will be easier catching public transport as parking fees there are way too high,” he said, “Ok understand.” I finished the coffee, then said, “Thanks, also I will be moving out this weekend but will return during the week to fully clean the room out,” he said, “Ok great,” then I went back to my room to get dressed.

Being a male, I was dressed in less than 5 minutes, then I left and headed to the train, of course, I had to get a coffee first, which I did, then went to wait for the train. I needed to change trains at Strathfield and decided on waiting for the express train, which was due in around 6 minutes.

I was still sipping my coffee, so didn’t get another, lucky the train arrived, and it was almost empty, I found a seat and sat down, then realised that I had left my phone at home but knew which hospital she was in and knew the bus to get there.

The train made 3 other stops before it arrived at my stop, I alighted and went to find the next bus to the hospital, lucky there was one about to depart, I walked over and boarded, paying my fare as well and sat down, then he departed the terminus. Once it was approaching the stop, I pressed the alert button and he stopped to allow me to alight, I thanked him as I did.

I walked up to the main entrance and the main reception, I told the lady what Penny’s full name, and by that I included her middle name, she said, “Yes, she is in Intensive Care, but there is a note here asking us to call first to make sure it is ok for her to have visitors.” I gave her my name and Norm’s as well, then she dialled them and she spoke for a few seconds. When she hung up, she said, “Norm is coming out to get you,” which I think it was only seconds later that he did.

Norm saw me and totally went ballistic with me for having my phone turned off, I told him the reason for it, but of course, as per usual he would not listen or understand, but he showed me in to where she was. I could feel his anger and I knew that he was going to have another go at me later, but all I cared about was seeing Penny.

When we got to her bed, she had all sorts of tubes running in and out of her body and she was virtually unrecognisable, I thought back to a few months ago with dad as he had similar tubes but decided to be strong for her until I leave the hospital.

I grabbed her hand and gently squeezed it apologizing for not being here sooner, she must have heard me as I swear blind, I felt her squeeze mine, but that was it. Norm said, “Do you want a drink?” I looked at him like what do you think, he said, “Ok got it, I’ll be back in a few minutes.” N.B., We had been friends that long that we knew how we all took our coffees and/or tea.

I chatted to Penny and said, “I’m so sorry for not having my phone on and if I had known earlier would have been here quicker, but this time there was no response, I’m taking some time off to move I’m moving to Cooksville,” which was good for her as I was now closer to them, she again squeezed my hand and this time opened her eyes and looked at me.

I smiled and said, “Welcome back,” she tried to talk but I advised her not too, instead I called for a nurse, who came very quickly and checked Penny over, I meanwhile went to help Norm, I said, “Penny has woken up but is being checked over right now,” he said, “Ok,” then he handed me my coffee and we sat down to sip them slowly and we chatted about me having my phone turned off. I was able to finally let him know why it was it was turned off each night, it wasn’t easy trying to inform him especially as when he needed me I was not there, but I also told him that Penny knew why, he then said, “Ok.”

A Doctor then came and got us and said, “Penny will be ok, but she will be in hospital for a few weeks to fully rest and recover.” Norm said, “Ok great, yes, I agree as she does put others ahead of herself,” he looked at me while saying that. I was concerned about that comment, but let him go, for now.

We walked over to see Penny and she was sitting up slightly smiling and happy to see us both, we sat and chatted to her, especially about the accident, she said, “All I remember is driving home, then I remember Mark chatting to me here in hospital, what happened in between, I can’t remember.” We said, “Ok, let’s hope you do soon,” then the nurse said, “The Police are here to speak with you Penny.” Norm and I said, “We will leave you alone” and went to the hospital cafeteria to have something to eat.

Neither of us was really hungry and actually forced ourselves to eat something, strange as it was, neither of us had any fatty, fried food, instead opting for a salad each and juice, which we both laughed at as the only time either of us ate salad was in a hamburger or steak sandwich. We slowly ate and consumed everything but sat and relaxed to let our food digest.

Once we had been relaxing, we decided to head back to Penny’s bed, this time it was bit more jovial which was good. We got back, and the Police were still chatting with her, and she was crying, which had us both upset and went to her aid. We then found out that it appears Penny fell asleep at the wheel and drove through a red-light colliding with another car, killing both occupants immediately. The Police said, “But there are no other witnesses to prove it, so we are not going to press charges, not until the accident investigation crew have determined what happened, if they can.” We were all happy about that, he left his card and left the bed.

Penny was devastated that she had killed 2 people, but of course, both Norm and I knew that was not possible as we knew that if Penny was tired, she would not drive, instead she would pull over and have a nap, then continue on, but we decided to wait and see what happens, but secretly I was scared as I had seen how things could be stretched, sorry but I will not go further there as I do not want any troubles.

I stayed for a while longer, then said, “Goodbye” to them both saying I will be back on Monday after I have completed the move, they said, “Ok, have fun see you then.” I left the hospital and for the first time in a few days, felt like walking to the station, which was a bit of a walk, but it allowed me the chance to do a lot of thinking.

It took me almost an hour to reach the station, I went to the kiosk and ordered a hot chocolate as it was almost 5pm and I needed to start sending my body in to sleep mode as I planned to go to bed early tonight. I took the drink and paid for it, then went to wait for the express service to the city, which arrived around 15 minutes later. I boarded the train but had to stand up as it was crowded, the reason being was a carriage was locked off for some reason, which was not told to anybody, but even though I felt tired and wanted to sit down, I knew that if I sat down, I would fall asleep, so standing up was the best idea.

The train made its way towards the city, once it approached my stop, I got ready to alight and did as soon as the doors were released, I alighted and headed to the platform for my final train.

Once that arrived, it was an express, so I stood up because my station was the next station. Once it arrived, I alighted and started the walk home. Usually it’s only around a 10-minute walk, but this day, I didn’t feel like heading home straight away and actually walked to the big park nearby, where I sat on a bench and reflected on what Penny may have done, yes, I think the worst, but I knew her and knew that it was not possible. I ended up crying which felt amazing, this was all the stress I had been storing up, which was finally being released, and wow as I said, it felt amazing.

Once I had calmed down, it was getting dark and I needed to get home as I had a busy day planned tomorrow packing and throwing unwanted items away. When I got home, I immediately went to my room and went straight to bed. I fell asleep rather quickly and didn’t know a thing until I was woken up the following morning by someone banging on my door. I groggily got out of bed and opened the door to find it was our bathroom cleaner saying, “If you need any help packing and cleaning, I can help you today and tomorrow, after I’m finished my work.” I said, “Thanks, much appreciated, am I able to have a quick shower?” She said, “Yes, I haven’t done the downstairs bathroom yet, which I was happy about.” Judy said, “I will see you later.” I said, Thanks,” then we separated.

I grabbed my towel and toiletries, then headed to the shower and just stood underneath the hot water for what seemed like an eternity. I cried, not only about dad, but also Donna, and Penny. I could not believe how much I cried, but in the end, I felt so relieved. I finished washing myself, then got out and dried myself, wrapping the towel, unconsciously like a girl, around me, grabbed my toiletries and walked back to my room. I was abused on the way back by another resident who called me a faggot, which I asked why?

He said, “Well, it’s because of the way you have your towel wrapped around you.” I looked down to see which way I had done it, then realised it. I got back into the room and got dressed, then started cleaning up and packing. I was so engrossed in the work that I didn’t realise the time, until Judy arrived with two coffees in hand, she was able to use the Hotel’s kitchen to make them. I said, “Thanks” and we stood outside in the sunshine sipping them.

Judy said, “So how are you copping without your dad?” I said, “Not well but getting there. I know it will take time for my grief to subside.”

 N.B. Even though it is over 10 years since his passing, it does get easier, but sometimes I miss him, the same with mum and Claire Baire, they have both been gone much longer, yet, I still think about them both constantly. Those who feel they need support or even just to chat, please go ahead and email me.

Judy and I finished our coffees and started getting in to cleaning up and packing, until it got to around 3.30 when I had to leave and go pick up the van. Judy said, “Do you mind if I come with go?” I said, “No it’s fine we can stop at a famous chicken take away for dinner, which is on me to say thank you,” she said, “Ok great.” I grabbed my wallet, keys and phone, then turned off the lights and closed the door, locking it at the same time, then we went to get in my car, and drove to a suburb close to the city, where you could leave your car there as long as you needed, and it was safe. I knew that my car would be safe there until late Tuesday when I returned to retrieve it. I knocked on the door of the resident where I was parked and told them, they said, “That’s fine, we will keep an eye on it for you.” I said, “Thanks” and provided them with my mobile (Cell) number just in case, then I said, “Goodbye” and Judy and I walked to the station.

Both of us needed to buy a ticket, which we did and checked the departure board, there was an all-stations service due in around 5 minutes, we went to the platform to catch it. Of course, being that time of day, the zoos had been let out and the seats were occupied by them, I told one to move his fat arse and allow paying adults to sit down, he glared at me, like you have no rights abusing me like that, but for some reason, I was in a foul mood and yes, was ready for a fight. He begrudgingly grabbed his bag from a vacant seat and went to join his friends. Judy and I sat down and both of us glared at the group.

N.B. These boys attended a Private School, which should have been teaching them manners, I know when I was in school, and at home, that young people should respect others, especially those who are older. I dread to know what is being taught in schools these days.

The train travelled to the stop we needed, and we alighted, these boys alighted as well. I decided to play a joke on them and nudged Judy. I loudly announced, “I saw Police at this station the other day with sniffer dogs, then looked at my watch and said, “Yep just around this time.” I noticed the boys then stayed on the platform and fiddled in their bags. Judy and I walked up to the barriers, I knew the guy there and told him about these boys, he immediately got on to his radio and called for assistance, which arrived very quickly. Judy and I walked to the bus stop, of course, laughing as we did.

The bus arrived around 15 minutes later, we boarded, and I paid my fare, Judy did not need to as her ticket covered bus travel. We both found a seat and sat down, then the driver left the stop. The trip took a bit longer than expected, especially as it was peak hour traffic and there was a car parked in the clearway which meant everyone had to merge in to one lane. This road is a major road in Sydney but was only 2 lanes in each direction and was a nightmare to drive even at 2am Wednesday mornings—I have used that as an example.

The bus finally arrived at our stop, we both alighted and walked up to the rental place, a few minutes late, but still ok. The paperwork was already filled in, all I had to do was produce my licence, credit card and most importantly loyalty card. I signed and initialled the rental agreement and shown to the van. I inspected for previous damage, noted any and signed the form, then was handed the keys. Judy and I got in and I adjusted the seat and mirrors, started the engine and we left.

Judy and I chatted along the way about dad and her parents, she had lost both of hers many years ago, so she knew exactly how I felt. I never told her this, but she actually helped stop me from crying more. We got stuck in traffic, again it was the same stretch of road from earlier and being Friday, there were all the idiots heading into the city to do whatever they planned to do.

We finally arrived at the chicken place, I stopped the van, we got out and closed the doors, I locked it and we walked inside to place our orders, both of already knew what we wanted, a Roast Chicken Dinner with a soft drink each. We went and sat down and waited for our number to be called, but the staff brought the food out to us. We both ate in silence.

Once we had finished eating, I said, “Do you want any dessert?” Judy said, “No, but you can if you want.” I said, “Ok, thanks” and went to get a chocolate mousse, then came back to sit down and eat it. When I was finished, I told Judy about Ellen, my new housemate, coming to help tomorrow. Judy said, “Ok, what time is she going to arrive?” I said, She will call when she is on her way, then I will go and pick her up from Strathfield.” Judy said, “Oh, ok, great, could you could drop me home, please?” I said, “Yes, of course” and we picked up all our rubbish and disposed of it thoughtfully, then went to the van.

Judy only lived about 5 minutes away and on my way home as well. I said, “Do you want me to pick you up in the morning?” She said, “Yes, that would be great, what time?” I said, “Early, like 8am,” she said, “That’s fine,” then she got out and closed the door. I drove back home and went to have a nice long hot bath, which was oh so nice and relaxing. Once the water had started to go cold, I got out and pulled the plug, then dried myself off, put my pyjamas on and went to my room to relax with a Hot Chocolate and watch some television, but was so tired, I only lasted until I had finished my drink. I turned the television off and the lights, then went to sleep.

My alarm woke me up at 7am, I got up and got dressed, then went to have breakfast, after which I went to brush my teeth and left to pick up Judy. I arrived just as she was leaving her building, she saw me and got in to the van then we headed back home, but we went via the shopping centre, so we could both get a coffee, once we had those, we went back to the van and drove home.

We arrived back in minutes, I reversed in and parked, then we got out and went to continue packing. I was thankful for all the years of parcel deliveries as I utilized that experience to pack properly. Judy and I had a good deal packed by the time Ellen called me to let me know that her train would be arriving around 11.45, I said, “Ok, I will meet you on the northern side,” and had to explain where that was. Eileen said, “Ok,” then we hung up and I continued loading the van. Judy and I decided to take some of the excess items to my storage unit, which thankfully was only a short drive from Strathfield. We decided to lock the room and head up to unload. I was feeling thirsty again, yes, we stopped by a certain fast food restaurant that had recently started serving barista made coffees.

Once we had our coffees, we headed back to the van and I drove to the storage unit to unload. We had the van unloaded in around 30 minutes and everything was in the storage unit, nicely packed. I locked the door and returned the trolleys to the loading bay. I looked at my watch and saw that Ellen’s train was due in around 15 minutes, I went and made another coffee each, then we headed to Strathfield Station. We arrived just as Ellen came out of the station, I pulled up, sounding my horn to attract her attention. Ellen got in and I introduced her and Judy to each other, then we headed back home to continue packing and loading the van ready for the first trip up. I had turned the fridge off as well in preparation for the move, but that was not going until late tomorrow.

Around 4pm, we had finally loaded the van, I said, “Judy would you like a lift home?” She said, “Yes, if there is room for me?” I said, “Yes, of course,” then her and Ellen headed to the van whilst I locked the room. I walked to the van and got in then drove Judy home. I said, “I will pick you up at 8am again tomorrow,” which she said. “Yes, of course.” I then left her to go inside, and then headed towards the new home. Ellen and I chatted all the way, mainly about things at work, but also about what help we both will be doing around the house. The drive took longer than expected as it was late afternoon and there were many other motorists travelling home as well, but even though it was heavy, it was still moving.

We arrived at Ellen’s place, or should I say our place, but Ellen did own it, so I didn’t refer to it as my place, yet. I reversed in whilst Ellen went to unlock the front door and then went to open the garage up, we had planned for me to store my items in there at least for now until I had sorted everything out and decided on what I needed there and what can be taken to the storage unit.

Once we had unloaded, we drove to the station, so Ellen could drive her car back home, we had agreed on grabbing some take away for our dinner. I followed her back home, where she then got out and locked the car, then got into the van and we headed to a local take away. Once we arrived, we placed our order and sat down to wait for it to be prepared and cooked. Being a Saturday night, it was very busy, but they were getting the orders out in minutes.

Once we got our food, we headed back home to sit down and eat. I found out that Ellen was separated from her third Husband, like the two before her, he cheated on her, she had one daughter from her first marriage, but she never saw her. I never found out the reasons why. I told her a few things about me, but of course, I kept some things secret, truthfully, I was still unable to comprehend why I was the person I was, that was something that was still several years away from discovering.

When we had finished our dinner, I cleared the table and did the dishes, whilst Ellen went to have a bath. When I had finished washing and drying the dishes, I went to the garage to find some sheets and night clothes, as well as clothes for tomorrow. I had been smart and packed them all in a container that I knew where they were, but it had been buried with other containers, I found it in around 15 minutes though. I grabbed the sheets and went upstairs to make my bed. Once I had made the bed, Ellen was just coming out of the bathroom and said, “The bath is all yours.” I said, “Thanks,” then went to re-fill the bath and I placed some scented oils in it. I went downstairs to grab my night clothes and clothes for tomorrow as well, then went back up to place them on the bed, I grabbed my towel and went to the bathroom and got undressed. Once the bath had filled, I turned the water off and slowly slid in, it felt heavenly.

I relaxed in the bath, so much so that I almost fell asleep, but luckily Ellen knocked at the door and said, “Would you like a Hot Chocolate?” I said, “Yes, please, I would love one, I will be out in a few minutes.” Ellen said, “Ok great, I will be downstairs with them.” I got out of the bath and dried myself off, then pulled the plug and wiped the bath down to prevent a ring from forming, then went into my room to put my night clothes on. Once I was dressed, I went downstairs to sip my drink.

Ellen was sitting down watching television sipping her drink, mine was sitting on the table, I said, “Thanks.” I sat down to watch the television with her, but within seconds, her two gorgeous little Maltese Terriers came bounding inside and jumped up on top of me, yes, they were terriers, as in terrors because they would jump up on you whilst you were trying to relax, then try to lick your face.

N.B., I have had a phobia about animals licking my face for many years, I still do not know why, maybe it is due to me being Asexual.

Ellen said, “Stay still and let them lick your face.” I tried to tell her about my phobia, to no avail. I quickly finished my drink and grabbed her cup, then went to wash and dry them both up. Once I had done that, I said, “I’m tired, I’m off to bed, see you in the morning, and I want to leave here by 7am as well, we can grab some breakfast on the way down.” Ellen said, “Ok.” I went upstairs to my room and closed the door, then got in to bed, I was asleep very quickly.

I slept very well and to my knowledge, I did not stir much. I didn’t know a thing until my alarm sounded, very loudly, at 6.30am, which also woke Ellen, I was hoping that she would get woken up. I immediately got dressed and said, “Do you want a coffee?” I knew what the answer would be and went downstairs to make them whilst she got dressed. I switched the kettle on and went to the bathroom whilst the water was boiling. I did, as I always have, washed my hands and dried them, then went back to the kitchen to make the coffees.

Ellen came downstairs a short while after and I handed her, her coffee, but instead of us sitting to chat, I said, “We can drink them whilst we are travelling,” she said, “Ok great.” I went to unlock and warm the van, whilst she locked the house and made sure the terrors were well taken care of. Ellen came out a few minutes later and got in. I rang Judy to let her know that we were on the way, but may be a little late as we are going to grab some food on the way, she said, “Well why don’t you stop at Crazy Acres, and get something for me as well, if that’s ok?” I said, “Yes, not a problem” and I handed the phone to Ellen, so she could listen to the order as I commenced driving.

Ellen said, “Goodbye” to Judy and hung up the phone, then placed it in the dashboard holder. We chatted along the way, like we needed food as there wasn’t much in the fridge, which Ellen agreed to, and we decided to start making a list, lucky for me Ellen still had her note pad out and she wrote down various items needed. I soon made our way on to the Freeway, and strangely enough it was very quiet heading East, but West bound was very heavy, of course, it was understandable as it was mainly tourists heading to the Blue Mountains for the day.

The drive was beautiful, being that it was a nice Autumn day with the sun shining and very few clouds in the sky, it was starting to get a little cool, but not enough to be wearing heavy jackets just yet. We were travelling along well, until we hit the major bottleneck at Granville, where the lanes merge from 4 down to 3 and then 2 for the remainder of the Freeway, it still delayed us by a few minutes, but not enough to worry me. We got through it and continued on our way to Crazy Acres, which we arrived there around 7.35 am, so I was happy.

I parked the van and we both got out to go and place our order, it was rather busy, but it was Sunday, so it was too be expected. We soon found ourselves at the counter and I placed the order and paid for it, then waited for the food to be prepared and packed. We received the bags in around 5 minutes, Ellen carried them to the van, whilst I carried the coffees tray. I unlocked the van and assisted her in then handed her the coffees and walked around to my side and got in. I took my coffee and had a sip, then started the engine, but called Judy to let her know that we would be there in around 15 minutes and which direction we were coming from, she said, “Ok, see you soon.” I left the parking spot and headed out the back way towards where Judy lived.

N.B. Those of you who know Parramatta Road, know that there is limited right turns available, and where Judy lived, it was illegal to make a right-hand turn, which is why I decided to go the back way.

I was very surprised at how quiet it was there as well, the only major sticking point was when we had to wait at the light at Great North Road, for some reason, they would not change, but unlike other motorists, some of whom abused me for waiting, I did not drive against the red light. My reasons for this are:

1 I was driving a Rental Vehicle, and part of their agreement was if the Renter received any driving infringements, then they are banned from renting any vehicles from any site in Australia:

2 I had Ellen in the van and I always drive more careful when I have passengers:

3 I knew that if I went through the red light, I would be seen by a Police Officer, I had, and still have, my Heavy Vehicle (Magenta) Licence and as such would have been hit with a much higher infringement, even though I have not driven heavy vehicles professionally for many years, some Police Officers have been known to be very harsh:

4 I knew that I had to get my old room sorted out today.

The lights changed after a few minutes and we continued on.

I arrived opposite where Judy lived, she came across the road and got into the van after Ellen had moved into the middle seat, once they had both buckled up, I continued to the old place and we chatted all the way along as well. Ellen grabbed her phone and made a call, from what we heard, she had requested tomorrow and Tuesday off to help a friend move, which was granted. I said, “Why Tuesday as well?” She said, “Well what time is the van due back?” I said, “5pm near Newtown,” she said, “Ok, then what we will do is spend tomorrow fixing your room up and unpacking what you need there, then we will take some items to the storage unit in as many trips as we need.” I said, “Ok, but are you sure your work is ok with you taking the time off?” Ellen said, “Yes, I put the request in last week and told them that I would confirm this morning, besides I was only rostered on the mail run both days, they will find someone else to do that.”

Judy said, “Wow, that is so nice of you.” I said, “Yes, agreed.” We decided to go to a local park to eat our breakfasts, of course each coffee had been finished, so I went and bought us more then went to join them both. We rushed our food down but knew that we would not have time to eat for the remainder of the day. Once we had finished, we placed our rubbish in the garbage bins and walked to the van then drove to the old place.

Once we arrived, I reversed in to where a spot had been reserved for us, then left the van open, except for the cabin, I locked that, and there was a cargo barrier preventing anyone from entering, therefore Judy and Ellen could leave their bags there safely, I left my wallet and phone there too. I walked to the room and opened it up, then opened the window and curtains as well to allow fresh air in as it needed airing. I had a look at what could go to the storage unit and said, “Ok, let’s load these on and I will take them up, this way it will alleviate extra trips tomorrow and Tuesday.”

Ellen said, “Do you need any help at the storage unit?” I said, “Well it depends on whether Judy needs help here, I am fine there, but if Judy is ok on her own, then yes, that would be marvellous.” Judy said, “I will be fine, I will clean up and place any rubbish into some empty containers.” I said, “Ok, great, we will be back shortly,” then Ellen and I left.

The drive to the storage unit was short as again, I knew the short cuts, this came from my many years’ experience as a professional driver. I soon arrived at the storage unit and entered my number to gain access, even though the office was open, customers still had to enter their entry number each time they wished to gain entry and again to exit as it was a safety precaution. I did like this particular location for that reason.

N.B., I still use this particular Storage Unit Company in Melbourne and have made a Totally Awesome Friend (TH).

Once the gate fully opened, I drove in and reversed into the loading dock. We both got out and searched for a trolley each, which as usual were sitting in the goods lift. We wheeled them back to the van and loaded each trolley up, but not too high so we could not see where we were going. Once both were loaded, I closed the tailgate and locked the van, then we pushed them to the goods lift and shut the doors, then pressed the up button. I said, “Ellen could you walk up to the next level and open the door once the lift has arrived?” Ellen said, “Yes.” I kept my finger on the up button until it stopped, then I walked up the stairs.

Ellen had opened the doors by the time I got there, we both grabbed a trolley each, closed the doors and then I asked her to follow me to my unit, which she did. My unit was not that far down, I placed my trolley against the wall and opened the door, then switched the light on and moved some of the other containers around to make room for the new ones, not only the 12 that we were about to put in, but the rest that were coming in tomorrow and possibly Tuesday as well.

I soon made enough space and started to place them in there. Once they were all in there, I locked the unit and we walked back to the lift, only to find that someone else was using it, we left the trolleys opposite the lift and walked down the stairs. I said, “Are you thirsty?” She said, “Yes, I could use some water.” I said, “You can, but I want some more drugs,” of course Ellen looked at me like what now you tell me you do drugs. I said, “No, what I mean is I need more coffee,” she said, “Oh, ok, wow, you scared me then, especially as our area is well-known for illegal drug users.” I said, “Yes, I know and that does scare me especially as I walk home from the station some nights.”

Ellen said, “Well, what you can do is drive my car home from the station each night, but then come pick me up when my train arrives.” I said, “Ok, yes, great.” We both walked into the office, I said, “Hi” to the person behind the counter and we walked into the tearoom to make our drinks. Once we had made them, we walked back to the van and we left the premises.

We arrived back at the hotel, only to find the carpark was full of cars, but I dropped Ellen off and went to park on the street, which was not easy either. I had to park two streets away, then walked back to the hotel. I noticed that the owner’s car was still there and went to chat with him, he said, “Ok bring the van back in and I will move my car, so you can reverse the van in.”

I said, “Ok thanks, what I need first though is to bring the fridge out and lay it in the back,” he said, “Ok I can help with that.” I said, “Ok” and went to get the van and drove back to the carpark. The owner guided me in as close to the walkway as possible.

I got out and we loaded the fridge into the van, I had rented a high roof one so that the fridge could remain upright. Once it was in, we secured it to the railings, and he said, “Do you need any help taking it out later?” I said, “Yes, I will, what if we took a load up now if the ladies are ok with it?” He said, “Ok yes, great idea.” I went to see how they were going and asked, “Are you both ok by yourselves for a couple of hours?” I explained why, they said, “Yes, that’s fine.” I said, “Ellen, can I borrow your keys please?” She said, “Yes,” and followed us back to the van, where she grabbed her keys and bag along with Judy’s bag.

We walked back to the room and I grabbed some containers to load in the van, which the owner assisted us as well. Once they were loaded, I moved out, so he could park his car again, then he got in and we left. The drive was a bit slow as I was unsure if the fridge would move or not, but once we were on the Freeway, I felt at ease and kept my speed with the other motorists, but under the posted speed limits though. We soon arrived at the house. I reversed in and went to ensure the dogs were out of the way. I went to open the garage, so we could unload the containers, then we unloaded the fridge and moved it in to the kitchen. Once we had done that, I let the dogs back in and I went to close the garage, then the front door and we left.

Fast Forward a few months:

Things had been going along great sharing with Ellen, until the day I was at work and one of the other cleaners said, “Ellen has been showing photos of your room,” and was mortified about this as yes,  my room was messy one day before I went to work, but had planned on cleaning it when I returned home that night, which I did, then I was told that despite being told by Ellen not to eat in my room, I still was.

N.B. I was paying rent to her; therefore, she had no rights to tell me what I could or could not do in my room, but more on that later.

I immediately went to find Ellen to ask, “Why are you breaching my privacy? But as usual she was too busy to answer me. I left where she was and headed to complete my duties, which thankfully I only had four more trips to make. When my shift was over, I walked to the platform to catch the train home, I saw Ellen there as well, but ignored her. I had to stand up all the way home, but was ok with that, as I felt so much anger with what she had done.

I decided then and there to move out, because I didn’t want to be living where it not only felt like a prison, but I had to walk on eggshells, and that was not a home. I was able to find a place, sharing with a couple of girls who I met one evening travelling home. I called them and we arranged for me to go check out the house, in the next few days.

When I got home, I made myself some dinner and ate it, then washed and dried the dishes. I went upstairs to have a bath and relax and to think about what had happened at work today. I was still very angry and upset but decided on an early night. I set my alarm for 4.30am, then went to bed. I fell asleep quickly, until suddenly I got woken up by the light being turned on and Ellen yelling at me to get up which startled me. I got up and she started abusing me for what I did to her at work today, of course, she would not accept that had she not embarrassed me, I would not have confronted her.

The argument got, let’s say very heated, where I felt that I was not going to win and decided to leave the house, still in my pyjamas, but grabbed my clothes for work tomorrow. I got into the car and left the house. I drove to the station I planned to leave the car at, I noticed that it was almost 4.30am, so I just got dressed in the car, thankfully there was very little activity, so I could get dressed without any problems. Once I had dressed, I grabbed my work bag and made sure that everything was either hidden or safely secured, then got out and locked the car.

I walked to the station to catch the train to the city as I decided on having breakfast at a nice little café that I knew. I had to wait almost 20 minutes for the train, which was the first of the day. I waited where the front car would stop as that would be where the train would stop at my station, close to the exit stairs.

I boarded and then found a seat and sat down to think about how my privacy had been breached, I decided to tell my manager everything, as that way, I’m going through channels, even though it was a private matter, Ellen had aired personal grievances at our workplace.

The train finally arrived at OliveVille, I alighted and headed to the barriers to validate my pass, when suddenly I heard my named called. I turned around and saw that it was another cleaner I knew, he said, “Why are you here?” I said, “It’s just I couldn’t sleep and decided to come in early to have breakfast.” I couldn’t believe what he said next, he said, “Oh no wonder you can’t sleep when you have a guilty conscious over what you did yesterday.” I immediately asked, “What do you mean?” He said, “you going and having a go at Ellen.” I said, “Excuse me, but she humiliated me first and I wanted to know why.” He said, “No you are at fault, so you deserved it.” I said, “Yeah, whatever,” and I walked away.

I walked to the café and found a table and sat down, I didn’t need to say my order as he knew what I wanted, of course, he did wonder why I was there so early in the morning as I was known for coming in a little later. I told him what had happened, he said, “That’s no good, I know her, and she is very nasty.” I said, “Yes, but for now I don’t plan to do anything.” He said, “Ok great, well your breakfast is on the house today.” I said, “Thank you, but you don’t have to.” He said, “Nonsense, you deserve it after having to put up with her for so long.” I said, “Ok, thanks, much appreciated.”

I sat and waited for my food to arrive, which it did not long after, and wow, was my plate loaded with so much food, that honestly, it could have easily killed me, it contained: 4 Rashers of Bacon, 2 Sausages, 2 Tomatoes—sliced in half, a stack of mushrooms and baked beans, 2 slices of toast, and my coffee. I said, “Thank you” and started eating, I thought I would not get through it all, but surprisingly I ate every last bit of food and finished my coffee as well. I said, “May I have another coffee, take away, please?” The owner said, “Yes, of course” and he went to make it, but of course, he refused to accept my money. I said, “Thanks everyone” and left.

I walked back to the station and boarded the first train to my work, of course, even though it was not even 7am, it was still crowded, but I was only going a few stops, so didn’t really care. I checked the train and noticed that it was very clean. The train soon arrived at my stop, I alighted and headed over to my base. I did have a look to see if my Manager was in, and I was happy to see that she was. I said, “Can we have a quiet chat please?” She said, “Yes, as I need to discuss something with you as well.”

We both went into her office and she closed the door, then she dropped the bombshell about my room and why were there photos circulating around the workplace? I said, “I had nothing to do with that, it was my housemate who did it to embarrass me, but when I tried to talk to her about it, she only abused me, then early this morning, she woke me up to tear strips out of me for confronting her.” My Manager said, “Well, it is totally inappropriate to be discussing your private life here at work, and I have no other choice but to suspend you until further notice.” I said, “But she is the one who showed the photos, not me, and I get suspended, fine, I will wait to hear from you.”

I then stormed off from the office, yes, for those of you who know me and have seen me go off, that was nothing, I actually had steam coming out of both my ears. I decided to go and report Ellen for what she had done. I stormed down to her Managers office and was denied the chance to complain, my response was, “Ok, fine then.”

I walked up to the Union office to speak with my direct representative, luckily, she was there, and we went into a room and I told her what happened, including giving her names of other cleaners who had either seen the photos or been told about them. My representative, I should add, did not like Ellen after something that had occurred earlier in 2010, but was unable to do anything about it, until now. My representative said, “Enjoy your suspension, but you are on full pay until you return, I am going to chat with everybody else concerned.” I said, “Thanks” and gave her my contact number, so we could stay in touch.

I said, “Goodbye” to her and left the office. I walked up to the station where I used to work, and of course, I copped abuse there as well. I got so upset that I walked back up to the bus stop to catch a bus, knowing that at least I would be left in peace, and thankfully I was. I called my soon to be housemate, but the call went to voicemail. I left a message asking if we could meet up earlier today.

I grabbed my coffee and went to wait for the train to where my car was parked. I was happy when the train arrived, it was almost full, so I had to stand up for a couple of stops, which didn’t worry me. Once the train had emptied out, I went and sat down to think about how Ellen had not only messed up my private life, but now, it looked like my work life too.

N.B., Ellen was a gossip monger, who only cared about her feelings, no one else’s, and I heard that she spread worse rumours about me and another male cleaner who committed suicide because of her hurtful homophobic lies.

Once the train arrived at the station where my car was parked, I alighted and walked to the barriers to validate my pass and walked to the car. Suddenly my phone rang, it was Sam, my new housemate, who was concerned about me, but she said, “I have arranged to take the rest of the day off, so if you want to come have a look at the house now, you can.” I said, “Thanks, that would be great, I can be there in about 10 minutes.” Sam said, “Cool, I’ll put the kettle on now, see you soon.”

I got into my car, started the engine and headed to Sam and Nat’s place. I arrived several minutes later, got out, locked the car and went to the front door. Sam opened it within seconds. I said, “Hi” to her, she said, “Hi” back, then invited me. Sam gave me the grand tour, then once that was over, she asked me to sit down, whilst she made the coffees. Once Sam had made them, she handed me mine, I said, “Thanks.”

Sam sat down and said, “Ok so why aren’t you ate work today?” I explained to her about what Ellen had done. Sam said, “So she airs personal stuff at work, but you suffer, that’s not right.” I said, “Agreed, but I have spoken with the union, and she is investigating the whole situation for me.” Sam said, “Great, so when do you want to move in?” I said, “Well, since I have some free time, I can tomorrow.” Sam said, “Well if you want, I can help you, especially if Ellen is still there whilst you are moving.” I said, “That would be great, but I know that Ellen will leave for work by around 12.30, so I should be safe from then, but won’t your work get angry for you taking another day off?” Sam said, “No, I will take the rest of the week off to help you settle in, they owe me days off anyway.”

I said, “Ok thanks, much appreciated, so where do want to meet me?” Sam said, “What time and where are you picking up the truck?” I said, “11am, at Lawburra, I will be driving my car to Moresham, then I’m going to catch the train to pick up the van.” Sam said, “Ok, here’s an idea, why don’t you stay with us tonight, and since that suburb is on our line, you might as well leave your car here, then we catch the train there.” I said, “Ok great, but these are the only clothes I’ve got.” Sam said, “Ok, is Ellen working today?” I said, “As far as I know, why?” She said, “Well, once we have finished our coffees, we will jump in your car and go get you some clean clothes, ok.” I said, “Ok great.”

Once we had finished our coffees, Sam grabbed my mug and placed it in the dishwasher, then grabbed her bag and we left the house. I went to warm up my car whilst she locked up, then we headed to Ellen’s place. The drive was jovial, and for the first time in over three months, I relaxed. I decided to drive by where Ellen usually parked her car, just to see if she had left it there, and yes, she had.

I then drove up to the house. Sam said, “I’m fearful that Ellen has changed the locks.” I said, “Agreed, but if she has, I can have her charged for holding my belongings to ransom.” Thankfully Ellen had not changed them, so we let ourselves in and I went upstairs to pack my bag for a couple of nights. Once I had finished packing my bag, I went downstairs, then within a few minutes, we were gone.

I called the truck rental company to book a truck, which they did for me. I said, “Sam, it’s after lunch, so why don’t we stop somewhere for a late lunch, early dinner?” Sam said, “Great idea, but where?” I said, “What about the cafe near where Nat works?” Sam said, “Great idea, ok I’ll call Nat to see if she wants to join us, as I know she is working until 9pm tonight.” I said, “Great.”

Sam called Nat and judging by the smiles and nods, I assumed Nat had said yes. We soon arrived at the area, I parked the car where I was instructed to park, then Sam and I went to see Nat, who was busy with a client, but said, “I will be done shortly, mum you know my usual, do you two want to head over and order, then I’ll come once I’m finished here?” Sam said, “Yes, of course, see you shortly.” Sam and I left the salon and we headed across the road.

My phone suddenly rang, but as it was a private number, I did not answer, because I knew it was Ellen. I declined the call, which went to voicemail. Once I got the message saying I had a new voicemail, I listened to it, then replayed it on speaker, and yes it was Ellen being very nasty and abusive towards me. 

Sam said, “You can have her charged for that, because it’s abuse and she has also breached your privacy at work, so my suggestion is keep that, and go see your union rep, I’m sure they will be able to act upon it.” I said, “Agreed, I’m so fucken pissed off with her about all this, I’ve had people jumping to conclusions or making assumptions about me, but I will go see her on Monday.”

We sat down and looked at the menu, then Sam ordered for Nat and herself, then I ordered. Nat came bounding over a few minutes later and gave us both a very tight hug. I started to feel weird because of it, something I was unsure about at the time, I didn’t have to wait too long.

The next thing I knew, I woke up in hospital, with various cables attached to me. I saw Penny and Norm and asked, “What happened?” Penny said, “You were having a meal with Sam and you suddenly clutched your chest and collapsed, you had a heart attack, and have been in hospital for almost 2 months in a coma.” I said, “Wow, but what happened with the move?” Penny said, “Relax, Sam and Nat did it for you, lucky Sam has your phone pin code, she called me and the truck rental place, and we helped her move you.”

I said, “Oh ok, so where are they both?” Penny said, “Both are at work, but like the past few months, they will come and relieve us once they finish.” I said, “Ok great, so how bad is it with me?” Penny said, “I’ll let the doctor talk to you about that, but we have great news, Ellen was transferred from that location, you still have a job, but you will be going to another location, a depot I believe and on night shift.”

I said, “Ok great, so does Ellen know where I moved to or where my new location is going to be?” Penny said, “No, she has been demoted, Sam knows more than I do, so you can ask her when she comes in.” I said, “Ok great.” Suddenly the Doctor came into talk to me. Penny and Norm left the room to allow me some privacy.

The Doctor said, “Ok, Mark, welcome back, now, even though you are hooked up to all these machines, doesn’t mean it looks bad, honestly, you do have a heart murmur, which is not really a problem, especially from what Penny told me, and I think in time it will settle down, for now I need you to rest up, so what I’m doing is giving you a medical certificate until early January.” I said, “Ok, but I want to return to work.” He said, “Yes, I know, but you need time to rest, you have been under so much stress for the past few months, and couple of years that I heard, your heart has been warning you, because if you don’t take it easy and rest, you may not see Christmas 2014, so for your friends, who I have seen here constantly, please think about them.” I said, “Ok, I will.”

The Doctor then said, “Ok, I want to keep you here for another few days, and if your vital signs remain stable, I will let you go home.” I said, “Ok thanks.” The Doctor then left the room. Penny came back in a few seconds later, and asked, “Ok so what happened?” I told her, she said, “Ok, if you rest up, you will be fine, now Sam and Nat are here, are you up to seeing them?” I said, Yes, of course, but I want you and Norm to be here too, as I have something to say.” Penny said, “Ok, hang on.” Penny went and got them, and they came in.

Once they came in Sam saw me and came over to hug me, quickly followed by Nat. I said, “Ok, now first up, I want to say thank you being here for me, and also completing the move, much appreciated, did any of you bump into Ellen during the move?” Sam said, “No, we made sure she had gone to work and was on the train before we started, but we had you moved out in less than an hour.” Norm said, “And we have been paying your storage fees too.” I said, “Ok thanks all, much appreciated, but how did you gain access to the storage until?”

Sam said, “We had your Doctor write a letter saying that you were in a coma and we showed it the office, then after they checked with head office, they gave us limited access.” I said, “Ok, great thanks, once I’m back working, I’ll start paying you all off, I Love You All.” They said, “Hey, our pleasure.” I then asked if I could have some privacy with Nat please?” They all said, “Yes,” then they all left.

Nat said, “ok what’s up?” I said, “Between you and I only, I feel bad for collapsing, but I also don’t feel that I will see out 2013.” Nat said, “Look, it’s ok, it wasn’t your fault, things happen and don’t forget you have gone through so much stress and anxiety in the past few years, you have me and Sam here and we will look after you, ok.” I said, “Ok, but I’m so old that I should be big enough and ugly enough to look after myself.” Nat said, “Look you are not old or ugly, I want to tell you something, but it’s between you and I only, Ok?” I said, “Yes.” Nat said, “Well, remember when we first met you, I liked you from the start as more than a friend, and seeing you lying here the past few weeks, has been torture for me, so what I would like to ask you is this, will you give us a chance for a relationship, no sex until you are strong enough?”

I said, “Wow, I never knew that, but are you sure, as we have a what, 23-year age difference?” Nat said, “28, but I don’t care, I love older men, they are more mature, experienced and down to earth too, and the good thing is whilst you are recuperating, you can sleep in my bed with me.” I said, “Ok cool, yes, I will be your platonic boyfriend.” Nat leaned over and gently kissed me. I said, “Ok so we are going to keep this a secret for now.” She said, “Well Sam knows because we have been friends for so many years, but that’s it.” I said, “Ok, can you let the others back in please?” Nat said, “Yes.” Then she went and brought them back in, of course the questions started, but I said, “Sorry, what Nat and I discussed is between her and I only, at least for now.”

Norm and Penny got angry that I refused to reveal, and without saying anything, stormed off out of my room. I didn’t see or hear from either of them for almost a month. Sam and Nat stayed and we chatted for a while, until the Doctor came in and said, “Ok Mark, I’ve checked everything over, and you can go home on Friday, but once you go home, please rest unless you want to end up in our morgue downstairs,” I said, “Ok great, thanks, no, I will take it easy, and I’m sure these two will make sure I do.”

                                                            Chapter 14:

                                                 2013-2014, Fun Times

Fast Forward several weeks, Christmas 2012 and 2013 had arrived too. I am home recuperating, which I was doing very well. I was being totally looked after by both Sam and Nat, especially Nat as she would not let me do anything, and I am pretty sure that if she could pee and defecate for me, she would have, but even so, when she was home, she would assist me. I tried telling her that I was ok, but she wouldn’t hear of it, I realised just how much she loved me, but was not prepared for what was to come, more on that later.

I decided one day to go out, so I went upstairs to have a shower and I mean a really good one. I used some of Nat’s cleansing products and tools which felt nice and smelt great too. I wondered then if I had made a mistake in transitioning back to male, but realised that if I hadn’t, I would not have such a totally hot girlfriend in Nat, and I was so looking forward to us both finally having sex once I was fully cleared by my Doctor. I finished having my shower and went to find some clean clothes to put on but couldn’t find any of mine. I was mystified about this and felt that I was being held prisoner. I needed to put something on, and decided that since I was home alone, maybe I should wear something of Nat’s. I decided against wearing any of her underwear, mainly because most was very expensive or too small for me, instead I looked around for the best choice of clothing for a man to wear when he is about to wear his girlfriend’s clothes. I found a pair of jeans that I knew would fit and an old sweatshirt, which I put both on, but I felt weird not wearing underpants, like my cock didn’t sit right.

I went downstairs to relax and watch television as I knew Sam would be home soon, then I could find out where all my clothes were. I started to feel hungry and went to see what was in the fridge, but all there was, was a tuna salad that was wrapped in cling film with a note on it addressed to me. I pulled it out and placed the bowl on the bench, then opened the envelope, it read: “To My Darling, Mark, I made this for you before I left for work, I hope you enjoy it, and in the fridge, there is a bottle of Orange Juice, just for you, My Darling, I Love You So Much, Your Girlfriend, Nat XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO”. I started to cry as it was the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for me, that was not sexual.

I searched in the fridge for the Orange Juice and took it out then found a fork to eat with and grabbed the bowl, then went back to the lounge room to continue watching television. The salad was delicious, but it had a strange taste to it, same as the juice, but I just thought it was Nat’s love that may have been added. I finished everything and set aside the bowl, fork and juice bottle and watched the show until it ended. I took everything to the kitchen and placed them in the dishwasher, which I noticed was almost full and decided to run it, at least I couldn’t be abused for that, or could I?

I decided to make a coffee, yes, I know coffee is bad for my heart, but I had not had a cup in several days and my body was going through severe caffeine withdrawal. I did decide to make it a decaf though to alleviate any arguments with the girls. I looked in the fridge and found some milk and frothed that up. I text Sam to let her know that we were nearly out of milk and asked her if she could get some on the way home, but just as I sent the text, the front door opened.

Sam was just arriving home from work, I said, “Oh, I just sent you a text about needing some milk,” and as I said that, the text came through, all Sam could say was: “Why are wearing Nat’s clothes for?” I said “Because, I couldn’t find any of my clothes after my shower, these are all I could find that I knew may fit and I would still look like a man”. Sam said, “Where are your clothes then?” I said: “I don’t know, thought you might know?”  Sam said, “No, I don’t know, maybe this is Nat’s way of ensuring you stay home”. I said, “Yes, agreed, but I should be able to go for a walk or even go and meet her for lunch, if I want”. Sam said, “Agreed, come on let’s go searching”.

We both went upstairs and started searching for my clothes, but we couldn’t find them at all, which mystified us both. Finally, Sam said, “Ok, listen, let’s go and see her and find out where they are”. I said, “Ok, but I am not wearing any underpants and I feel very strange without them on”. Sam said, “Ok, I know you are a man, but what if you put a pair of Nat’s panties on, besides it’s not like you haven’t worn girls’ clothes before, is it?” I said, “True, but which one’s will suit me, without ruining any of hers?” Sam said, “You are worried about ruining her clothes, after she has gone and hidden all of yours, wow, you do love and care about her?” I said, “Yes, but I am not sure about if I could wear them, or how she would feel”. Sam said, “Look let’s just and go and find something, if she hasn’t got anything, I am sure I have a pair that would suit you”. I said, “Ok, great”, then we went to search in Nat’s panty drawer and finally Sam said, “Ok, here, I think these will fit you, but as they are panties, you will need to, you know, tuck yourself”. I thought she said “Fuck”, and said, “Excuse me, Fuck myself”, Sam said, “No, Tuck, you know to make yourself look flat, like you have a pussy”. I said, “Oh, ok, yes”, and I asked her to leave the room while I put them on, but Sam said, “Hang on, I have an idea, since you smell like a girl, why don’t I make you up like a girl, which includes you wearing a bra as well, but for you to wear a dress and a pair of my pumps, and I will put Make-Up on you as well”. I said, “I’m not sure about going that far, but I have noticed lately that my breasts have been tender”. Sam said, “Well between us two, Nat has been crushing up hormone pills and putting them in all your food and drink, as she sees you more of a girl than a man”. I said, “I thought something was up, as the salad and juice tasted weird earlier, now I know why, but does she want me as her girlfriend, though”. Sam said, “Yes, but a girlfriend with something extra who she can have sex with and know she won’t get pregnant”.

I decided to admit to Sam about my infertility. Sam said, “Wow, I am so sorry about that, no wonder you were reluctant to date Nat”, she came over and gave me a big, motherly, tight hug. I said, “Yes, but can you keep it between us please, as I haven’t told anybody”. Sam said, “Yes, of course, now strip off so I can see what I have to work with”. I was apprehensive about getting naked in front of my girlfriend’s best friend, mainly because I knew my cock would immediately wake up, but I did, and sure enough it did. Sam said, “It’s fine, it shows you are a man, so don’t worry, but Nat is a lucky girl”. I said, “Thanks, true, honestly, Nat hasn’t seen me naked, yet”. Sam said, “What, but you two share a bed and a room, I thought when I wasn’t here that you both would be fucking like rabbits”. I said, “No, Nat said that until I have been given the all-clear by my Doctor, then there will be no sex, especially as she is worried that if I do, it might kill me, but what a way to go”. Sam said, “Ok, now you need to have another shower and shave your legs, arms, pubic area and face, I have some fresh razors for you to use and some cream, you will replace them, ok?” I said, “Ok, great”.

I went to have yet another shower and let the hot water run over my body while I waited for Sam to bring the razors and shaving cream to me. I got a shock when she returned, and she was naked, which made my cock rise even further. Sam said, “Ok, now, don’t get any ideas, I am only here to shave you, nothing further, but if you weren’t my best friend’s boyfriend, well who knows what might happen”. I said, “Ok, agreed, honestly, I would never cheat on Nat, with anyone, especially her best friend”. I never told Sam or Nat this, but I did have the hots for Sam, ever since the first day I met her, but she was a smoker, and I don’t date smokers.

N.B., I had worked with Sam a few years before hand, but lost contact until we met up one day on a train.

Sam shook the shaving can up and sprayed some on to her hand and lathered it up and applied it to my right leg, then left leg and then my right arm then left arm, then she rinsed the shaver very well under the hot water and filled a plastic cup with water and said, “Ok, let’s do this”, I said, “Ok, let’s”. Sam gently shaved my right leg, rinsing the razor after each stroke, then completed the other leg and my arms. I rinsed myself off and wow did I feel much better. Sam said, “Ok now, this will have to be done outside the shower, so turn the shower off and please sit on the chair with your legs spread?” I did as I was told to do and once, I was out of the shower, I patiently sat and waited for Sam to return. Once she returned, she said, “I forgot this”, I asked “What it is?” Sam said, “It’s Nat’s leg moisturiser, you need that to keep your legs so nice and soft and supple, so boys will like you and dream about what they can’t have”. I said, “But, I don’t like boys, only Natalie”. Sam said, “Wow, that is the first time I have heard you use her full name in a normal sentence”. I said, “Yes, I feel it was worth emphasizing”. Sam said, “Ok, now before I shave your pubic hair, I need to rub the lotion on your legs, I will do your right leg and you will do your left, ok?” I said, “Ok”. Sam then shook that can and sprayed the lotion directly on to my leg, wow did it feel so nice, a little cool, but I loved it. I then felt my nipples had become hard as well and did notice that Sam’s were, and I noticed a strange smell in the bathroom as well. Sam rubbed the lotion on my right leg, making sure that it had been applied to my entire leg, including behind the knee, when she was finished, she said, “Ok, now your turn”. I said, “Ok, looks like you are enjoying this”. Sam said, “What do you mean?”. I said well, “Your nipples are almost as hard as mine and there is a strange smell in this room?” Sam said, “Oh, I was hoping you wouldn’t notice”. I said, “Well, I have, does that mean what I think it means?” Sam said, “Oh, Ahh, well, yes, but it would be so wrong if we did, wouldn’t it?” I said, “Yes, true, especially as I have not gone there with Nat, yet, but what if we did, just once, but never tell anybody?” Sam said, “Ok, but let’s get finished here first, and I will call Nat to let her know I am home and looking after you.” I said, “Ok, great.” Sam then applied the cream to my pubic hair and rubbed it in, making sure that each strand of hair was covered in cream.

Once she had made sure that each strand was well coated, she got a new, fresh razor and the plastic container and rinsed them both, then half-filled the container with hot water and once again rinsed the razor then gently started to shave me, rinsing the razor after each stroke, until finally all my pubic hair was gone, then she had me lie on my stomach, still on the towel, as she wanted to remove my buttocks hair. I was very apprehensive about this, but she assured me that women do not have hair growing out of their buttocks, most don’t hair on their pussies, as I saw with her, I agreed to let her shave me there.

Once that was completed, she handed me some baby oil to rub over my freshly shaved cock and balls, she said, “I will rub your arse,” which she did include a little probing shall we say. I looked in the mirror and wow did I look much better, I even felt better too. Sam then said, “Ok, are you ready for some girl on girl loving?” I said, “Yes, please.” Sam led me to her bedroom, and we sat on her bed and kissed each other passionately, to say she tasted delicious was an understatement, but she did, her kisses were different to those of Nat’s though. We kissed for a while until I could feel her fingers pinching my ever-sensitive nipples, they tingled with anticipation, I followed suit and placed mine on hers and gently played with them, even they there were still as hard as boards, they were still soft and supple, and couldn’t wait until I could get in and suck on them in the hope of drawing out any milk, although I knew that would be impossible, but a man can try.

Suddenly without warning, Sam stopped kissing me and lowered herself to my breasts and started sucking my right nipple and kissing my breast, wow did it feel electrifying, much better than I ever thought, strangely I thought maybe Nat adding hormone pills in to my food and turning me in to a girl, was not a bad idea. Sam then did something totally unexpected, she laid me on the bed and she laid down on top of me but just allowed her nipples to gently stimulate mine and wow, it was so mind-blowing, that I came without my cock even being touched, my cum shot out so powerful that Sam said she could feel some shooting in to her pussy, but she then switched us both around so we were in a 69 position, I wasn’t that keen to eat her pussy especially as I knew that it contained some of my cum, but I knew that if I didn’t, then I would not be fucking her today and I totally wanted too.

I started to lick her labia which tasted delicious as it was her juices, but I slowly licked my way towards her clit which was glistening with our combined cum, I was enjoying Sam sucking me that at this point, I didn’t care if I tasted my cum, I shot my tongue up inside her pussy and swirled it around for a few seconds, then brought it and licked her clit gently of course, but up towards her urethra, which was oozing urine as not only could I see and smell it, but taste it as well, but again I didn’t care. I sucked on her clit until I feel Sam stiffen up and she suddenly quietly screamed, but this had an effect on her as she sucked harder on my cock and we both exploded together with our orgasms, her juices flowed so much that I had trouble trying to drink them up, but I did.

We both slid up to kiss each other, including rubbing our breasts together, which again felt awesome. I was unable to say anything as I had never oral sex like that before. I asked Sam “Could we fuck please”, her response was, “Sure, but please give me a second as that blew my mind, you certainly know how to eat pussy, and you are wasted as a man, I am so happy that Nat wants you as her special girlfriend.” I asked her, “How long has Nat been planning to turn me in to her girlfriend.” Sam said, “Since the first time you two met, she told me that night that she thought you were more suited as a girl than a male.” I said, “Ok, so did you tell her about my previous foray into womanhood?” Sam said, “No, I am leaving that up to you, maybe you could tell her tonight when she gets home.” I said, “Maybe, but won’t she know that I know then?” Sam said, “No, what I suggest is for you to mention about how tender and sensitive your breasts are.” I said, “Ok yes, great idea, maybe I could start a pillow fight with her and then let her win and we roll around on her bed, then I complain about how painful they are?” Sam said, “Wow, you are already thinking like a girl, I think you will enjoy being Nat’s girlfriend, and after today, I wouldn’t say no to us having some fun every so often, but without anyone else knowing of course.” I said, “Ok, but what if I enjoy being a girl and decide that I want my own pussy, is Nat going to allow that?” Sam said, “Funny you say that, but she has said that she hopes you do, so you can both enjoy sex as a real lesbian couple.” I said, “But I always thought she was straight and loved cock, not pussy.” Sam said, “Nat has been bi-sexual since she was 9, she preferred girls until she turned 16, then fucked a boy just to see what it was like and she realised that she liked both boys and girls, I have caught her in her bed more than once with several people, sometimes boys, sometimes, girls and sometimes mixed, you know her best friend Michelle?” I said, “Yes.” Sam said, “They have been having sex together for a long time, why do you think they are always together?” I said, “Well, I just thought they are close friends and they love spending time together.” Sam said, “Yes they are but they are closer than you think, and I do know that Nat has told Michelle about what she has wants to do to you.” I said, “Oh, ok, are you ready for the pounding of your life, because I think soon, I will barely be able to see my cock, let alone get it hard enough to fuck any pussy?”

Sam said, “Yes, but we better be quick.” I said, “Ok.” I got up from under her and let her settle in on her back with legs spread, I went to stroke my cock, but Sam shook her head, so I entered her pussy still soft, but within seconds of entering her pussy, my cock was hard as, then I started pounding her like it was my last fuck ever. I could her pussy muscles tightening around my cock, which I knew meant that she was on the verge of another orgasm, I wasn’t wrong as I saw her eyes roll in to the back of her head, and her pussy muscles had a vice like grip on my cock, but I suddenly felt her cum hit my cock tip and that set mine off. I was finally able to continue pounding her until we were both too sensitive to continue. I stayed inside her for a while and strangely enough, I didn’t feel sleepy either, which allowed us both the chance to chat.

After a while, we switched around to drink our combined cum and of course enjoy each other’s sex, but then we realised it was getting late, and decided to just get dressed. Sam handed me a bra and panties, which I put on, and couldn’t believe that I was filling a bra, even Sam noticed this and said, “I think the three of us, maybe four if Michelle is free, should go shopping on Sunday to get your own female wardrobe.” I said, “Agreed, especially if I am going to live as a girl, then I can’t wear my girlfriends’ clothes all the time.” Sam said, “Yes, agreed, come on let’s get you finished, now close your eyes until I tell you to open them again.” I said, “Ok.”

Sam got to work fixing my hair and applying my Make-Up, and she fiddled around inside my bra with my breasts, but even though my nipples reacted, I let her go. When she was finished, had me stand and walked me somewhere, then said, “Ok now you can open your eyes.” I did and was looking in the mirrored wardrobe and wow, what a difference, I hardly recognized myself, especially with the Pink wig I was wearing and the Make-Up, even though it was very minimal, I looked totally hot and yes, wanted to fuck me. I said, “Wow, is that me?” Sam said, “Yes, but there is something missing, yes, hang on, I’ll be back in a minute.” I stood there looking at myself and wow even my legs looked very sexy poking out from the dress I was wearing, I even twirled and wow, I felt so much feminine, so much so that I started to cry, which Sam entered the bedroom as I started crying and said, “Please don’t cry as it will ruin your mascara, but why are you crying for?” I said, “I’m sorry, but I am just so happy, and if I can return to work as a female, will.” Sam said, “Wow, I didn’t think you would want to go full time, yet, but let’s just see for the next few weeks, don’t you have your final Specialist appointment soon?” I said, “I didn’t think I would want to ever wear female clothes again, but today has released all those female inner feelings again, yes, in 3 weeks’ time, why?” Sam said, “Well, I will make enquiries at work and see what needs to be done, until you get your clearance, you can be full time here if you want, we haven’t decided on a name yet, for you, what was your former female name?” I said, “Megan, but have been looking at the name Melissa, I agree, ok as long as Nat is ok with sharing her bed with me dressed as a girl?” Sam said, “That’s a cute name, and can be shortened to Mel at times as well, you and Nat will sort of match then, don’t be silly as she is the one who started all this, so if she has a problem, then you can share with me.” I said, “Ok, thanks.”

Sam asked me to close my eyes again, which I did. I felt her applying something to both my ear lobes, then attached something around my neck, when she was finished, she said, “Ok, you can open them now.” I opened my eyes to see that she was holding some multi coloured bangles in her hands waiting to place them on both my wrists, but I saw that she had attached clip-on earrings to my ears and a matching necklace around my neck. I was amazed at how feminine how I looked, except for my nails as they looked, well yucky. Sam then handed me a shoulder bag and my shoes, she helped put them on, thankfully they were wedges, so easy to walk in, finally she said, “Ok, are you ready to make your public debut, Melissa?” I said, “yes, I am.”

We walked downstairs and outside to where her car was parked, Sam locked the house up and came to unlock it, then said, “Ok, watch me as I get in, ok?” I said, “Yes.” Sam then walked around to the drivers’ side and opened her door then sat down and swung her tightly closed inside the car, then she said, “Ok, now you try it.” I did the same and was surprised at how easy it was to get into a car wearing a short dress. Sam said, “Congratulations, that was perfect, now let’s go and see if Nat recognizes you.” I said, “Yes, let’s but I think she will as I am wearing not only her dress and shoes” Sam said, “Wedges, girls rarely say shoes.” I said, “Oh, ok, wedges and her wig”. Sam said, “But I know she will know it’s you, she won’t care though”. I said, “Yes, I am still the same person inside.” Sam said, “Yes, you are.”

Sam started the engine and drove off, she pumped up the volume with her music and I started dancing in my seat, which had her laughing. I asked, “What’s so funny?” Sam said, “You are singing and dancing, I have never seen you so relaxed before, I truly hope you stay a girl as Melissa already is more fun than boring old Mark, we are certainly going on a girls’ night very soon.” I said, “Yes, I do feel very relaxed today, and honestly, I never want to be Mark again, but only as long as Nat wants me as her girlfriend.” Sam said, “She will, can I tell you something in confidence, please?” I said, “Yes, of course, goodie, I feel like a girl already.” Sam said, “When Nat first told me about her plan to turn you in to girl, I wasn’t happy as I want at least one grandchild, but seeing you now, so happy and alive, I don’t care, but I want you to promise me to always treat Nat nice and with respect.” I said, “Ok, I didn’t know that, but yes, as long as we are both together, I will always treat her right, and I will not cheat on her either, but am open to added fun, if she wants.” Sam said, “Ok, well, you can cheat with me, as long as you have your cock and it works.” I said, “Honestly, I feel guilty for cheating on her earlier with you, and I want to come clean with her tonight.” Sam said, “Please, no, as I know she will go ballistic and I know that one of you will not be sleeping in “her” bed tonight, and we know who that will be, don’t we?” I said, ‘Yes, I know, ok, I won’t, not yet.” Sam said, “Ok, great.”

We soon arrived at Nat’s workplace, Sam parked around the back next to Nat’s car, she said, “Ok now watch me get out of the car,” which I did, then followed her. I closed my door, and she locked the car then we both walked around to the front of the salon. I felt very alive and free and knew that with Nat and Sam’s support, I was hoping to never go back to being a male again.

We arrived at the salon and walked in, Nat looked up and said, “Hi mum and who is this totally hot babe?” I tried to tell her, but she came over and gave me a very passionate kiss, which surprised everyone in there, not surprising Nat’s Manager, who said, “Hey, don’t you have a boyfriend, who is recovering from a Heart Attack.” Nat stopped kissing me and went over to talk quietly to her Manager, whom then turned towards me and smiled and came over to whisper in my ear, “Great job, I didn’t recognize you, Mark.” I said, “Thanks, but its Melissa now,” she whispered, “Oh ok, great.”

Nat asked her Manager if she could leave please? Her Manager and the Owner, Sally said, “Yes, of course, I only have this client to go, but can you come in one hour earlier tomorrow to do the cleaning and setting up please?” Nat said, “Yes of course,” then she went and grabbed her bag and keys and said, “Good night” to Sally and the client then we left the salon and walked across to the same café where I had my CA, which made me nervous, but having Nat and Sam with me helped me to remain calm as Nat could feel my palms starting to sweat, but she rubbed them and said, “Don’t worry you will be fine, and if you are a nice girl tonight, I might be nice to you when we get home tonight.” I just smiled at her, like wow, yes please.

We found a table and sat down, of course the owner saw Nat and Sam and asked, “What would you ladies like?” Nat placed her order and I nodded, which she knew I wanted the same thing, Sam placed hers. Nat ordered a Tomato Soup with bread roll and warm chicken salad, and a coffee. Sam ordered, and I was very surprised about this, T-Bone steak with all, and I mean all, the trimmings, chips, salad and 4 sauces—Peppercorn, Mushroom, Mustard, and the house specialty, which I still don’t know what it contained, but was delicious from memory. Sam introduced me to the owner, he said, “Nice to meet you Melissa,” I smiled and nodded, Sam said, “Sorry but she has a sore throat and has been advised by her GP not to talk.” The owner accepted this and said, “Ok, no problem, ladies, your meals and drinks will be here shortly.”

Nat said, “Sam why did you dress Mel in my clothes for?” Sam said, “Well, none of my clothes looked good on her, but yours did.” Nat said, “Yes, but too good, I love it though, honestly, you do look great in them, I need to use the bathroom, can you come with me, please girlfriend?” I didn’t even get a chance to answer before she dragged me to the ladies’ bathroom, but when we got in there, she pushed me in to a cubicle and lifted my dress over my head and said, wow, you are filling that bra very nicely then cupped my budding breasts through the bra. Boy did it feel so nice, that I decided to pull her tightly towards me and crushing her hands between our breasts, started kissing her very passionately.

I decided to lower my hand to inside her jeans and started to rub her pussy, which was so wet, so much so that her panties were soaked with her pussy juices. I decided to move my hand under her panties and inside her pussy, wow did she feel so nice, I finger fucked her pussy until her pussy muscles clamped down hard on my finger and suddenly, I could feel her juices hitting my fingertip. I could feel my cock trying to join in and reached up to release one of her hands, so it could be free to stroke me, it felt so good too. I started cumming in around 30 seconds, which of course, I messed my panties, or should I say Nat’s, panties, but Nat didn’t care, all she cared about was the fact that I had accepted her turning me in to a girl.

I mentioned it to Nat, but luckily, she said, “It’s fine, I always carry spare panties just in case.” I removed mine and she cleaned me up, her way of cleaning me up was getting on her knees and sucking me off, which was so very nice, but she licked up all my cum, then grabbed some lavatory paper and wiped me clean. Nat then had me clean her pussy, but only with the lavatory paper, then she handed me a clean pair of panties that she had also placed a pad inside, I said, “What’s the pad for?” Nat said, “In case you leak again, I don’t have spare panties.” I said, “Ok, but what about you? She said, “Well I don’t need to wear any panties as I have nothing there to hide, whereas you do, for now.” I said, “Ok, yes, true.”

I needed to pee and we both sat to pee together, I sat on the toilet with my legs spread, while she sat on my legs and peed that way, some of her urine hit my cock, which brought it to life again, but only momentarily. I got a look at her pussy and wow it looked so delicious, it was freshly shaven, and her clit was throbbing, it took so much will power to not touch her but knew that I would be in a few hours. Nat and I fixed ourselves up and left the cubicle to wash our hands and check our faces, then quickly kissed and walked out hand in hand.

Sam saw us and shook her head, like no way. Nat and I didn’t care, we were in love and we wanted everyone to know that. I for some reason pulled her chair back so she could sit down, then pushed her back in, Nat said, “Thank you, my darling Mel.” I responded by leaning in and giving her a kiss on the forehead, then sat down to chat with Sam about the future.

I said, “Sam who are you seeing tomorrow at work?” Sam said, “Well I will go and see the union, you know the girl you hate.” I said, “No, we have made up, she helped me with Ellen situation.” Sam said, “Anyway, I will go and see her after work and find out what the procedure would be, and if I need to, will arrange for you to come in on Monday, the reason being is because Nat, you have Monday off, so you two could make a girl’s day shopping if you wanted,” of course, both of us being girls said, “Yes, it will be fun. “Nat whispered something in my ear which resulted in giving me a very wide smile, let’s just say, I liked what she told me.

Our dinners and coffees then arrived, we said, “Thank you” and began eating, of course, I watched Nat so that I could eat nice and dainty like her. Yeah right, she was a pig when she ate, much worse than any male pig alive. Sam kicked me slightly under the table, which was a sign for me to watch her, which I did and even though I was eating soup first up, I could still learn from Sam, and I did look around to see other females eating their soups, well dainty. Of course, no one could see that under the table, I had Sam rubbing a leg against mine and Nat rubbing one of hers against my other one, it felt electrifying especially with my legs now hair-free. I felt my cock trying to say hello, but thankfully the pad was restraining it.

Once we had finished our dinner, I went to pay the bill, but couldn’t find my wallet, which had Sam laughing. I said, “What’s so funny?” She said, “Well I removed your wallet before we left home, that way I could pay, not you.” I didn’t realise then how I was going to pay, not for a few days. Once Sam had paid, we all got up and said, “Thanks” to the owner, Nat said, “I will see at 7.30am tomorrow,” he said, “What, isn’t that a tad early for you?” Nat said, “Yes, but Sally wants me to come in early and clean up then set up the salon, it’s my payback for her letting me go home early tonight.” He said, “Oh, ok, well see you then, have you a great night ladies,” we said, “We will,” then left.

We walked back to Sam’s car, of course, Nat went to unlock her car, but Sam said, “No, I have an early start in the morning and will drop you off on the way to work.” Sam was working from a location close to where Nat worked, of course, Nat was upset that she had to get up so early for work, but as both Sam and I said, “Well, if you hadn’t started this, you wouldn’t have to, so you need to decide, what is more important, having a very special girlfriend or being able to sleep in, you can’t have both.” Nat said, “Ok point taken, I want Melissa anytime over sleeping in,” then we both hugged. I got in the back seat whilst Sam got in the drivers’ seat, and Nat went to get in the back with me, but Sam said, “Can you travel in the front with me please?”.

Nat said, “What, all I was doing was letting everyone know that Mel is mine and for them to lay off, I love her so much.” Sam said, “Ok, but I do want to ask you both a very personal question?” I said, “Yes, and what is that?” Sam said, “Well, have you two thought about freezing some of Mar, sorry Mel’s sperm, just in case you both decide that you want children?” Nat said, “Wow, I hadn’t thought about that, maybe we should do that.” I said, “Ah, well, there is something I need to tell you both, and it’s not pleasant.” Nat turned around with a, “If Looks Could Kill” look on her face and her arms crossed, which I knew meant that whatever I was about to say, is not going to be very welcome.

I said, “Well, I don’t know if I can father any children,” and then I came clean with Nat about what happened when I was 16. N.B. If you need to refresh your memory, please go and re read that section.

Nat said, “What, I am so sorry about that, but have you tried to get a girl pregnant?” I said, “No as I am very confused, what if I did screw a girl and she got pregnant, or she didn’t and wanted the opposite, I just don’t know anymore.” Nat said, “Wow, now I know why you have stayed single, listen, ok I think we should try and see.” I said, “Ok, but what if I get you pregnant, what will we do?” Sam said, “Well, duh, support Nat all the way and step up to be a parent, whether you are living as a male or a female, if you get her pregnant, then the responsible thing is to stay with Nat.” I said, “Yes, of course, I would, ok Nat, so how are we going to do this?”

Nat laughed and said, “What don’t you know what to do?” I said, “Yes, I do, so if we do this, then we need to talk further and think about it, ok.” Nat said, “No, we will not be, look I know that I am close to this month’s ovulation and if we save ourselves, well you mainly, meaning no sex for you, either alone or with anyone else, then maybe, just maybe, I will get pregnant, oh and by the way, you will be cleaning these along with the rest of the laundry tomorrow,” then held up the soiled panties from earlier, which had Sam getting upset at that. I said, “Ok, yes, I will and did plan to anyway.”

The rest of the drive home was in silence, I was thinking about what would happen if I got Nat pregnant and if I stayed a girl, what would our baby say, or other parents for that matter as well. I started to feel very depressed, I almost felt as low as I did during my father’s last week in Hospital, and believe me, I would never wish that on my worst, well third worst enemy, sorry but Julie will always be my first, followed by an ex-associate “Chris” who felt she was too good for me when she blocked me suddenly without warning or explanation, even to this day, I still have no idea why.

N.B., 2 (Trans) Gurls tells that story, with an October 2018 update.

When we arrived home, Sam stopped to open the garage door, whilst Nat and I got out to open the house and turn the coffee warmer on. I told Nat, “I will make the Hot Chocolates, whilst you have a shower and get changed,” she said, “Thanks, oh and I love you so much, Mel, I never want to see Mark back, ever again,” then she kissed me and went upstairs for her shower. Sam came in a few minutes later, just as I was frothing the milk up, she said, “Where’s Nat?” I told her, she said, “Good, I want to tell you how proud of you I am for being honest tonight, I thought she would go ballistic, but I think she genuinely loves you, because if she didn’t, I know she would have gotten out of the car and caught a cab back to her car and gone to Michelle’s for the night.”

 I said, “Yes, I know”. Sam said,” I noticed you were quiet the rest of the drive home, what were you thinking about?” I said, “Well what if I get Nat pregnant, but I want to be a girl, yet society expects me to be a “Father”, what am I going to do?” Sam said, “Look the only two people you should care about right now is Natalie and you, my advice is both you and Natalie need to sit down and have a serious talk, look what I suggest is Saturday night, I will arrange to go and stay with Joy and not come home until late Sunday, you cook a very romantic dinner for you and Nat, you both watch some romantic movies together, and talk about how you feel, and get her to open up as well, being a parent is not easy, and making a baby is not something you take lightly, and you both need to be on the same page before you even start trying.”

I said, “Agreed, but how do I bring it up?” Sam said, “Look when you both go to bed Saturday night, or hopefully very early Sunday morning, just lie in bed and tell her that you need to talk about this before you start trying, besides, I think that you have only just started dating and this is moving way too fast, and even though she loves you, I don’t think having a baby will keep you both together. I think you should go and get tested before you start trying, that way if the tests say that yes, you are infertile, then you both have options.”

I said, “Yes, true, ok what I will do is cook her favourite meal, including soup and dessert and get a couple of bottles of her favourite wine for us to enjoy.” Sam said, “But you will limit your intake because of your heart.” I said, “Yes, of course, I will, besides I don’t want either one of us being too drunk to not enjoy the night or remember it either.” Sam then nudged me, and I looked up to see Nat standing there with a very weird look on her face, she said, “What’s going on?” Sam said, “Just talking about me seeing the union tomorrow after I finish work.” Nat said, “Ok, but it sounded more than that.” I said, “Honestly we were just trying to work things out, do you want me like this or that boring, yucky old self?”

Nat said, “What do you think, this way of course, as it will be more fun, especially when you finally have tits and your own pussy, it’s a shame that you won’t be able to get your period, so you can get pregnant.” I said, “Yes, but look at it this way, my tits will always be there exclusively for you to enjoy.” Sam said,” I can’t take this, I’m going to bed, see you both at 5am.” Nat and I said, “Ok, good night,” then hugged and kissed Sam and soon enough she was walking up the stairs with her Hot Chocolate.

Nat said, “So are you very certain that you want to be a girl?” I said, “Yes, of course, you know I only transitioned back to male because others didn’t like me being a girl, but with your love and support, and Sam’s I know that it will be the right decision and honestly, as soon as I have raised the surgery money, we will be off to Thailand so I can get my pussy.” Nat said, “Great, but isn’t there any doctors here in Australia that can perform the surgery?” I said, “I only know of one, but I have only ever heard bad reports about them.” Nat said, “Oh, ok.” I said, “Look I have only just started this journey again, I am not even on hormones, well officially, or full time as a female, so I have time to search for a surgeon.”

Nat said, “Yes, of course, come on, it’s getting late, let’s go to bed”. We grabbed our drinks and went upstairs to remove our clothes, make-up and cleanse our faces, then applied our night cream. Nat looked at me and said, “Wow your tits look amazing, here let’s have a look in the mirror.” She has a mirrored wardrobe, which we both stood in front of and yes, they were nice, then Nat cupped them and she said, “Wow they feel so soft and delicate, here cup mine,” which I did, and they felt the same way, of course, my cock decided to wake up which had me crying. Nat said, “It’s ok, it’s a typical male reaction and even though you are on female hormones, it will be a while before you will stop having erections.” I said, “Well, if it was up to me, I would take a knife to it now and get rid of it, but if I do that, you would not a real pussy to enjoy, so for you, I won’t.”

Nat said, “Thanks, and it is best if we waited and had it done properly too.” I said, “Yes, come on it’s getting late, we better go to bed.” Nat licked her lips and said, “Great,” I said, “To sleep, you have work tomorrow, ok.” Nat said, “Oh ok,” then we got in to bed and snuggled up to each other, and before long she was snoring her head off. I laid awake for a long while, wishing that I already had a pussy, so we could both be real Lesbians together, but I knew that the day would come when that would happen. I slowly drifted off to sleep still with my arms wrapped around Nat. Suddenly we both got woken up by Sam, saying, “It’s just after 5am, come on you two get in the shower as we are leaving in just over an hour,” we both said, “Ok” and without realising it, jumped out of bed, still naked, which had Sam abusing us both, but Nat said, “No mum, we were just comparing breast sizes last night and decided to test ourselves, thankfully the only thing we did was cuddle each other.” Sam said,” Ok, right, come one hurry up you two, and Mel, sorry but you will have to be Mark today as I need you drive my car back here, once you have dropped off Nat, ok.” I said, “Ok.”

Sam left us in peace to have our shower, which we both helped each other out, and were out in around 15 minutes. Nat said, “You can wear a pair of my panties, unless you are planning to go to the gym and be seen by all those ugly, hairy men in the locker room.” I said, “No, I will drop you off and come back here to get properly dressed.” Nat said, “Ok great, here why don’t you wear these,” and she threw me her g string from yesterday, which was still soaked in her cum. I was apprehensive about wearing a g string, but she helped me put it on and it was surprisingly comfortable. We both continued dressing and I even put a sports bra on just to hide my girls, couldn’t believe I had my own breasts again, and needed to start hiding them when in male mode, but I knew that the way they were growing, I would not be able to hide them for too long, especially if I had to continue using the men’s locker room at work.

Nat and I were soon ready, and we went downstairs where Sam had made our coffees, of course she could see I was upset, but said, “Look it will be fine, now Nat can you lock up please whilst I get the car, and Me, oh sorry, Mark, please drink your coffee as you are driving, now do you know where you are going?” I said, “Yes, Caves Port Depot.”  Sam said, “Yes, exactly,” then she went to bring the car out, whilst Nat and I stole a quick, well a bit longer, lingering kiss. I said, “Come on, let’s go otherwise we will be left behind.”

Nat locked up whilst I went and adjusted the drivers’ seat to my liking. Sam got in the back seat as she was getting out first, then Nat got in the front with me and we left. I drove a little slower than normal as I had not driven Sam’s car at night before, yes, it was morning, but was still pitch black and I didn’t want to have an accident, but by the time we hit the main road, I was fine. There wasn’t as much traffic as I thought there would be, so I was able to relax just a bit, not enough to not still be aware of my surroundings. We chatted all the way to the depot about the possibility of me living full time as a female, which excited us all, not the least was me.

I soon arrived at the front entrance of the depot. Sam said, “I will call as I’m leaving the city with the time the train is due at the station.” I said, “Yes, of course,” then she bade us farewell and she walked inside. I drove off towards Nat’s work, thinking that I was only going to drop her off, but no, she had other ideas. When we arrived, she said, “Come on, let’s go and have breakfast together.” I said, “I can’t, what if they think you are cheating on Mel?” She said, “Who cares, if they say anything, then I will go elsewhere for my meals, ok, now come on, get that totally delicious arse out of the car.” I said, “Oh alright then.”  I got out, we closed our doors and I locked the car, then we walked through the salon, where Nat turned the air conditioning on and the coffee pot, then we walked out the front door across the street to the café.

When we got there, the owner saw us, and his jaw dropped, like what is going on here? Nat ran over and whispered something in his ear, then he looked, smiled and nodded. Nat came back and said, “Come on, let’s sit here,” which we did, again I was a gentleman, once she was seated, Nat placed our orders, he said, “Ok,” then left. I said, “Nat what did you say to him?” She said, “I will tell you later.” I said, “Ok, now please don’t make any plans for Saturday night or Sunday as your mum is going to Joy’s so we will have the house to ourselves, and I will cook you a very romantic dinner too.” Nat said, “Oh sounds nice, hope my best friend is on the menu for dessert.” I said, “You will have to wait and see.”

Our coffees came over and not far behind were our breakfast, which we both devoured in like 15 minutes. I didn’t realise just how hungry I was. We ordered another coffee each and drank those when they arrived, then I went to pay the bill, but the owner shook his head and said, “No, it’s fine.” Nat and I left and went across the road to clean the salon, then whilst Nat prepared the trolleys for the day, I mopped the floors and went in to the back room to enjoy yet another coffee, but this time it would taste better as it was made with love.

 I sipped mine and there was a familiar taste in it, that had me smiling and looking down at Nat’s crotch, she said, “What’s wrong?” I said, “Well, this coffee tastes marvellous, but it has a very familiar taste to it.” Nat said, “Yes, of course, I fingered my pussy to release some juice, just for you, my darling Mel.” I said, “Oh that’s so sweet, thanks, I will do the same thing for you when I get mine, maybe we could mix it around in both coffees, that we way we will be enjoying each other and ourselves too.” Nat said, “That sounds so delightful and delicious, here, since I am already wet, how about you get in and lick me dry.” I didn’t need any further prodding and got in to start eating her out, wow was she so wet, but I did lick her to several more orgasms, one of which had her squirting my face, I got a shock when that happened as it had never happened to me before but felt so nice.

Suddenly we heard a cough from behind us and saw that it was Sally, the owner, she said, “Come on you two, how about leaving that for the privacy of your own bedroom.” Nat said, “Your just jealous that I’m finally getting eaten out by someone who knows how to eat pussy, and I am so happy that she is all mine, despite how she is dressed right now.” I pulled my face and smiled at Sally, then she surprised me by kneeling and licking my face clean of Nat’s juices, and she placed her hand at Nat’s pussy and started rubbing it, which sent Nat over the edge as she neared her next orgasm. Once we had all finished, we cleaned ourselves up and I helped them set up for the day, bade my farewell and drove back home.

Once I got home, I went straight upstairs to take my male clothing off, and the sports bra, then found a clean bra, dress and heels to wear for the rest of the day, well until Sam called to let me know time her train would be arriving. I decided to just sit and watch television all day, but started cooking dinner for us all too, but all too soon, my mobile rang, and it was Sam saying, “My train has just departed, it’s due to arrive around 4.50pm.” I said, “Ok thanks, I have dinner on, and it will give me time to change, of course,” she said, “Why, it’s only a short drive and not many people will see you, stay as you are.” I said, “Ok,” then we hung up.

I kept checking on our dinner, which was only a Tuna Pasta Vegetable mix but thought they both might like it, and it was my way of saying thanks. I turned the stove down very low, so it just simmered, although I took the pasta off as I knew it would not be al dente, I went upstairs to find one of Nat’s purses, of course to match the dress and heels I was wearing, although I decided to wear flats as I was not very confident in wearing heels whilst I drove, something I am against only for safety reasons. I checked that I had my keys, and car keys, licence and atm card, then left the house, locking up as I went. I unlocked the car and left the property. I felt exhilarated and free driving to the station.

I arrived at the station just after the train had departed and I saw Sam coming towards the kiss and ride, I stopped the car, but only put it in neutral and the handbrake on and was about to get out when she got in the passengers’ seat. I said, “What’s going on?” She said, “You can drive home, you look so suited to this car, maybe I should let Mel drive me more often.” I said, “Yes, but only once I have officially changed all my documents.” Sam said, “Agreed, now we need to get on to more important things.”

I said, “Ok, so what is the bad news?” Sam said, “Well it is good news really, the Union can help you transition, but they feel that some of the females where you are based will complain and not allow you to use the ladies facilities, if that happens they will look for a suitable location for you, but the bad news is that you may not be able to transition until a new location is found for you, but I have arranged for you to go and have a chat with the Union on Monday, she is not worried about how you present yourself, as long as you ask for her and use either name, which I have given her today.” I said, “Ok, I thought I was changing locations anyway, maybe if I change locations wouldn’t be so bad.” Sam said, “Yes, you are, but they have to find the right location for you, it’s looking like Cafe Hill maintenance centre, and nightshift.” I said, “Wow, that would be great, although I would only see you both quickly in the mornings, and possibly at dinner time.” Sam said, “Yes, but at least you will still have a job.”

We soon arrived home and we both inside, of course, Sam said, “Now I have been thinking about you all day, and since Nat won’t be home for at least an hour, maybe we could have some fun, if you want.” I said, “I would love to, but I think I should save myself for Nat for when her and I finally decide to have sex.” Sam said, “Agreed, but come on, you are still a man and even though you are on hormones, I bet you are still producing lots of delicious cum.” I said, “Ok, but it’s the last time until after Nat and I finally have sex.” Sam said, “Great” then basically dragged me upstairs to her bedroom, but instead of ripping my (Nat’s) clothes off me, we slowly removed a piece of clothing each, which was so much more sensual, but when we got to each other’s underwear, we just fondled the others’ tits through our bras, I loved Sam’s bra as it was all lace and her nipples were rock hard, although I shouldn’t complain as mine were too. Sam lowered a hand to my panties and slid my cock out one side and started stroking me which was nice. I followed suit and started gently rubbing her pussy, which was so wet and very eagerly awaiting my cock to fill her. Sam then pulled my cock towards her eagerly wet pussy and slid our panties down, then impaled herself on me and started thrusting so hard, that within 30 seconds I started gushing like a 100000-year dormant volcano and boy it felt terrific, I felt her gushing too, which was so nice. Sam kept thrusting, so she could keep cumming and cumming, personally I think it was because she knew it would be the last time her and I would be having sex for at least a week.

 Sam said, “I’m expecting my period tomorrow or Friday.” I said, “Ahh that explains it, I’ve heard about women pre-menstrual who become very horny,” she said, “Yes, and I am one of them, just so you know as well, that Nat will get hers next week, she gets a lot more horny than me, just be careful as she will want you inside her all the time.” I said “Ok, thanks.” Sam finally realised that she had fucked my cock dry.

Sam realised the time and we cleaned ourselves up, then went downstairs to finish cooking dinner. I was happy that I had cooked most of it earlier in the day, all I had to do was heat the pasta and vegetables. Sam said, “I will be back shortly, please don’t start before I get back, ok.” I said, “Ok, but won’t until you are both here,” she said, “Ok thanks,” then left the house. I concentrated on cooking the food and sat to watch some television until either or both my gorgeous lovers came home. I suddenly heard a loud bang and crash outside, and immediately went to investigate, only to find that some idiot was driving on the wrong side of the roadway and crashed into Nat’s car, which being a smaller vehicle had crumpled. I ran inside and called 000 and told them what had happened, I then rang Sam to let her know, she said, “Ok go change your clothes and grab some blankets and towels and go to ease Nat’s pain.” I said, “Ok.”

I went to see how Nat was but she appeared to be asleep with blood on her face, I went inside to change and find some blankets and towels, then came back outside to find that the other driver had absconded, but my main concern was Nat and went over to hold her hand and chat to her, but there was no response, which had very worried, thankfully the Emergency Services arrived and they got to work to try and rescue Nat. The Police said, “Where is the other driver?”  I said, “We absconded,” but someone knew him, so it wasn’t that hard to find him. I was more concerned about Nat, but was not able to go near her, yet.

Sam suddenly came running up the roadway in tears and screaming, I ran to her and said, “She is alive, but it appears that she is not badly hurt, but they won’t know until she is out of her car.” Sam said, “Ok, but still I am very unhappy.” I held on to her as we walked back to the scene, we were met by one of the Police Officers, who chatted to us both and he said, “Nat will be fine, she was just pinned in under the steering wheel, she has some cuts and bruises, but that is all, she is being taken to Hospital for observation.” Sam said, “Can I travel in the Ambulance?” He said, “Yes, of course,” then we walked up just as she was being loaded in, Sam handed me her car keys.

 I said, “I will shut everything off and will leave shortly.” Sam said, “Ok, thanks.” I saw that Nat was awake and I went over to say, “I Love You Babe,” I will see you shortly, she mouthed “I Love You Too,” before she fell unconscious again. Sam got in the back with the other Ambulance officer and then they left with a Police Escort.

I went inside to turn the food off and cover it, then made sure I had my keys, Sam’s car keys, my wallet and atm card, then turned all the lights off and locked the house up. I walked outside to see if it was ok for me to leave. The Police Officer said, “Yes, here is your friend’s bag, and my card, but we need some details about this young lady.” I said, “Yes, of course” and gave him her full name and address, unfortunately, I didn’t know her insurance details, but he said, “That’s enough for now, I will come by the Hospital in about an hour to hopefully be able to ask her some questions.” I said, “Ok thanks,” he walked me down to Sam’s car, then he watched me leave before he walked back to the scene.

I was almost in tears all the way to the Hospital, thankfully it was only a 10-minute drive. Once I arrived, I took a ticket and drove in, thankfully that time of night, visiting hours were over, so the car park was virtually empty. I stopped the car but was suddenly overcome with my emotions and started to cry very heavily, I am not sure how long it lasted, but I felt better and knew that at least I would be able to be strong for both Nat and Sam, no matter what the prognosis was going to be. Suddenly someone knocked on the drivers’ side window, which startled me, but I looked up to see that it was Sam. I pressed the down button for the window to go down and then said, “Thanks for scaring me, what’s up?”

Sam said, “Sorry, but I saw you sitting here and just wanted to come and make sure you were ok.” I said, Thanks, yes, I just felt like crying, and thought it was better releasing my emotions out here, instead of inside in front of Nat.” I want to be strong for you both. Sam said, “It’s ok, she would be ok with you crying in front of her, but I understand how you feel, but are you sure that you want to go inside?” I said, “Yes, I’m fine, this Hospital doesn’t bother me at all.”

N.B. Sam knew that I had, or should I say have, an aversion towards certain Hospitals, and I rarely enter them unless it’s for a very good reason. I even need to be almost dead before I will go.

Sam asked, “Are ok to go in and see Nat as she had been asking for you?” I said, “Wes, let’s go,” then I pressed the up button and got out grabbing Nat’s bag, locked the car and we walked inside to see my gorgeous girlfriend.

This next part is told from Sam’s view and it starts when I rang her about the accident:

“I had just arrived at the liquor store when my phone rang, I looked down to see that it was Mark calling, which I felt was strange seeing as though I would be home in less than 20 minutes. I answered the phone and asked, “What’s up?” Mark told me about the accident and asked me to come back, just in case the Emergency Services have any questions, I said, “Yes, on my way.” I walked back to the car and got in and drove back, of course all the way, I had Emergency Services flying past me, which had me a lot more scared, and I was dreading the worst too. I eventually arrived but was denied access to drive up the roadway by a Police Officer, I told him that it was my daughter injured in the accident, he was sympathetic, but said, “The road is closed to traffic, you can park here and walk up.” I said, “Thank you” to him and found a vacant parking space, and without thinking, just got out and ran up to the scene, I was met part of the way up by Mark, whom I could see had been crying, he told me that it looked worse than it was, but Nat’s prognosis looked good. We both walked up arm in arm and were met with another Police Officer who asked me some questions, mainly about any medical problems Nat might have, including any allergies, thankfully she had not had any major medical problems for a few years or any allergies either. He said, “Ok” and walked back to the scene.

Mark and I arrived there a few minutes later only to see Nat lying in the drivers’ seat barely awake, but she had an iv in her arm and was covered by a blanket to prevent further injury whilst the Fire Rescue Boys, some who looked just yummy, kept cutting the roof away to release her. I suddenly held on to Mark very tightly and turned in to his chest and just let my emotions out. I honestly thought that even though Mark told me her prognosis looked good, I feared that I was going to lose her. Mark held on to me and patted my back saying, “That’s good, let it all out, I’m not going anywhere.”

Mark suddenly said, “Look, she is being lifted out,” I turned to see them placing a back board and cervical collar on her, then she was lifted on to a stretcher and taken to the Ambulance. I decided to travel with her just, so she knew that someone was with her, but honestly, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to drive, whereas I knew Mark would be ok. I handed Mark my car keys and asked the Ambulance Officer which Hospital we were going to? He said, “Beachside Memorial,” I told Mark and asked him to make sure that the dinner was turned off and for him to turn everything off and follow as soon as he can. Mark said, “Yes, of course,” then the doors closed, and we headed to the Hospital with a Police escort in front of us.

The man in the back looking after Nat, checked her over and he looked concerned about something, but didn’t mention what. Nat was drifting in and out of consciousness, she seemed to know I was there as she smiled, but again went out. I asked, “What’s wrong with her?” The man said, “the iv contains a sedative to help with the pain, even though there is minimal damage externally, we have been advised to sedate her to allow her body to start repairing itself, she will be getting X-rays once we arrive.” I said, “Ok, great, but what are her chances of a full recovery?” He said, “Well I can’t answer that as I am not a Doctor, from my experience I would say at least 75%, but it depends on if there are any fractures of her bones.” I said, “Ok thanks.”

We soon arrived at the Hospital and were met by a full Surgical Team, who took Nat inside, but a Nurse comforted me and asked me some questions about Nat’s Medical history, which being her mother knew everything, so it was easy to answer the questions. When we were finished, the Nurse allowed me to go in sit with Nat until she went for her X-rays, I was asked if I wanted anything to drink, that I could use the kitchen. I needed a coffee, but decided to wait until Nat had gone up, I would make one for me and Mark as I knew he wouldn’t be that far behind us.

I went to sit with Nat, and she was slowly starting to wake up, when she saw me, she smiled and tried to talk, but I advised her not too yet. I told her that she had been in a car accident and was in Hospital, she smiled, and looked around, and mouthed Mark, where’s Mark or M, I said, “He is on his way, he is just locking up and making sure that everything is ok before he comes up, don’t worry he will be here soon enough.”

A nurse came and informed us that they were going to take Nat to X-ray in a few minutes, I said, “Ok, I am going to make a coffee for me and Mark and go and wait for him.” Nat looked at me and kept a tight grip on my hand, but I said, “Come on, you are an adult, you will be fine, besides don’t you want your boyfriend here with you?” She nodded and smiled, the only description I can say there is that it was wider than a certain fun park entrance located in two of Australia’s cities.

I went to make the coffees and walked out the front just as Mark arrived in the car park. I waited for him to get out, but he didn’t, I saw him suddenly place his head in his hands and immediately thought the worst, that he was having another Heart Attack, but realised that he was only just crying, which I agreed on because getting it out before going inside would allow him to be strong. I waited a few minutes and then walked over to hand him, his coffee.

I got to the car and gently knocked on the window, which startled him, but he pressed the down window button and I handed him, his coffee, he said thanks, and I told him what was going on, which he was thankful for. Mark secured the car and grabbed Nat’s bag, then I realised mine was still in the car and grabbed mine, then he locked the car and we walked back inside to chat and wait for Nat to come back from X-ray.”

Back to Mark now:

I was thankful for the coffee, and even though it was hot, I virtually drank it in one gulp and asked Sam “How’s Nat?” She said, “Well, she is ok, looks like just scratches and bruises, she is in X-ray now, hopefully that will show nothing broken.” I said, “Ok,” and we sat and waited for Nat to come back, of course, we were both very quiet. I was thinking about my feelings for Nat and if they were real or just cosmetic because I was finally receiving help to re re transition. Sam noticed how quiet I was too, and asked, “What was wrong?” I told her, she said, “Well no matter what happens, we will both be here for you, don’t you ever forget that, now let’s go and concentrate on my daughter, your girlfriend, ok.” I said, “Yes.”

Nat was wheeled back into her area not long after, she was wide awake and seemed fine, although she had bandages on her face and both arms, but her torso and legs were covered by a blanket. When she saw me, her eyes lit up like the Martin Place Christmas Tree, she put her arms out for a long overdue hug, which I did and leaned in to kiss her too, which she loved, but seemed a little distant as she wasn’t keen on me pressing on her torso too hard, she said, “From past experience I may have some broken ribs or at least bruised.” I enjoyed kissing her as per usual, but she pushed me away not long in to it.

Sam asked, “How are you feeling?” Nat said, “I’m ok, but my chest hurts, I think I may have hurt my ribs.” I said, “Yes, I am thinking the same, but let’s hope you only have bruised ribs, does it hurt when you breathe deeply?” Nat tried and said, “No, that’s ok.” I said, “Ok, well I think it’s only bruising, but let’s see what the Doctors say when they come back.” Nat said, “Yes, I just hope I get released soon as I am so bored in here, wish I was home tucked up in bed.” Sam said,” Yes, I know how you feel, but just go along with the Doctors and Nurses, ok.” Nat said, “Ok, Sam I will just for you two.” I said, “Good.”

The Doctor then came in and Sam introduced me, he said, “Ok, well I have some good news, young lady, there is nothing broken, you do have a couple of bruised ribs, and some cuts and bruises, but that’s all, so if you want to start getting yourself dressed, I will go and fill in the discharge papers and be back shortly.” Nat said, “I don’t have clean clothes, but could one of you go home and bring a change of clothes please?” Sam said, “Yes, of course” and asked me for her keys back, which I handed to her and said, “Are you ok staying here with Nat?” I said, “Yes, of course,” then Sam left.

Nat suddenly started crying very heavily, which got me upset too, and resulted in me gently hugging her and patting her back. I just held her close until she calmed down, then she apologized. I said, “Hey, sweetheart, it’s perfectly natural, can I tell you a secret?” Her eyes widened up and she nodded, I said, “Well, when I arrived here tonight, I had a big cry in the car as I felt like I might lose you and that scared me so much.” Nat said, “You won’t lose me that easy, we are joined at the hip, so to speak, for life.” I said, “Well maybe, we have only just started dating, but yes, I am starting to feel it will be long term.”

I said, “Can I have a look at her torso and legs?” Nat said, “What for?” I said, “Well just to see those gorgeous, sexy legs of yours.” She said, “You, old pervert, here, have a look,” then she lifted the blanket, only to find that she had bandages on them, which concerned both of us. Nat pressed the nurse call button and a nurse arrived within a couple of minutes, we said, “What with the bandages?” The nurse, said, “It’s fine, just some cuts from the accident, you were very lucky that the engine hadn’t been pushed in further, if it had, you may either not be here or in a worse way.” Nat said, “Ok, thanks,” the nurse said, “It’s our pleasure.”

I said, “Can I make us another coffee please?” The nurse said,” Yes, of course.” I asked Nat, she said, “Yes, please,” then I followed the nurse to the kitchen and said, “Thanks” to her. I made the coffees and walked back to Nat, I gave her, her coffee and we both sipped them whilst we waited for Sam to return, of course the subject of my transition came up. I said, “Nat let’s forget that for now, until at least when you recover.” Nat said, “No, it’s fine, and besides I need something to take my mind off the accident.” I said, “Ok.”

Nat said, “Ok, I think I will be off work for a few days, so what we will do is spend time at home getting you fully ready.” I said, “Ok, sounds marvellous, but we both need to take it easy.” Nat said, “Yes, of course.” I said, “We should sort through your toiletries and cosmetics and work out what I need, then on Monday, we can go shopping for my own.” Nat said, “Yes, great idea, but I know what you need, and was thinking we can do that Saturday, especially as I won’t be working now.” I said, “Yes, true.”

The Doctor came back and said, “Ok, can you sign this please, Natalie?” Nat said, “Yes, of course” and she started signing the discharge papers. Once they were signed, the Doctor said, “Ok, once Sam has arrived back and you have changed, you can go home.” Nat said, “Thanks, but when can I return to work?” He asked, “What job do you do?” She said, “I am a Hairdresser and Beauty Therapist,” he said, “Ok, well I think you should just have the next few days off and return on Monday.” Nat said, “I have Sunday’s and Monday’s off.” He said, “Ok well Tuesday, I will go and write you a Medical Certificate.” Nat said, “Thanks, he left, and we continued chatting, yes about my transition and our future ahead, but more on that shortly.

Sam soon arrived back and of course; I was asked to step outside whilst Nat got changed. I was fine with it as I knew that I would be the only person admiring that totally gorgeous body for the rest of my life. A few minutes later, Sam came and handed me her keys, and said, “Can you drive the car to the front entrance of Emergency and wait for us to come out”. I said, “Yes, of course” and went to the car. I sat and waited for a few minutes before I started the engine and drove to Emergency, just as I pulled up, I saw Sam pushing Nat out in a wheelchair. I stopped the car and got out to help Nat in the back seat, Sam decided to sit in the back seat with her, just in case. We said, “Thank you” to the Doctor and said, “Goodbye” and drove off.

I drove carefully for Nat’s sake, but she said, “I’m ok, now drive to the speed limit.” I said, “Ok and increased my speed.” We soon arrived back at home but were unable to get to the garage as the scene was still being assessed by the Police, but we could drive up to let Nat out, but I was told to park the car on the street. I helped Sam with Nat and came out to park the car on the street. I walked back up to the house, I checked the damage to both cars and realised how close to death Nat came tonight. I made a conscious decision then to devote myself to Nat and Nat only for the rest of my life. I hadn’t realised until then just how much I was in love with her, which shocked me.

I walked inside and went upstairs to check on Nat, but she wasn’t in our bed, but noticed Sam’s light was off and realised that they were both in Sam’s bed, which was ok with me. I decided to go and fully lock up and turn the lights off then went to bed myself. I took a long while to fall asleep as I feared losing Nat and for the first time since Donna felt very happy. I finally drifted off to sleep and didn’t know a thing until I was suddenly woken by Sam, she said, “Can you drop me at the station please?” I said, “Yes, of course” and got up to get ready. Once I was ready, I went downstairs to make us both a coffee and took Sam’s up to her, only to be met by her coming down the stairs, she said, “Thanks, but turn around and go downstairs,” which I did.

Once we got downstairs, Sam said, “Look, Nat is sleeping, and I want her to rest as much as possible today, please don’t disturb her, ok.” I said, “Agreed I won’t, and when I get back, I will sit down here with the television very low.” Sam said, “Ok great, ok let’s go as my train is due shortly.” I said, “Ok” and we walked down to where the car was parked. The Police were still making their investigations as we walked outside, both cars were still sitting where they ended up. I said, “Why are they still there?” A Police Officer said, “Because are waiting for daylight to ensure that they can both be lifted on to flatbed tow trucks and have both cars sent for further mechanical investigations,” we said, “Ok thanks.”

Once we got to the car, we both got in and we drove off, but not our local station, it was the next station down as we had missed the train that Sam wanted, but the next station down was an all stations due to depart not long after, she rang the station to let them know that she wanted that train, they held it up for her. I arrived there as quick as I could, and she ran to the train. I realised that it was almost time for the Supermarket across the road to open and decided to buy a present for Nat.

I waited until the doors opened and went in, I decided to do some shopping as we were low on milk and bread and I thought that I might grab some flowers for both Nat and Sam, thankfully they had just been displayed. I found two very beautiful bunches and placed them in the trolley then continued walking around. I got the bread and milk along with some condiments, cheese, pickles and Nat’s favourite Ice-Cream. I went and placed everything on the conveyor and let the cashier scan everything, of course, she made a comment about the flowers. I said, They are for my girlfriend and her mum to say thank you to them both, especially as my girlfriend is recovering from a recent car accident.” She said, “Oh so you just want to cheer her up.” I said, “Yes.” She finally finished scanning everything and I paid then left.

I got home not long after, again I was still unable to park in the garage, but there were two flatbed tow trucks and cranes lifting the cars on to one each. I parked the car and walked up the house and unlocked it then walked in to find Nat sitting downstairs watching television. I immediately said, “What are you doing?” She said, “Well, I woke up and couldn’t find anyone home, so decided to come down to make a coffee and relax, I had a feeling you would be back soon enough.” I said, “Yes, are you hungry?” Nat said, “Yes, I am, what is on offer this morning, my sexy chef?”

I said, “Well, let’s have a look in the fridge, but first, I got these for you, my darling” and handed her the first bunch of flowers, she said, “Thanks, what have you done?” I said, “Nothing, just saw them in the Supermarket and thought I would get a bunch for you and Sam, to say thanks for supporting me lately, and yours to try and cheer you up.” Nat said, “Ok, thanks, I appreciate the thought, now what’s for breakfast?”

 I said, “Hang on,” and found some bacon, eggs, cheese. Nat said, “Ok, that will do, along with some toast and coffee, if that’s ok, chef?” I said, “Yes, of course” and got to and started cooking the food, of course, given my recent Cardiac Arrest, I only cooked only 1 rasher of bacon for me and one egg. I set the coffee going again too. I had breakfast ready in around fifteen minutes and placed all of Nat’s food on a tray and took it to her, she said, “Thanks,” I came back and got mine and returned to eat together and watch the television.

Once we had both finished, we decided to leave the dishes and went upstairs to go through her clothes, cosmetics and toiletries. Nat had me strip off, so I could try on the clothes that she thought might look good on me, and given the dress I wore the other night, felt that I may look good in most of them, of course, Nat said, “You look good in anything, they are still my clothes and we will share, ok.” I said, “Yes, of course”. I tried on almost all her clothes and only looked good in about half. Nat placed those to one side of her wardrobe, then we got stuck into the cosmetics. I was lucky that Nat was an expert on applying Make-Up which her being a born girl I feel she would be. Nat was great in determining my best shades and colours, next we hit the toiletries and she decided on us sharing, which meant same cleanser, moisturizer, body lotion, but separate shavers, roll-on deodorants and our body sprays, although we did decide to share those.

N.B. You may be thinking what’s wrong with not sharing shavers, roll-ons and body sprays, especially as we will both be swapping bodily fluid soon.

Both Nat and I felt that even so, we still should limit our swapping of close body products, and those of you who have used their girlfriends’ shaver to shave your face, will know that it doesn’t give the closest shave possible.

Once we had everything sorted, she had me go and have a shower and of course, shave as close as possible and remove all my body hair, I said, “Do you want me to remove all my genital hair.” Nat said, “Yes, please.” I went and did as instructed, including cleansing and moisturizing my face and body. Once I had finished, I wrapped my towel around me, yes, the female way, and walked in to our room where Nat was as naked as the day as she born and said, “Well, I have a better way for us to enjoy our day, if you are interested.” Nat was saying that as she slowly untied my gown and allowed it to lower from my body to reveal that my cock was indeed awake.

Nat took that as a sign and dropped to her knees and took my still growing cock in her mouth, wow did it feel totally awesome, so good that my legs started to feel like jelly. I mentioned this to Nat, and with my cock still in her mouth, we moved to the bed where I laid down and let her move around so that her gorgeous pussy was over my face. I lowered her pussy to my face and started eating her out and wow did she taste so delicious, it was a cross between strawberries and cream and vanilla, and a strange taste that I still can’t explain. I could feel my orgasm building in my cock, but the biggest surprise was when Nat came, it was very sudden and there was so much of it that I was barely able to drink it all down. I am sure that most of it got into my mouth. I felt my orgasm suddenly hit Nat’s mouth and she drank it all down.

Once we had both calmed down from our orgasms, she moved up to kiss me, which was nice, then suddenly she moved on top of me and grabbed my cock to guide it inside her pussy, and wow did it feel it amazing, she was so tight, like she was a virgin, which I knew that she wasn’t but her muscles gripped my cock so hard that I thought that it was going to break off. Nat was very gentle though, she was humping up and down, which was so nice.

N.B., I knew that Nat had only had two boyfriends in the past, with her last one ending more than three years ago.

I could feel myself cumming again not long after and did feel her pussy juices start to trickle down on to my cock tip, which tickled, then suddenly Nat just stopped and collapsed on top of me, which had me worried, but she was just cumming and wow did she cum, it felt like it was her first orgasm ever. I just laid there and enjoyed it; I am sure that I blacked out as I remember nothing of the end of our orgasms at all.

Nat was so worried that she slapped me to wake me up, especially given that I was recovering from my recent Cardiac Arrest, which is why she got scared, but thankfully I woke up from the best orgasm of my life ever. Nat decided to start hitting me and she hurt me very badly, but she didn’t care. I tried to tell her that the orgasm was so good that I blacked out from it, but she wouldn’t hear of it and kicked me out of our room.

I went downstairs totally naked but was lucky that I had clean clothes in the dryer, so grabbed them, made a coffee and watched television until Sam called me to come pick her up from the station. I decided to drive my car for once as it hadn’t been driven in almost a week, and thankfully a manual, which I preferred. I got in and started the engine then headed for a park overlooking the local river to just sit and reflect on the past few months and stated crying very heavily, which I thought was strange for me, but realised that it was the hormones causing it.

I got brought back to reality by my phone ringing, I looked down and it was Sam calling me. I answered the call; she said, There has been an incident on the way back and I’ve been delayed.” I said, “Ok, where are you?” She told me, I said, “Ok I will head there now, but I have my car as it hasn’t been driven in almost a week,” she said, “Ok,” then we hung up and I grabbed the towel I kept in the car to wipe my tears, started the engine and headed to pick her up.

I arrived just over 30 minutes later and saw Sam waiting in the bus zone, I pulled in and she got in and immediately could tell I had been crying and said, “What’s happened?” I said, “Listen, I will pull up a little further up the road and let you drive.” Sam said, “Wow, you must be upset as you have never let me drive your baby before.” I said, “yes, I am.”

I found a safe spot to pull over and we swapped positions, once we were both settled, Sam said, “Ok, so what’s wrong?” I told her about me blacking out at home and Nat kicking me out, then crying at the park thinking about the last few months. Sam said, “Look, I think Nat is just in shock over what happened last night, and why did you black out, don’t worry, it sounds like you two decided to indulge in a little romantic fun, shall I say.”

I didn’t have to say a word, my smile said it all, and all Sam could do was shake her head, but kept her cool driving us home. We soon arrived home and we both went inside, but the first thing that happened was Nat letting fly with so much abuse that I just grabbed, or should I say, snatched, my keys from Sam and I took off. I was so angry that I spun the wheels of my car causing a lot of smoke, but I didn’t care.

I drove to a hotel that I knew and went in to, to not only drink alcohol but play the pokies (slots), I honestly had a death wish that day, and thought about Claire Baire so much, but after my 4th beer, I was asked to leave the hotel, but not before my keys were taken from me and told that I would not get them back until my bac, Blood Alcohol Content, was 0.

I left the hotel and started walking home but forgot where I was currently living and started walking towards to Ellen’s place. I only got as far as the nearest train station and just sat on a seat on the platform to wait for the train, but I didn’t realise that the last train had left for the night. I was informed by security and requested to leave, which I did.

I had sobered up enough to realise where I was, and where I was living, but realised that I was out of money and had no choice but to walk home, which I knew would take over an hour, but it gave me the chance to think, yet again. I took longer to walk home as surprisingly; it was a nice night and I looked up at the moon many times chatting to Claire Baire. I know that sounds very weird and nuts, but it helped me to calm down.

I finally arrived home, but then realised that I did not have my keys to gain entry to the house, so I decided to just sleep on the front step. I was cold but it was a weird cold though, it was like Claire Baire was there with me looking after me, I drifted off to sleep and felt so at peace that I didn’t want to wake up again, mainly because I could feel Claire Baire and honestly, thought that she had finally come to allow me to join her, but alas no. I was suddenly woken by the front door opening and being kicked in the stomach.

I looked up to see Sam standing there, with not only her arms firmly crossed, but a very stern, upset mother look and I knew that I was in a lot of trouble, but Sam suddenly bent down to pick me up and said, “Why did you sleep outside?” I told what had happened, she said, “Ok, are you ok now to drive me to the station?” I said, “Yes, of course,” she said, “Good now get up and get in the car.” I did as I was ordered, but when we arrived at the station, she said, “Ok, now, what are you going to do about Nat?”

I said, “Well go and buy her some flowers and take them to her, but honestly, I couldn’t help blacking out yesterday as she was that good, personally, I wish I had had another Cardiac Arrest and not survived as I really want to go and join Claire Baire.” Sam said, “Wow, I never thought I would hear you say that ever, but it shows how bad you feel.” I said, “Yes, but given the fact that Natalie made assumptions about me, the easiest and most logical thing to do, would be to cark it. I am certain that there are numerous people who would be delighted to hear that I had carked it.”

Sam said, “Look my train is due shortly, we will go somewhere this afternoon and talk quietly.” I said, “Yes, what if I picked you up from work and we went to that shop we both love in Tredwin?” Sam said, “Ok, sounds like a great idea, but I will catch the train to Tredwin, and you can pick me up from there.” I said, “Ok, have a great day, see you later.” Sam got out and walked to the station, whilst I sat and waited for the Supermarket to open, but also to yet again, reflect on the past few days. Once the Supermarket had opened, I went in and chose some flowers for Nat, paid for them and went home.

When I arrived home, the lounge room light was on, and I was certain that Sam had turned everything off but saw that it was Nat sitting up watching television. I hid the flowers behind my back, entered and said, “Hi,” but she ignored me, so I decided well “Fuck you bitch” and went to make a coffee and went upstairs to Sam’s room to watch television with the door closed.

I must have fallen asleep again as I heard a gentle knock at the door, I asked, “Who is it?” The voice was Nat, saying, “Can I come in please as we need to talk?” I said, “Yes, but only if you are going to listen to me and not make assumptions.” Nat said, “Yes, of course,” and came in and straight to me to give me a big sloppy kiss and hug saying, “I’m so sorry babe for not listening to you when you blacked out.” I said, “Ok, you are forgiven, but I blacked out because you were so good.” Nat said, “Wow, I didn’t realise it, but from now on, please don’t black out as you scared me and that’s why I snapped at you, so don’t you ever do that again.” N.B. Nat was telling me that whilst punching me in the arm several times.

I said, “Yes, I will try to, but given my heart troubles and you being such a great lover, it may happen again,” she said, “Ok, well maybe next time, if you feel that way, you should signal me.” I said “Ok, what sort of sign do you recommend?” Nat said, “Well who is the person you hate the most in the world?” I thought for a minute as the only person I could think of was Julie and I sure as hell didn’t want to think about her whilst I was having sex, especially as she was my sister, and it would be weird thinking about your own sibling during the most romantic time with a partner. I decided to say Claire Baire, as I felt that was my way of remembering her, of course, Nat asked, “Who the hell is Claire Baire?”

I then proceeded to tell her all about Claire, during which time I cried heaps, and had Nat in tears too, she hugged me patting my back saying, “I’m so sorry, but had she not put you first, then we would not be together today, I know that she is watching over you and us, and please if you ever feel like crying over her, go ahead.” I said, “Ok thanks, but you know what, tomorrow we are going for a drive.” Nat said, “Ok, where?” I said, “It’s a surprise,” she said, “Ok, I hope it’s nowhere bad.” I said, “No, I think you will love it, and afterwards, we will go to lunch somewhere,” of course Nat said, “Ok great, can’t wait.”

I said, “Ok are you feeling hungry?” She said, “Yes please, what do you have planned?” I said, “Well, we have bread and some salad ingredients, so, I could make a sandwich each and pour us a juice each too.” Nat said, “Ok, sounds great.” I went to make our lunch.

Nat then dropped a bombshell on me, yet again, she said, “Last night, mum said something which has me worried.” I sheepishly said, “Yes, what was that?” Nat said, well, mum said that she likes you more than a friend and hinted that you two may have, well, become close lately.” I said, “What, no way, I love you and you only.”

Nat said, “Look, it’s ok, I want to tell you something.” “I asked, “Is it good or bad?” She said, “Depends on how you look at things, well, I should come clean and tell you that I have been sort of dating someone else.” I said, “Excuse me, so you have been leading me on all this time, great, I’ve been fucken used and abused again.” Nat said, “Hey listen just shut the fuck up and let me explain.” I said, “Ok, go ahead.”

Nat said, “Ok, near where I work, there is a really hot guy that I have been flirting with for the past few months, before mum and I asked you to move in, anyway, a couple of weeks back, he came into the salon just as I was cleaning up, and we started chatting. I said that I was interested in someone but was unsure how he felt.” I said, “Wow, interesting.”

Nat said, “Yes, anyway, we got to talking and noticed something weird about him, then I smelt a familiar smell, pussy juice. I asked him what that smell was, and he said, “Sorry, it’s me, I was born a girl, but have been in love with you since the first time I saw you.” I said, “Wow, that’s awesome, ok so what happened next?” Nat said, “Well, he undid his pants and let them slide down his legs, but not his underpants, he put his hand inside and was fingering his pussy. He was so wet that his underpants were soaked with his juices. I felt my pussy getting wet and without thinking, I lowered my jeans and let them slide down, along with my panties, then he let his underpants fall to the ground too, and wow did have such a delicious looking pussy, his clit looked a small cock, and his pussy was as bald as mine.

I couldn’t resist, just got down on my knees and started eating his pussy, then sucked on his really tiny cock, which reacted like a real cock. I reached up to fondle his boobs, which felt so nice and soft, round and his nipples were hard. Suddenly he started cumming, and gushed into my mouth, but his cum tasted like a mans not a woman’s.”

I said, “Wow, he sounds like the perfect man, I’d love to meet him one day.” Nat said, “Well, what if I called him to cum spend the day with us tomorrow as I know he has never had a real cock inside his pussy.” I said, “Yes, please, but please go on with what happened.” Nat said, “Ok, after a few minutes, we both undressed and his boobs were just perfect, then after I had placed a couple of towels on the floor and I laid down, he lowered himself on top of me, with his boobs squishing against mine and his pussy gently touching mine, which sent electric bolts throughout my body. I reached down and started fingering him again, which he started fingering me, and wow he knew how to use his fingers, because I started cumming within a couple of minutes, but he straightened up and lowered his pussy to mine and started scissoring both pussies, which felt great, his cock was nudging my pussy, and I wanted him inside me so much, but Ashley.” I said, “What that’s a girl’s name.” Nat said, “Mainly, but it can be a boy’s name, he said that he kept it in memory of a singer he liked.” I said, “Ok great, please continue.”

Nat said, “Thanks, ok, yes, Ashley then gently twisted his pussy on top of mine, then slowly lowered his pussy down on top of mine and started rocking back and forth, which felt wow, then suddenly I felt an orgasm building up and the floodgates opened and I started cumming, and hard. I felt Ashley start to cum too, but he just held both pussies together to allow our juices to mix, then without warning, he shifted his body around and lowered his pussy to my face, whilst he lowered his face to my pussy. I lapped up our combined juices, and sucked his cock, which tasted delicious as it was covered in both our juices.

I said, “Wow, so did you get suck his boobs too?” Nat said, “Yes I did, and they were so nice, very soft, round, supple, but with some chest hair, and they weren’t too big either, Ashley told me that since they were not that much of nuisance to him, he was considering keeping them, but it would depend on the girl who wanted him for him.” I said, “Wow, if he loved weird girls like me, I’d love to date him, honestly I think the three of us could make it work, but I need to meet him first and see.” Nat said, “Yes, agreed, I’m going to call him now and see if he can meet up with us tomorrow.” I said, “Great.”

I went to wash the lunch dishes and make us both a coffee, then came back to hand Nat her coffee, she was nodding a lot and smiling, which meant, I think, good news. Once she got off the phone, she said, “Ok, he has tomorrow off and wants to meet you as Mel.” I said, “Ok, but it depends on where he wants to meet, because I’m not comfortable driving too far dressed as a female.” Nat said, “It’s fine, he will come here, and we will spend a few hours together.” I said, “Ok no worries.”

Suddenly my phone rang, it was Sam, she said, “I’ve just finished work, I’ll be at Tredwin in around 40 minutes.” I said, “Ok great, Nat and I are talking, do you want me to leave her alone or bring her with me?” Sam said, “It’s up to her.” I said, “Ok, I’ll see you soon.”

I said, Nat, “Your mum and I are going to have an early dinner at Tredwin Market, you are welcome to join us.” Nat said, “It’s ok, I need a shower, so I’ll just stay here, but can you bring me something back please, but not dessert, because I’m looking at mine.” I said, “Ok, no problem.”

I went upstairs to dress as my “Normal” self, then grabbed my wallet, phone and keys, then walked down downstairs and said Nat, “If you need us back here urgently, please call one of us.” Nat said, “Yes, boss, now go, have fun.” I said, “Yes, babe, will do.” I leaned down to give her a kiss and I left the house.

The drive to Tredwin was rather quick, and I arrived with almost ten minutes to spare, but just waited until Sam’s train had arrived and I saw her on the over bridge, before I moved around to the pick-up/set down bays. Sam soon saw my car and came over and got in. Sam said, “Hi, how are you?” I said, “Better than yesterday.” Sam said, “Yes, so what happened with you and Nat today?” I told her most of what happened, I didn’t feel that she should know about Ashley, not yet, and that’s Nat’s responsibility, not mine.

Once Sam had her seat belt on, we headed to the market for some food and to do some shopping. The drive there was very quick, and I found a parking spot almost immediately, which was unusual for a Thursday, but I never complained. Sam and I got out, I locked the car, then we walked to the restaurant to have some food. I told Sam that Nat asked for some food to be brought back with us.

Dinner was delicious, and we walked around for a couple of hours, finally around 7 pm, both of us were tired, so we left and drove back home. Sam called Nat to find what she wanted for dinner. Nat gave her the order. Sam mouthed the establishment to me, like I didn’t already know. Sam hung up the phone, and we drove in silence.

I soon arrived at the establishment, parked the car and I waited whilst Sam went to get Nat’s food. Suddenly my phone rang. I didn’t recognise the number but answered. It was my union representative asking me how I was, and if I could come into the office on Monday, please? I said, “Yes, my housemate has already told me, what time do you want to see me?” She said, “Whatever time you come in, I’ll be in the office all day.” I said, “Ok great, have a great weekend.” Then we hung up the phone.

Sam arrived back a few minutes later with Nat’s food, I opened the door for her and took the bag. Once Sam was safely belted up, I left the car park and headed to the hotel so I could pick up my car, then once I was in my car both Sam and I drove home. Once we got back, I said, “If you don’t mind, I’m going to have a nice hot, long bath, alone.” Sam and Nat said, “Ok, no problem.” I went upstairs to start the bath running and grabbed my (female) night clothes and towel, then went into the bathroom to undress and wait for the bath to fill. Once it had filled enough, I turned the taps off then gently lowered myself in right up to my chin and wow it feel wonderful. I just soaked in it for I don’t know how long, but the water started getting cold though, so it was a while. Once the water started going cold, I got out, pulled the plug, cleaned the bath then dried off, did my skin care routine and got dressed.

We all had an early night, but woke up early the following day, as usual I drove Sam to the station, then came back and made breakfast. Once that was finished, Nat and I straightened the house up for Ashley’s visit, strangely though Nat concentrated on her room, which had me thinking that she was planning some fun. I got dressed up as Melissa, in preparation to meet Ashley.

Ashley arrived just after 9am, Nat let him in and introduced us to each other, of course because Ashley was a man, he hugged and kissed Nat, but he shook my hand, which fucken pissed me right off. We sat and chatted, but my intuition was telling me that he preferred pussy to cock, therefore I had no chance of having fun today. I made my excuses and decided to go out for a few hours.

I needed to think about my meeting Monday with the union, so I knew it was going to be a tough weekend. I was upset that I didn’t like Ashley though. I decided to go to a park and just sit to reflect on my current situation, but also what does the future hold for me, something right then and there if I had my way would have terminated my pathetic existence.

N.B., I have regularly wondered how much better the world have been had my mother done a better job in early June 1965.

I sat and reflected until my phone rang, I looked to see that it was Ellen calling, but I ignored the call, because I knew she wanted to only abuse me yet again. She tried quite a few times, which made me happy, because I decided to show the missed calls to my union representative on Monday. My phone rang around 2.30pm, thankfully it was Sam, letting me know what time she will be at our station. Once I hung up, thought wow, I’ve been sitting out here for over 4 hours, but didn’t realise it.

I headed to pick up Sam, and just as I arrived, her train was departing, I saw her walking to the meeting point. Once she got in the car, she said, “Hi, how was your day?’ I said, “Hi, it was fine, I left the house just after 9am because Nat has a “Friend” over.” Sam said, “Oh ok, doesn’t sound good.” I said, “Depends on which side you are facing.” I started the car and we headed home, but I said, “I’m going out again for a few hours.” Sam said, “Ok, no worries, well you take care.” I said, “Thanks, I will.”

I headed to the cemetery where my sexy Claire Baire is buried, and thankfully even though it was rush hour traffic, I arrived in just over 45 minutes. I drove to where she is buried and walked up then stood there just looking at her grave and reflecting. I prayed to her to please let me join her, because I feel so alone and need to be amongst loved ones again. I don’t know why, but I felt her presence then and there, and I felt at peace, it’s very hard to explain, but once all that fog and cloudiness had lifted away, I realised just how selfish I had been with many people especially in past couple of years.

I sat on Claire Baire’s grave and just let my tears leave my body wow did it feel so good and empowering too. I realised that the cemetery would be closing soon, so I said, “Goodbye, My Sexy Claire Baire.” I then walked back to my car and got in then left.

The weekend was a blur, but I do remember that Sam wanted the house cleaned up completely, and thankfully Nat had gone to spend a few days with Ashley, which pleased me.

Monday morning, I went to see the union, and showed her the missed calls from Friday. She took several photos of the calls and said, “Ok, I have some great news, as soon as you are cleared to return to work, you will be coming to work here on light duties, then once you are cleared to return to normal duties, you will be going to your depot on permanent nightshift.” I said, “Thank you, I see my cardiologist on Friday.” She said, “Great, what time and where?” I said, “9am at City General Specialist Centre.” She said, “Ok, well if you don’t mind, I wouldn’t mind being there at least to let your cardiologist know about your return to work regime will be.” I said, “That’s fine, why don’t we meet downstairs for a coffee and a chat before we go up, say around 8.15am?” My union representative said, “Ok, can you call me Thursday afternoon just to remind me, even though I have just put it in my calendar, but knowing me, I will double or triple book.” I said, “Yes of course, now what’s happening with my transition?”

She said, “Ok, you can when you are ready, just go through me and I will help you with a smooth transition, now the males you are going to work with are not, well, let’s just say, don’t respect females.” I said, “Ok, that’s no good, well, if things don’t go well, I will transfer: She said, “Yes, now is there anything else today?” I said, “No, that’s it, but what is going to happen to Ellen?” She said, “I don’t know, by her harassing you on Friday, she may be out of a job now, my advice is sometime this week go and have your number changed.” I said, “Yes, I still remember when I had two numbers and she gave my private personal one to my manager, without my permission.” She said, “I never knew that, when did she do that?” I said, around 8 months ago.” She said, “Ok that’s a breach of privacy and grounds for dismissal too, who was your manager at the time?” I said, “It was Mason, here is the call I received from him.” She took a photo of that too.

Fast Forward to Friday, I was cleared by my cardiologist to return to work on light duties, which I commenced on the Monday, it was fun working in the office. After several weeks, I was cleared to go back to my normal full duties, which I enjoyed. I heard that Ellen was terminated not only because of what she did to me, but also others too. To date, we have not been in contact, and I never want to again.

I found out that Nat had started dating Ashley exclusively, so I moved out into a men’s boarding house, which I enjoyed, but that only lasted a few months. I found another place with complete strangers, and for once everything went great.

I was sort of accepted at my new location, of course, there were lazy twerps who always tried to get me to do the harder jobs, which I didn’t mind as it meant being on my own and working at my own pace too. I met some awesome people there, who some are still friends even to this day. To all of you, THANK YOU.

In October 2013, I had my first appointment with my Endocrinologist, which had me excited as it meant me going back on prescribed hormones, but there was a problem. I had to get a blood test and Bone Density Scan, this was only because of my age, and he was worried that the hormones may affect my bones. I got both done, the blood test came back fine, but the BDS, came back which had him worried, and he had to consult someone else to work out my exact dosage. The results came back ok, but my dosage was reduced to allow for that.

I had also decided to try and re connect with Julie, and still had her number, so I text her to see if we could meet soon, in public to chat. Julie agreed, and we met and sipped our coffees. I told her about my plans to re transition, her response was nasty, all she could do was abuse me for not being there for her when she needed help, and she told me that she has always hated me and wished that I had been killed at birth, then she stormed off. I was shattered by this and even today still cry at times.

Once I got home, I logged on to my computer and a social media site and looked Julie up as I wanted to explain things to her, but she posted publicly that I had hacked her page and that she felt uncomfortable even remotely being associated with me. I found out that she had several people watching me during our meeting too, which made me feel utterly disgusted, because apart from not supporting her

N.B. I never believed the allegations, and even to this day, still do not, if I believed her, I would have supported her. I have left so much out about my true feelings and thoughts, and I will never reveal them to anyone.

I immediately decided not to message Julie, but to keep my distance. I heard several weeks later that a cousin passed away, I was not notified until several days after the funeral, whereby I messaged Julie to ask, “Why wasn’t I told?” Julie’s response was, “We didn’t want any weirdos or freaks attending.” I never responded, instead I blocked my entire family, starting with Julie, although at the time I never knew an Aunties username, I found that later. I will reveal this now, December 2017, Julie turned 50, and I messaged my Aunty asking if she could say Happy Birthday to her for me please? She responded, “Yes,” but Julie’s response was, “I’m a single child, I have no idea who that freak is.” I have since blocked my Aunty too.

November 2013, I decided to stop wearing male underpants and started wearing panties full time, this also trained my body for me to only pee whilst seated like a female would. I finally had my life changing appointment with my Endocrinologist in March 2014, on the Northern beaches of Sydney, where he had decided to place a hormone pellet in my right butt cheek, which felt strange. I had travelled up by bus as I was not sure how I would be feeling after I received the implant, quite honestly, I felt ok, but decided against sitting too hard on my right cheek, just in case, this must have made other passengers wonder what was going on, as it usually meant that someone was breaking wind.

Also November 2013, I got an emergency message from a friend’s friend on her social media page telling me that she had been very badly injured in a car accident and it didn’t look like she was going to survive, my friend, Evie had been mumbling my name, which prompted her friend to ask me to go to Melbourne to at least meet her before she left us. I responded at how sorry I was and said, “Ok, I will try and come down by the weekend.” I rang my Manager to explain the situation and asked, for several days off please? She said, “Yes, when you get to work tonight, fill in the application and place it under my door, I will approve it.” I said, “Thanks,” and immediately booked my return train ticket, and paid for it online. I booked my ticket for the night train on Saturday, with my return on Monday, meaning that I would have 2 whole days in Melbourne saying my goodbyes to Evie. I messaged her friend to let her know I was going down, and will be arriving early Sunday morning, she responded, “Ok, cool, do you want me to meet at Southern Cross,” which I asked, “Where’s that?” She said, “It’s what Spencer Street Station is now called.” I said, “Oh ok, yes please that would be great.”

For the rest of the week I was in a daze as I was so worried, but her friend kept me updated on her, and thankfully by late Friday, she had started to improve, but was still in way too much danger. I was thankful but having gone through this with dad only a couple of years beforehand, knew that it would take a while for her to be safely on her way to recovering.

Finally, Saturday morning arrived, and thankfully I only lived about 15 minutes from work, so walked home, and immediately went to bed. I woke up as per usual around 10.30am. I got up and went to chat with my housemates, who were all concerned about me, but they said to be careful, you have no idea who these are people are. I said, “Yes, I know, but her friend Evie is meeting when the train arrives tomorrow morning.” I decided to do some washing because I need some clean clothes for tonight and tomorrow, also Sunday and Monday. Once my washing was done, I decided to go and get a few more hours sleep.

I woke just before 6pm, and went to the bathroom, then went to have a shower, got dressed, packed my backpack and walked to the lounge room to have a coffee or 5, then around 7.30, I said, “Goodbye” to everyone, “See you all Tuesday, some time.” They all said, “Great, can you let at least one of us know when you have arrived and keep us updated too.” I said, “Yes, will do.”

I headed to the bus stop and lucky there was a bus just about to arrive. I boarded, then sat down and enjoyed the trip. Once the bus arrived at the stop, I alighted and headed to where my train was departing from. I did message Evie’s friend, but as expected there was no response, but I knew that there was nothing I could tonight. I managed a couple of hours sleep and was so happy when the train arrived at Broadmeadows, this meant that I was close to meeting Evie and actually started to get excited.

Once we arrived at Southern Cross, I alighted and looked around to see if anybody was trying to search for a stranger, but there was no one. Red Flag Number 1.

I went and placed my backpack in a locker, then went to have some breakfast, after which I bought a day ticket, and asked someone what transport was the closest to the hospital I wanted? I was told and headed to that terminus, and boarded a tram, but I did not check the destination board, unusual for me and instead of watching the announcements, was looking outside at the awesome view, until I suddenly heard an announcement saying that it was a different tram route. I immediately decided to alight at the next stop and try to get my bearings, which I did and realised that I had gone past the hospital.

I went across to catch the next tram that way, but this time, I watched the announcements, and soon enough we arrived, and I headed to the hospital. I went to the information desk and enquired about Evie, but the lady said, “Sorry there is no one by that name anywhere in the hospital, she might be in the Women’s hospital next door.” I went there, but again nothing. Red Flag Number 2

I turned my phone on to see if Evie’s friend had messaged me, but no, I had been blocked, which got me very upset and angry as I then knew that I had been taken for a ride. I immediately called Penny saying, “I’ve arrived in Melbourne, but I can’t find this girl, but the worst is I’ve been blocked, I’m so pissed off right now.” Penny said, “I told you that you were being taken for a ride, so what are you going to do now?” I said, “Well I have paid for two nights’ accommodation, so I’m going to walk around for a while, then go and check in around 2-3pm, and relax.”

Penny said, “Ok, great, well you take care, please message me later and I’ll catch up with you Tuesday.” I said, “Thanks yes, enjoy your day.” I hung up the phone and went to explore Melbourne and wow had it changed since the last time I was down, I think with dad, early 1999. I haven’t mentioned that so will now.

Back in 1998, when I resigned from the buses, my grandmother had passed away in the October, and I was receiving an insurance payment each month, until they found that I had lied on the application. Anyway, in early 1999, dad received a letter saying that his mother’s estate had been finalized and his share was enclosed. His share was around $30,000, so we decided that we should look at leaving Sydney and moving to Melbourne, we booked our train tickets and several nights’ accommodation, then went down.

We found a place to rent, but as we were filling in the application, dad suddenly said, “No, I don’t want to leave Sydney.” I had no choice in the matter, just had to accept it. I apologized to the real estate agent for wasting their time, then we headed to the railway station to head back to the hotel. N.B., If I told you his reason why he said no, you will absolutely laugh, even today, every time I go past the units, I laugh.

Back to the present debacle:

I enjoyed walking around Melbourne, and yes, I caught a tram to St. Kilda, but around 1.40, decided to head back to Southern Cross to grab my backpack and head to the hotel to check, and arrived there just on 3pm.

Once I checked in, I called my Supervisor to tell her what happened, and asked, “Can I return back to work on Tuesday night, instead of Wednesday?” She said, “No, just in case you are still angry, I feel you should keep that extra day, but you are welcome to come have dinner with us Tuesday night if you wish.” I said, “Thanks, that sounds awesome.”

We ended the call and I decided to go for a walk to get some food as I hadn’t eaten since early this morning. I found a take away and placed my order, then once it arrived, sat down to eat, but I could feel my emotions starting to build, but not only that, but my anger too and I knew that if I didn’t get back to my room soon, the first person to annoy me, will cop the brunt of my anger, so I finished my food quickly and was thankful that it was Sunday night, so not many people about.

I rushed back to the hotel and decided to soak in a nice, long, hot bath, as I hoped this would alleviate all, or most of, my anger and thankfully it did. I stayed in the bath until it started to get cold, and even though it was now Summer as it was December 1st, 2013, I enjoyed the nice hot bath. Once I finally got out, I sat and watched television for a couple of hours, before I turned in for the night, but as usual, my guilt, or whatever it was, was eating me up so much that I was barely able to sleep and was up and down all night.

I think all up I had about 3 hours sleep, I realised the other reason, I had been working night shift exclusively for almost 2 years, and my body had adjusted to night-time, being my awake time. At 5am, I decided to have a shower and get ready to have breakfast, which my room rate included, that was a reason I chose that hotel.

N.B. If anybody has never visited Melbourne before and is seeking a hotel recommendation, I highly recommend this hotel, please email me for the details as I do not have permission to mention their name publicly.

Once I was ready, I went downstairs for breakfast and ate a very hearty meal, which for those of who know me, know that I rarely eat breakfast, let alone a hearty one. Once I finished, I went back up to my room to make another coffee and relax before I packed my bag and went to check out, and I did just before 9.30am. I left the hotel and headed to Southern Cross to store my bag in a locker for the day, then bought another day ticket and decided to go to St. Kilda. I walked to the 96 tram stop and caught that to the terminus.

Once I alighted, I went and bought a coffee, then walked around for a couple of hours, I got a phone call from my roster people asking me if I wanted to return tomorrow night, which I wanted to, but explained what my Supervisor had said, and it was decided that it was best I have the extra night off. We ended the call and I continued my walk. My problem was that it was a very hot day, and I had forgotten to apply sunblock and as a result, got extremely sunburnt.

I decided to head back to Southern Cross around 3.30pm, to have an early meal and just relax before I went to board the train back home. I checked in and then went to eat. I decided to go and get a hot chocolate, from a very well-known coffee place, and slowly sipped that. Finally, the train arrived, and the passengers alighted, then cleansing operations began, which took almost an hour to complete.

Once we were able to board, we did, and I was lucky that I knew our attendant, who said, “You are lucky tonight as you have the carriage almost to yourself tonight, being a Monday night, it usually was quiet.” I settled in and text Penny to let her know that I was safely on board and I would message her upon my arrival tomorrow morning, I also called my Supervisor to let her know too and to confirm that I was still invited for dinner, which she confirmed, and told me that her eldest daughter would pick me around 5pm, at the station, if that was ok? I said, “That’s fine, do you need me to bring anything?” She said, “Just yourself.” I said, “Ok thanks, we are about to leave, so I’m turning my phone off until I get home, have an awesome night.”

The train departed, which strangely, I was very happy about, because I felt so betrayed, used, abused and humiliated, and right then decided that I never wanted to set foot in Melbourne or Victoria for that matter, ever again. The train made numerous stops, until finally we made it to my stop, which I alighted and went to find my train home, and found it was stopping on the same platform in a few minutes. I boarded and found a seat. I look out the windows at all the gorgeous Sydney scenery, yes, that’s how pissed off I was about what happened.

Finally, the train arrived at my stop, I got up and alighted then walked home. As soon as I walked in the door, I went straight to bed as I was tired, and slept until mid-afternoon. I got up, had a shower, then got organized to go and have dinner with my supervisor and her family. I rang her once I got on the train, she said, “Ok, my eldest will pick you up from the station, usual spot.” I said, “Ok thanks see you soon.”

Once the train arrived, I saw my supervisor’s car and went over to get in. I said, “Hi” to her daughter who said, “Hi, sexy man.” I said, “excuse me, somebody needs glasses and a seeing eye dog.” She said, “come on you are sexy.” I said, “Ok but you do realise that I am more than twice your age.” She said, “Who cares, I’m legal you are legal, let’s give it a go.” I said, “I need time, especially after what happened this weekend.” She said, “Ok, no worries, come on let’s head back for dinner.”

We soon arrived at the house, and I went inside, of course my supervisor could see I wasn’t right, then asked me to sit down to tell her and the others what happened, which I did. To say they were all upset was an understatement, but I said, “I have learnt my lesson, effective immediately my heart has been locked away in darkness for life.” I copped abuse for that, but they realised that I possibly need time to myself.

We soon sat to eat, and as usual it was delicious, I heard that the girls helped cook tonight, which made me think that something was going on. N.B., To find out more, please go and buy a copy of “2 (Unique) Gurls, as I mention a short-lived relationship.

Once dinner was over my supervisor asked me, if I wanted a lifted home? I said, “Yes, that would be great, thanks. We left a short time later for the drive to my residence, then for her to go to work. I was strangely silent during the journey, which worried her because normally, you couldn’t us up. Once she arrived at my house, I said, “Thanks, enjoy your last peaceful night, see you tomorrow night.” She said, “Hey it will be too quiet, boring and lonely without you.” I said, “Ok, you will be fine.” I watched as she drove away, and strangely I wanted to be going to work, because I knew that if stayed home tonight, I may get very depressed. I walked inside and found my housemates having their dinner.

I copped abuse for not keeping them updated, but explained why, then I was forgiven. We all stayed up late drinking (yes Alcohol) and watching movies. I felt a lot better after though. I didn’t wake up until late Wednesday afternoon, which was unusual for me. I checked my phone and found numerous messages and missed calls from Penny. I immediately called her and apologized, but as usual, it fell on deaf ears. I just hung up and turned the phone off.

I returned to work Wednesday night, which went well, I was asked if I wanted to be the relief Team Leader at another close by depot. I said, “Yes, that would be great.” I was told to report there the following night, so I can be trained by the departing Team Leader.

Thursday night I went to the new depot and found that the departing Team Leader was someone I worked with a couple of years before hand, at my original depot, so it was great catching up with her for a few nights. She taught me a lot.

I alternated my time between my home depot and this other one, and this included when our main Team Leader was on leave, day off or sick, my supervisor would always allocate the job to me, not because of favouritism, it was because I would allocate the staff to where they could be of best use each night, but I would also alternate them to allow variety.

In February 2014, a friend told me that she was travelling to Sydney to watch the Mardi Gras Parade and asked me if I was interested in joining her, as my female self? I said, “Yes, I would love to but how do I get changed?” Kim, not her real name, said, “I have booked a hotel room close to the parade route, we can meet there, and you can get changed once I have checked in,” which I agreed too. I had still not finalised my female yet, and was using Alison as my temporary female name, even though I knew that it would not be the name I would settle on.

The Mardi Gras was in early March 2014, and I met Kim as arranged, we went upstairs where we sat and got to know each other, she gave me some shots of a very potent liqueur, which settled me down. I jumped in the shower to get ready, then finally dressed and then we were both off, but it was not easy to walk in heels, especially as it was my first time wearing them, albeit, I was wearing ankle boots, that had about a 2” heel on them, but as I was unaccustomed  to wearing heels, struggled to walk, I felt that I was also, slightly intoxicated too, well, that was my excuse anyway, and I’m sticking to it. We had a look around, but all the good spots had been taken, so we couldn’t watch the parade very well. N.B., I used to live on the parade route, and most people would start setting up almost as soon as the barricades were in place, my advice to anyone wishing to view it, is either do that, book an apartment overlooking the parade or pay to sit in the VIP stand.

Kim and I both needed to go to the bathroom and found a hotel to use, which we did, of course, I was shit scared to use the ladies, but she told me it would be fine, which it was. Once we had both finished, we did the right thing and ordered some drinks, she took the male role that night and ordered the same liqueur that we had been drinking, her reasons being that it was best not to mix our drinks, which I agreed to. We did start chatting to some people, when suddenly everything went dark.

N.B., I don’t remember anything, so what I am about to say, is from what Kim told me later. I was sitting there chatting to the others when I suddenly fell off my stool on to the floor and hitting my head on the stainless-steel footrest. Kim immediately came to my aid to see if there was any of the red stuff, or any damage to my head, thankfully, at the time, there was nothing, but the bouncers decided to relieve themselves of any blame and carried me outside to the footpath and just dropped me down, hard. Kim told me that she heard a crack as that occurred and she panicked immediately, thankfully one of our friends had called an ambulance and came outside to check on me. Kim tried to re gain access to the hotel to retrieve some water, as I had started to come around and was asking for water, but the bouncers refused her entry.

I still have no recollection of the night, but she told me that when the ambulance arrived, I was saying not to take me to a certain hospital, this was because my father had passed away there, and of course, I was fearful of carking it there too. Kim told me that neither ambulance officer was from this area, and they had no idea where to go, why they didn’t, I don’t know either, but they started driving and they drove to a hospital, that upon arrival I recognised and started getting very abusive and angry but was told that it was the only one available. I was placed into a wheelchair and wheeled, not into the ambulance entry, but public area, and left there. The ambulance people did check me in with the hospital but was left to my own support.

I suddenly felt the need to use the bathroom, and Kim wheeled me over, and as soon as I sat down, I had a very major bowel movement. I should point out that the liqueur that we had been drinking, contained liquorice, and in small amounts is good for us, but in bigger amounts can result in a bad case of diarrhea, which is what I had, and boy did it smell bad, even I was offended by the smell, but thankfully, I felt better once it had gone. Kim and I gathered up all my things, I washed my hands and we went to tell the nurse that I was leaving, I signed the forms and we went to find a taxi, which we did.

The taxi driver was hesitant to take us because of the way I was dressed, but Kim said, “If you don’t, I will report you,” so he did. I fell asleep on her shoulder and the taxi driver drove as close as he could, and let us out, then we had to walk the rest of the way to her hotel. Once we got inside, I wanted to change and go home, but she refused to let me, instead told me to strip down, which made me happy, as I thought that maybe I was going to get lucky, but no, I was very wrong.

Once I had stripped naked, Kim put me in the shower, and turned the water on, but only cold water, which made me shiver. N.B. It was Day 1 of Autumn then, and as such, it was starting to cool down, but not this night, it was still warm, but having a cold shower, even when intoxicated, and yes, I admit I was intoxicated, the water still felt frozen on me, but after a few minutes, it felt fine.

Once I had sort of sobered up, Kim allowed me to dry off and then change back into my male clothes, which I did. I got back on to the bed and we chatted for a few minutes, then as it was very late, decided to go to sleep. I woke up several times during the night to go and throw up, which helped me a lot, but not enough to get rid of the awful headache I had. When we woke up, Kim had me fix myself up completely, whilst she dressed, and then walked to a nearby popular fast food restaurant for breakfast, and despite my protests saying that I only wanted a strong black coffee, she forced me to have a big greasy breakfast.

I must admit that I felt better afterwards, but not enough to return to work tonight, even though I was rostered off, thankfully. When we returned to her room, we sat and chatted for a while, and drank some more coffee, then around 1pm, I packed my bags, and thanked her then left her hotel room, of course Kim walked down with me. I walked to the station to get the train home.

Later in March, my Supervisor said, “My husband and I have just bought a property close to where live, we are going to fix up the house and granny flat, that’s yours if you would like.” I said, “Wow, that sounds great, so how long before I can move in?” She said, “Well you need to have a look first, and if you like it, it’s yours, lease free.” I said, “Ok, great so when can I have a look?” She said, “This weekend if you like, but don’t forget that it an empty shell right now.” I said, “That’s fine, great, can you let me the best time to go and I’ll be there.” She said, “Ok great, I will.”

The rest of the week went swimmingly, until Saturday morning arrived, and my supervisor dropped me home and said, “Can you message me when you are on your way, I’ll have one of the girls pick you up, ok?” I said, “Yes, thanks, catch you all later.”

I went inside and straight to bed, to get a few hours’ sleep. My alarm sounded at 10.30am, I got up and had a shower, then got dressed and headed to the new place, I messaged my supervisor, to let her know that I was on the way. I got a response almost immediately from her eldest who said, “Mum is asleep, but I will pick you up, but we are going to have a long talk first.” I responded, “Ok.”

I started to worry as I knew that again, she was going to try and get us to date, but given what had happened a few months back, I was still reeling from that and not interested in anybody, well not sexually anyway. The train soon arrived and saw that she was waiting for me. I could feel my heart racing and yes, hoped that I could have had a CA there and then, but bloody Claire Baire was saying, sorry not today.

I validated my pass and went to have the “Talk.” Once I got in the car she leaned over and without warning, she kissed me, which made me very sick, but as I wanted this place, didn’t say a word. I said, “Hey, hold on, please, and what was that for?” She said, “Well, I wanted you to see what you would get every morning when you arrived back here.” I said, “What, if I said yes to us dating?” She said, “Yes.” I said, “Look as much as you are gorgeous, I’m not interested in anybody at the moment, well not sexually anyway, if you are willing for us to just have a “Platonic Relationship” then ok, but anything more, sorry, you are better off with a real man.” She said, “No you are a real man, and I want you.” I said, “Ok, what about this idea, we semi-date, meaning we don’t exclusively and no sex at all, not until I’m ready ok?” She said, “Ok, that could work, great.” She finally started the car and headed to the house, well should I say, construction site.

I got out and followed her inside, and saw my supervisor, she said, “Hi, what took you both so long?” I said, “Traffic, you know what that area is like on a weekend.” She said, “True.” I was then shown around the site and saw everyone working. I saw the granny flat and said, “Yes, that suits me perfectly, so how long before it will be liveable?” My Supervisor’s Husband, said, “In a few weeks, sooner if you help out,” which I did. I moved in several weeks later. My Supervisor lived close to me, we would travel to and from work each night which was great.

I was an acting Team Leader at my base location, along with another close by. I enjoyed both locations as I was able to really challenge myself, especially as I had staff under me, who well, let’s just say didn’t feel I deserved the role and would not do an adequate job, until the night where I got tired of it and sent some very heavily worded emails to my higher Manager, who called me during the afternoon to chat about what had happened, she said, “Ok I will be in tonight, along with some other Managers, but please do not tell anybody else, this include the depot controller.” I replied, “No Way, let’s hope this gets things done,” then we hung up and I started getting ready for work. I text my normal Manager to let her know that I was heading in early tonight but will chat during the night if I have time, otherwise I will see you in the morning.

I decided to leave home by 6pm, I arrived at work just after 7.30pm and went in to the office to find my higher Manager, the one I spoke to earlier, along with her Manager, and a Manager I had never seen before, I found out he was my Highest Manager.

We closed the door and sat to chat, of course, I was asked about the previous night’s emails that I sent. I answered each question correctly, then they decided on what tonight’s plan of action was. I was to allocate the work as per normal, lucky at this location, the staff knew how it worked, each person would move down the rung, except me as I was always on the bottom as I needed to remain close to the office buildings, being Team leader, the only time I was not near the offices was when I was doing my checks and certifications and turning the vehicles off to save power.

The staff tried to access the office to sign on, but I had put a sign up saying that there would be nil access until 8.20pm. At 8.20pm, I opened the office and went to see that two staff were in the break room relaxing, having a hot drink, I said, “Good evening guys, where is our last staff member?” I was informed that, “He would be along at the usual time” I said, “Ok, you can go and sign on now please.” Both said, “Ok, great. “

I made myself a cup of coffee and placed my lunch in the fridge, then a few seconds later, both staff returned and abused me for not telling them about the surprise visit tonight. I responded that I was not allowed to, and I didn’t even know they were coming in tonight. I was lucky that one of the staff was a good friend and he knew that the visit was the result of what happened last night. I did pull him aside to let him know that he was not in trouble, but be extra vigilant tonight, he responded, “Ok, great.”

I took my coffee to the office, of course, I copped abuse for not thinking about the others, but said, “I can go back and make everyone one,” but they all except my direct Manager, said, “It’s fine.” I knew my direct Manager that well that I knew how she took her coffee; I grabbed her mug and went to make her coffee. I bumped into the night controller and we chatted, but of course advised him that I couldn’t say anything about our visitors, he understood, but I did promise to talk to him later if I got time.

Suddenly my phone rang, and I looked to see that it was my supervisor from my other site, I answered it and asked, “What’s wrong?” She said, “Just a heads up, but you are getting visitors tonight.” I said, “Yes, they are here now, and we are about to have a staff meeting,” she said, “Well I hope you spill tomorrow morning.” I said, “Yes, have a great night, I will wait for you to pick me up.”

I returned to the office and closed the door, then the meeting started, whereby each Manager asked me different questions about the current laziness of certain staff. I felt so relieved that I was being heard especially as I had respect for my job and tried to pass that on to the team. The Managers all decided to remain for the rest of the shift, so they could observe the staff in action.

We all went to the meal room to have a team briefing, which was interesting as our last member had still not arrived, it had gotten to almost 9.45pm by then, and no word from this person. I was asked, “Where is he?” I was honest and said, “I don’t know,” but just as I said that, he wandered into the shock of his life.

My Direct Manager asked him, “Where have you been?” I loved his reply; “I was stuck in traffic because there was an accident on the freeway.” Her response was even better,” I thought you rode a motorcycle.” His reply was, “Yes, normally I do, but tonight I decided to drive.” She said, “Ok can we go for a walk please?” He tried delaying going out to the car park, which had us all very suspicious, but no one had seen that I had slipped out and went the back way to the car park, where I got a shock, and saw his motorcycle sitting in the usual spot.

I went back in and just stood there, watching this staff member still delaying going out. I suddenly spoke up and said, “Wow, I have never seen a car like yours before, very compact”. My Manager said, “Ok, can you show us please?” I said “Yes, of course,” and we all walked outside to have a look. Everyone gasped when they saw the 2-wheeler, but the staff member did not expect this response:

“You will work tonight, with supervision, and will do the best job ever, then you are taking the rest of the week off at no pay, and as of Monday, you will be on Day shift Monday to Friday only, 8am to 4.30pm, this will be your permanent shift until further notice.”

I was unable to say anything, but inside I felt so happy that he had finally been caught out, as he should have been further penalized for Timesheet fraud, but I felt great that I could certify each vehicle. The Managers all requested the staff prepare their trolleys for the night and asked me to come back into the office for a private discussion. This discussion was very nice, and even today, I am unable to reveal, but I was very happy though.

The rest of the night went very smoothly, and I was extremely happy with each clean and yes, did certify each vehicle with full marks, something until tonight, I had not been able to do.

The Managers all left when we did at 4.30am, of course, I was dreading coming in tonight though, I rang my Supervisor to let her know I was leaving now, see you soon.

I resumed my regular position several weeks later, which I enjoyed, even though it was hard work, I felt great, but I noticed the other staff members had gone quiet around me, even my best friend there went cold too. My Supervisor had a quiet word with me in the office one night and she said, “They are not comfortable with you using the men’s locker/bathroom, my solution is for you to move everything in to the ladies’ locker/bathroom,” which I agreed to and told her about my plans to transition in coming months.

N.B., I had never shown any interest in any of the people I worked with, well not romantic anyway, so why they felt uncomfortable, especially as they all knew that I was only interested in females, sexually, if I was interested in sex. I don’t know, why they thought I would be interested in them, but it is their problem not mine, but could have just been typical males, always being controlled by their miniscule downstairs brains.

She was totally overjoyed at that, and she said, “How are going to break the news to our Manager?” I said, “Well, I was planning to talk to her soon and see what the procedures would be.” She said, “Ok, I think she will be in tomorrow night, so this is what I suggest, we both come in early and we transfer all your belongings in to the ladies’ locker room, then once that is done, we will go and chat with her.” I said, “Cool, sounds like a great idea.”

I left the office and went to sit down in the ladies’ locker room in quiet. I was happy when it was time to leave, as I could go and get changed, but my Supervisor said, “Come on let’s do the changeover now,” which we did, I had cleaned a locker out for me to use and showed her. The transfer only took about 10-minutes, then once I had locked it up, we checked that all lights were off, and doors locked, then we left.

We chatted all the way home, but of course I was thinking about the future and how things will change once word got out around the locations, especially the other one I worked at, as I knew some of the staff there would be upset and angry and I knew there would be troubles. I just didn’t know how much at the time.

My Supervisor said, “Look just be yourself and not get angry if anyone does start to be mean.” I said, “Yes, but, I’m not really sure if I’m doing the right thing.” My supervisor said, “How do feel right now?” I said, “Well, very uncomfortable sitting her wearing these horrible clothes, wish I could be like that gorgeous lady sitting over there.” I saw a woman who was dressed in a nice knee length floral dress, with nude stockings on and peep toe midi heels, her make-up and hair were done perfectly, and secretly inside me, I was crying, and my supervisor could sense this, and she said, “Look, tonight I’m going to pick you up at 6pm and drive to work, we will get some dinner on the way, then we will sit in the lunch room and talk privately and quietly.” I said, “Ok no worries, sounds great.” Our train soon arrived at our station, we alighted and walked to her car, then she drove me home.

I went inside and got changed, but instead of watching television and eating, like usual, I just went straight to bed and slept all day, right until when my alarm went off at 4pm. I was very happy as I had not slept for 10 hours continuous in a long time, but woke up feeling great, and got myself ready to get picked up. I put my phone on charge whilst I got ready, and once I had made a coffee, turned it on to see that my supervisor had messaged me asking, “Can you come to our place by 6pm?” I messaged back saying, “Yes, of course.” I knew what this meant, I was going to have dinner with them.

I finished getting ready, and made another coffee, then left home and walked to their place, but as I was walking over, a car pulled up beside me and the driver said “Hi, get in.” I looked and saw that it was the eldest daughter, she had come around to pick me up as a surprise. I got in and we hugged, then she asked me about my new journey, which I responded, “What do you mean?” She said, “Well, you going to become a girl, so if you want, my sister and I are more than willing to help you out, and I’m sure a lot of our friends will too.” I said, “That would be great, so when do we start?”

Erin, not her real name, said, “Well, as soon as I can organise a girl’s night at home, we will, and I hear you like girls, well, I like guys, but have never been with a special girl like you before.” Erin said, “Now I know why you were apprehensive about wanting to date me.” I said, “Yes, I’m sorry for not telling you the truth, but honesty, I’ve been battling my own inner demons.” Erin said, “Agreed, but I don’t judge or make assumptions, beside I would date either way.” I said, “Ok, but I can tell you that I’m unable to release fluid like I used to and may not last longer than a guy.” Erin said, “Cool, so I will be able to finally get pleasured, wow, when is your next day off?” I said, “The weekend.: We soon arrived at her place, and we went inside, of course, I had the biggest smile on my face, which told Erin and Bella’s mum what had just happened.

Bella was Erin’s younger sister, she had just turned 19, I mention her in my stand-alone story “2 (Unique) Gurls”. I said, “Hi” to everyone and we all sat to chat, but of course, their younger brother had been asked to leave the room for a little while, their husband and father, left too, he said,” I’m not interested.” My supervisor, Roni, then asked, “How do you feel about Erin’s idea?” Erin nudged me, which meant don’t say anything about what I want to do to you, I said, “Great, I can’t wait.” Erin then said, “If it’s ok with everyone, she will come over Saturday afternoon, so she can start her training?”

Bella seemed a little upset and irritated by the attention that Erin was showing to me, but of course, me being a male, didn’t pick up on it, not then. Once dinner was over, I helped with the dishes whilst Roni finished getting ready for work, then around 7.45pm, we made a coffee each and said our goodbyes and left the house. Roni surprised me by saying, “You can drive in tonight.” I was happy to do that, as I hadn’t driven in a while. Roni said, “Are you ok though?” I said, “Yes, I am, just happy that I have support to help me transition easier, wish I had it last time around.” Roni said, “Yes, but if you did last time, you may not know us, or be getting this help now, would you?” I said, “True, I think the Universe has been guiding me along to this point in time, but I do have a question for you, Roni.”

Roni said, “What’s that?” I said, “Well, I think Erin might like me, and even though I like her, I won’t act on it, because I’m too old for her, and you are not only my Supervisor and Co-Landlord, but a Friend too.” Roni said, “It’s ok, but it’s not Erin who likes you, its Bella, couldn’t you see how upset she got tonight when you concentrated all your energies on Erin, you ignored her?” I said, “No, I didn’t, but I concentrated on Erin because I thought she likes me.” Roni said, “No, she does, as a friend, but she knows how much Bella likes you, we all do, but she just got out of a very abusive relationship, and we know how vulnerable she is, so please look after her and do the right thing?” I said, “Yes, of course I will.”

N.B. Roni then told me the full, unedited version of what Bella’s ex-boyfriend did to her, suffice to say that I have seen and heard of violence before, but this made me extremely sick, agitated and angry too, and as such for Bella’s sake, won’t reveal anything here, as even today, I still get sick thinking about it.

Roni got a phone call on the way in from the Team Leader saying that he was sick tonight and won’t be back until Tuesday night, I could tell what she was thinking by the smile on her face. When Roni hung up the phone, she told me, and I said, “Let me guess, I’m Team Leader tonight?” Roni said, “Yes, you are, but I will ask our Manager,” and rang her. Roni again smiled and gave me the thumbs up, then said, “Goodbye, have a great weekend.”

When Roni had put her phone away, she said, “Well yes, you are Team Leader tonight, but also tomorrow night too, on overtime,” which made me happy, but it meant the girls night would have to be postponed until 2 weeks’ time, but Roni said, “Its ok, I’ll ring Erin now and tell her,” which she did, and Erin wasn’t happy, but her mum said, “Look it gives us all more time to gather everything up so we can have a much better time.” Erin calmed down then hung up.

Roni and I then discussed what was going to happen tonight with the team, as if she didn’t already know what I had thought of.

N.B. I’m not a vindictive person, but if given the chance to take revenge on someone, I will, and there were two people I worked with, sorry Employed with, as they rarely worked hard, and I would find the filthiest sets for them, and allocate those sets to those people. I knew what the limitations were and what the company required of us to maintain our standards, and quite honestly, I felt these two were better at deeper cleans than quicker cosmetic cleans.

We soon arrived at work and went to get changed, of course, both joking around and having a laugh too. Once we had gotten changed, I went to get tonight’s running sheet, I explained to the site manager that I was Acting team Leader, of course, it was suggested that I was well, playing around with Roni to get that position, which was as far away from the truth as you can get, but them being men, always felt there was an ulterior motive to how others got higher positions.

Once I had the sheet, I went to have a look at what sets were in and to determine what sort of clean was needed, but of course, this was only a smoke screen as it allowed me to find the worst set that was due to go out the following day, which I found it, and let me tell you, it was amongst the worst I have ever seen in my life. I marked it down on the sheet, in pencil of course, and lightly, and walked back to the office to commence writing up the allocation sheet.

I was still writing it up, when the other staff came in to sign on, and of course, there were nasty comments about me being Team Leader. Jon, said, “If I’m given a deeper clean tonight, I’m going home.” Roni said, “Look, we are all here to work and do a job, and if I remember correctly, you always make Mark do deeper cleans, so if he decides to give you a deeper clean, then you will do it, if you go home, you will not get paid for tonight, and tomorrow night, as I will mark you as failed to advise.”

N.B. Jon was rostered on the following night, along with his friend Tupto.

I said, “Jon, I am Team Leader both nights and if you feel sick then you can go home.”  Roni said, “I will come in on overtime to help out if you decide to remain sick.” Jon said, “I don’t care, I’m going home and won’t be back until Tuesday night.”  He signed out, citing “Illness” for his decision, then he left.

Roni and I decided that we would do his work tonight, especially as we knew that we would do a much better job, but first she had to let our Manager know about Jon. I continued writing up the sheet, then went to check my emails to see what was happening, thankfully nothing.

The night proceeded well, and everything got completed, the same as Saturday night too. The next couple of weeks went well, and soon enough it was the girls’ night, which I was totally excited about. Roni said, “You should pack a bag Friday, and we would go straight to my place Saturday morning, whereby we would have a few hours’ sleep, then have our showers and get organised.” I agreed to this, but what happened, was that when I had my shower and came back to get dressed, there were girls clothes waiting for me, the reason behind this was because we were all going to go out to go shopping, which I was happy about.

I had so much fun shopping, trying on clothes, shoes, make-up and jewellery, that I started crying, and this made the other girls realise that I was a girl, which I agreed to. I didn’t mind waiting in line to use the ladies either, this was fine as we did chat about tonight and what was going to happen. Bella though kept me very close to her most of the day, I knew that it was because she had feelings for me. N.B., I detail our relationship in “2 (Unique) Gurls”, please be advised that she is a born female, but I have included our relationship, to, well, let’s just say, spice the novel up.

I enjoyed that night so much and made the decision to transition asap, that on the Monday I called my Manager and said, “I have decided to transition asap, may I come in soon to discuss everything.” My Manager said, “That’s fine, can you come into the office tomorrow, please?” I said, “Well, I’m working tonight and tomorrow night.” She said, “No, as of now, you have today off, and tomorrow, you will be rostered on in the office, ok.” I said, “Ok thanks, so what time should I arrive tomorrow?” She said, “Could you be here for 8am, please?” I said, “Yes, of course, who do I ask for?” She told me, then I hung up the phone.

I rang Bella to let her know what was going and she asked me if she could come around and see me? I said, “Yes, of course, how long before you will be here?” Bella said, “Ahhh, a couple of minutes.” I said, “Ok cool, see you then.” Once I hung up the phone, I tidied up and put the kettle on for a coffee each. N.B. I will not detail what happened, suffice to say that is was great.

Bella drove us back to her place later that day to see her mum, I told her what was happening the next couple of nights, which she was not happy about and said, “That will please certain others at work.” I said, “Yes, exactly, but please don’t tell them why I’m not in.” Roni said, “No, of course not, let’s make it a big surprise when they find out,” then we all sat to have dinner and afterwards, Roni dropped Bella and I at my place, she said, “I will pick you both up in the morning on the way home,” we said, “Thanks, and I asked her to call us as she leaves work, so we can get ready” Roni said, “Yes, of course,” then she left.

I walked inside with Bella and we sat down to watch television for a couple of hours, before we both fell asleep, in each other’s arms. We both woke up early, why I still don’t know, but we did, and we went to share a shower together. N.B. I won’t say any more about my relationship with Bella, if you are interested to know about it, please go and buy my ebook “2 (Trans) Gurls”.

I had a very funny, although I should say disturbing, experience in late April 2014, it was a weekend, and I was lucky enough to be rostered off, so after a few hours’ sleep, decided to shower, dress and go shopping. I arrived on the bus and alighted at the shopping centre stop. I went up the escalators, to the men’s room, but as I entered was told that it was the men’s room. I said, “Yes, and I’m a man,” but the males, who I feel were trying to be controlling, Alpha Males, especially to those who they saw as very scrawny and/or weak. I kept telling them that I was a man, and I really need to pee, this only made things worse because they said, “Real men say piss, not pee.”

I said, “Excuse me, but real men can say what they like, you can’t tell anybody what they can or cannot do or say.” I copped even worse, as suddenly security arrived and they too questioned me, I said, “Ok so do I just whip out my cock and prove that I’m a man,” and I was starting to unzip my pants, but was told, “No, for now please leave this centre and do not come back here, ever again.” I asked, Why?” They said, “Because we said so,” which I felt was wrong, but I complied with their demands and I walked across to the train station to use their bathrooms. I had no issues using the men’s room there.

Once I finished, I went to wait for the bus home, as I decided to send a very strongly worded complaint, not only to the management of the shopping centre but also a media contact I had. Once the bus arrived, I boarded and was nervous as the first stop was under this shopping centre, but thankfully nothing occurred. I was happy when the bus arrived at my stop, I alighted and walked home.

As soon as I walked in, I turned everything on, and whilst I waited, boiled the kettle for a very strong coffee. I set my computer up and turned that on for it to do it’s start up procedures. Once everything had finished, I sat down and found the website of the shopping centre management, then set about writing a very nasty complaint, after wards, I copy and pasted the complaint and emailed it to my media friend. To date neither has responded, which has upset me very badly, and I have since cut contact with this person. The funny thing is that as soon as I transitioned, I went to that centre many times and used the ladies, without any problems.

May 2014, Kim and I both shared a Birthday and she said, “Can I come down and stay with you, so we could celebrate together?” I said, “Yes, of course.” I applied for a couple of days off work, which was granted, but the last night before I was going off, as I am walking around the yard, I hurt my leg. N.B. What I mean there is, that every so often, I will pull a muscle in my leg, which prevents me from walking well. I had the work phone on me, and luckily my Manager was in that night, I was in my other location as Acting Team Leader. My Manager said, “Ok, where are you?” I told her, and she said, “Stay put, I will get someone up to you shortly.”

I sat down and waited, and called Roni to let her know, and said, “Did you drive in tonight?” She said, “Yes, why?” I told her, she said, “Are you going home?” I said, “Yes if I can get a taxi,” she said, “Don’t be silly, I will come and pick you up and take you home, ok?” I said, “Ok, but just wait and see what our Manager says first, I’ll give you a call back shortly,” she said, “Ok.” My Manager and the depot controller soon arrived to where I was and examined me and decided that I should go home. I told them about telling Roni, and they agreed on her driving home, but I was asked if I wanted to stay in the office for the rest of the night to rest up? I said, “Well I can do that, who knows in a couple of hours, my leg may feel better,” which they both agreed to.

They helped me back to the office, whereby I called Roni to let her know what was going, of course, she was upset as she wanted an early night, but we both had code words to use, and I knew what she had planned. I remained in the office to do paperwork and catch up on written correspondence, I had been very aloof of late with it all. At around 2.30am, the work mobile rang, I noticed that it was my other depot calling, I answered it, and it was Roni saying, “I’m not feeling well, I’m going home, would you like a lift?” I said, “Yes, how long before you get here?” She said, “5 minutes, can you get someone to let me in?” I said, “Yes, I will send Lloyd down with my swipe card, see you soon.”

I rang my Manager, to let her know, but as she was about to answer her phone, she entered the office, to let me know that Roni had called her. I said, “Ok, could you go and swipe her in please?” She said, “Yes,” and I gave her my card, then I got myself ready to leave. I signed out and hobbled out to the car, which was not easy, but I did it, and placed my bag and boots in the back, then got in. I got my swipe card back from our Manager, then we said, “Thanks,” and we left the site.

Roni said, “How is your leg now?” I said, “It’s fine, how’s your pain?” Roni, said, “A little better, the joys of being a woman.” I said, “Yes, something I will never know fully, how wrong was I?” We chatted on the way home, especially about what had happened at our common location, she told me that Jon and Tupto had both tried to cause trouble by wanting the easy work as usual, and of course, Dean the Team Leader, would always oblige them. Roni said, “I decided to go and have a walk around to check their work, as they were both very quick, and as suspected that both had not been doing a good clean, my suspicions were correct and when I asked them to go back to finish their job, they refused, I took some photos and when I get home, I will be writing and sending a very strongly worded email to our Manager.”

 I said, “That’s awful, but what do you expect from losers like them, they are both very lazy, let’s hope there are major shakeups and changes soon.”

N.B. I was then informed that there was a major change coming to that location and very soon, of course, I was unable to reveal to anybody, which she knew I would not do. Roni told me more, which I will never reveal, but did occur.

The rest of the drive home was great, but of course, as usual I had to use a feather duster to remove all the cobwebs as I was walking to my Granny Flat, but soon enough I was inside and sat down to rest, I rang my Manager to say, “I have arrived home safely, I’m sorry for letting you down tonight.” She said, “It’s ok, we all get sick, hey, it’s your Birthday today, isn’t it?” I said, “Yes, it is.” She said, “Happy Birthday, and to make it better, I haven’t put you on sick leave, but please make sure when you come in on Sunday night, could you sign out as per usual?” I said, “Thank you, much appreciated, yes, I will,” then we hung up the phone. I went to have a few hours’ sleep, as I knew that Kim would be arriving around 3pm, so I had to be up and clean up before she arrived.

Kim text me as she left home, she lived around 3 1/2 hours west of me, I text her back when I woke up to say, “Thanks, see you soon,” she needed directions to get to my place, and I text her step by step ones, which she appreciated, but I told her that if she needed help to ring me and I should be able to guide her, but she didn’t, she arrived just after 3.30pm. I helped her inside with her bags, then I made a coffee, and we sat to chat about the past few months.

I asked, “What do you feel like for dinner?” She said, “I’m not sure.” I said, “Well, there is a hotel that I go to that has great food, but you will not drive as I know you will drink and I won’t get in to the car with anyone when they have had any alcoholic drinks,” she agreed to this. I then decided to have a shower and freshen up, as did she.

Whilst I was waiting for her to finish, my landline rang, and it was Roni to let me know that her email had caused trouble, but in a good way, I said, “Great, well, let’s hope something comes of it, but with me not at the other location the rest of the week, I’m sure our manager will be concentrating on there as she is Team Leader, but it’s a good thing as Jon, Tupto and Dean will think that nothing has happened, because as far as I know, they don’t know I’ve taken a few days off.” Roni said, “Yes, true, anyway, I heard it’s your Birthday, so I just want to wish you a great day, someone wants to come see you later, if that’s ok?” I said, “It would be great, but I have a friend down and it’s her Birthday too, so we are going to dinner to the hotel up the road”.

Roni said, “Ok great, well tomorrow night, both of you will come here for dinner, ok?” I said, “I would love to, but I’ll ask her and get back to you shortly,” but just as I said that, Kim walked out, and I asked her, she said, “Yes, that would be great,” I told Roni, and she said, “Great, see you around 5pm then, is that ok?” I said, “Yes, we should be back from the city by then,” she said, “Ok great.” I said, “Have a great night tonight with all those hard workers,” we both laughed as there were only three hard workers there, and two of them were currently talking to each other, the third was an older person who always put in 150% effort to his work, although I do admit that there was another who was a hard worker, but under Dean’s control way too much. N.B. I won’t go into detail here as he does not deserve my time and energy. I said goodbye to Roni and hung up the phone.

I said, “Kim, are you ready to leave?” She said, “Yes, of course,” then I grabbed my wallet, phone and keys and locked up, then we walked up to the bus stop, and we were lucky as within a couple of minutes a bus arrived, we boarded, and I paid our fare, then sat down next to Kim. I was surprised that the bus so empty, especially given that it was the afternoon rush hour, but I soon found out why it was quiet.

Soon enough we arrived near our stop, I pressed the stop button, and the driver stopped for us to alight, then we walked up to the hotel, and I was amazed at how full the car park was, which surprised me, but I looked and saw that there was a major sporting event on that night, something I had totally forgotten about, especially given that since my father had carked it, I had lost interest in.

Kim and I walked in and headed to the bistro to look at the menu and specials, and I was happy as one of their specials was one of my favourite dishes, so I chose that. Kim on the other hand, chose her usual favourite, we paid and ordered a couple of beers and went to sit down and chat until our number was called, which we knew would take longer because of how crowded the hotel was, but surprisingly, it was called in just over ten minutes. I went up to collect the plates and carried them back to our table, then Kim went and got our cutlery, condiments and napkins. I think she also got the Salt and Pepper too, but please don’t quote me on that.

The meals were delicious and very plentiful too, but we both ate everything on our plates, and had a couple more beers each, then around nine pm, we decided to head home. As we walked out of the hotel, the bus turned the corner, which upset me as it was around five minutes early, and we decided walk home, we were both, well let’s just say, a little intoxicated, so a walk home was the best idea, besides it was only four kilometres, easy, I was wrong.

The walk back was interesting, we both laughed with each other, and joked around a lot, and remembered Mardi Gras a couple of months beforehand, but the funniest part was when we both desperately needed to pee, but there no public conveniences around, so decided to improvise, and by that, we found a tree each to relief ourselves, but the worst thing was that neither of us had thought to carry any tissues with us, so for me it felt dirty walking the rest of the way home, I still have no idea as to how Kim felt, and no, I don’t have plans to ask her.

Finally, around nine forty five pm, we arrived home and went inside to continue our celebrations, of course, Kim had stopped on the way and bought her favourite liqueur, but I was careful to only have a couple, although I had been drinking beer for a few hours, the walk home, had not sobered us both up, but I feel that the beer also dissipated in my body, how wrong again, was I? I had a shot and within a few minutes, needed the bathroom, and yes, it was not a pretty sight, nor was the smell nice either. Kim just stood there laughing her brain off, but as I told her at the time, I rarely drank alcohol, not that I didn’t want too, but every time I drank, I would think about my father and I would get very emotional.

I told Kim that, and she apologised straight away, but refused to come into the bathroom, hey I wouldn’t either, especially given that it stank, but also, I was not, and still am not, her type. Once my body had finished, I fixed myself up and went to sit and watch a movie with her, and she hugged me very tightly, this resulted in me starting to cry very heavily. I knew that it was because I was remembering those no longer with me, physically, but in spirit, they always will be.

N.B. I want to say a Huge Big Thank You to both my Parents for doing their best in raising me, and yes, Julie, I really appreciate it, but I also want to Thank Claire Baire for being my first, and too this day, only real True Love, you showed me who I really am, and I know that you are guiding me along my journey, for that I Will Always Love You, and Until We Are Both Re-United, I Love You So Much, Babe.

I remained hugging Kim for what seemed to be a very long time, then she said, “Ok, look, it’s getting late, and I’m tired, I think we should go to bed, ok, not sexually, you one track minded twerp, but to sleep.” I agreed and said, “Sorry, the alcohol is making me feel nasty things tonight.” We both changed and climbed into bed, and both of us falling asleep in a very short time. I did sleep well, but dreamt about Claire Baire, and yes, I cried, but went to the bathroom to do that, mainly because I didn’t want to upset Kim, but she heard me and gently knocked on the door, and came in. I was unfussed about her seeing me naked, especially as she had seen me naked a few months back, but thankfully, she had no interest in me that way.

Kim held on to me and asked, “What’s wrong? I said, “I’m missing my parents and Claire Baire, and I just want to be with them as I miss them all so much.” Kim said, “No, don’t think like that, come on have your shower, then I’ll have mine and we are going out for the day, agreed.” I said, “Agreed,” then she left the bathroom and I had my shower, where for the first time in a long time, really cleansed my body.

Once I had finished, I went to get dressed, whilst Kim went to have her shower. I made us both a coffee each, then I went outside whilst she got dressed. I chatted with my front neighbours who asked, “Did you hear about what happened last night?” I said, “No, we were out and didn’t get back until late.” He said, “Ok, there was a body found in the creek down here”. I said, “Ok, do they know who it is yet?” He said, “I don’t know.” We went to have a look and not surprisingly, then area had been cordoned off to stop anyone from contaminating the area.

I approached a Police Officer to find out what gender the body was but was told that it is being withheld for now. I went back inside to call Bella to make sure they were all fine, and lucky she answered the phone and said, “We are, why?” I told her about what happened, but she said, “I have no idea.” We ended the call, and my gut feeling was that something was up as she seemed very cold towards me, but I knew it was totally my fault, so didn’t think any more about it.

Kim finally got finished, then we drank our near cold coffees, brushed our teeth, then left the flat and went to her car, and we drove to the shopping centre to do some shopping as we planned to have a quiet night in, and decided to get some DVDs, and very unhealthy snacks, which consisted of, frozen pizzas, chips, nuts, dips and crackers, as well as some alcohol and yes, lots of it. Once we had finished, we walked back to the car and headed to a takeaway shop for some lunch, well, by now it was lunner, (Lunch Dinner) but we needed the empty kilojoules, ha ha ha.

We got our food then headed back to my place, but as we got in to my street, we got stopped by the Police, as they wanted to know why we were driving up the street, we told them, and I produced my licence, but we were still denied entry. I found out that the deceased body was an acquaintance of mine and an allegation had been made that I had threatened him recently, which was untrue, and I told the Detective that I had not seen him in a few months. I was asked, “Exactly when did you see him last?” I had to really think, as I could not remember, all I could say, “It has been awhile.”

The Detective then said, “So you did not see him in the hotel last night whilst you were having dinner and getting drunk?” I said, “Not that I can recall, but it was crowded, he could have been there, but I didn’t see or talk with him.” “What time did you leave the hotel?” I looked at Kim, and I said, “I think around nine pm and we walked home, only because we just missed a bus.”

The Detective asked, “What route did you take to walk home?” I answered that question. N.B., I have made up the walk only here, this is so that I do not identify the area that I was residing at the time. The route we took was:” Left The Rams Arms, across the highway, down Beach Road, to Allstom Street, through the laneway next to the river and turned right to my street, which is Swan Road.” The Detective asked, “Did you notice anything unusual in the street or the walk home?” I said, “No, but then I was half pissed, and am still amazed that I got home safely, actually I think we were both the same way.” Kim said, “Agreed.”

The Detective said, “Ok, for now, please stay close in case we need to talk to you again.” I said, “Yes, of course, and I hope you find out what caused his death.” He said, “Thanks, yes, we will.” Kim and I then continued home, and went inside to relax, but neither of us wanted to separate, so Kim said, “Do you mind if I stay another couple of nights?” I said, “That’s fine.”

I asked Kim if she wanted a coffee, but I was too slow, as she had already made me one of her extra special one’s, which I will just say, was not only delicious, but went down my throat very well. Kim and I decided to spend the rest of the day relaxing, although, we both went for regular walks to the front yard, just to see if the street had been re-opened yet, and thankfully it was just being re-opened.

Around four fifty pm, we left the flat to go to Roni’s, but as we were about to get in the car, The Detective saw me and waved me down, I walked down the road to talk with him. The Detective said, “The preliminary cause of death was accidental, it looks like he took some sleeping pills and had drunk at least half a bottle of spirits, and it appears that his heart gave way, but we will know more once the Autopsy has concluded, I will come and let you know, but for now, do you know who his next of kin is?” I said “No, I didn’t know him that well, and he never spoke about his family, I don’t even know if he had a partner, but thank you anyway, may we go now?” He said, “Yes, I will be in touch soon.”

I got in the car and told Kim what he said, then I guided her to Roni’s place. Despite being rush hour, we got there a little after five pm. Once we got to the front door, as usual I just walked in, which had Kim looking at me weirdly, but she followed me, I said anybody home, I’m here to make a coffee. There was no answer, which was unusual, but as we got to the kitchen, they all jumped up and said, “Happy Birthday.”

I screamed because it scared me which had Erin, Bella and Roni laughing, of course, but Kim was blushing over it, because here were people, she never knew caring so much about me, and her for our birthday. I hugged Kim very tightly, but then the others all came over to hug us which felt nice. Roni then said, “Ok, we need to eat because some people have to work tonight.” She said that whilst glaring at me, I said, “Ok, I’ll come in tonight if you want, but you know that if I did, I’m at the other location.” Roni, said, “That’s right, no, I’m only kidding, come on let’s eat.”

We all sat to eat, and of course the food was magnificent as usual. I started to think that maybe I should date Bella especially if her cooking skills were as good as her mums. Once dinner was over, they brought out not one, but two birthday cakes for us, which I was not expecting one, but two which made me feel warm and wanted. The candles were lit and we both blew them out, then the cakes were cut. I allowed Roni to have the first slice of mine because she had to go to work.

Once we had all eaten some cake, Roni made her excuses to finish getting ready, then she left around seven thirty pm. I noticed that Erin was looking at Kim strangely, I felt because she may have been jealous, thinking there was something going on between Kim and I, there wasn’t.

Erin asked Kim if she could show her something, which Kim agreed too, then they headed to Erin’s bedroom. Bella came and sat very close to me, with her head on my shoulder, and for the first time in a very long time, I felt at ease, not only with someone I barely knew touching me, albeit she was less than half my age, Bella was 19 at the time, and I turned 49 the day before hand so even though Bella was legal and I have been in agr’s previously. I was unsure with Bella, because her mother was my direct supervisor at work, and her father was my landlord, so I had a double whammy.

I decided for now to just go with the flow and see what happens, but nothing sexual. My landlord asked, “Mark, what’s going on with Bella? You know she likes men, not whatever you plan to be.” Bella said, “Daddy, I like Mark for the person he is inside, not his outward appearance, besides, he is much better than that coward I was dating, I just want to see where things go with Mark.” Her father said, “Ok, but Mark, if you hurt my baby girl, not only will you be evicted, but I will seriously hurt you, Ok?”

 I said, “Yes, sir, I will treat her with the utmost respect, honestly, I’m not sure how I feel about Bella yet, but rest assured, I have no plans to invade her body.” Bella laughed and said, “Invade my body, that’s sweet, weirs, but sweet.” I said, “Well, it is your body and you decide who can and cannot invade it, ok.” Bella said, “Ok, hey what’s going on with Erin and Kim?” I said, “I don’t know.”

Bella went to the bedroom and as she went to walk in, she found the door locked, something that only happens when Erin wants privacy, usually when she has a guy in there, which upset Bella, but she said, “Ok, the door is locked, does that mean what I think it means?” I said, “I don’t know, she is your sister.”

Around ten minutes later, Erin and Kim came out of the bedroom, looking dishevelled which told me they had been busy. I will not go further there. Instead, I asked Kim, “Can we go home please?” Kim said, “Yes.” I said, “Ok great, thanks everyone for a great surprise, much appreciated.” Kim said, “Yes, same here.”

Bella said, “Can I come back with you both, please?” I said, “You can if you won’t mind sleeping in my recliner.” Bella said, “Oh ok, I can do that.” I said, “Ok, you have five minutes to pack a bag, but you need to ask Kim if you can travel in her car.” Kim said, “It’s fine, I don’t mind.” Bella went to pack her bag and was back very quickly, then we said, “Goodbye” to everyone and left the house.

The drive back was quick, Kim found a parking spot, then we all walked inside to the granny flat. Kim said, “Ok you two can have the bed, I’ll sleep in the recliner.” Bella and I said, “Yes, great idea, thanks.” Kim went to get changed in the bathroom, whilst Bella just got changed in front of me, which disturbed me, because she is only a friend, nothing more, yet!!!!

Once they had both changed, I grabbed my night clothes and went into the bathroom to get changed. When I was done, including peeing and brushing my teeth, I left the bathroom to sit and relax. Bella then said, “Ok, what’s up with you being so shy tonight?” I said, “Well, we are only friends for now, and I feel it’s inappropriate for us to undress in front of each other, if I was a real woman, then ok, but I’m not.”

Kim said, “Look Bella, Mark shows respect to nearly every female he knows, even me when he stayed with me when Mardi Gras was on, I saw him naked, but he never made any sexual moves on me, mainly because he is not my type, you on the other hand, easily could be, but I won’t because I know you like Mark.” Bella said, “Wow, well that’s great, and honestly, tonight I would love to have fun with you both, but until Mark and I have gone down that road, I will gladly wait.”

Kim said, “Well done, listen you two I’m beat, do you mind if I go to bed?” Bella and I said, “Same here, goodnight.” We all got into bed and of course Bella sidled up very close to me, which despite my normal uneasiness of being close to someone, tonight, she made me feel secure and comfortable. We all fell asleep rather quickly.

I woke up just after 7am, and switched the kettle on, then went to the bathroom and after finishing, washed my hands, then went to make the coffees and sat down to check my emails. Kim and Bella were still fast asleep, so I didn’t pour their water yet. I checked my emails and there were some interesting ones, but there was one that caught my eye, it was from my union friend, telling me that my section was going to be privatised in coming months. I was asked to go and see her today if possible, which my reply was, “Yes, I will call you when I’m on the way into the city.”

I was just finishing my coffee when Kim finally stirred and woke up then saw me and said good morning, I said “Good morning, would you like a coffee?” I knew the answer as I had already switched the kettle back on, but she said, “Yes, thanks.” Kim went to the bathroom, whilst I made her coffee, then when she got back, I told her about the email, and asked if we could go in and find out what’s going on?

Kim said, “Yes, of course, wonder what’s going on?” I said, “I don’t know, but we will find out later.” Once I finished my coffee, I went to have my shower, then got dressed. I went outside to give Kim privacy, and for me to get some fresh air too.

When I was finished in the bathroom, I dressed and went to allow Kim to have her shower, by then Bella was awake too, and was up drinking her coffee, she said, “Good morning, handsome, hot man.” I said, “Good morning, my gorgeous girl.”

Kim had gone to have her shower and get ready, whilst Bella and I relaxed, of course, she sat on my lap and tried to get a “Rise” out of me. N.B., most males may know what I mean there, but my promise to Bella’s father was stuck in my head, therefore I decided not to give in to my urges, and I so wanted too. I mentioned to Bella about the email from the union and that Kim and I are going into the city, I said, “You are welcome to join us if you like.” Bella said, “Yes, I’d love to.” I said, “Great, well as soon as you are ready, we will leave.” Bella said, “Ok.”

Once Kim was finished in the shower, Bella grabbed her toiletries and clothes then went to have her shower and get ready. Kim and I relaxed watching a comedy show on television. Once Bella was finished, Kim went to warm up her car.    

Once Bella had finished, I turned off and disconnected all non-essential appliances, by that I mean only the fridge remained switched on, then I locked up the flat and walked to the car. Once I got the car, I assisted Bella to sit in the back, then I sat in the front so I could direct Kim to where I normally I parked.

The drive down was fine, for a weekday and towards the end of rush hour, it was very light. Once we arrived at the location, Kim found a parking spot, then we all got out. Kim locked the car and we walked to the cafe where I normally got a coffee, I said, “What would you ladies like?” They told me, then I ordered and paid. I said, “I’ll head to the station and buy your tickets and will wait for you both to bring the coffees.” They said, “Yes, of course.: I walked to the station, but as I walked past dads favourite hotel, started thinking about him again, and got emotional too, but kept walking.

I arrived at the ticket office and bought their tickets, I knew the attendant and he said, “Why are you buying tickets?” I explained, he said, “Oh ok,” and we chatted in between him selling tickets and answering enquiries, some that were just stupid though, no I won’t reveal here, because I have forgotten most, suffice to say that most public transport travellers are stupid, in my opinion.

Kim and Bella soon arrived with the coffees, I said, “Thanks, goodbye” to my friend, then we walked to the back of the platform to wait for the next train, which was due several minutes. We sipped our coffees, then Bella said, “Do you know what’s going on with the Union?” I said, “No, but it must be very important for her to call me in, I just hope, I’m not being sacked.” Kim said, “No, wouldn’t it be through your direct manager?” I said, “Yes, it might have to do with my plans.”

The train soon arrived, and we boarded, but I suddenly heard a familiar voice, and looked up to see a couple of my old work colleagues from when I did on-train cleaning. I introduced everybody to each other as Ray and Lexi, and I could immediately see that Kim and Lexi were eyeing each other, which told me to watch out, Lexi was a lesbian too, and had recently broken up with her long-term girlfriend.

Ray and I chatted, he said, “How are you going at the new depot and why are you going into the city?” I said, “Fine, I’m Acting Team Leader at another location too, which I love, I have been asked by the Union to come in and see them about something, but I have no idea what.” Ray said, “Wow, that’s strange, because normally they don’t do that, unless you are in very big trouble.” This comment had me suddenly burst into tears, because I loved my job, and even though it was hard work, with scummy people, I did love it, as I felt that I was serving a purpose.

The train soon arrived at Ray and Lexi’s station, as they were getting off, Lexi handed Kim her card and said, “Call me,” then we said, “Goodbye” and they headed back to base. I looked at Kim and said, “Wow, looks like you made a friend there, didn’t you?” She said, “Maybe, so can you make yourself scarce tonight?” I said, “No, sorry.” Kim said, “Ok, cool, I think it’s too soon to do anything.” I said, “Lexi has recently broken up with her girlfriend, and I don’t want to see you get hurt.” Kim said, “Ok, cool, thanks.” Bella said, “Look if Kim needs space, you could come stay at our place tonight, my bed is very comfortable.” I said, “Ok, but nothing will happen, ok.” Bella said, “Ok.” The train made its way underground to my old station, and we got up to alight when we arrived.

We made our way off the train, which was not easy because of the other idiots trying to get on, but not allowing others to alight first, which caused me to yell at them and say, “Listen morons, let everyone alight before trying to board, otherwise I will call security.” This aggravated the situation and I was suddenly punched in the stomach, but no one knew that I had already seen the security guys coming towards the train, and lucky that one of them knew me and saw the assault, then held on to the assailant, who denied anything, but the security guy said, “Well, let’s just have a look up there,” and he pointed to one of the many closed circuit surveillance camera that monitor the station, in fact the entire network 24 hours per day, 7 days per week.

The assailant said, “Hey it was that things fault for abusing us.” Kim and Bella both stepped in and said, “Hey he is our friend, so you better respect him, and he was only pointing out just how rude, impatient and arrogant all of you were.” The security guy said, “How are you?” I faked it and said, “No good, I need an Amb…..” then blacked out.

I awoke around 15 minutes later, upstairs in the first aid room, with several staff hovering over me, as was my Union friend, who just happened to be in the office when I was brought in. I was asked, “How do you feel now.” I said, “Better, I just think that thug knocked the wind out of me, but once I get some fresh air, I’ll be fine.” I could leave the room as I had Kim, Bella and the Union rep helping me up to the Union offices.

The walk up there was slow, but we finally made it and were shown into the meeting room. The receptionist said, “Would you all like a coffee?” Bella and Kim said, “Yes, thanks.” I just nodded, then the receptionist said, “Ok I’ll be back shortly. We all sat and chatted about the email. My union representative, Sue said, “Ok, now this is between us all, Bella you can’t even tell your mum, ok.” Bella said, “Yes, No I won’t.”

Sue said, “Ok, now this is preliminary, so nothing is set in stone yet, but Mark, it looks like your location will be reshuffled in coming months, what that means is that every employee based there, will either be offered a new location or redundancy, my advice to you, is accept redundancy.” I said, “Wow, I will weigh up my options once I have them all, will make a decision, so how much is my payout likely to be?” Sue said, “Well you have been here for almost 6 years, so quite possibly around $35-$45,000.” I said, “Wow, that would come in handy, especially with what I’m planning to do soon.”

Sue said, “Yes, that’s why I asked you in to give you advance notice, I will try and get you more, but I can’t promise though.” I said, “Thanks, but if I get $45,000, I will be happy.” Sue said, Ok, no worries, anyway, I have to get to a meeting, great meeting you both, Mark, I’ll stay in touch with you.” I said, “Yes, great, but thanks anyway.” Bella and Kim said, “Thanks, same here.”

We got up and headed for the lift and left the building. Kim said, “I’m getting hungry, is there any half decent around here to eat?” I said, “Well, I do know a couple of places, that serve great meals at reasonable prices.

Bella and Kim said, “Great, but how far are they?” I said, “One is just down the road, so let’s go.” We walked to the hotel, then walked in and found a table. We perused the menu, until we found what we wanted, then Bella said, “Lunch is on me today, so order anything you want.” Kim and I said, “You don’t have to do that.” Bella said, “It’s my way of giving back to you both, mark, for letting me stay last night, and you paying for our coffees and train tickets today, and Kim for driving us.” Kim and I said, “Ok, no worries.”

Once we had decided on what we wanted, we placed our orders, then went to sit down and relax. Kim said, “Ok Mark, so what are you going to do about what we just heard?” I said, “Well, honestly, the payout amount sounds great, and it does mean that I could finally be happy, but it means not having a job, so I will wait and see what happens, who knows I might get offered a great location.” Bella said, “Well, either way I will still love you, because I see a person’s soul and love that, not how they look on the outside, so whatever you decide, I will support you, ok babe.” I said, “Babe, wow, what’s gotten into you today, but thank you, much appreciated, that goes for you too my awesome birthday twin, I’ve really enjoyed the past few days.” Kim said, “Hey anytime, true friends are always there for each other.” Bella said, “And girlfriends too.” Then they both came to give me a really tight hug, which had me in tears.

Both said, “What’s up?” I said, “Nothing, I just feel so happy, and loved right now.” They both said, “Aww sweet, someone is blushing too.” I said, “Ok, sorry, can’t help it.”

Our food arrived soon after then we sat and ate in silence, of course, once we finished, we sipped our drinks and left the hotel and went for a nice walk and did look in some shops too.

Around 3.30pm, we decided to head back home, as we were due at Roni’s around 6pm, and we wanted to beat the rush hour traffic back, we walked to the station to catch the train to where the car was parked. The train soon arrived, and we boarded after allowing other passengers to alight.

The train soon arrived at our destination and we alighted, then walked to the car, but as we walked past dad’s old hotel, the owners wife spotted me and came outside to have a chat, I introduced her to Kim and Bella, then she said, “Are you in a hurry?” I said, “We are a bit, but can come in for a quick chat.” She said, “Great.”

We followed her inside and she said, “Mark, you know where our table is, I’ll get some drinks for us.” I said, “Yes, thanks Jen.” I led Bella and Kim back to the dining area. Kim said, “I wouldn’t mind a beer.” I said, “You can if you won’t mind travelling back on the train, or in the passenger’s seat of UR car, because I will not travel in a vehicle when the driver has been drinking, but we can call at the hotel on the way back to get some alcohol and take it back to my place ok.” Kim said, “Ok, where is the ladies, please?” I told her.

Jen came back a few minutes later with a jug of lemon squash and five glasses, then asked, “Where’s Kim? Bella said, “Shithouse.” I looked at Bella and said, “Excuse me, language from a young lady.” Bella said, “Sorry, ladies then, is that better, boyfriend?” Jen said, “What you are both dating.” I said, “Yes, it’s only recent, but her mum is my supervisor at work and her father is my landlord, which makes it a little harder, but we are giving it a trial.” Jen said, “Well, after what you went through a couple of years ago, you deserve to be happy.” I said, “Agreed.”

Kim soon arrived back and sat down. Jen said, “Ok I don’t want to keep you too long, but I just wanted to find out how you were going, because we have all been so worried about you, Mark.” I said, “Sorry, been busy with working, and moved several times in the past couple of years, then started dating this one.” Jen said, “Well, that’s great, as long as you are ok, and looking after yourself, I’m happy, anyway another reason that I wanted to chat is too let you know that we are selling the hotel and moving to the country.” I said, “What, I thought this was your life?” Jen said, “It is, but we want the kids to grow up somewhere nicer, so we have bought a hotel in the country, it’s down south, so next time you go for a drive, I expect you to drop in for a meal.” I said, “Yes, but on one condition, you let me pay, because you paid for so many during my depressive time.” Jen said, “Agreed.”

We continued chatting for a while, until Kim said, “Sorry, but we should leave as rush hour traffic will be building up soon, and I’m in need of a beer, but someone won’t let me have one because I’m driving. Jen said, “Well that’s great, and responsible with Mark, especially with what happened with his father.” I said, “Yes, and something else that happened when I was a kid.”

We all got up and thanked Jen for the drinks and chat, then walked to the car. I decided to let Bella sit in the front as I had confidence that Kim knew her way back to my place. Kim asked me about dad. I said, “Can I tell you both when we get home, it’s too emotional for me.” They both said, “Yes.”

The drive back was busy because we ended up in the rush hour traffic, but surprisingly, the traffic was moving at a reasonable speed. Of course, Kim wanted her booze, so I suggested we head to a little shopping strip close to my place, as it has a booze shop, and a take-out too. Hey, I was a man, and my appetite was humungous. We stopped there, Kim gave us her order, then went to get her booze, whilst Bella and I waited for our food to cook.

Once we had the food, we headed back to the car. Kim had decided to go and sit in the car and wait for us, I soon saw why, she had opened a can and was already drinking, which got me very upset and angry, and demanded her car keys. Kim reluctantly handed them to me and went to the rear passenger door and got in. I got into the driver’s seat, adjusted it and started the engine and headed home.

Once we got back, Bella grabbed my house keys and the food, and walked up the passage to unlock for us. Kim said, “Look I don’t appreciate you having a go at me in public.” I said, “Kim, once we have dinner, I will explain why I did it.” I locked up the car, then Kim walked inside, whilst I went to check for (Fe)mail, thankfully there was none, well not in the box anyway.

I walked up the passageway and walked inside. Bella had already placed our orders on plates, and Kim had opened three cans and had those out too. Bella said, “Sorry, Kim I don’t drink beer, I prefer wine.” Kim huffed and said, “That’s fine I’ll drink it.” I said, “I’ll drink mine, but then I’m on wine after I have a glass of water.”

N.B., I had learnt some years ago that in order to alleviate or reduce a hangover, especially when mixing drinks, is to drink a glass or four of water in between, as this breaks down the alcohol. Whether that is true or not, I don’t know, but it has psychologically worked for me, I can’t guarantee that it will work for anybody else as we are all different.

I turned the appliances back on and found a nice bottle of chardy (Chardonnay) in the fridge and said, “Bella would you like a glass of this?” Bella said, “Yes, thanks.” I poured a glass, then sat to eat with them both. I had turned the television and pay television box on, and we watched a comedy show about “Friends” whilst we ate.

Once we finished, I cleared the table and we all sat in silence, which bothered me, so I said, “Come on ladies, what’s up, if I fucked up today, tell me, because communication is the key to a great friendship or relationship.” Both went to speak together, but I said, “Kim, you first.” Kim said, “Ok, well I’m upset with you for abusing me in public because I had opened a can beer and was slowly sipping it, then to demand my car keys, was atrocious.” I said, “Look, ok I’m going to tell you both why I am very anti drink driving.”

They said, “Ok, great.” I said, “Ok, back in the 1970’s my cousin was killed in a car accident when his drunk mother was driving them to see her then boyfriend. I have driven drunk and stoned too, but luckily I have never been done for dui or had an accident, then my father became a very heavy alcoholic after mum died and watched him slowly die.”

Kim said, “Wow, ok I’m so sorry, I never knew that, I’ll never do that again, sounds like you were close to your cousin.” I said, “Yes, I was, we looked so much alike that we often got mistaken for twin brothers.” I broke down in tears then as I suddenly realised why I was bullied and tormented by my cousins growing up. Both Kim and Bella were worried and said, “What’s up?”

I then proceeded to tell them what I had suddenly realised. Bella said, “No, they wouldn’t be that mean.” I said, “Yes, they were all very close knit, and saw each other a lot, but my father was not invited to many family gatherings.” Kim said, “Wow, now I know why you are not very affectionate or trusting of others.” I said, “Yes, but now that I have realised it, I can work on getting back to “Normal”.” Bella said, “Well you are a perfectly normal man to me.” I said, “Aww, thanks.” Kim said, “Yes, same here, if I liked men, I could date you.” I said, “Thanks ladies, now if I can borrow your car Kim, I want to go and buy us some dessert.” Kim said, No, because you have been drinking and had a massive melt down, so if I can’t drive, neither can you.” I said, “Great, you passed my test.” Kim said, “What do you mean?” I said, “I wanted to see what you would do, and you did exactly what I was hoping, now let’s see what I have to snack on.” Bella said, “Well I know what I want to snack on.” Kim said, “Eww, no thanks, but if that’s what your choice, enjoy.” Bella said, “Well, not tonight because you are here, but when I have this hunk of a man all alone, then I plan to ravage him.”

I said, “Ok, now can we all just sit and relax for a while and enjoy our drinks and company.” They both said, “Yes.” And that’s exactly what we did, until it got to around ten pm, and we all decided to turn in for the night.

The next morning, Kim decided to head home, which saddened me, but we had enjoyed some quality time together, which I was very thankful for. Once Kim had a left, Bella and I walked inside to relax, well that’s what I wanted, she had other plans, which I admit were ok. Kim messaged me around three pm saying that she had arrived safely.

I drove Bella home later that day, as I was returning to work tomorrow (Sunday) night, and needed to do some laundry, which I did. I enjoyed being on my own, but did miss Bella’s company, and started wondering if it was a good idea for me to me transitioning, even though I knew that if I remained a male and Bella and I married, I couldn’t father any children. I decided to really think about how selfish I was planning to be.

I stayed up very late Saturday night, and went to sleep around four thirty am, I knew that by staying up all night. I would sleep all day, which is what I did, and I woke up just before three thirty pm. I got up and did what I needed to before going to work.

The week flew by, it was a pleasure not having to “Parent” the staff, they all did their jobs to my satisfaction, which was great. I had Friday to Tuesday off. I caught up with Roni and Bella during the weekend, but for some reason Erin was not around. I found out later where she was.

Monday, I woke up early and relaxed before I got ready to go for the gender appointment, which I arrived just as Stephanie and my Manager arrived. We all said, “Hi” and they asked, “How do you feel?” I said, “Great, just excited about finally transitioning again.” They said, “Great.” I opened the door for them both and went to let the receptionist know that we had an 11am appointment with the counsellor, she said, “Oh, yes, please take a seat, she will be out shortly.”

We all sat down and waited for her, but we did chat about my upcoming days off and what it will mean for me once I return, but both assured me that if I needed any assistance to call upon them anytime, they said, “If you can come back to the office with us after this, we can discuss things further.” I agreed to that.

The counsellor called us in, and introduced herself as Molly, I introduced myself, Stephanie and Barbie, then Molly showed us to her office, whereby we all sat and chatted about the best way to introduce Melissa to the workplace. I was told that to be fair with everyone, that I am better off not being in attendance, therefore the meeting will take place the night before I returned, I was not happy but accepted it.

N.B., I was given information later about this meeting, which upset me.

Once the meeting was over, we said, “Goodbye” and headed to the car, then back to the city for a confidential discussion, something even today, I’m prevented from revealing.

After we had finished, we said, “Goodbye” and I left, but instead of walking to the train to go home, I walked to the bus stop to catch a bus to Wynyard, then train to Epping, bus to Parramatta and bus home, then I walked home to get in my car and go buy some kebabs for dinner, and went home to enjoy them.

I returned to work the following day, much happier and jovial than ever, which had everybody else worried as none of them had ever seen me so happy before. I did my allocated work each night and kept to myself. Unfortunately, Roni got transferred to another location, I won’t go into the details as they are personal.

                                                                        Chapter 15:

                                                            Transition/Redundancy

June 2014 was what I thought was going to be the best time, as I had planned to transition to female full time, and as I lived in a more conservative area, was shit scared of going out wearing feminine clothes the first time, but I had tested the waters. I was at home one day, wearing a cute dress and low height heels, when suddenly there was a knock at my door, and thankfully it was Roni, so I opened the door and her mouth just dropped open and said, “Wow, you look stunning” and she came in and had me twirl around for her, she said, “Are your breasts natural?” I said, “Yes, with the help of hormones and some vitamins too,” then she shocked me by grabbing them, saying, “Wow, you they feel so full of milk.” I said, “Well one of the vitamins I’m taking is for pregnancy and breastfeeding and I was told that I may start to lactate.” Roni said, “As someone who has been pregnant 3 times, I know what a milk filled breast looks and feels like and your breasts are full of milk.”

She said, “Have you had a sample tested to see if it was suitable for a baby?” I said, “No, but I will ask my GP when I see him next.” She said, “Great, now the reason why I’m here is because Bella is very upset with you.” I said, “Why?” She said, “We don’t know, she won’t talk to us, what have you done to her?” I said, “Nothing, well not lately as I hardly see her.” Roni said, “Well, I think you should go and see her, or better still I will go and pick her up and bring her back her, and I will mediate between you both, until you work out what’s wrong.”

I said, “Ok great idea, when are you going to do it?” She said, “Now, be back in 15 minutes.” I said, “Ok.”

I went inside to put the kettle on and found two mugs, then waited for them to come back, which was rather quickly. I saw them and said, “Hi.” Bella said, “Hi,” but she was sort of hiding behind her mum, which told me that something was going on, and it wasn’t my fault.

I said, “The kettle has just boiled, so let’s go inside to sit and relax.” Roni said, “Great idea.”

We went inside and whilst I made the coffees, Roni said, “Ok, you two, I’ll start with Isabella, now what is going on with you both, we are not leaving here until you have both sorted things out, Isabella.” Bella said, “Mark has not been interested in wanting to see me lately and when he does, he doesn’t seem interested in getting affectionate with me.” I said, “Babe, I am interested, I’m just really pre-occupied with work and me transitioning soon, and I want to tell you both something, but it goes no further, ok?” Both said, “Yes, sounds juicy.”

I said, “No, look, if I remained a male, there is a chance that I’m infertile, owing to a vicious assault when I was sixteen, that left me not only infertile, but with a low libido and at times, impotent.” Bella said, “Look I don’t care, if you are going to transition, we would have to adopt anyway, so what’s the issue?” I said, “Wow, are you sure you are only twenty-one, because you sound so much older and wiser.” Roni said, “She gets her intelligence from me, and her looks from her dad.” I said, “Sorry, both from you.”

Bella said, “So that has been your reason for not wanting to be with me?” I said, “Partly, I’ve never been shown affection from anyone, without them wanting things from me, so I sort of just shy away from getting affectionate with anyone.” Bella said, “Look, let’s try again, but we will take things slowly, ok?” I said, “Ok, great, if you wanted to go and pack a bag, you could come back here to spend the rest of the weekend with me, if you want.” Roni said, “If she wants, of course she does, come on Bella, I’ll drive you home so you can pack a bag, then I’ll bring you back.” Bella and I said, “Great idea.”

Then they both left. I washed up the mugs and did a quick clean of the flat. Bella was back in around fifteen minutes, minus her mum, which was ok. We just sat and watched television for the remainder of the day, but she enjoyed cupping my breasts, which felt nice. Soon enough the weekend finished, and Bella was back home with her family. I was working twelve nights straight, because I was then taking almost two weeks off to transition and complete the name change paperwork, not only at work, but with all the various organisations.

I was thankful when my final shift as Mark ended, then I headed home to get some much-needed sleep, I decided to have a relaxation day, especially as I had just completed twelve nights straight, and I was exhausted.

Thursday evening, Bella came around to spend some time with me, which I appreciated, and yes, we had fun together, she stayed with me all weekend, but left on Sunday night.

Sunday June 16th, 2014 was the day I had decided to go full time, unofficially of course, as I still did not have my official change of name certificate yet, that would not be until tomorrow.

Monday June 17th, 2014, I got up very early, very excited, but nervous, went to the bathroom to pee, a joy about being a girl is that we can sit to pee. Once I finished, I turned the shower on and waited for the hot water to filter through, which it finally did, then disrobed and jumped in to really wash myself, and as I was now officially a female, had to have better hygiene.

Once I was finished, I got out and dried off then wrapped the towel around, female style and without thinking either, went to get dressed. I decided to just put my panties and bra on as I really needed a very strong coffee, and by that, the spoon had to be standing up in the middle without any help, but sadly, I couldn’t it do that, but it was strong enough. Once that was gone, I went to continue getting dressed, and in just over an hour, I left to hopefully begin the start of my new life.

I was silly in not wearing my boots in as they felt so sore on my feet and was glad when I finally sat down on the bus. The trip was uneventful, other commuters did look at me, but they looked at everybody else, so I started to feel more relaxed then. We finally made it to the station, I alighted with everybody else and stood on the escalator up to the station concourse, and I made my way to my coffee place, ordered my usual, none of the staff recognised me, which was good. Once it was ready, I paid and headed to the barriers to validate my ticket, then walked downstairs to wait for the train, which arrived not long after and surprise, surprise, I found a seat and reflected on whether I was truly making the right decision, or am I just being a selfish, fucken arsehole, as some had put it in the past.

The train made several stops, until we finally arrived at the terminus, and we all alighted. I walked to the barriers but who’s voice did I suddenly hear but Ellen’s, and I started to panic, but I proceeded ahead and thankfully made it through the barriers, then walked up to the name office. I calmed down after a few minutes, but my feet were killing me, yes, I know the joys of being a girl, but I was willing to put up with the pain to finally be myself.

I finally got to the office and took a ticket then waited to be called, I showed the person the letter, which I had as a photo on my phone, but she was a little hesitant to look for it, but I showed her the receipt I was issued, along with my Driver’s Licence, Employee Identification, and other Government Identification, then she was satisfied, and said, “I will go and get it for you.” I sat and waited, until she came back, she said, “We have a problem, there is a note saying that you might be in today, and it hasn’t been assessed yet.” I said, “Ok, but I got a phone call saying it had been approved, and then this letter arrived at my old address, now I’m told it hasn’t been assessed yet.”

She said, Look can you give me your number and I will give you a call later, once the Registrar has come in.” I said, “Ok” and gave her my number, then I walked to a nearby shopping centre that I loved. Once I got there, I went to a coffee place and ordered a coffee, then sat down to sip it, then my phone rang, and I was apprehensive about answering it as it was a “No Caller Id”, and I have had trouble in the past, but decided that it might have been the woman from the name place, so I answered it and it was, she said, “Yes, the application has been approved and the certificate would be available later today.” I said, “Ok thanks, but I can’t get back in until Thursday.” She said, “That’s fine, when you come in ask for me and I will make sure you have it very quickly.” I said, “Ok thanks,” then we ended the call.

I immediately called Stephanie and let her know, but she surprised me and said, “Well since you are in the city, can you come to the office?” I said, “Yes, I’ll be there in around an hour.” Stephanie said, “Ok great, see you then, Melissa.” I said, “Thanks,” then we ended the call. I finished my coffee, and placed the cup in the rubbish receptacle, then went into a well-known discount department store as I realised that the stockings I was wearing were too small and unsuitable for the boots I was wearing too.

I found some tights and went to pay for them AND bought a bottle of WATER, yes, WATER. Once I had paid for them, I went to the nearest ladies to change, and I also needed to pee. I was able to find a cubicle straight off, then did my business and straightened myself up, left the cubicle, and washed my hands, I threw the old stockings in the rubbish receptacle, then walked to the bus stop, which thankfully every bus that stopped there also stopped near Stephanie’s office.

I boarded the first bus and sat down, I felt better, and for the first time in a long, could see very clearly. The bus stopped as required until it reached the stop I wanted, then I alighted and headed over to Stephanie’s office, with a bounce in my step, which surprised many as it was Monday and usually most people don’t have that bounce until Wednesday afternoon or Friday, but as I was not a normal employee, it didn’t matter and honestly, I didn’t care either.

I soon reached the office and called Stephanie, then she came out several minutes later and as soon as she saw me, said, “You look superb, and much better as a female, come on let’s go inside so we can talk quietly.” I followed her in to the conference room, but as she opened the door, the whole room erupted in cheers and applause for me, which made me start crying, until suddenly a familiar voice said, “I told you she was a girl she cries at the drop of a hat,” I looked around to see not only Sue, but also several of my old managers who had decided to join the party, and even though it was supposed to be my official transition day, they still decided to celebrate.

I was hugged and cheered, had my photo taken and even had to give a short speech, which I didn’t mind, all I did was thank everybody for being so supportive and I said, “I wish I could come and work in the office.” I was told that I would be wasted as I was a very good cleaner, something even today I still doubt. The party lasted almost all day, with many people I had never met before, congratulating me and telling me how brave I was. I felt so welcome and warm that day, and before everything wrapped up, Stephanie and my manager asked me to chat quietly, which I agreed to.

They said, “Why didn’t you get your certificate?” I explained the situation, which they accepted, Stephanie said, “Ok when you have it, can you come and see me so that we can get the paperwork and your photo taken for your identification done.” I said “Yes, of course, I plan to be there just on 8am to collect it.” Stephanie said, “Sounds like you are anxious?” I said, “Yes,” then we all hugged, and they said, “We hope you like your surprise today?” I said, “Yes, I did, and I really would love to work in the office, but I don’t the necessary qualifications.”

Stephanie said, “Ok, if when you return back to work, that you are not accepted, I will personally arrange for you to transfer here, but could you handle working normal hours?” I said, “I don’t know, but I’m sure my body will adjust soon enough.” Once we had finished chatting, I said, “Goodbye” to them and left the office, but instead of walking to the station to catch a train home, decided to catch a bus to Wynyard, then a train to Epping, then a bus to Parramatta, then a bus home. I finally got home around 8.30pm, which I was very tired.

I had not checked my phone all day, as I had been busy with the celebrations. I found one from Penny, who was very nasty towards me, as I had ignored her, but I had not received any messages for a couple of days from her, which actually had me very upset and angry, but I decided to ignore her and switch my phone back off, then went to bed.

I slept very well, although not as well as I would like, but good enough. I woke up at 9.15 to someone banging on my door. I groggily got out of bed and walked to the door, and saw that it was Penny, I opened the door then she just barged in and started abusing me, and as usual not letting me defend myself. I finally screamed, “Get The Fuck Out Of My Place Until You Have Calmed Down, Bitch.”

Penny looked at me like what the, but I just stood there with my arms tightly folded and with a very stern, almost death look on my face. Penny knew that when I looked like that, the best thing to do was just leave, and she did. I slammed the door shut, which almost made it fly off the hinges, then I went and made a coffee and sat down.

I felt so alone and even my depression hit me so hard that for the first time since November 11th, 1994, I was suicidal, but I decided not to do anything, instead, I rang Bella to see if she was free today? I got her voicemail, and left her a message, saying, “Can you call me please?” I made myself sound calm, so that she would not panic, because I knew that if she had even the smallest inkling that something was up, she would come to me.

I finished my coffee and went to have a shower but put my phone on the vanity in case Bella called back, but she didn’t. I finished my shower then got dressed and turned my appliances on, then made another coffee and sat to watch television. I suddenly had a knock at the door, and it was my front neighbour saying, “What happened earlier.” I told him, which he was sorry about and said, “Ok I was very worried because I have never heard you so angry before.” I said, “Yes, she wouldn’t let me defend myself, so I screamed at her as I knew that is all she understands, and I’m sorry for scaring you.”

He said, “It’s fine, as long as you are ok, and if you need to talk, I’ll be home all day.” I said, “Thanks,” then he hugged me, and he left. My phone rang just after and I was happy to see that it was Bella, I answered it and she said, “Ok what’s up?” I said, “Well, I just had a massive fight with Penny, and just needed to hear your voice, because you calm me down. Bella said, “Well I’m busy all day, you deal with it yourself, I’ll call you soon,” then she hung up on me.

I decided ok, fuck everyone, I’m going out for the day, went to have a shower, then dressed and turned my phone off so I couldn’t be contacted, then checked to make sure that I had everything, then locked up and walked to the bus stop.

I arrived just as the bus arrived, I boarded and showed him my pass, then sat down and enjoyed the ride. I started to calm down a bit, but was still angry at being treated badly, but hey it was my fault for ignoring others and treating them badly. The bus finally arrived at the destination, I alighted and as per usual my bladder needed emptying, so I went to the bathroom. I was shit scared as I was known in this area as a male, therefore, me using the ladies, may have caused a scene, but I bravely went to one that was not very well-known, and thankfully had no problems, I was actually included in a conversation, which made me very happy, something that never happened in the men’s rooms.

Once I had finished, I left the ladies and headed to get a coffee, as I planned to catch a train, to where at that point, I had no idea, all I knew was I was not heading towards Penny’s area. I found a coffee place and placed my ordered then paid and waited for it to be prepared. Once I received my coffee, I walked back to the station and checked to see a train heading towards the city in a few minutes, so I validated my ticket and walked up to the platform.

I decided that I needed a real day out, and decided to alight at Strathfield, and catch the train up to Newcastle, as I hadn’t been up there in a while and felt the trip would really relax me. I did just that, thankfully I had finished my coffee by the time I alighted at Strathfield and found that I had a 20-minute wait for the Newcastle service, which was plenty of time to get a coffee. Once I had that one, I went to the platform to wait for the train.

Once it arrived, I waited for alighting passengers, of course there were the impatient ones who felt they were more important and just barged on. I finally boarded and found my favourite single seat was vacant. The journey up was very pleasant, and for the first time in a few years, started to relax. The train took over 2 hours to reach Newcastle, but we made it. I alighted and went to find a bus, which one I didn’t care, but I saw one waiting at the terminus and I boarded it. I had no idea where it was going, not until I saw Belmont Airport and thought, cool, I’m heading to Swansea, and decided to alight near the beach and go for a walk.

I hadn’t been up there in many years, so it had changed, although as it had been a long time ago, my memory didn’t really tell me what had changed. I looked around and was very disappointed in the selection of shops, the only one that appealed to me was a ladies wear store, but strangely for a Tuesday, it was closed, which disappointed me, but I didn’t have the money to spend that day. I went to the beach to sit and ponder and wondered why I suddenly wanted to come to Newcastle and that I ended up in Swansea, because they were not my first choice to visit, especially as they are so far away from Sydney.

I found that even for me, it was way too cold to be at the beach, so around 3pm, I decided to head back up to the bus stop and wait for the bus to Newcastle, unfortunately, I had just missed one, and had around 40 minutes to wait, which for some reason I didn’t feel comfortable with and even to this day still don’t know why, although I have my reasons.

I just sat and waited, and watched the world go by, including the school children, some of whom did make smart comments directed in my direction, but I ignored them, as I knew that if I said anything, I would be on the losing end, and I was still reeling from what had happened recently. I was happy when the bus finally arrived, and I boarded, sat down to relax, but did look outside and saw a young high school girl, around fourteen or fifteen, who I swear blind was TransGender, but when I looked in to her eyes, I saw my deceased ex, Claire Baire, which made me start to feel emotional. The person I’m referring to, who I saw, is “Chris.”

The bus travelled back to Newcastle, where I alighted and went to get another coffee, then wait for the train home, which arrived not after, and once the terminating passengers had alighted, I amongst the other departing passengers boarded and waited for the train to depart. I couldn’t stop thinking about this girl though, and I was mystified though about her.

The train finally departed and I just sat back to relax the journey, and I even fell asleep too, which was unusual for me as it is normally difficult for me to sleep whilst moving, but given the amount of walking I had done, feel that I was now tired enough to fall asleep.

I was happy when the train finally arrived at Strathfield, I alighted and went to wait for my train home, and thankfully the rush hour had finished, so I was able to sit down. The train was a fast service, so I was at my local station in just over 30 minutes. I alighted and went to wait for my bus home, which was due a few minutes later.

I finally arrived home just after 8.45pm, but was wide awake, so turned my appliances on and decided to watch television for a few hours, and I felt thirsty, so I opened a can of beer, yes, beer, that’s how I felt. I watched television for almost 6 hours, until finally at around 3 am, decided to switch everything off, and made sure my blinds were tightly shut, then went to bed.

I slept very well, and didn’t wake up until very late in the afternoon, which by then was Wednesday, and I decided to go and do some shopping, grocery, not clothes etc. I got everything I needed, then as I was walking to the bus stop, heard my name, and turned around to see Bella with her mum and Erin, they said, “How are you?” I said, “Fine, just tired,” but didn’t explain why. Roni said, “We are going home, would you like a lift home?” I said, “Yes, please, thanks.” Roni said, “But it comes with a price, you are coming back to our place for dinner and a chat.”

Bella grabbed one of my bags and then she gripped, and I mean gripped, my arm tightly and we all walked to the car, but she could tell there was something wrong and despite her attempts to find out, I remained tight lipped, only because I was not sure at the time, and I just had to work it out for myself, honestly, I felt that I wanted to see Claire Baire in someone’s eyes or personality, because I was, and still am, missing her so much. N.B., I am still very much in Love with MY Claire Baire, and as I have already said, no one has come even 20% close to how I feel about her, and doubt anyone will.

We finally got to the car and all got in then drove to my place and we packed my groceries away, then we headed to their place for dinner and of course they all noticed something was up with me, and they tried to find out. Bella said, “I know a way” and started tickling me, which caused everyone else to start as well. I finally gave in and told them.

Bella said, “That’s it, you thought you saw your dead ex in a stranger’s eyes, that’s weird, but why keep it to yourself?” I said “Well, it’s because I thought everyone would say I was nuts, weird, freaky and every other stupid name under the sun.” Bella said, “Look I get it that you still have feelings for her, but at least I’m alive and I will give you as much attention as you deserve, but when you need your space, tell me, because as someone said before, Communication is the key to friendships and relationships.” I looked at her and said, “Great now you throw that back in my face, but I agree.”

Roni said, “Look, everything happens for a reason, and are you sure that you saw her?” I said, “Well, no, but this girl did look at me longer than she should have, but I just had this really weird feeling about her, anyway, I’m just being delusional, Claire Baire is dead and I’m alive, so I should concentrate on me, and by that I mean to start saving for my surgery, that is the most important thing to me right now.”

N.B., At the time, I was under the impression that a person had to be living full time in their new gender for at least two years, before being approved for surgery, and honestly, I had no idea what would be involved. If I do get my surgery.

Once everything had calmed down, we all sat to eat our dinner, of course, Bella sat very close to me, which made me very nervous, as it usually meant that she was going to do something, but thankfully tonight all she had on her mind was eating, the worst was yet to come. Once dinner was finished, I helped clear the table and fill the dishwasher, of course, I was told that I was their guest and that it wasn’t necessary, but Roni knew what I was like.

We all went to sit down and discuss what happened yesterday, and I told them, especially as I didn’t intend on going up there, something swayed me that way last minute. Bella’s dad said, “You are being stupid for thinking that way, it was just your undecided brain making a decision for you.” Of course, the other girls all told him how stupid his remark was, but he was adamant that he was correct. I let it go as I loved where I lived and knew that if I said anything against him, he may find a way to evict me, and I already knew that he wasn’t happy that I suddenly decided to be a girl, even though his wife told him that she thought I was a female the first time she met me, but he is a male and males just don’t get it.

I made my excuses to go home, and Bella said, “Can I come stay with you for a few nights?” I said, “Yes, that would be great,” then she went to pack a bag and asked Roni if she could drop us back, which she did. Once we arrived, Roni said, “Don’t worry about what my husband said, he is too old fashioned and thinks that you made a choice because you are very weak, but in my opinion,” Bella said, “And us, meaning her and Erin,” said, “We don’t, we think you are very strong and brave and we will support and love you, some more than others, as long as you need.” I said, “Thanks, “then Bella and I got out of the car and waved goodbye, then walked inside.

I barely unlocked the door and slid it open, before Bella started to shove her tongue down my throat and she started to undress me too. I knew what it all meant, and honestly, I was up for it, speaking of which so was a certain body part, which was unusual, and Bella could feel it, then lifted my dress up and lowered my panties and started massaging me until I was fully erect, this in turn caused my nipples to harden, and as our breasts were mashed together, I could feel hers too. I lowered her shorts and fingered her warm, tight, private house through her panties, but she wasn’t wearing any. I realised that she must have taken them off, along with her bra whilst she was packing.

I pulled away from her and lifted her top off over her head then carried her to the bed and lowered her down then kissed my way down to her breasts, alternating between each nipple and breast, she tasted even nicer than last time. I finally started to kiss my way down her stomach and body until I reach my delicious, and very steaming hot dessert, which had some hair, but I didn’t mind.

I looked up in to Bella’s eyes and I could see that she wanted me to just get in there and bring her off, but I decided not to let her orgasm as quickly as she wanted, instead, I went in slow, hard and deep, I started by gently licking her pussy, and clit, but I also gently concentrated on her labia, and even with her shoving my face deep inside her pussy, I resisted the urge to let her cum, each time I could feel her about to cum, I would pull away and take some air in, then go back in and gently suck and kiss and lick her, until I finally wanted her to cum and make her spurt all those delicious juices inside my mouth, and cum she did. I lost count with how many times she came, as they all seemed to just continue, but finally she finished.

I was not done yet, I moved up to tit fuck her, as I wanted her to suck all her juices from my boobs. I coated each as heavy as I could, then moved up to her very eager mouth and she started suckling me, which was nice, and she sucked her juices of my boobs. I experienced a funny thing though, my nipples leaked whilst she was suckling me, this surprised Bella too, but she kept suckling me.

Once we had finished that part, I asked Bella, “What was it?” Bella said, “Well I think you are lactating, which would be great if you were pregnant, but you aren’t.” I said, “A little hard for me to get pregnant, but why can I lactate?” Bella said, “Hey it’s fine, it’s just your hormones that’s all, and even I lactate sometimes, especially around the start of my period, that’s how I know it’s about to start.”

Bella then told me a funny story about when she was in school, and as I no longer have contact with her, nor did I use her real name, I’m going to share this.

Bella said, “I was in class one day, and felt my nipples leaking, but not only that, it showed through my school blouse, the school I attended, every student wore white shirts or blouses, and this made the problem worse, I realised what was happening as I was surprised because I thought my period was not due to start for another couple of days. I raised my hand to go to the bathroom, but my teacher, being a male, said, “No.” I had to persevere until the end of the lesson, the pain was unbearable, and I had nothing to control it, this pain was in my breasts as they had expanded. Finally, class ended, and I ran to the bathroom to hopefully find a tampon, but as I was not expecting her period, I had nothing on me, but one of my friends realised what had happened, and gave me one.

I went into the cubicle to insert the tampon, and then found a water bottle to empty my breasts of milk. I love to drink my own breast milk at times, and I have played jokes on my brother by pouring my milk on his cereal instead of normal milk. My best friend knocked on the door to make sure I was ok, I said, “Yes,” and unlocked it to let her in, my friend saw my breasts out, and said, “Hang on, I just lent you a tampon, but you are milking your breasts, are you pregnant?”

 I said, “No, they just fill up and leak sometimes, but right now they are overflowing and hurting so much,” then my friend surprised me by bending down and suckling a breast, and this helped me a lot, I was surprised that a girlfriend would help out like that, anyway enough of that.”

Back to my story:

Long Story Short, Bella and I broke up a few weeks later when her and this girl decided to give a lesbian relationship a go, honestly, I don’t miss her.

I returned to work as planned, my manager emailed me after the meeting and asked me to come in an hour earlier tomorrow night so she could talk to me. I agreed, and even though I was very scared, I was nervous too, but happy as my life was, as I thought, now getting better.

I arrived at work on time, and went to see her, then we sat down and chatted. Please be advised that even to this day, I am gagged from revealing what was said, all I can say is that it was interesting. After the meeting I went to get changed and ready for a busy night at work.

The night was fine, some of the staff still chatted to me, but others kept their distance, which hurt me, but I was not fussed about, as it was my life, and if anyone had any issues with it, well, it’s their problem not mine.

I was abused because of the rumour that our location being privatised, again I said, “I have no idea about that,” but them being males, all had their minds set on the fact that I knew but refused to tell them, funny that I was told our location was a family, which yes, it was. I was cast aside and only ever asked to help or drive them somewhere when they needed help, and I was treated like crap too, which in my experience, that is what family’s do.

N.B., In my opinion, Blood does not automatically mean you are family, to me family can be very close friends, but this is my opinion, and may not agree with everybody, again, I don’t care.

I was sent back to the other location to cover for the Team Leader there who had gone on leave, I was given a coolish reception, but most of the staff didn’t care. I had trouble with one who was so macho that he refused to accept being told what to do by a female, he would constantly abuse me and tell me that as long as I had a dick, I was still a man, something I was unable to change his mind on. I reported him many times, but he still refused to listen or adjust.

In September 2014, I was back in my normal location, and woke up one afternoon to find my mail waiting outside my door, including a large A4 envelope that had my employers’ details on it. I opened it, to find that I had been given a conditional Redundancy estimate, which even then was interesting. I had my shower and dinner, then headed to work. When I arrived the others asked, “Did you receive an offer,” to which I said, “No,” this was no one else’s business except mine, therefore, I did not feel these staff members needed to know.

We had many meetings over the next few weeks about what will occur, the only thing we knew was that by Christmas 2014, we would all either be at new locations or out of work, and I was still undecided as I had not been formally offered any locations. I spoke too soon, I had a few days off and decided to catch the bus to get some shopping, as I was boarding, my phone rang, and I answered it, it was one of the team allocating work, and I was given several locations, which did not suit me, and I said, “I would prefer redundancy please?” He said, “Ok no worries, but I can’t guarantee that you will be offered it,” which I accepted.

I didn’t know at the time, but one of the locations I was offered, a friend was working there and when she found out, she abused me, and cut contact. October 2014, the formal offers were handed out, and mine was nice, so I said, “Yes,” then just waited, thankfully I was successful and was given my exit date, which was a Monday, only because we finished at 5am Saturday morning, but I was lucky to have my exit interview with one of my favourite managers, and he was sad to see me go, but he understood why though. We have kept in contact over the last few years.

Penny told me that I was making a big mistake, and that I had a great job, and I’ve thrown that away, however, something she could not understand, was that I was taking a lot of time off because I had a sore arm and shoulder, this was mainly because I would push myself whilst cleaning, but also because I’m right handed and rarely changed arms when cleaning.

I copped so much abuse from Penny, that I almost ended our friendship then and there, but decided against it, only because I had made the conscious decision to leave Stinkney and move to Melbourne, as I was about to receive enough money for my surgery.

                                                            Chapter 16:

                                                            2015, Melbourne.

Once I received the payout, I started searching for a new place, and there were several that looked fine, but they were sharing with males, which didn’t appeal to me, but I found one, sharing with an older lesbian, and the flat had a bath. I was unable to go have a look until early February 2015, but when I saw it, said, “Yes,” which she was happy about. I spent the next few weeks doing a major clean up and sort out and had to decide what I was taking and leaving.

I decided to rent a van to do the move, and with Penny and Norm’s help, we threw out almost 1 tonne of rubbish, which I was very surprised about. I spent a Thursday loading the van, and Friday morning Penny and Norm came over to help me load a couple of heavy items on board, then I left around 11.30am. I decided that it was too far to drive all the way to Melbourne, instead I decided to stay overnight in Albury then get an early start in the morning.

N.B., I had never driven past the Canberra turn off before, so it was a little scary for me, which is why I decided to stay overnight, Safety First.

Norm drove my car back to their place, I decided to leave it there, so that when I came up for my appointments, I had transportation, unfortunately our friendship ended mid-2015. I have had nil contact since, although Penny did comment on a post of mine, one of my Author posts, but she deactivated her page straight after.

N.B., I have mentioned what happened in “2 (Trans) Gurls.”

Saturday morning, I woke up around 4.30am, had a shower and several cups of coffee, then checked out and left around 6am, thankfully, as it was Summer, it was getting light, so I knew that I would be fine with the drive now. I went and fuelled up, and bought a coffee, along with some snacks. The drive down was uneventful, and I arrived just after 12pm. My housemate and I got in and unloaded the van, and it was unloaded in almost no time. I moved the van outside to a safe untimed location.

I spent the rest of the day fixing my room up and unpacking and deciding what I was taking back to Sydney with me. I finally sorted everything out and then sat to relax. I had an early night as I was so tired. On Sunday, I woke up early and had a coffee, then got dressed and decided to go out for a few hours, but before I did, saw that there was plenty of room on the street, so I went to get the van and parked it just near the flat entrance, then went out exploring for a few hours.

I got back around 5pm and started to load the van with what was going back with me. I had moved my stuff from one storage unit to one much easier to get to from Melbourne. Once I had loaded the van, I went upstairs to relax and pack my bag for the next few days. I had a nice hot, relaxing bath, which was totally awesome, and it did start to put me to sleep.

I went to bed early as I planned to leave by 5am, the reason for that was because I was driving straight to Sydney, I stopped at Coburg to fuel up and yes, get another coffee, and snacks, then headed off. I decided to limit my stops as I wanted to be in Sydney by 1pm. I stopped at Donnybrook, Euroa, Gundagai, and even Pheasants Nest, then finally Prospect. I grabbed some lunch, then went to unload and headed to the hotel, thankfully I was staying close to my old place.

I checked in just after 2.30pm, then went to relax, and I messaged several of my friends, including a great friend, who was going to help me clean the flat on Wednesday, she was happy that I had arrived safely. I relaxed for the remainder of the day and had a bath too.

I had an early night as the van was due back at 7.30am the following day, then I was going to travel in to the city for the day, as I had booked a car for a week, this was to transport the remaining items to Melbourne, my television, blu ray player, laptop, iPad and a few other odds and ends. I enjoyed walking around the city, but still wished I was in Melbourne and was counting day the days, the only good thing was seeing my friend tomorrow. I picked up the car at 5pm and drove to a hotel I knew had excellent rump steak, with chips and salad for $10 Monday and Tuesday nights. Once I had eaten, I said, “Goodbye” to the staff and drove to the hotel.

Upon arrival, I went upstairs to relax and have a bath, then an early night. I slept very well again, and woke up around 7am, then got dressed and went downstairs for breakfast, which was delicious and very filling. I went to the car and messaged my friend to let her know I would be at her place just after 9am, which she was happy about. I went to the storage unit to pick my cleaning supplies, then went to pick her up and we headed to the granny flat.

The clean took just over 3 hours, but the flat looked great when we were done. The only thing I regret is shutting the flat up tightly, because it was Summer and very hot, my landlord emailed me a few days later to let me know that they had found cockroaches and that I would not be getting my bond back, I tried to explain that the place had been locked up for several days, and of course, some would get in, but no it was my fault. I have had nil contact since then.

 Friday morning, I checked out of the hotel and headed to Norm and Penny’s place to pick up my small appliances, and I was dressed for comfort, especially as I was going to be in the car all day. Norm said, “Is anybody else dressed the same way?” I couldn’t answer because he gave me a close ended question, the only responses he sought were Yes or No, but my honest answer was, “I don’t know,” because I had no idea, but as usual he knew that I was stumped, and I was never able to explain to him, because he always assumed that he knew everything.

I finally got into the car and began my drive home, and honestly, after what Norm did, I was so happy that I had made the decision to move. I stopped to fuel up, get a coffee and some snacks, and was stopped by several males who wanted their pleasure, which I refused. I didn’t stop again until I had crossed into Victoria.

I had been thinking about my father all day and ended up with a migraine. I found a hotel and checked in went to my room to relax, and had an early night, and thankfully slept very well. I woke up just before 5am, and had a shower, to freshen up, then had a couple of cups of coffee, then packed my bag and went to check out, which was only dropping the key in the box.

I got into the car, and headed home, and thankfully it was cool, and I was so happy that I had decided to stay overnight. I finally arrived just after 11am and took some of my stuff upstairs but left my television and blu ray player in the boot. I decided to grab them tomorrow when I could park on the street. I decided to go and have something to eat from a fast food joint across the road, and as I had not eaten since Thursday night, and I was so hungry that I ate everything I bought.

I went back home to relax and check my emails, and social media. N.B., In “2 (Unique) Gurls,” I detail a certain issue. Sunday, I moved the car to outside the shop, and took my television and blu ray upstairs, then instead of setting them up, decided to drive to a shopping centre to do some shopping, and after getting lost. N.B., This was the first time ever that I drove there, so getting lost, and in a NSW plated car, was acceptable.

I found some cute little drawers, that I knew would be perfect for my underwear and to put my television and blu ray on.

I got back home and unpacked them, I placed the empty, flattened, cartons in the car, and went back upstairs to relax and pack my bag for tomorrow and Tuesday, my plan was to drive straight back to Stinkney, stay overnight in the same hotel, spend the day with Penny, then take the car back by 5pm, then head to the station to wait for the train back home, which is what happened.

                                                                        Epilogue.

This has been my true story, and most of it has been well hidden for many years in my subconscious, I only started remembering when “Chris” from 2 (T) G, hurt me and I ended up in intense therapy.

I have updated 2 (T) G with something “Chris” said about me in 2018.

I thank everyone for buying and reading this, and hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed, not only writing, but remembering, happy and not so happy times.

The secret I promised:

I have thought about terminating Julie since 1970, mainly because she always got away with hurting me, but she blamed me for starting things, which dad would believe. I have now released that she was telling the truth about him, as he would always believe her over me.

Julie, I’m so sorry that I didn’t believe you, I know it’s way too late for us to reconcile.

Exclusive Revelation:

The person who molested me was my Father. I have blocked this out for many years, why, I have no idea.

I just wish that Julie & I could reconcile, I know that will never happen.

Finally, Despite what certain people say or think about me, I abhor anything where a minor has their innocence stolen from them.

My 2022 goal is to donate a portion of royalties to children’s charities.

I feel that anyone who takes away the innocence of a minor, should be strung up by their miniscule genitalia (Males & Females) and left to suffer the consequences of their vile act/s.

Published by Mel's Customised Candles

🏳‍🌈🏳‍🌈🏳‍🌈🏳‍🌈🏳‍🌈🏳‍🌈🏳‍🌈🏳‍🌈🏳‍🌈🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🚋🦘🐨🔞💯💯💯💲5️⃣📖📖📖📖📖📖🏳‍🌈🏳‍🌈🏳‍🌈🏳‍🌈🏳‍🌈🏳‍🌈🏳‍🌈🚋🚋🦘🦘🐨🐨🚌🚌🚌🚌🔞🔞🔞🔞🔞🔞🔞🚋🚋🚋🦘🦘🦘🐨🐨🐨🏳‍🌈🏳‍🌈 I'm a Transfemale, whose life has not been great, lied to about various things. I've also been lied about, which is very unfair. Hatched in Sydney, New South Wales, Australia. Knew at 4, in 1970, that I was a gurl, but unable to do anything about it. Used & abused by others, including being molested from 6-14 by a relative, viciously assaulted, and left to die at 16, I was left infertile, & little interest in anything remotely physical. Wanted to be a Journalist, but because of assault, unable to continue my schooling. Because of molestation and assault, I have major trust issues. To keep the peace & make my father happy, did what he wanted, except join Defence Forces, Guns Scare ME. I have written & Self-Published 11 eBooks, Link below. I moved to Melbourne Australia February 2015, which has been good. Have since left there. My 2022 goal is to raise enough funds to finally Establish MCC. I plan to employ Humans & Train them in Transferrable Skills. I also plan to employ humans suffering from illness & disease, so they have flexibility for appointments. MCC will observe COVID safe practices long after they have been discontinued by others. All Team Members will be required to wear PPE when in the Production area. Shares are $5 AUD each. The reason why they are low, is to allow all everyday winners the chance to share the wealth and help create MCC. Shareholders will share 80% of Annual After Tax profit, paid early November each year, hopefully starting late 2023. Multiple Incomes are the way of the future.

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